by Liz Botts
“I’m not drinking this.” I pushed the glass away, and folded my arms over my chest.
“Don’t then. I don’t care. Let’s dance. The band should be starting soon, and I want to get a good spot.” Rory stood, and held out his hand to me. I hesitated a moment before I grabbed ahold of him. We were still at Club Lemonade, and I did like Rory, so why not have fun?
We got to the edge of the stage just as the band began to play. They had an awesome folksy sound that I loved. Rory, however, looked like he’d just sucked on a lemon. The club was so loud that I couldn’t ask him what was wrong, but I could guess. He must have had a different idea about what kind of music this group played.
“I’m going to get another drink.” Rory’s voice was too loud in my ear, but I nodded. When he moved away I felt a sense of relief. I knew deep down what it meant. My confidence surged back, and I began to dance to the band that had kicked in to a rowdy rockabilly tune.
After three more songs I had sweat dripping down my back. Not attractive, but I was having too much fun to care. I swept my curls into an unruly pony tail with a scrunchie I’d dug from the bottom of my purse. As Brooke would have told me, my look was so nineties. I felt a twinge of guilt at the way I had treated her before I’d left the house.
I slung my purse over my shoulder, and decided that I should go find Rory. He was probably sulking in our booth. I frowned as I neared when I saw another couple sitting there. Maybe he was at the bar. Fighting my way through the crowd, I approached the shiny, polished wood of the bar. There was no sign of Rory. My earlier panic returned with a fierceness that took my breath away. The club was packed with people, and I knew it would be next to impossible to find him.
Finding a small corner of free space I pulled out my phone, and texted Rory. While I waited I scanned the room, no longer enjoying the music. When he didn’t respond, I knew that something was wrong. I wandered toward the entrance. I figured maybe the bouncer would be able to help me somehow.
Just as I neared the front door I caught a glimpse of Rory. He was walking out of the club with his arm slung over the shoulder of another girl. A tall, leggy girl with a low top and a short skirt. Despite the situation, anger surged, and my jaw clenched. If I had been able to make it through the people in my way, the girl would have been flat on the ground after being acquainted with my fist. And I wouldn’t let Rory get away with his cheating heart.
By the time I did make it outside, Rory and his floozy were gone. I punched in an angry text to him, and began to pace around off to the side of the front stairs trying to come up with a plan. The only thing that came to mind filled me with trepidation.
I listened while the phone rang. “Jake?”
He pulled into the lot thirty minutes later. Lawrence, the bouncer, had let me hang out on the front stoop with him, though he kept telling me to go back in and enjoy myself while I waited. Club Lemonade had left a sour taste in my mouth.
I recognized Jake’s mom’s car the second he turned into the lot. Adjusting my purse on my shoulder, I stood up. As I neared the car I saw that he wasn’t alone in the car. Mary Beth sat in the passenger seat glaring at me through the windshield. Jake threw the car into park, and hopped out.
“Please don’t say anything,” I said when I got near him. “This has been an awful night.”
Jake put his arm around my shoulder, and guided me to the car. He opened the back door for me, and I crawled in. Mary Beth gave me a curt nod before turning back to the front. I settled in, clipped my seat belt, and looked out the window as I tried to ignore the fact that I had completely interrupted a date.
“We could have at least gone in,” Mary Beth said in a low voice as we pulled out of the lot. “I mean, when will we ever come out here again? And it’s Club Lemonade.”
“I’m not into that kind of scene, you know that.” Jake kept his voice steady but I could hear the irritation.
“Couldn’t you just try to think about me for a change?” I peeked over at Mary Beth as she pouted her lips prettily at him. “I mean, with my foot still in this cast, it’s so hard to get around. I could really use a mood booster.”
I shifted my gaze to Jake. His hair curled slightly over the collar of his jacket. He needed a trim. If things had been different, I’d have mentioned that fact to Lauren. She’d been cutting all of our hair since we were young. Sometimes it looked better than others, but she’d gotten better the older she got. Now, though, I just stared at the soft, tiny curls.
