Tough Love (Hidden Secrets)

by Belden, P. J.

  Waking up, I fly out of bed. I didn’t hear any noise. Normally, I hear them playing in their rooms. I run out of my room and toward theirs. They sat in their playroom playing a game.

  “Morning guys,” I said.

  They didn’t even look at me. My heart dropped further in my chest.

  “Come on guys. Please talk to me. It hurts me when you’re mad at me. You guys are all I have.”

  After a minute of no talking to me, I turned and left the room. Man did I ever screw up. Tears welled up in my eyes. Just as I got to the hall, there was a knock at my door. Not caring anymore, I went to the door and opened.

  Suddenly, I was rushed and Jackson engulfed me in his arms, holding me tightly. He kissed my head repeatedly.

  “Damn, Shannon. I was so fucking worried about you. Are you okay?”

  Pulling from his grasp, “I’m fine. What are you doing here?”

  “I brought Nick to look at what we need to do to bring your house up to code.”

  “Hey Shannon. Good to see you’re okay. He practically dragged me out of his house this morning to get over here,” he says with a smirk.

  “Oh, um, sure. Jackson can you show him around right now. I’ll go get dressed.”

  Turning, I practically ran to my bedroom. My body was still buzzing from being wrapped in Jackson’s arms. I’ve made up my mind. I’ll go out on this date with Scott tonight, but then that’s it. My body buzzing from Jackson holding me is definitely a sign that I need not go out with anyone else. At least until I can get over Jackson.

  If only things were different…

  Chapter Thirteen

  Jackson

  Mom was talking to me when I watched Shannon forcefully taking the boys to the car. My gut tightened. Something was wrong. Then to watch her scream at the sound of her phone and then snap at the boys, it cemented it more. Something was wrong. When I saw her slide down her car screaming ‘leave me alone’ and crying, my feet were running and my only thought was getting to her. She pulled out before I could reach her.

  “Something’s wrong,” I said to Jake, who walked up next to me.

  “Definitely.”

  I ran to my car and jumped in. Once Jake got in, I hurried to her house, but she wouldn’t answer the door. Either that or she couldn’t answer the door. My gut tightened even more. When I got back to the car, Jake started in on me.

  “I can’t believe you’re going to sit back and let Scott take out the woman you love. Or so you say you do anyway.”

  “What the hell is that supposed to mean?” I hissed as I drove back to my house.

  “It means that if you really loved her, you’d do everything you could to be with her. Instead, here you sit doing everything to push her away. Which is shocking considering the fact that I think she might love you too.”

  “I can’t be with her.” I said sadly.

  “Why the hell not!” He yelled.

  “You wouldn’t understand.”

  “No, of course not, because you won’t fucking talk to me about it!” Jake yelled.

  Slamming on the breaks, I flipped the car around to head back the way we came. My foot pressed harder on the gas and the car pushed forward. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Jake getting nervous. He wanted to know why I can’t do this, why I can’t be with her. Well, he’ll know why.

  After about twenty minutes of driving, I whipped through a gate and a few minutes later came to a skidding stop, gravel and dust kicking up in the action. Turning to a pale Jake, “Get out and follow me.”

  With that, I got out of the car and began walking in the direction that will answer his questions. In the direction that will explain to him why I can’t be happy ever again. In the direction that will show him why no matter how much I love Shannon, I can’t be with her. I could hear Jake following behind me. After a few minutes, I came to a stop. I turned around and faced my brother.

  “That is the reason I can’t be with her,” I pointed, my voice breaking.

  “Jack… God…” he looks up at me with tears in his eyes.

  “Don’t fucking pity me. Just get off my back and understand why I can’t be with her no matter how much I want to be. I can’t do it, Jake. I just can’t do it.”

  “Maybe you should tell her. Hell, I’m kind of hurt that you haven’t told me. I guess in a way still haven’t. I mean I know what I’m looking at but…”

  My shoulders dropping. “It’s not an easy subject to bring up. It’s not easy to talk about. So forgive me for not rushing in to talk about it.”

