When the Stars Sang

by Caren J. Werlinger

  “Not today.” She opened the rear car door, and Blossom leapt inside. She put her backpack on the passenger seat.

  She had to scrape the windshield while the defroster blasted air from inside. Once she could see, she drove into town, careful on curves as the headlights pierced the darkness, and the road twisted and wound. The lights were on at the diner and the market as she drove past them to the marina.

  Molly was already there. She waved a greeting from the deck of a medium-sized boat, its engine idling. The marina’s office door opened, spilling an elongated rectangle of yellow light into the darkness. Joe stepped out with all three of his sons, almost walking into Kathleen. Aidan nodded curtly and immediately went to a larger fishing boat.

  “Morning,” Joey said.

  “Good morning,” Kathleen said.

  “Hey, Mo!” Matty called. “Be sure to tell Brandi I’ll be over to see her as soon as I can.”

  “Be careful,” Joey said. “She might like Mo better.” He slapped his brother on the back.

  Matty frowned, apparently thinking about this. “On second thought,” he said, “stay away from her.”

  “Not my type, Matty,” Molly said.

  “How do you know?”

  “If she likes you, she’s not my type.”

  Joey doubled over, guffawing.

  Even Joe chuckled. “She’s got you there.”

  Kathleen and Blossom walked down the wharf toward Molly’s boat.

  Joe supervised Joey and Matty loading their gear while Aidan finished fueling the boat. “Be careful out there.”

  “He says that to them every morning,” Molly said.

  Blossom jumped into the boat, sniffing everything. Kathleen hesitated.

  “Anything wrong?” Molly asked.

  “No.”

  Kathleen steeled herself and stepped onto the boat’s side. Molly reached a hand up to steady her. Without thinking, Kathleen took it. She hopped down, and Molly released her hand slowly.

  “You look kind of pale,” Molly said. “You sure you’re okay? You don’t get seasick, do you?”

  “It’s just… except for the ferry here, this is the first boat I’ve been on since…”

  “Oh.”

  “Mo,” Joe said.

  She went to the rail. He pulled his wallet out and handed her some money, speaking in a low voice.

  “I will,” Molly said, pocketing the bills.

  “Have a good day.” Joe gave Blossom a rough rub. “Sorry, old man.”

  Blossom wagged his tail in response as Joe untied the line from the cleat and gave the boat a shove with his foot.

  “Be safe.”

  “I will, Dad.”

  Molly pointed toward a short set of stairs leading down. “You’ll be warmer inside the cabin. It’s small, but there are a couple of bunks. And I promise, I’ll be careful. We should have calm water.”

  Kathleen gave a self-conscious laugh. “I trust you. And I’ll stay up here. If you have to be in the cold, we can, too.”

  Molly watched her for a heartbeat and then nodded. “Okay. I have extra blankets under that seat. You two can wrap up. I figured Blossom might be chilled coming out of his procedure this afternoon.”

  Kathleen was touched that she had thought of that. “Thank you.”

  She stowed her backpack and settled into one of the seats, pulling on her hat and gloves. Blossom roamed from one side of the boat to the other as Molly eased the boat away from the dock and out into the island’s small bay. Kathleen kept hold of his leash, afraid he might get spooked and jump into the water, but he soon curled up on a folded blanket at her feet. She covered him with another blanket, and he propped his head on her foot.

  Kathleen took a deep breath. If he can relax, so can you.

  As if she could sense Kathleen’s anxiety, Molly turned to her from where she stood at the wheel.

  “There are life jackets just there.” She pointed to a stack of orange life vests Kathleen hadn’t noticed. “And Mom packed us a basket of food—muffins and cookies. I could use some coffee if you don’t mind.”

  “Sure.”

  Kathleen tugged her gloves off and opened the basket to find a couple of covered travel mugs full of hot coffee. She handed Molly a mug. “What do you want to eat?”

  “Anything. I’m not fussy.”

  Kathleen plucked a muffin from the basket. “I think this one’s blueberry.”

  “That’s great. Thanks.”

