by Miria Masdan
“Please,” my voice is weak and small.
“I’ll take good care of her,” Adam’s voice is dark and cold. His grip tightens. I am blank. I have no more tears. I have no more hope.
“She needs to be around people who care about her,” Quinn says. “I can’t think of a better place for her, than with you.”
“She’ll be safe,” he says. “Thank you, Officer Calder.”
He pulls me away. I look back at Quinn.
He’s staring at me.
“Quinn,” I choke, just barely a whisper.
He takes a step towards me. My heart skips.
Adam jerks me forward.
Quinn turns and walks away.
CHAPTER FORTY- NINE
Emma
I hit my head on the door of the car. Adam pushes in beside me. We are alone, the driver can’t see, or hear us. I move as close to the door as I can, but Adam still manages to slam me against it. I touch my lip. It’s starting to swell, but I don’t feel any blood.
He yanks me back towards him and then pushes me down on the seat. He pins my hands and kisses me hard. I’m afraid to resist, but I don’t participate. He tears at my clothes, pawing at my flesh. I close my eyes tight and clench my fists hard. He presses himself against me. I force my mind to think of everything and anything that might spark a happy, safe memory. I think of my orchard, my home, my friends, but it is a waterfall that my mind settles on. I don’t remember ever going there, but I can envision it perfectly.
A calm pool of water surrounded by gigantic stones and a wall of stone; the waterfall cascades over moss and fern covered landscape. I can feel the mist and smell the earth. There are small white flowers growing amongst the rocks. I am not alone, but I can’t see anyone else. I can feel them: a laugh, a smile, a warm presence. I look into the water. It ripples as the water crashes down into the pool.
I can see myself. I am dressed in white, and my hair is falling around my shoulders. I see another face, at first it is blurry. I look closer, I know it. I’ve seen it before but only once.
I open my eyes and push Adam off of me. He lands on the floor. I reach for the door handle. He grabs me. I kick him. I get out of the car and run back towards where I left, Quinn. I have to find him. I have to tell him.
I am sobbing. I can’t believe I forgot. Nothing else matters; I have to find him.
I run into the building, through the empty room, and to the elevator. I push the button, but I hear the front door open. I know it's Adam or one of his men. I take the stairs. I don’t hear them enter behind me. They must have taken the elevator. I consider turning around, but he might have someone waiting for me at the top. I need to find Quinn.
I whip open the door and run towards the bar. I hear the elevator open. I don’t look back. I’m never going to look back again. I can see them: Max and Quinn.
“Emma,” Adam’s voice echoes through the hallway. I run faster. I can’t breathe, and I’m sure I’ve ruined my cast. I don’t feel the pain anymore; I am beyond pain.
“Quinn!” I shout.
He looks up. I must look ridiculous; my cast, my frantic voice, but I don’t care.
He walks towards me and looks over my shoulder; he sees Adam. I throw myself into his arms. I don’t wait. I tell him as much as I can before Adam takes me again. I know this will be my only chance.
“I remember everything: you, me and everything,” I’m out of breath and the pain is returning to my ankle. “We are in love, but there’s more…”
“Slow down,” he says. He’s holding my face.
“I can’t,” I say. “You have to remember. I need you to remember; I can’t help you anymore. I can’t get away. Maggie knows; make her tell you, or find Peter.”
“Emma,” Adam is calm, “it’s time to go.”
Quinn pulls me away from Adam. “Wait!”
“No,” he grabs my arm. “She’s leaving.’
Quinn holds me tight. “Emma?”
“You can’t protect me,” I say, “but you can make it right.”
“I don’t understand,” he says.
“That’s enough,” Adam is joined by two of his guards. “Officer Calder, release her!”
“It’s okay,” I say.
Adam jerks me to his side. I look at Quinn, all the emotions that were suppressed, hidden in my system come rushing back to me. I understand now, but it is too late.
“Stay away from her,” Adam warns. “She does not belong to you. I am willing to do anything to protect her…anything.”
“So am I,” says Quinn.
“It will not end well for you,” Adam says.
“If you hurt her…”
“I’ll be fine,” I say. “I can take care of myself now. You need to take care of you.”
“You heard her,” Adam says. “She’s fine.”
He shakes his head. He fixes his eyes on Adam. He clenches his fist. I can see his muscles in his neck tense. He is holding back, just barely.
Adam leads me away. I don’t resist. I made my choice, and I will live, or die with the consequences. I turn my head to look back, but Adam yanks me closer to him.
CHAPTER FIFTY
Emma
I expect the worst. But Adam doesn’t even acknowledge me during the car ride. We go straight to my apartment. He enters, but I stay in the hallway. The last time we were here, it did not go well.
“Are you coming?” he asks.
I glance to my right towards the elevator.
“You can try, but my men are posted downstairs, “he says. “I expect full cooperation from here on out.”
“You know about me,” I say.
“Yes,” he grabs my hands and pulls me inside and then closes the door. “We’ve known for awhile now.”
“How much do you know?”
