Tell No One

by Jeff Vrolyks

“It’s not bad, yet,” she said, “but it will be. And I’m out of Advil.”

  “I have those pain killers in the truck. My dad prefers Ibuprofen and didn’t want them. Want one?”

  “That’s a narcotic,” she said, as if he didn’t know.

  “Yeah, and…?”

  “They weren’t prescribed to me, I can’t take them.”

  Theo rolled his eyes. “If Doctor Gerhart did prescribe them to you, would you take one right now?”

  “Probably. It’s going to be a bad one.”

  “Do you know how ridiculous that sounds to me? You’re in pain, you need something, and I can help. Let me get you one. Just one pill. I want you to enjoy your evening, and you won’t with a headache.”

  “I guess. It won’t make me feel funny, will it?”

  “Not if you take just one. I broke my pinky once and took two, felt a little buzzed. One shouldn’t do anything to you but kill the pain.”

  “Does it work good?”

  “Like gangbusters.”

  She assented with a nod, opened the oven and checked on the pizza. Theo said he’d be right back and dashed out of the house to the truck, returned in the same minute. The coffee was gurgling and hissing, and when he entered the kitchenette he could already smell it and it smelled divine. Hot coffee when you’re cold and wet… it doesn’t get any better than that. Well, sipping it beside a sweetheart, perhaps. He handed her a pill and she popped it in her mouth, cupped water under the facet and slurped it down.

  “There are about a dozen more in the ashtray of the truck, if you want them for future headaches.”

  “Ashtray!” She grimaced. “Eww, why would you give me one?”

  “My dad uses ashtrays as a trash receptacle. It’s a brand new truck, no ashes or trash in it yet, except those pills.”

  “Oh, okay. The pizza is ready. Would you like more Coke? Or wait for coffee?”

  “Coffee, that sounds great.”

  She turned the oven to warm and went to the couch, sat on her tucked legs again. She patted the cushion beside her gamely. He obeyed her and took the seat. He mindlessly patted just above her nearest knee. She took his hand in hers and squeezed it affectionately. He didn’t think she was giving it any thought, but he sure was. His hand remained there in hers. It’s a tell-tale sign of interest, and she was probably too naïve to know it. Maybe with Mormons friends hold hands. It was a possibility. God how he loved her touch. Even one so benign as a hand on his. She was staring off into space. He asked what she was thinking about.

  “How well do you remember ten years ago, in the mine?”

  “Too well. That’s how much.”

  “Hmm. It’s just…” she looked over at him, his eyes attentively on hers. “Never mind.”

  “No way. Tell me.”

  “Didn’t it seem like we found the body awfully fast? Maybe I’m mistaken, but I thought it was a longer walk from the body to the entrance of the mine. I guess it’s hard to say, being that it happened so long ago.”

  Theo was now staring vacantly through her. “Huh, that’s interesting. We didn’t go very deep into the mine today, did we?”

  “Kinda-sorta.” Then, “Not really.”

  “The cart was rolling for a good ways before we struck him. We descended that slope almost all the way down. Oh well, it doesn’t matter. It probably seemed farther because we were small, took shorter steps, walked slower.”

  “Yeah, that’s what it is.” Her forefinger stroked back and forth over his fingers. “Hey, to change the subject, will you be coming out for Memorial Day this year? That’s a couple months from now.”

  “I may. Why do you ask? Would you like me to?”

  “I would. As long as you behave.”

  “Then I’ll give it some consideration. My dad would love that. There’s no way I’d stay a month, but maybe for a few days.”

  She turned his hand over, palm up, and laced her fingers between his. He looked down at the conjoined hands.

  “That would be fantastic,” she said, squeezing his hand for punctuation. “My dad could come along, he’d love that. We could have a contest for the biggest fish. I bet Matthew would love it, too. He’s never fly fished, and he wants me to teach him how.”

  Theo’s heart sank. “Matthew, huh?”

  She frowned at him. “You don’t want to befriend him? I think you’d like him.”

  “This is going to sound mean, but I’ll never like him. If you weren’t his, maybe I would. I’m jealous, so it probably wouldn’t be a good idea to bring him.”