“I took you to Café Nord tonight because you wanted to go there. We can talk about this later.” Jake ran a hand along the back of his neck, displacing the hair. I suddenly had the inexplicable urge to reach up and smooth it down.
Mary Beth lapsed into silence but not without a huff of annoyance first. I sat back as far as I could, wishing I could sink straight into the cushions of the seat. The tension in the car was murky and thick. I hated being the cause of it, and I knew that I wasn’t the only reason. Still after taking over prom planning, I clearly wasn’t Mary Beth’s favorite person. That was an understatement to say the least.
As the city came back into view from the highway, I leaned my forehead against the cool glass of the window. I watched the lights blinking in the distance, and wondered where I went from here.
Chapter Sixteen
My phone buzzed in my pocket. I ignored it the best I could, and tried to concentrate on what Esther was saying. She droned on about the legal battle between the show and John. Bonnie had apparently relented, and agreed to finish out her contract on our show.
When my cell went off again I knew it had to be important so I stood up as inconspicuously as I could, and ducked into the stairwell.
“Allie? Are you busy?”
“Jake?” Cold fingers of fear brushed the back of my neck, and all the little hairs stood on end. His voice sounded thick with grief, slightly strangled too, like he was holding back tears. I could count on one hand the number of times I had seen him cry. “What’s wrong?”
“It’s Jimmy,” Jake said in that strange tone and my heart stopped. “Melinda just came over, and told us she got a call from, I don’t know, whoever delivers the bad news. Jimmy got hit by a roadside bomb. He lost a lot of blood, and he’s been in surgery for seven hours. They think he’ll lose his leg.”
“But he’s alive,” I said with more force than I meant. My voice rose, and I glanced back at the doorway to make sure no one would pop in on me. “He’s alive, and he’s going to come home.”
Jake was silent for a long time. “I need you, Al.”
“Can you come get me? I’m at the station. The bus will take forever.”
“I’ll be there in fifteen minutes.”
We hung up because there was nothing left to say. I knew that I couldn’t make any other choice, no matter what the consequences were for my internship. No matter how lousy of a friend I had been these past few months, there was no way I was going to let Jake or his family down on this one. Jimmy had been like my older brother growing up too.
I slipped back into the newsroom, and made my way to my desk where I grabbed my back pack. Rory noticed me lifting it over my shoulder, and raised his eyebrows at me. I mouthed, “Leaving” at him, and hurried out the door.
When I emerged into the warm late April sunshine I felt a surge of anger. How dare the weather be so idyllic when something so horrific was happening? It just wasn’t fair. I stood in front of the station jiggling my leg, wondering what I could do to help. Then I had an idea.
I was running before I had really thought my plan all the way through. My back pack bumped roughly against my back as I darted around people. I thought grimly that my feet would be full of blisters from running in heels. Still I didn’t slow or stop until I reached Edna’s Eats. The store was bustling as I burst through the doors.
Edna smiled at me as I approached the counter. “Well, if it isn’t the ace reporter. What can I do for you, Allison?”
“I need ten sandwiches and two doze
n cookies.”
“Is this for the office, dear? I can send someone over with it if you’d prefer not to wait. “
I shook my head. “My friend’s brother. Bomb overseas. The family…you know.”
Edna’s brows knit in concern. She reached across, and patted my hand. “I’ll get those things together for you, and it’ll be on the house. We need to support our military families.”
Tears pricked my eyes as I watched her bustle around assembling the items of my order. Her kindness was limitless, and Marika was truly lucky to have a grandmother like her. I wondered if she appreciated that fact. I had no time to dwell in bitterness, though, because the order was ready in record time.
“Thank you,” I said, and leaned across the counter to give the older woman a quick hug.
Edna pressed a business card into my hand, and said, “Let me know when he’s coming home, and I’ll make him a special cake.”
