by Miria Masdan
I tuck the letter under my pillow and fall asleep. I dream of him. I reach for him, and I can’t save him; it’s the same nightmare that I’ve had a thousand times but this time I know I will be able to save him in real life. My life for his; I finally figured it out.
CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE
Quinn
“How are you doing,” Max looks worried. “You look better. I guess a few days off did you some good.”
“I’m great,” I say. I’m actually better than I have been in a long time. We are allowed two weeks off a year to develop skills. I’ve never taken them but I was offered an opportunity to train in the wastelands, and I couldn’t refuse.
“Good,” Max looks relieved. “Then you’ll be ready.”
“For what,” I ask?
“We had a murder this morning,” he says. His facial expression changes like he had flipped a switch.
“An actual murder,” I ask?
“It was Mandy,” his words are flat.
“Smith’s friend, Mandy,” I say, “the Mandy we just met?”
“Yes,” he says. “She was found in the park in Political. Multiple stab wounds to the abdomen.”
“Any suspects,” I ask?
“Not yet,” he says, “the scene was clean. I think it might be just another attack by rebels or the Unders…maybe in retaliation for Marcus’ death.”
“If that’s the case then we’re all targets,” I say. “You should keep a close eye on Grace.”
“I’m on it,” he says. “She’s in Labor right now. I have an officer with her at all times.”
“Good,” I say.
“There’s Emma too,” he says. “She has Political right now. I’m sending an officer to meet her after work and keep post at her apartment.”
“Who’s Emma,” I ask?
“One of Mandy’s friends,” he says. He’s giving me that strange look again. “You don’t know her?”
“No,” I shake my head. “Should I?”
“No, I guess not,” he says and hangs his head, “Okay.”
“What aren’t you telling me,” I ask?
“There’s more,” he says. “There’s something going on; we’re not sure what it is. We’ve keep it quiet, but I don’t know how much longer that’s going to be possible.”
“What the Hell are you talking about,” I ask?
“It’s like a virus,” he says. “Smith and the techies are working on it, but it’s spreading and they have no clue.”
“People are getting sick,” I say. “The off-line life force; do you think he brought something in?”
“It’s attacking the program,” he says. “It’s blocking the Dulling. Some citizens never returned to protocol after the Heightening, and it’s spreading.”
“They’re trying to turn our citizens against us,” I say.
“We think Emma was one of the first citizens to be infected,” he says. “We’re looking into everyone she had contact with; Smith is sure he can find the source. He just needs time.”
He keeps mentioning this girl Emma like I know her, or should know her. I have no idea who she is, but he seems overly worried.
“Hey, let’s let the techies worry about the virus for now,” I say, “and we can do the grunt work.”
We head out to the park. We’re looking for any evidence that might lead us to a suspect. We don’t find anything.
“There was a witness. The man who found her; she was still alive when he saw her trying to crawl to safety.” He says. “He said that she recognized him, the man who killed her. She said that Emma knew him too.”
“So we find this Emma and ask her,” I say. “Who the Hell is she and why are you being so soft on her?”
“Already on it,” he says, “she’ll be at the station when we get back.”
We make it back to the station. Everyone is on the edge. There has been another break-in, but this time it was an apartment in Education.
Whoever these criminals are, they’re getting more brazen and more dangerous.
“I’ll talk to her,” I say. “I don’t…”
“No!” he says. “I’ve got it.”
“I want to ask a few questions,” I push past him.
“I don’t need you,” he says.
“You don’t have a choice,” I put my hand on the door handle. He grabs my shoulder.
“Don’t!” he pulls me back. “Go talk to the other witness’ from the park,”
“Okay?” I walk away. He’s acting strange.
I keep an eye out for him to leave the room. He does about ten minutes later. I wait until he’s out of sight, and I sneak in to talk to her.
She’s sitting in a chair at a table. She folds her hands in her lap. She looks up when I enter the room. She looks surprised. She grabs the edge of the table, and she looks past me towards the door.
“Where’s Max?” her voice is weak and shaky.
“He’s taking a break,” I lock the door behind me. “I’m here to find out what happened.”
“I already told him everything I know,” she looks nervous. “I’m not comfortable with, you…”
“Why,” I ask, “because you know Max, and he went easy on you?”
“No, that has nothing to do with it,” she stammers.
“You know what I think?” I say, sitting on the edge of the table next to her. “I think you know who killed Mandy, and you’re protecting him.”
She laughs, “this just keeps getting better and better.”
“Is he your…lover?” I look her right in the eyes.
“Oh, that’s great coming from you,” she says. “You know I’m engaged.”
“That’s right,” I say, “to Benson?”
“Quinn, do we have to do this?”
“What?”
“Pretend like nothing happened?” she says. “I apologize. I was out of line, and I should have controlled myself, but I thought we were past all that, especially after the other night.”
“So are you confessing?” I’m confused. I have no idea what she is talking about.
“What?” she says. “No, I’m talking about us. I know you’re mad, and I get it but let’s be adults and just forget it.”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” I say.