  Kathleen took her seat with a cookie and a mug of coffee. She watched Molly guide the boat past a buoy marking the entrance to the bay. Once past, Molly sat down and slid the throttle. The boat picked up speed. Overhead, the stars still winked down at them.

  “How can you see?”

  Molly glanced back. “I’ve got GPS, but I’ve been doing this trip my whole life. All of us have. Sun won’t be up for an hour. If you want to take a nap, go ahead.”

  Kathleen finished her cookie. Clamping her coffee between her knees, she slipped her hands back into her gloves and wiggled back in her seat. Her gloves hid her white knuckles as the boat bounced gently over the swells. Behind them the sky began to lighten, and the stars faded.

  Molly looked back again. “You okay?”

  Kathleen gave a tight nod.

  The sun broke over the horizon behind them, bathing them in golden light. She watched Molly, her knit cap pulled over her head, a hooded sweatshirt snugged around her neck with a down vest over top. Scarred leather gloves warmed her hands, and faded jeans hugged her thighs. It couldn’t have been more opposite the way Susannah would have dressed, she realized. Kathleen caught herself admiring the lean curves.

  There was something about Molly’s quiet confidence, her ease at the wheel, her slight adjustments of speed to smooth the roughness of the ride, the firm set of her jaw—Kathleen felt herself relax into the seat. Some of the questions she’d had about Molly seemed to have been answered that morning.

  “So, you’re into women, and your family is okay with it?”

  Molly glanced back at her. “Yes and yes.”

  When she didn’t offer anything further, Kathleen wondered if that meant she didn’t want to talk about it. She really had no right to pry, so she was surprised to hear herself ask, “When you went to Portland a couple of weeks ago, was it to meet someone?”

  She thought maybe Molly was smiling, but she didn’t turn around this time, so it was hard to tell.

  “Well, not a specific someone,” Molly said. Kathleen had to listen hard to catch her voice over the loud hum of the motor and the wind in her ears. “I went to try and meet someone but… It didn’t work out.”

  For some reason, that made Kathleen happy. She sipped her coffee, thinking about what Olivia and Louisa had told her about the islanders’ acceptance of those who preferred their own sex.

  As the sun rose fully, Big Sister came into view. Kathleen sat up a little straighter.

  “Are those all hotels?”

  Molly shook her head. “Houses.”

  “Houses? They’re huge.”

  Molly half-turned toward her, keeping an eye on the water ahead of them. “That’s what happens when you let offlanders buy up all the land. They try to claim all the beaches and prime building sites, make them private. It’s disgusting.”

  Kathleen shifted forward. The enormous east-facing windows reflected the sun. “Your ancestors were so wise, to keep this from happening on Little Sister.”

  “Our ancestors.”

  Kathleen blinked. Molly was right. She sat back again, her throat suddenly tight. She pressed a hand to her chest where something now burned, a realization that chased away the morning chill. I’m one of them.

  Chapter 7

  THE SHOPKEEPERS OF BIG SISTER Island were beginning to stir as Kathleen and Molly left the marina with Blossom trotting between them. Kathleen’s head swiveled as she looked from side to side of the main street.

  “Is this the only shopping area?”

  “No.” Molly
checked for traffic, and they crossed the street. “This island is probably three times the size of Little Sister. They’ve got a dozen developments with shops and restaurants all over the island. Seems like every year there’s a new one.”

  She led the way through a little maze of side streets to a neat white building with a sign out front announcing it was the Big Sister Veterinary Clinic. She opened the door to allow Kathleen and Blossom through. Kathleen introduced herself to the front desk staff. They all cooed over Blossom, who grinned up at the attention. She filled out the paperwork.

  “He was a stray,” she said as she got to a space on the form for age. “I don’t know how old he is.”

  “Dr. Steve will examine him and give you some idea,” said the receptionist. “Hi, Molly. How’s Minnow?”

  “She’s fine,” Molly said. “Mom will probably get her over here for a checkup in the spring.”

  One of the techs came out to take Blossom’s leash. Kathleen dropped to one knee to plant a kiss on his head.

