The Heaven I Found In Hell

by Ashley Andrews

  "Alex, what you do now will affect your future, and the decisions you make that are not thought about carefully may lead to regret later on."

  "Wow, Nathan…" I said, mock-impressed. "I didn't know you were such an Einstein."

  "Alex…" He said in the same tone that kept telling me he was pissed but was just trying to hide it. I heard Anthony let out a sigh for the nth time tonight, but he didn't talk. I figured it was all Nathan in this, and Anthony was just pulled by Nathan to get me out of that whole kissing scene, judging by the way Nathan was being insightful all throughout the conversation while Anthony just agreed to the things his friend said.

  "Answer me this…what's ahead of you? I mean after you graduate and stuff." He said, resting a comforting hand on my lap. I let his hand linger there since it'd be rude of me if I swat it away, and besides…it was warm.

  "Modeling contracts…" I said, looking away from him, as I surveyed the bathroom.

  The design was very Earthy and Japanese-inspired. It was big compared to the usual bathrooms, but hey…this wasn't a usual bathroom. It was a comfortable room in the V.I.P section, only for the best. I laughed at that thought, and both the guys looked at me, confused. They must've thought I was an idiot to be laughing for no apparent reason.

  "I just thought of something…sorry." I said quickly, before they nodded apprehensively at me.

  "You're not taking this seriously…" Nathan said, getting uneasy for no apparent reason.

  He Indian-sat on the floor, but still remained near me. His head stayed looking up, so as not to break the eye contact we were having.

  "Yeah, I'm not. Because I get enough of this with my mom."

  "Your mom?" He asked, particularly wondering why I didn't just say parents.

  "Yes, only my mom, because she's the one always getting on my nerves, always telling me to think long-term, like you…" I said in an acidic tone.

  "Don't be like that…I'm sure she's just doing that because she -…"

  "Don't give me that crap, Nate." I said immediately, cutting him off.

  I, apparently, like the both of them, got surprised because I called Nathan Nate, which was a first for me. Maybe Anthony's reasons for getting astonished were different from mine, and my reasons were different from Nathan, but all of us still got taken aback. Anthony, who only spoke a word or two during this whole talk, decided to exit the bathroom.

  "I'll leave you two…" He started. "I feel insignificant."

  He opened the door, left, and closed it behind him, and Nathan and I stared at each other once again.

  Where were we again…?

  "Just stop acting like my mother, please?" I asked, hoping for a small nod and leave everything at that, but no. Heaven and all good things weren't on my side since Nathan just continued.

  "Your mom loves you…"

  "Is that why she sent me to boarding school?" I asked. "Huh?"

  "She just wants you to have the best future you can possibly have…"

  "Nathan we're getting way off topic. How did we get from talking about relationships and move on to my mother's love for me, which I haven't felt until now?"

  "The way you and your mother treat each other is a relationship…" He said, breathing heavily. I stood up from the toilet bowl and sat down on the floor beside him, so our gazes were at the same level.

  "And by the way you talked about your mom I could see that you don't take what you guys have seriously…"

  I gave him an 'hmph', before saying, "Look who's talking…you're acting like your parents are there for you 24/7. I know what kind of family you have, Nathan…"

  I saw anger in his eyes, as I continued.

  "Your parents are always away on business trips. They're never there on special occasions, but even when they are…they don't spend time with you. Am I right?"

  I furthered myself away from him when he spoke through gritted teeth.

  "Just shut up."

  I widened my eyes, and asked, "Weren't you the one giving me a sermon a while ago, and now you're telling me to 'shut up'?"

  Surprisingly he softened. Guessing that two angry people in a bathroom would be the perfect ingredients for chaos, he sighed (again), before he talked to me in a more good-natured way.

  "I…just…I didn't like it when I saw you oompa-loomping that stranger…" He said. Remembering the movie Charlie and The Chocolate Factory, the word oompa-loomping lightened the air around us, making me smile.

  "Were you jealous?" I asked, in a tone of apathy. Maybe I was curious, but I wasn't teasing him. I still didn't forget the part where he acted like he was older, and knew more about this world than I did. Both of us were eighteen, and he had been in boarding school for the past Lord-knows-how-long, while I had traveled the globe, meeting different kinds of people. By that, it sounded like I knew more to life, but maybe he had a few points…

  All the time I was globetrotting, all I cared about was modeling, money, and parties. I forgot about what real living was. But hey…I wasn't going to admit to him he's right and I'm wrong. No way…

  "As a friend, I consider you as someone special.”

  F-Y-I that didn't make me blush. I'm cold as a stone whenever angered.

  I simply glared at him.

  "And since you're my sister's roommate, I care for you more…and I want you to know I'm just doing this because I want to be a good friend…" He said, smiling.

  Was he trying to blind me and make me agree with him by smiling and telling me how much he cares blah, blah, blah…? A-hole.

  "Well F-Y-I…next time you want to be a good friend just let me kiss who I want to kiss…" I said, disdainfully. "Don't tell one of your friends to pull me out, okay?"

  I stood up from the floor, which I sat on, and wanted to leave, but he got a hold of my hand. He tried to pull me down, and when I didn't budge, he stood up, before he rested his hands on my shoulder.

  "Alex, you can't just kiss and leave, you know. People have feelings."