“Enough to know that you are valuable,” he says. He motions to the living room. “Have a seat, we need to talk.”
My apartment is clean. You’d never be able to tell that he almost killed me in here, only a few days ago. I sit on the couch. He sits next to me.
“Quinn is not a part of your life,” he says. “I heard you say that you remember him?”
“Yes,” I say. “I know we were in love and that we chose to be apart.”
“So you understand that you have to keep away from him,” he says, “that it was your idea?”
“Yes,” I say.
“Do you know why?”
“To keep me safe,” I say, “because I am heightened, and I am not from the Federation.”
“Exactly,” he says. “My father is running for the supreme council and he needs you to make that happen. He would never win on his own; his ideas are too radical.”
“I don’t understand how I can help,” I say.
“You can control people,” he says. “You can access every system, every citizen in the Federation. You can manipulate their programs. You have access to everything.”
“I can’t do that,” I say.
“You just don’t know how,” he says.
“Why would someone program me like that?”
“To take over,” he says.
“Who?”
“We don’t know,” he says. “We think you are linked to the rebellion, but we’ve only been able to hack some of your systems. You’re going to help us find them.”
“And then what?”
“We take over,” he smiles. “You see the current systems are flawed, based on socialist ideas that are destined to fail. We have a vision of an empire: powerful and dominate.”
“Why are you telling me this?”
“We have discovered a citizen with exceptional skills,” he says. “He can hack your systems and download them into an entirely new system; one we can control.”
“What happens to me?”
“When we are done,” he says, “you will be destroyed.”
“What if I don’t cooperate?”
“You will because you still have people to lose,” he smiles.
> “My brothers,” I say, “Where are they?”
“They’re safe, for now,” he says, “but that can all change.”
“Ian tried that too,” I say. “It didn’t work for him. It was too late for Mandy; he killed her before he realized I can’t be hacked.”
“He didn’t have the same resources that I have,” he says.
“So when?”
“It’s going to take a while,” he says. “We want all the codes, all the information. You will continue with your internships and download as much info as you can.”
“So...our marriage?”
“How sweet of you to be concerned,” he says. “It will be a tragic accident.”
“Wonderful,” I say, “I wouldn’t want it any other way.”
“One more thing,” he says. “I’d like you to meet my new partner.”
He looks towards my kitchen. A man walks out, I recognize him immediately.
“Sean?” I’m shocked. “I don’t understand.”
“It seems he has been monitoring you for your programmer,” Adam says. “He approached us. He felt underappreciated with his previous employer.”
“Sean, you don’t know what you’re doing,” I beg. “He’s not who you think he is.”
“He’s exactly who I think he is,” he says, “and I want to be a part of this new world. I want to be on top.”
“I’ve known you for my whole life,” I say.
“No,” he smirks. “You’ve only known me for two years. I implanted myself into your memories.”
“What?”
“It’s not complicated,” he says. “I’ve altered your memories so many times, even I’m not sure what is true or not.”
He laughs.
I rest my head on my hands. A thick wave of nausea rolls through my body. I can’t believe what I’m hearing.
“It was you who erased me and Quinn on graduation day?”
“Yup, that was me.”
“I trusted you,” I say. “I even thought that you and I…”
He gives me an awkward glance. Only I see it; Adam is too busy looking at his tablet.
“Well that is because I programmed you to be attracted to me,” he says. “It was worth a try.”
Adam laughs. “Now that’s funny, but I have to give it to you for the initiative.”
“Thank you,” he says. “I am quite creative.”
I can’t believe they are joking about and planning my fate like it was everyday business. I’m facing my demise and losing everyone I care about, and they’re patting themselves on the back. I am furious. I want to scream, but I hold it in. I concentrate on making plans to escape. I have to figure out how to save everyone I love before it is too late.
I have two weeks left in Political, and then I head to Defense. I have to be ready and organized. I am leaving the Federation.
“Emma, are you listening?” Sean asks.
I look up. He and Adam are staring at me. “What?”
“We need to get going,” Adam says. “Sean wants to reset you immediately.”
“No, I don’t want to be reset,” I protest.
“We can’t have you wandering around knowing everything I just told you,” Adam says. “What if you fall into the wrong hands?”
“I can be quiet,” I say. “I won’t tell anyone.”
“I’d love to believe you, but you haven’t been too reliable,” he says. “You’ve run away, been kidnaped and run away again.”
“I promise,” I say.
“Sorry,” he leans over and kisses me, “maybe I’ll have him wait in the hall for a bit. I want to have my way with you before you become all prim and proper again.”
He looks up at Sean. Who has his arms folded and a perturbed grimace on his face? He looks at the door.
“I don’t have time for this,” Sean says. “But if you must, be quick.”
“I’m never quick,” he snaps. “I take my time…savor every bit.”
He slides his hand up my leg, resting his hand on my hip. He pulls me towards him, lifting me off the couch and thrusting me onto his lap. His hands slip under my coat and shirt. He drags his fingers into my skin, sending a cold shiver up to my neck.