  “You hardly know me,” she said. “How could you be jealous of him?”

  “I don’t know, I just am.”

  “Okay, I won’t invite him.”

  “Carmen, maybe you and I have different ideas of what qualifies as affection, intimacy, but…” He looked down at their hands. She then did the same. “You holding my hand like this… it does something to me. Something I can’t properly explain. I feel it in my chest.”

  “We’re just holding hands, what’s the big deal?”

  “It’s not a big deal, but yet it is. My mind knows you aren’t interested in me, but my heart wonders, when it feels what I’m feeling now.”

  “It’s comforting, that’s all. And I like you.”

  “Would you hold Doctor Gerhart’s hand like that? Or Candice from Clyde’s Pizza?”

  “No, I don’t like them like that.”

  “And you say you like me,” he said inwardly. “You’re sending me mixed messages.”

  “Sorry.” She let go of his hand.

  “Be honest with me. If I moved here would you consider dating me?”

  “If I was available, yes.”

  “Couldn’t you be available just for this evening? Here me out. You two haven’t defined your relationship yet, so you wouldn’t be cheating if we kissed. It’s killing me inside, Carmen, you don’t know how badly I want to kiss you.”

  “Kissing leads to other things. Things I will not do until I’m married.”

  “It can but it won’t. I pushed you almost completely out of my memory all those years ago, and when I saw you again the memories came back. In the cart we kissed, and it was the most amazing thing ever.”

  “Twice. Twice we kissed in the cart. And once more after you cut my hand.”

  “We did it then and we’ll do it now. What do you think?”

  She watched herself put a hand on his. “Just one?”

  “Just one.” His heart was thrumming, mouth dry.

  “This won’t change anything. I’m still seeing Matthew,” she said as a disclaimer.

  “I know.”

  “Okay.” She leaned to him.

  “Not like this,” he said. “If it’s just one, I want it to be perfect.”

  He stood up, brought her to a stand with their locked hands. He took her other hand in his, pulled her into his chest. Her big blue eyes were inches below his and peering up. He thought she looked nervous. Her gaze flashed between his mouth and eyes. He let go of her hands, put them at the small of her back, considered a moment before going under the back of her sweat-shirt and resting them on the skin of her lower back. She flinched as they were cold against her warm flesh. He loved the feel of her satin-soft skin, swept his hands up and down. She appeared indecisive where to put her hands. They went up, down, then settled on his broad shoulders.

  They didn’t close their eyes. Not at first. They were slits, hers blue to his brown. Their lips touched, eyes closed. His spine tingled as her soft lips pressed lightly against his. Together they tilted their heads to afford a closer kiss; he opened her mouth with his. They breathed their warm humid breaths into one another. His hands slid up her back. He pressed his mouth fully and eagerly against hers. She moaned almost imperceptibly, the vibrations teasing his lips and tongue. Her hands glided to the nape of his neck, then the back of his head; she pressed him into her. She canted her head and took to kissing him in that new angle, tasting him as he was tasting her. He felt her exhala
tions becoming more and more rapid. Her chest was against his, expanding deeper and deeper with each breath. He would have remained there kissing her until dawn if she didn’t put an end to it some timeless moment later.

  She pulled away slowly, mouth still pursed, eyes heavy and distant. Her lips were wet with saliva. By degrees her eyes opened and the dreaming sensation dissipated. Once they were wide and clear, she embraced him in a hug, head on his shoulder.

  “Wow,” she murmured. “I’ve never experienced anything like that.”

  “Nor have I. Forgive me when I say that I hope it doesn’t work out between you and him.”

  “Is it the devil whispering in my ear, telling me that I hope things don’t work out between Matthew and me too?”

  “Your devil is my angel.”

  “My body is tingling all over. Is that the pill? Or me?”

  “I hope it’s not the pill. I feel it too, and I haven’t taken one.”

  She took a step back from him, shaking her head narrowly. “My mind and body are not in agreement right now.”

  He took a step forward, erasing the distance she had gained. “What are they telling you?”