  Jake stepped forward, placing his hands on my shoulder. “But you don’t need to do it alone though. I’d walk through fire for you, for any of our siblings, so would any of them. We’d never judge or hurt. Think about it, okay? I’m your twin, Jack. I’m the one you should trust the most.”

  Nodding my head, we walk back to my car. Neither of us talking, a sadness hung over both of us. The thing about being a twin was you were in tune with each other. It was a big reason why I knew something was up with him. It was the big reason why he stays at my house when he’s in town. We went through a phase when we were younger that we hated each other and didn’t want to be friends anymore, but then Jake was taken to the hospital and he and I grew so much closer after that.

  Pulling into the garage, we climbed into the elevator, riding up to my floor. Just as we were walking off and into my apartment, Jake turned to me.

  “I’m really sorry, brother. If you need to talk about it, when you need to talk about it, I’m here.”

  “I know. Thanks.”

  We each went to our rooms. I texted Shannon several times that night. She didn’t answer any of them. My chest tightened. I wanted to bust down the door to make sure she was okay. It wasn’t like it would be too hard. The door was really old and rotted to begin with.

  By the time morning rolled around, I was exhausted. I barely slept a wink. Pulling myself out of bed, I went straight to my coffee machine. Once I had a nice cup of coffee in my hands, I leaned against the counter taking a much needed drink. My buzzer goes off.

  On the video was Nick, I damn near forgot about that. My coffee forgotten, I ran dressed quickly and headed down. The elevator wasn’t moving fast enough. It was impossible to keep my nervousness under control.

  The elevator doors opened to a shocked and confused Nick. “What I’m not allowed up?”

  “Nope, not today. Come on, let’s hurry.”

  “Someone’s in a hurry.” Nick says following behind.

  “Yeah, I am. So quit taking your time and let’s go.”

  Nick laughs behind me, but thankfully he hurries with me. The drive to Shannon’s house set my nerves even more on edge. Nick kept looking over at me chuckling, but I didn’t care at this point. I need to make sure that Shannon was okay. It would really kill me if something happened to her.

  By the time she opened the door, relief flooded me. I didn’t think about anything other than making sure she was really okay. The minute she came into view, I pulled her into my arms. My heart was hammering in my chest. I pressed kiss after kiss on her head when really I wanted to claim her mouth and her heart forever.

  “Damn, Shannon. I was so fucking worried about you. Are you okay?”

  Pulling from my embrace, she says flatly, “I’m fine. What are you doing here?”

  “I brought Nick to look at what we need to do to bring your house up to code.” I was kind of hurt by her asking.

  “Hey Shannon. Good to see you’re okay. He practically dragged me out of his house this morning to get over here,” Nick says, smirking and I want to hit him.

  “Oh, um, sure. Jackson can you show him around right now. I’ll go get dressed.”

  It was then that I noticed that she was only in a pair of shorts that barely covered her ass and a tight tank top. As she ran away, a growl escaped me.

  “What the fuck is up with you man?” Nick asked.

  “Yeah as if you don’t know.”

  “I don’t.
What was that all about?” He asks as we walk outside to start the estimation.

  Sighing. “I thought she was in trouble last night then she didn’t answer the door and it worried me even more. I had to get over here to make sure she was okay.”

  “But why man? I understand y’all are friends and you’re attached to the boys, but it just seems a little extreme.” He said crouching down by the base of the front windows.

  “I love her,” I say softly.

  I watch Nick tense up. “You what?”

  Rolling my eyes, “Please don’t make me say it again.” I ground out.

  “Dude, I’m sorry.” He said standing up.

  “What?” It wasn’t exactly the response I expected.

  “I didn’t know. I got a hold of Jake last night for Scott so he has her number and address. I had no idea that you had feelings for her. Man, I’m so sorry.”

  Shaking my head sadly, “Don’t worry about it. I can’t have her. She deserves to be happy. I’ll just love her from afar. It’s safer that way.”

  Nick looks at me confused. “Why is it safer?”