  “Don’t worry. We’ll take good care of him.” The tech pulled gently on the leash, and Blossom followed her through a door into the back.

  Kathleen stood staring after them. Molly tugged on her sleeve.

  “Come on. He’ll be fine.”

  Kathleen followed Molly back out into a brilliant fall morning.

  “What would you like to do?” Molly asked. “We’ve got several hours to kill before you can pick him up.”

  Kathleen hooked a thumb at her backpack. “I brought a laptop and a book. I figured you would have friends or customers you need to see while you’re here.”

  Molly shook her head. “The only thing I need to do is get a few gifts for Mom. Since everyone on Little Sister sees the same stuff in our shops, it’s hard to surprise anyone. So if one of us is going somewhere, she asks us to pick up a few things. Come on. No work today. Besides, I need help.” She pulled a list out of her pocket. “I have no idea what to get Olivia and Louisa.”

  “Your dad gave you money, too.”

  “Yeah,” Molly said. “He wants me to pick something up for Mom.”

  “Don’t sound so glum. That’s nice.” Kathleen smiled. “Your folks are really sweet.”

  “I guess they are. I’m just not much of a shopper.” Molly glanced over hopefully. “So you’ll help?”

  Kathleen shrugged her backpack straps higher on her shoulders. “A shopping holiday then.”

  “Good.” Molly gave an exaggerated sigh of relief. “There’s a cool lighthouse here, too. I haven’t been there in years.”

  Kathleen fell into step beside her. “Why doesn’t Little Sister have a lighthouse?”

  “The waters around us have sharp underwater rocks. Big boats and ships have to take a wide detour around us or they’ll founder and sink.”

  “Like the ship our ancestors came from?”

  “Yeah. There are lighted buoys now to warn them.”

  “Let’s go to the lighthouse first, then. Before we’re loaded down with packages.”

  Molly led the way, pointing out various points of interest as they walked. Kathleen enjoyed playing tourist, making note of some shops they should visit later. The hike, combined with the sun’s thin November warmth, was enough to have them soon yanking off hats and gloves, and unzipping jackets and vests.

  “Here,” Kathleen said, shrugging off her backpack. “We can put everything in here.”

  “Okay, but I’ll carry it now.” Molly tugged against Kathleen’s grip on the straps. “I promise I’ll take care of your laptop, but you shouldn’t have to carry everything.”

  Kathleen surrendered, and Molly slid the straps over her own shoulders as they made their way toward a rocky promontory with a squat, round lighthouse perched on it. The red brick was painted with two white stripes wrapped around it horizontally.

  “It looks like a rook,” Kathleen said.

  “A bird?”

  “No, a chess rook. Like a little castle.”

  Molly stopped and tilted her head. “I guess it does. It’s not the highest lighthouse, but it has stood here for over a hundred fifty years. A lot of lighthouses have been lost or had to be moved as their base is eroded by the sea.”

  Nearby was a quaint, white clapboard house.

  “That was the keeper’s house. Now it’s the gift shop.” Molly handed the backpack to Kathleen. “Be right back.”

  She returned a moment later with two tickets.

  “You didn’t have to do that,” Kathleen said.

  “You can buy me a drink later.” She slipped the backpack onto her shoulders.

  They entered the lighthouse and climbed its spiral staircase, the cast iron treads and rail coated in many layers of black paint. Kathleen was out of breath by the time they got to the top. Molly wasn’t breathing hard at all, despite the weight of the backpack.

  “I may have to start working out harder,” Kathleen said ruefully.

  “I could teach you to row,” Molly said. She immediately looked stricken. “I am so sorry.”

  She followed Kathleen out onto the lighthouse’s balcony.

  “It’s not your fault,” Kathleen said. “You don’t need to watch every word you say around me.”

  “I know, but…”

  “I’ve watched you.” She flushed as she realized what that sounded like. “Rowing, I mean, and wondered what it’s like.”

  “I love it. That feeling of being out on the water by myself. No one needing anything from me, no phones, just me and my body providing the power.”