  “My mind remembers Matthew. My body doesn’t, and wants to know you better.”

  “Your body…?” he said and took her hands, “or your heart?”

  “I… I don’t know. Both.”

  “It isn’t a bad thing, Carmen. I’ll keep my word and not pursue another kiss, but I’ll be hoping for another.”

  She closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and walked into the kitchenette. Theo watched her. She poured the coffee in two mugs, asked if he wanted cream and sugar: no, black was fine. She brought the cookie-sheet of pizza from the oven to the coffee table, then the coffee. They sat close to each other, knees kissing, and ate.

  “Will you tell Matthew about this?” he said after swallowing his first bite.

  “Are you kidding? No way.”

  “Honesty is the best policy, they say.”

  “You want me to tell him so he won’t want to see me anymore.”

  “Yeah, that’s true. Sorry.” He sipped his coffee and stuffed pizza in his mouth.

  “I didn’t know it could be like that,” she said, and bashfully looked over at him. “A kiss. You’re really good at it.”

  “It wasn’t me. It was us.”

  “It wasn’t like that with Matthew.”

  “Because you aren’t meant to be with Matthew.” He stopped short of saying she was meant to be with him.

  She didn’t respond to that, simply took a bite of pizza and drifted her eyes around the house, absorbing nothing and remembering everything. Finally she said, “I can only imagine what it must be like, if we took it farther; took it all the way.”

  “I don’t want to think about it,” he said. “That’s a painful thought.”

  “Does the body know something the mind doesn’t? Does the heart plead with the mind to see things its way? If so, can it be the wiser of the two? Can it be right?”

  “Do you want my biased opinion?” He took a bite of pizza.

  “I guess not. Maybe it was a mistake kissing you. I wasn’t expecting to feel like this.”

  He wanted to respond but had a mouth full of pizza.

  “No,” she decided. “It wasn’t a mistake. I’m glad I experienced that. With you.” She grinned at him, then went for her coffee.

  “Me too.”

  “I have to use the restroom. Be right back.” She stood up and swooned slightly. “Oh wow.”

  “Medicine kicking in?”

  She took a few steps toward the bathroom, looked back at Theo with a wide grin, the kind reserved for drunkards. “I guess so. That or the kiss has an escalating effect.”

  “No, it’s the pill. You must be a light-weight. I don’t feel just one.”

  She went inside the bathroom. When she returned she faltered to the couch, plopped down beside Theo. It dawned on him why she was like this. “You know what?—I just remembered Doctor Gerhart saying they were ten milligrams, that’s twice the normal ones. So you basically took two. And what do you weigh, a buck-seventy, a buck-ninety?”

  She exaggerated a gasp and pinched him on the arm. “I weight a lot less than that, thank you.”

  “You probably weigh fifty pounds less than me. That makes a difference in medicine, too.”

  “You jerk, you drugged me.” Her tone said she didn’t mind.

  “You accepted it. I’m sorry it was a higher dose than it needed to be. The headache is gone, though, right?”

  “Oh yeah, it’s dead. It was gone when we kissed.”

  “Outstanding. Would you like me to give you the other pills? For use at another time?”

  “No, I don’t ever want to take one again. I like this too much. Not good, Theodore, not good at all. Teddy Graham.”

  Theo chuckled. “People call me that, but you were calling me it almost a decade before the rest.”

  “It’s a cute name. My sweet little Teddy.” She took a bite of pizza and chewed it with a smile. Her eyes were glassy.

  “You’re funny.”

  She swallowed, frowned. “Theo…? Would you consider changing faiths? To Mormon?”

  “No, why?”

  “Because my parents would never approve of us otherwise. Nor would the church.”

  “Us?” he said thickly. “There’s an us?”

  “No, I’m just speculating. If there was.”

  “I’m a Christian, always will be. But since I’m not a good one, I’d lie to your family and say I was Mormon, perhaps. If it meant being with you.”

  She still had pizza in her mouth when she moved in to kiss him, grease on her lips and a little on the sides of her mouth. Theo didn’t mind and accepted the kiss gratefully. She swallowed the food before opening her mouth on his. He allowed himself the pleasure of her offering for a moment before ending it.