I sprinted back to the station just in time to find Jake climbing out of a beaten up pick-up truck. The sight of the dinged, dented, and rusted blue paint momentarily stopped me in my tracks. When Jake saw me, though, he strode over to me, and wrapped me in a hug. I could feel him trembling, and I squeezed him back as hard as I could. The paper bag of food crinkled as I leaned into him.
“Jake, I’m so sorry.” The words felt hollow as they slipped from my mouth.
He released me, and shook his head. “I mean, I always knew this could happen, but he’s been on four tours of duty, and he’s always been fine. Why now? He just went back, and Melinda’s pregnant. It’s just not fair.”
We stood on the sidewalk with people walking around us as we both mulled over the unjustness of the situation. I chewed my lower lip, unsure what to say or how to proceed. Finally I held up the bag, and said, “I got some sandwiches. I know it’s silly but I thought it might help your mom. It’s from Edna’s Eats.”
Jake took the food from me. “Mom will really appreciate this. I know she’s been going crazy with worry even though she’s faking calm pretty well. Come on, we should go.”
I nodded, and moved toward the truck. Jake pulled open the passenger door for me, and it squealed on its hinges. When he got in, I asked, “So who does this belong to?”
He gave me a funny look. “Me.”
“This is your truck? When did that happen, and how did I not know about it?”
We buckled our seatbelts, and Jake pulled out into traffic. He was quiet for a few blocks. Then he said, “I miss summer.”
“It’ll be here soon enough.”
“No, I mean, I miss our summers,” he paused. “Do you ever think we’ll be close again? Or do you think too much has changed?”
My pulse sped up. I hated admitting that things were different between us, but the feelings I had about my best friend were too complicated to unpack right now. “Honestly? I don’t know, Jake. I think things are just…different between us now. That doesn’t have to be a bad thing, though, you know?”
“I guess.” Jake fell silent again, and if I hadn’t known him so well I would’ve thought he was just focusing on traffic.
“What’s wrong, Jake? Besides Jimmy, I mean. And don’t tell me nothing because I still know how to read you.” I shifted in my seat, adjusted my seatbelt, and looked directly at him.
Jake cleared his throat. “I, um, I didn’t get the scholarship. When we lost the super sectional game, I blew every chance I had to play for any big school.”
His words hung heavy in the cab of the truck. Each one hit me like a brick to the head. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
With a shrug, Jake said, “Things have been so different between us this semester. You’ve been busy with your internship, and I guess I figured you didn’t have time for me.”
“For something that major? I will always have time for you, Jake. I wish you’d told me.”
We lapsed in as to an uncomfortable silence. Jake’s face got hard, and his jaw ticked as he stared out the windshield. Uncertain how he’d respond, I reached across the seat to put my hand on his arm. I saw him swallow, and then he took a hand off the steering wheel and laced his fingers through mine.
Jake and I had held hands plenty of times over the years, but this time felt vastly different. Every inch of my skin that touched his felt as if my nerves were on fire. The contrast in experiences was disconcerting to say the least. I told myself rather firmly that I was just having those feelings because we’d been so distant from each other over the past few months. I knew it would take time to get back into a rhythm of friendship.
Still I didn’t pull away, despite the warring emotions that made my heart beat so erratically I thought I might pass out. When Jake pulled into his driveway, he let go of my hand as he put the truck in park. He shot me a glance that I couldn’t interpret.
“Are you coming in?”
“Of course I am.” I frowned at him. “I should probably let my mom know where I am, but I’ll stay over as long as you need me to.”
“Your mom’s already at my house,” Jake said. “She’s been there since Melinda came over.”
I nodded. That sounded like my mom. She was good in a crisis. When we entered Jake’s house I was smacked with the realization that I hadn’t been there in months. I dropped my back pack on the floor near the front door. A low buzz of noise came from both the living room to the left, and the kitchen to the far back right of the house.
Jake carried the bag of food back to the kitchen, yelling out that we were back. Jake’s mom burst into tears when he told her that I’d thought to get dinner.
“Please don’t cry, Mrs. McAvoy. It’s nothing. I just wanted to help.” I hugged her, hoping to stem the tears, and ease her heartache.