“Seriously,” Sean is annoyed. “Let’s go!”
Adam pushes me off. I land on my backside, on the floor. I knew he wouldn’t be able to resist hurting me, at least a little bit. I shake my head and get up. Sean offers me his arm. I hesitate. His betrayal repulses me, but my cast is broken, and my ankle is throbbing. So I take his arm and lean against him. For a moment, it seems familiar, but then he opens his mouth.
“Did your men secure Officer Calder?”
My heart halts in a jolt of pain.
“Yes,” Adam says. “He is already at the facility. We can reset her and then take care of him. I want him to watch her suffer. It’ll do him some good. He needs to learn his place.”
“You promised you’d leave him alone,” I stammer. “He has nothing to do with this. I will do whatever you want me to do…please.”
“He knows too much,” he says. “If he remembers who he is, he will come for you and he will ruin all of my plans.”
“Who is he?”
“You don’t remember?” Adam laughs. “You lied to me.”
“See this is why we need to reset her, as soon as possible,” Sean says. “She is not the innocent little girl anymore.”
We travel to the inner city, to the transportation component. We stop in front of a tall building, with a sleek black façade. There are no signs and no recognition of what business resides here. We enter through the front doors. There are several security guards in the lobby. They don’t acknowledge us; they just continue with their work.
We travel to the twenty-third floor; the doors open and we enter an extensive lab. Sean smiles like a child. He looks happier than I have ever seen him.
Adam heads off to the right, and down a hallway. He doesn’t look back; he’s too busy on his tablet again. I wonder what’s so important.
“It could have been different,” Sean says. “If you had just behaved yourself,”
“Really?” I snap. “My life is over. I’ve lost everything.”
“I could have protected you,” he says. “It was my job to keep you safe.”
“You weren’t very good at it,” I say.
“You have no idea what you’ve gotten yourself into,” he warns. “I will keep you alive as long as I can, but I can’t do this alone.”
“Why are you working with him?”
“To keep you safe,” he says. “They will figure out how to rescue you and they will come for you.”
“Who?”
“I can’t say anymore,” he says. “You won’t remember in a few hours anyway.”
“You don’t have to do this,” I whisper.
“I do,” he says. “They would just find someone else, and they could kill you or wipe you clean and then you’d be lost forever.”
“Please.”
“I’m sorry,” he says.
Adam returns and his father is with him. I don’t look at them, but I follow them. We walk down a long hall, and they stop in front of a door.
“I’m not as cruel as you think,” he opens the door. “You have five minutes.”
I look at him, and then into the room. Quinn is lying on the floor. He doesn’t move. I go to him. Adam closes the door.
CHAPTER FIFTY- ONE
Emma
“Quinn,” I touch his face. He is warm. I kiss his forehead. My tears fall and wet his lips. “Please wake up.”
He moans and his eyes flutter. He cocks his head to the side and smiles.
“I’m dead,” he says. “It’s the only way I am seeing you right now.”
“No,” I say, “but we don’t have a lot of time.”
I kiss his lips and taste the salt from my tears.
“Now I know for sure that I am dead,” he says. “I only kiss you in my dreams.”
“I’m sorry,” I whis
per.
“No,” he says. “I should’ve believed you.”
“Don’t,” I say.
“What now?”
“They’re going to reset us,” I say.
“I don’t want to forget you,” he sits up and cradles my face with his hand. “I don’t remember you, but I have this feeling deep inside me whenever you’re around, or when I think about you. At first I thought it was hate…it’s that strong, but it’s not. It’s more than that.”
“Quinn,” I nudge into his hand and kiss his palm.
“It’s a ripple in my gut that builds and aches,” he says, “it’s not desire…it’s not the right word for it. It’s an energy; a heat that connects us and hold us together beyond any of this.”
“I feel it too,” I whisper. “If I were to lose you…”
“It doesn’t matter,” he says. “I’m part of you and even if one of us dies today; we’ll still be together, inside. It’s going to be okay.”
“I love you,” I say.
Our lips are barely touching, but I can feel him breathe. His heart beat against my chest and an intense radiation of our heat combining in a force so small, yet so real and pure that nothing can change or destroy it.
Our lips meet, eliminating what little space was left between us and we melt into a single energy, flowing and intensifying. I know that I can survive another memory loss. I am willing to sacrifice our past. It is the connection, the blending of two souls that I cannot live without.
Then I have an idea. Ian’s tech guy, Alec, said I am capable of controlling my system, that I just hadn’t learned how to yet. What If I could transfer information to Quinn? What if I could give him our memories?
I have no idea what I am doing, but I grab him and kiss him. I concentrate on every thought, every image of the two of us, and then I imagine them traveling from me to him. I can see each idea and image as it passes between us, and then I guard them with one thought.
When I am finished, I pull away from him. His eyes are closed, and his limp in my arms. He’s breathing, but he is not responding. I start to panic. What if I transferred too much information? What if I killed him? And then he opens his eyes.