  “Don’t do that,” she said with playful reproach.

  “I’m not going to take advantage of you in this state.”

  “Montana?”

  He laughed. “No, your state of mind. The medicine.”

  “I know what I’m doing is wrong. My moral compass tells me as much, but I can’t help myself.”

  “You’re giving that compass the finger, aren’t you?”

  She smiled and thrust a middle finger out. Then took another bite of pizza. Through it she said, “I’ll regret it tomorrow. I’ll ask forgiveness from God.”

  “And He’ll forgive you.”

  “Yes. So why should we stop at a kiss?” She said and winked at him.

  Theo decided to test her. “You’re right. Would you like to go to bed?”

  Her eyes widened, mouth stopped chewing. “Really?”

  “Would you?” He was expressionless.

  “Oh, probably not.” Another chew and stopped. “What’s it feel like?”

  “Are you wanting to know?”

  Another chew, swallow. She shrugged. It was a maybe. And that was enough to know that he shouldn’t stay there a second longer, or he’d do something they’d later regret.

  “I should get going,” he said, and took a big gulp of coffee before standing.

  “Why? I thought we were hanging out tonight?” She started on the second piece of pizza with a big bite.

  “Because you’re tempting me.”

  “Me? No, it’s the other way around. You are tempting me.”

  “Yes, and I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have given you the pill.”

  “It’s not the pill, Theo. It’s something more. Beyond attraction, beyond want, it’s need.”

  “It’s curiosity,” he said plainly. “And the pill. Call me tomorrow when you find out about Michael Reese Gibson.”

  “I’ll come home for lunch and call you. Gary will eavesdrop otherwise.”

  “Alright. Maybe we can get together tomorrow? My dad wanted all of us to get together over supper, maybe at your folks’ house. It’ll be my last night here.”

 
“Oh, that might be fun. Yes, I want to spend as much time with you as I can before you leave. In fact, be here when I get home at six-thirty.”

  “I’ll be here.”

  She wiped her mouth and left the couch, staggered a trifle on her way to hug him. “I’m so happy you came back into my life.”

  Theo reflected on how upset she was with him earlier today at her work, and wouldn’t have guessed in a million years she’d have uttered those words to him that same day.

  “Me too.”

  She kissed him again, with as much emotion and hunger as was their previous kiss. He put his hands on her lower back and drifted down to the swell of her butt. He thought it might have angered her if she wasn’t tipsy, and that made him feel guilty. But he couldn’t help it. If that was the worst thing that could be said about him this evening, he’d accept it gladly. He could have done some wicked-bad things. A little touching was innocent by comparison. That in mind, his hands went even lower until he wasn’t touching her back at all. He had a weakness for a nicely developed ass, and she wasn’t disappointing him in the slightest.

  Upon ending the kiss she said, “Those hands belong on a leash.”

  “Sorry.”

  “It’s okay. I’ve never been touched like that. A very unwholesome sensation. I mean, it makes my motor hum. And I don’t want my engine on.”

  Her words made him giggle, and he continued giggling as he stepped through the threshold into the rain. “Bye for now, Carmen.”

  “Bye, Teddy. I’ll be seeing you shortly, in my dreams tonight. And I’ll be sinning real good. But it won’t be my fault, you see? I’ll be dreaming.”

  He didn’t look back when he responded to her—a response without premeditation and directly from the heart. “Being with you is a dream. Goodnight.”

  Chapter Thirteen

  Carmen was seated behind the desk of the medical office, Doctor Gerhart in the seat before her, polishing his bifocals with his sweater. He asked if she knew Theo when they made the bet, the Fiesta Bowl bet. She said yes, but it had been ten years since they last saw each other. He wanted more details of how they became friends and the extent of their friendship. She told him all that yesterday but he wanted more details. It was too exciting not to know every last detail. He asked if she heard he was going in the draft this season, one of the top picks, and she had. He said Theo would made ten million a year probably. Maybe more. Imagine having that kind of money, he said.