  “Don’t worry about it. It just is. So, I noticed the warped siding here.” I bent down showing him. I needed off the subject.

  Nick sighs and we start going around the house. When we got to the boys playroom they ran to me hugging me. If Scott and Shannon hit it off, I’d miss spending all the time with the guys. There was no way I could come around and watch him hold the woman I love, kiss her, sleep with her. Jealousy boiled hot and heavy in my stomach. Was I mad at Shannon for going? No. She doesn’t know I love her. I won’t tell her either.

  The time flies by as I walk around the house with Nick. It wasn’t until we had only one room left that I hesitated asking about. It was her parents’ room. Nick needs to see the complete damage because this room will need to be upgraded to. After some tears, she gives me the key and runs out of the room. I explained to Nick what the room was and his head hung sadly.

  “I’ll make it as quick as possible.”

  We were walking into the living room moments later. Shannon sat on the couch with her legs pulled up to her chest with her forehead resting on her knees. Sitting down next to her, I run my hand up and down her back. She leans into me resting her head on my shoulder. Taking a deep breath, I just soaked up the feeling of having her in my arms. When I caught sight of Nick out of the corner of my eyes and saw the sadness on his face, I knew it was for both of us. Each of us in love with women that we can’t have.

  “Shannon, can I talk to you about what I’ve found?”

  She nodded her head, but didn’t lift it up. I was grateful for that. It gave me a moment to reflect on. A moment where I can pretend she was mine.

  “Okay. All the windows need replaced. They are the old single pane windows. There is water damage below every single window, even the ones in your basement. This means that I’m going to have to take down all your drywall and hope that there isn’t mold behind there. Many of the joists in the floor need replaced. The front door and porch need redone. The electrical is seriously outdated and a major concern for me. The plumbing isn’t as far behind but still needs updated…”

  He kept going with his list of what he found wrong. However, his concern about the electrical had me on guard. If it was bad enough that my brother has mentioned it twice now, I don’t want them here.

  “That sounds like a lot of work. We can’t stay here can we?” Nick shook his head. “Doesn’t really matter. Thank you for telling me all this, but I can’t afford it.”

  He clears his throat and looks at me. I nod my head. “It’s already been paid in full. Plus I’d like to offer some suggestions to offer you some more room and make it less of a fire hazard. With everything closed off like this, it really is a hazard.”

  She sat up straight and coughed. “Already paid for!” She exclaimed. “How?”

  Nick’s eyes move in my direction and I slightly shake my head. He leans forward. “It’s confidential, but I can tell you that you have enough to do this safety plan that I strongly urge you do.”

  I cupped her face in my hand, turning her head toward me. “I already told you that you could stay at my place until it was finished. I have more than enough room.” When she started to protest. “I insist. We’ll get you all settled in tomorrow. I’ll even stay and help you pack up what you need tonight when you get back.”

  Nick left saying they’d start work on Monday. He told me he was sorry again for giving Scott her information, but he had no idea. Smiling sadly, it did hurt that she was going out, but since I can’t have her, I can’t hold her back from being happy. Scott had her laughing. From what I know of him, Scott was a good guy. He’d be good for her. Damn, if only things were different and she could be mine.

  “Hey? Where’d you go? You looked really sad.”

  “Huh? Oh, just thinking,” I mumble.

  “I’m a good listener if you want to talk,” she says softly.

  “Thanks beautiful. Same goes for me, you know? I’m here if you need me.”

  “You’re the only one in this house that is talking to me right now,” she says sadly.

  Wrapping my arms around her, “What do you mean?”

  “The boys aren’t talking to me because of last night.”

  “What happened last night? I was so scared when you didn’t answer your door last night or my texts.”

  She pulls back and looks at me, “Why? I mean we’re just friends, right?” She practically hisses before standing up. “I’ve got to get ready. Scott will be here in an hour” She didn’t even look at me, just walked away.

  It was the way she said the friends that something clicked inside of me. Something was changing. Something big. No matter how much I reasoned, I couldn’t stop it.