“You’re being childish,” she says. “Fine, we’ll do it your way.”
“Okay?” I’m beginning to think she’s insane. “So tell me who this guy is that killed your friend.”
“I don’t know who he is,” she says.
“Mandy’s last words contradict that,” I say. “She specifically said you knew the man.”
“I don’t,” I say. “Maybe it was one of Marcus’ men but you would know more about that than me.”
“Really,” I say. How does she know about Marcus? “You think I have something to do with this?”
“No, but if you hadn’t of killed him, maybe Mandy would still be alive.” She stands up and head to the door.
I grab her: one hand on her arm and the other holding her face so that I can look her right in the eyes. I push her against the wall. Her small frame pinned by my body. She feels weak, and her body is trembling. She’s afraid; it fuels my anger. I see my reflection in her eyes. It’s dark, against her blue eyes. I look deeper. The silver and gray streaks, remind me of water. I think about when I was a child. I would go to a creek on the edge of our post and walk in the water. I see tears in her eyes. I shake my head, look away and focus.
“You’re hiding something,” I hiss. “I will find out the truth. You can’t hide behind your fiancé or his father.’
“Quinn,” she looking at me; tears are now falling from her eyes. She looks confused. She looks hurt.
Max slams on the door.
“Calder!” he shouts. “Open this door, now!”
I ignore him. I squeeze her face harder. “Tell me what I need to know!”
“I don’t…” she coughs. Her face is turning red. I let up a bit. “Quinn, please don’t do this…pl
ease.”
She’s begging. My heart is racing. I can feel her pulse pound against my hand around her neck.
“Tell me!”
She tries to get away from me. I can feel her body push hard against mine. She grabs my face with her free hands: digging her fingers into my cheek. I can feel blood begin to trickle down. I can taste it.
I can’t control myself. I push harder. She struggles. She brings her knee up and hits me hard between my legs. I release her neck. She gasps for air.
She falls to her knees. Her head is down, and she is fighting for each breath.
Max burst into the room.
“What have you done?” he drops down to the girl and then looks up at me. “Get him out of here…put him a cell, let him cool down.”
They’re all looking at me like I’m a beast.
I hear him talk to her as they escort me away.
“He doesn’t know you,” he says. “He would’ve never…if he remembered you.’
“He tried to kill me,” she says. “Why?”
“He has no idea what he’s done,” he says. “I’m sorry. The Quinn you knew is gone.”
She knew?
I don’t know her, what is he talking about? Why is he protecting her? I enter the cell. They lock the door behind me, and I sit. It’s almost an hour before Max opens the door.
“What the Hell were you thinking?” he slams the door behind him.
“She’s hiding something,” I say.
“You terrified her,” he says. “Do you understand who she is?
“I know,” I say. “She belongs to Benson.”
“That’s only part of it,” he says. “You fucked up. You’ll be lucky if you ever see the light of day. They can banish you for a Hell of a lot less.”
“That’s bullshit!” I say. “She’s guilty. Don’t tell me you are scared of them?”
“No, but it’s more complicated than that.” He sits down. “I promised you.”
“What?”
“All I can say is if you had killed her…” He shakes his head.
“She is just another trophy,” I say. “Benson could replace her in a heartbeat.”
“You’re right,” he says. “He won’t miss her, but you will.”
“What are you talking about,” I stand up and grab his shirt. “Answer me!” I feel like I’m losing control. I’m sitting in a cell, and my best friend is talking crazy.
“I can’t tell you,” he says. “No matter what but…I didn’t think you’d try and kill her. How could you do that? You have no idea who you’re dealing with.”
“Am I supposed to?” he says. “Who is she? Who are you protecting her for?”
“Someone, even you can’t control.” He says. “And I’m not protecting her…I’m protecting you!”
CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX
Emma
“I have to go,” I say. “I can’t see him.”
“He’s locked up,” Max says.
“What?” I say.
“He knows this guy,” Max says. “He had himself reset. He erased you completely from his memory.”
“I see,” I lean against the wall, my mind in twisting in a million directions. “He thinks I’m hiding something from him.”
“You are,” he says.
“Why would he do that?” I say.
“It was too much for him,” Max says. “He couldn’t stop thinking about you. You don’t belong to him; you never did.”
“I don’t know if that’s true,” I say. “Some of the things I remember, that I dream…I think there’s more to us.”
“Well it’s over for him,” Max says. “Let him move on.”
“I love him,” I say. “I don’t know why but I do. I’ve only known him for a short time, but there’s something about him.”
“You have to forget,” Max says, “for him.”
“I don’t want to, please don’t ask me to,” I say. “I have nothing, but I will promise to leave him alone. I won’t try and be a part of his life. After the way he acted today; I don’t think that will be a problem. He hates me.”
“He’s just trying to do his job,” Max says.
“Adam can’t find out about this,” I say. “He may not love me but, he will protect his name and if that means hurting Quinn…he won’t think twice about it.”