  For several minutes, they stood shoulder to shoulder, looking out at the ocean below them. A light breeze blew, playing with their hair.

  “Before, when we were talking about my parents,” Molly began hesitantly, “you sounded… I don’t know, kind of wistful. Sad.”

  Kathleen didn’t respond right away. “I would give a lot to have a family like yours.”

  “I know you lost your brother, but aren’t you close to your parents? I would think they’d hang on even tighter to you after…”

  From the corner of her eye, Kathleen saw Molly watching her. She wandered around the lighthouse, taking in the views of the island. Molly followed.

  “I’ve been on Little Sister for over a month,” Kathleen said. “And they just noticed.”

  Molly opened her mouth and closed it, clearly at a loss for what to say.

  “Don’t get me wrong,” Kathleen said. “Part of it’s my fault. I don’t call or go to see them very often, so there’s nothing unusual about us going months without speaking.”

  “What about the woman you were with? You said you left. That must have been rough.”

  Kathleen sighed. “You’d think so, wouldn’t you?”

  “Wasn’t it?”

  “Not as hard as it should have been.”

  “What did she do to you?”

  “Who said she did anything to me?”

  “Well, someone did something. That’s a lot of years to walk away from.”

  Kathleen’s cheeks burned. “Maybe it wasn’t her. Maybe it was me.”

  Molly studied her with narrowed eyes. “No.”

  “No what?”

  “She cheated. Or lied. Or both.”

  Kathleen walked away around the lighthouse. It’s like my life. I can walk away, but I keep circling back to the same place.

  Another couple climbed up to the balcony, his arm around her as they looked out over what probably was a really romantic view, Kathleen realized. Molly kept her distance. The couple ambled around the balcony, smiling and nodding at Kathleen, and then descended the spiral stairs again.

  Molly came to her. “Sorry. Didn’t mean to pry.”

  “It’s not you,” Kathleen said. She shook her head. “Love can die a slow death. It doesn’t always come in a huge blow that breaks your heart. It can die a little at a time, small pricks to your heart that leave you bleeding until, one day, it just stops. And you can’t remember if you ever had a heart.”

 
; Molly leaned with her back to the balcony railing, her arms crossed. “But what was the source of all those pricks?”

  Kathleen bit her lip. She scuffed the toe of her sneaker over the grid of the balcony floor. “Have you ever thought you could save someone? If you could just love her enough, you could make everything else better?”

  Molly waited without answering.

  “I met Susannah in college. I fell for her immediately, and I just never went away. She tried to push me away. But I knew, that’s not what she really wanted. It was a test, of how much I cared. So I stayed. No matter what she said or did, or what her family said or did, I was always there. But after fourteen goddamned years…”

  “I thought you said you lived with her for twelve years.”

  “Two in college, twelve after.”

  Kathleen turned away, lifting her glasses to wipe her sleeve across her eyes. Molly was still studying her.

  “The other person has to want to be saved,” Molly said softly. “You can’t do it for her.”

  Kathleen tried to smile but couldn’t quite pull it off. “And she doesn’t want it. She told me, for the hundredth time, to get the hell out, but when I did…”

  “Now she wants you back.”

  Kathleen nodded.

  “For what, if nothing has changed?”

  Kathleen snorted. “Good question.”

  Molly was quiet for so long, Kathleen risked a glance in her direction.

  “What are you going to do?” Molly asked.

  Kathleen felt trapped by those eyes staring into her, into her soul it seemed…

  Voices echoed from inside the lighthouse. A moment later, four children erupted from its staircase, racing around the circular balcony, shouting and chasing one another.

  Kathleen turned and led the way back down the stairs.

  MOLLY DELIBERATELY KEPT THE conversation light as they roamed more of the island. She let Kathleen buy her an ice cream cone, and they had lunch at The Lobster Pot, where they did meet Brandi.

  “My brother, Matty, says hi,” Molly told her as she brought their drinks and took their order.

  “Oh,” Brandi said, her eyes lighting up. “Is he by any chance coming to Big Sister any time soon?”

  “Depends on the catch,” Molly said. “He said he’d come when he can.”