Jake’s mom sniffled, patted my back, and said, “Just like your mom. You know that?”
I looked over at Jake who was leaning against the doorframe watching us. After I checked in with my mom in the living room, there was another round of hugs. Then Jake caught my elbow, and tugged me toward the stairs. In the past I wouldn’t have thought twice about following him up to his room, but now…I couldn’t explain the hesitation. Something about the situation felt too intimate.
I followed him anyway.
“Your room is way cleaner than I remember.”
Jake flopped down on his bed, and gave me a half-hearted smile. “I’ve never been a slob. That would be you.”
I crossed my arms and frowned. “I have never been slovenly in my life. You must have someone else in mind.”
Even though I wanted to join him on his bed, I sat down on his desk chair instead. Jake watched me with a look of curious passivity. I wasn’t sure how he pulled something like that off, but he managed it well. He didn’t say anything, opting instead to grab a foam basketball and shoot it at the plastic rimmed hoop that was suctioned to his wall above my head. The ball banked off the rim, and landed with a soft thunk on my head before bouncing away.
When he chuckled, I felt something inside of me melt. The oozy, gooey feeling blossoming in my chest was not an emotion I’d ever had before, and I didn’t know what to do with it. I squirmed uncomfortably, trying to make it go away.
“I remember the day Jimmy and Melinda got married,” I said suddenly. The words just popped out of my mouth.
“You were my date,” Jake said with a laugh.
“Uh, yeah, but I remember how in love they were. I can’t imagine how hard Jimmy’s deployments are on Melinda.” I shook my head, wondering why I’d never bothered to think about that simple fact before.
Jake nodded his face solemn. “She refused to live on base because she’d have been hundreds of miles away from her family and ours. She told Dad, Mom, and me that she doesn’t think he’ll ask to be discharged even after this. Melinda seems to think that he’ll want a desk job. Military career for life, I guess.”
“You don’t sound too happy about that.”
“I don’t know. I mean, I support everything Jimmy does. He’s my hero, but it’d be nice
to have him home, you know?” Jake shrugged, and leaned back on his elbows. He stared up at the ceiling, and I realized that his eyes were bright with unshed tears.
“Let’s go out on the roof,” I said, gesturing toward the window.
“Okay.” Jake’s voice sounded so small it made me want to cry.
We used to go out on the roof all the time when we were kids, and we felt like being rebellious or when we had something to talk about that was strictly private. Jake needed that privacy now.
I pushed up the window, and undid the screen, slipping it into the house as quietly as I could. A warm wind buffeted me I stepped out onto the gently sloped roof of the back porch. Pressing my back into the side of the house, I slid down until I was seated. Jake swung himself out a moment later, and folded himself into a sitting position. Our shoulders touched, and after a moment I leaned my head against him.
“It’s okay to cry,” I said in a quiet voice. “I’m here.”
Even though I still had a lot to figure out about how being close to Jake was making me feel, I took his hand to hold. From the corner of my eye, I watched him lean his head back against the house and close his eyes. A second later the first tears slipped down his cheeks. Soon a torrent of salty liquid spilled over, and his body shook from the silent sobs. Scalding hot fear stole my breath. At a loss for anything else to do, I wrapped my free arm around him, and held on to him as he cried.
After an eternity he stopped. His breath stuttered as he inhaled deeply, and when he exhaled he gave a shaky chuckle. “Well, I haven’t done that in a long time.”
I let go of him, and pressed myself back against the house. I knew that I’d cry later, alone in my room. For Jake, for Jimmy and Melinda, for all the McAvoys, and for what our friendship had become. Confusion seemed to be my new best friend, inserting itself firmly between me and Jake. If I didn’t sort it all out soon, I knew that I ran the very real risk of losing him.
“Jimmy will be okay,” I said with more confidence than I felt. “Remember when he broke his ribs in high school. He played a full game of football before he went to the hospital, and even then he was only out for three games that season. This won’t even slow him down.”