  Walking down the hall, I went into the playroom to find the boys looking sad. “Hey guys, what’s wrong?”

  “Jack!” They squealed.

  After their excitement calmed down a bit, I sat on the couch. “Sissy tells me you’re not talking to her. Why not?”

  “She made us leave when we were having fun,” Sebastian said, quietly.

  “She yelled at us,” Atreyu said just as quietly.

  Taking a deep breath, “Guys, your sister has a lot going on right now. She shouldn’t have yelled, but sometimes adults do things they don’t mean when they are overwhelmed by something. I bet you she is really sorry.”

  We sat and talked for a bit longer before they wanted to play a game. I have to say I was kind of getting addicted to this Minecraft game. It was so simple, but yet so damn intriguing.

  “Hey, I know you guys aren’t talking to me, but I’m going out. Jack’s going to stay with you…”

  “Damn,” I breathe. “You look breathtaking.” I had to shift in my seat and pray she doesn’t see my body’s reaction to her.

  She blushes. Shannon had put the sides of her hair up and curled it. She wore a little make-up and had a tight low cut white shirt with a jacket thing over it. A cute little black skirt and heels finished her outfit. Damn, my chest tightens and again a feeling of change washes over me.

  “Thank you. Take care of them please. I’ll be home soon.”

  This night was going to drag!

  “It is not!”

  “Hey! What is going on?”

  “Why is she going out?”

  “Because Scott asked her on a date.”

  “But it doesn’t make sense.” Sebastian says, shaking is head.

  “What doesn’t?”

  “She is happy with you. Then last night while she was in her room, she’s listening to a song about love, saying she has to get over you.”

  My heart stopped.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Shannon

  Seeing Jack’s reaction to the way I looked really lifted my mood. But it kind of fell flat when Scott showed up. It wasn’t that he was rude or inconsiderate, but it just wasn’t the reaction I had hoped to get. Conversation flowed between us
easily, just as it had last night. Scott was a good guy and I did enjoy my time with him, but I got a sense of him not being ready for anything serious. Which I was okay with, but I wasn’t the jump in bed right away kind of woman.

  So as we walk up to the door at the end of the night, my heart hammered in my chest.

  “Thank you for tonight, Scott. I had fun.”

  “I enjoyed myself too.” He takes my hands in his. “You’re a lot of fun to be around.”

  “Goodnight, Scott.” I turn to go inside, but he pulls my hand, spins me around and kisses me.

  I pull away quickly. “I’m sorry Scott…”

  “I know, but you can’t blame me for trying,” he says with a smirk.

  “You know?”

  “I’m not a blind man, Shannon. I just hoped I might have a chance. I’m not angry, though.” He leans in and kisses my cheek again. “Thank you. If you need anything, I’m only a phone call away.” Smiling, he turns and walks away.

  I walk inside to a quiet house. Instead of going and checking on the boys, I walked out the back door and stood outside looking up at the sky. Everything was washing over me.

  “Am I not meant to be happy?” I said to the empty yard.

  Looking around, everything just felt so empty anymore. How did I get here? Why is it that I’m in love with a guy that cannot seem to love me back? Frustrated, I walked back inside. Slipping off my shoes, I walked down the hall when I saw the light in the living room on.

  “Hey, boys asleep?” I whispered when I walked in.

  “Yeah,” was all he said.

  Walking over, I sat at the other end of the couch. “Okay. Um, you don’t have to stay if you don’t want to. I…”

  My sentence was cut short as Jackson pulled me to him and slammed his mouth down on mine. Holy shit! But just as fast as it happened, he pulled away and stood up pacing back and forth.

  “I’m sorry. I’m sorry…”

  I flew up off the couch, angrier than I’ve ever been. “You are unbelievable! God!” Storming over to him, I pushed him in the shoulder. “I went out on a date with a perfectly nice guy, but I couldn’t do anything beyond that because I’m so fucking stupid to be in love with a guy that hurts me on a daily basis because I’m not good enough for him.”