“I’ll take care of it,” Max says.
“I need to know he’ll be okay,” I say. “Please promise me.”
“I will keep an eye on him,” Max says. “Go home and rest.”
I leave the station and head back to my apartment. I take off my coat and head into the kitchen. I open the fridge and stop dead. There is a picture of Mandy in the park. It must have been taken right before they killed her.
I close the fridge, grab my bag and go to leave. I know exactly where I’m going, but I have no idea what I’m going to do once I get there.
I open my door, and Adam is standing in the hall. He doesn’t look happy. He pushes me back into the apartment. I slam into the hall table, knocking over a glass vase. I hear it shatter as it hits the floor.
He grabs me by my hair and drags me into the living room. I push against his hands, but he is too strong. He releases me.
“I told you to stay away from him,” the first blow hits me right across my left cheek. I fall onto the couch. He grabs my shirt and whips me around.
I kick at him with my good foot. He knocks me over, and I land hard on the floor. I can feel my face swell.
“Why did you talk to him,” he is shouting at me. “I trusted you.”
“I didn’t…” he grabs my face.
“Liar!”
I reach up and scratch his face. He lets me go, and I scramble on my hands and knees, for the door. I make it into the hallway. I forgot about the glass; I slip in the spilled water and slice my hand on a shard.
He grabs me and drags me back into the living room. He knocks the table over, and my paperwork spreads across the floor. He kicks me in the side.
I can’t breathe. I try, but my lungs struggle. I gasp and choke on my tears. I can taste the salt and the blood.
He’s quiet. I don’t open my eyes to look. I just hope that he leaves. Then I can feel him. He’s next to me. His hand wipes my face. My entire body is trembling.
I can feel his lips on mine. He cradles my face in his hands. I can’t stop sobbing.
“I’m sorry,” he says. “Stop crying.”
I can’t. All I can think about is my orchard. I want to go home. I know that I will never see my trees again. I will never dream of Quinn again. I am lost. I just want to go home.
“Stop crying,” his hand covers my mouth.
I open my eyes. I wish I hadn’t. He is looking at me. His eyes are wild, and I don’t recognize him.
“I said stop crying!”
I hold my breath. I wipe my eyes with my hands. I see the blood, the cut. I focus on my breathing; in, out, in, out.
He kisses me again. “I love you.”
I don’t say anything.
“If you see him again, if you talk to him, if you mention his name or even think about him,” he snarls. “I will kill him.”
He stands up and walks out of the apartment. He doesn’t even close the door. I wait. I’m afraid to move.
I know what I have to do. I leave.
It’s raining again. I look up at the sky. I wish I could see the stars. I let the rain wash my wounds.
I take the shuttle to the part of the city that we traveled to the other night. The night Quinn killed Marcus. I exit the shuttle and head into the bar. I walk to the back. No one stops me. I take the elevator to the bottom and step out into the hall.
It’s early, and the club is not filled. I walk to the bar and ask to see Marcus. I know he’s dead, but I figured it would be the best way to get someone’s attention. The bartender looks at me, blankly. He walks out back and returns with a familiar face; the man from the bench at the Galleria.
“What do you want?” he looks at me
, “What the Hell happened to you?”
“I want to talk to your boss,” I say. “I have an offer for him.”
He laughs. “You got guts.”
He leads me into the back of the bar to an elevator. It goes down. I’m silent. I make careful note of each turn and doorway I go through. I want to be able to make it out of here on my own if needed. My eye is throbbing; I can hardly see out of it. I gently touch my face. I can feel dried blood on my cheek.
I stand in a room, alone. The man went into the next room. I wait. He returns with a concerned look on his face.
“He said, he’d see you,” I follow him into the room.
A man sits behind a desk. He is a handsome man; tall with dark skin and dark hair. His face looks gentle and kind, which I find amusing.
“You’re smiling?” he says. “What’s so amusing?”
“You are not what I expected,” I say.
He smiles, “I take it, you like what you see?”
“Surprised,” I say.
“Well, let me assure you,” he says, “looks can be deceiving.”
“I hope so,” I say, “because I’m looking for a killer, not a teddy bear.”
He raises his eyebrow, and he smiles, “What can I do for you?”
“I owe you a debt,” I say. “I want to repay it.”
“I’m not interested in sex,” he says.
“Neither am I,” I say. “My fiancé is having an affair. She loves him, I can tell. If it’s information about him and his father that you are looking for, she is the one to ask. She will do anything to protect him, and she has all the codes to the house.”
“Really?” his face turns serious. “Why should I believe you?”
“Because I’m leaving,” I say. “I don’t plan on returning, and I want to square up all my debts and because I have a favor to ask you.”
“And what would that be?” he asks.
“I want you to kill him,” I say.
“Murder, has a high price tag,” he says. “What can you give me?”
“I don’t have anything,” I say, “just her name.”
“Ah, but that is where you are wrong,” he says.
“You are worth more than you think,” he smiles.
“I don’t understand,” I say.