  "Well, this is what I call having fun, and if ever someone got hurt, it's his fault because he returned the kiss. It's his problem if he took it as something more than a hook-up."

  Nathan exhaled for the millionth time ever since our 'talk' started. He started to move in his place, and now, he couldn't look me in the eye. Why was he caring so much? We've only known each other for a week?

  "Are you never going to take anything, aside from your career, seriously?"

  He let go of his hands on my shoulders, as he let them fall lethargically beside his waist. The warmth I felt was now gone, and I was sort of missing his touch, or anyone's touch.

  I contemplated his question, but not very thoughtfully. "My answer's no, especially when it comes to dating…"

  He looked up from the floor, and once again focused his hazel-green eyes on me. I knew he wanted ask why, but he didn't want to come out as desperate or too meddlesome, so I just told him my reasonable and non-debatable answer, non-debatable according to me.

  "Of course you know I travel a lot…?"

  He nodded.

  "I don't believe in long-distance relationships, and I don't want to be with a guy a million miles away from me, while I'm in Paris, in a club, sipping cocktails with my girl friends, while we're surrounded by gorgeous models, actors, and heirs to million-dollar or even billion-dollar fortunes."

  I knew he understood what I was trying to say since he had that thoughtful look on his face. I nodded to myself, and continued.

  "I'm not being apathetic, insensitive, or ignorant of other people's feelings…I just don't want to keep myself, and the guy I'm dating hoping…hoping that it's going to work…because it won't."

  "Have you ever tried to make it work?" It was the first time he talked since I started my explanation.

  "What's the use of trying if I know it's not going to end in a Happily Ever After…"

  "You're such a pessimist."

  He didn't smile when he called me that, and I felt my insides flip. How can one kiss…okay
, fine…it wasn't just a one-second peck…but still, how can a twenty-minute make-out session end up with two people reasoning out and defending each other's thinking? And besides, I wasn't used to serious Nathan…it was scary…

  "Nathan, don't tell me to try…" I said. "Because once I get out of Ridgeway I'm back to my old life…I'll be partying, I'll be rounding the globe meeting hundreds of new people. I'll be modeling. I'll be drinking. I'll be kissing, okay? And no one's going to pull me out…"

  "You're not going to change are you? You're just going to be breaking hearts and such, right?" He asked, as he looked repeatedly from the floor to me.

  I swear, why was he thinking so hard?

  "I'm not changing just because I got sent to boarding school." I told him in all honesty. "And yes, if you want to put it that way, I'll be breaking hearts."

  He nodded, opened the bathroom door, and left me to replay in my head the quick events that had taken place.

  The night ended with me getting extremely drunk, riding with Blake in his Lamborghini, and sleeping with him.

  I knew this was going to make Cindy hate me more, but I was drunk as hell, and Blake wasn't like Anthony, nor was he like Nathan. Blake wasn't going to stop, and tell me, "Hey, but I think this is wrong. You won't remember this the next day, so why should we? And I think you're going to regret it blah, blah, blah." I'd be dreaming if Blake did that, but he didn't. Instead, he continued, and just continued.

  * * *

  I woke up wearing an extremely oversized shirt, but with no underwear. I immediately got out of bed, and headed over to the bathroom to fix myself. After doing so, I looked for my lingerie and my dress, and left his room quietly, taking baby steps out of his dorm.

  I sighed. Thank God his roommate wasn't awake yet.

  I left the dorm room, and quickly made my way back to room W407. I cursed. I had no key. I exhaled, and was left with no other choice but to knock. Thank God I woke up early, considering that I passed out. The hangover hurt, and I wanted to stay in bed, but not in Blake's bed. No way.

  The door opened, and I was greeted by a sleepy Nathan. He rubbed his eyes open, and motioned me to come inside. I nodded at him, smiling a small one, before I went over to my room. I stopped when he opened his mouth and called out my name.

  "Yeah?" I answered, just wanting to go back to sleep, and rid myself of the hangover.

  "Whose shirt are you wearing?" He asked in an apathetic voice. He seemed like he didn't remember anything from last night since he didn't start a sermon, and he looked like he wasn't going to start with one anytime soon.

  Maybe he was drunk when he was reprimanding me, but I doubted that thought immediately. He couldn't have been insightful if he drank a lot.

  "Uh…this is Blake's." I answered, hoping for him to just let it/me go. Thank God, he did.

  "Okay, just tell me if you need anything."

  I nodded at him, and headed to my bedroom. I plopped down on the bed, but before I closed my eyes I checked the clock. 6:00am. I sighed, thankful no one saw me except for Nathan.

  * * *

  Two weeks after…

  A lot of things had happened the past couple of weeks:

  #1…Riley told me that Cindy was even more jealous because of what happened with Blake and me, which was nothing but lust.

  #2…Because of #1, Cindy still didn't want to tutor me, but she wasn't mad. Or maybe she was, but was just being plastic towards me.

  #3…I told Kendra and Riley what had happened, and they acted like therapists. At first I was slightly annoyed, but after a few days of thinking about it, I thought of the 'counseling' incident as rather amusing.

  #4…Blake thought we were dating because of the 'passionate' moment (as he described it) we shared. I told him it was just a one-night stand, and he started cussing at me since I was the first girl to ever leave him in the dust, until I told him to shut up and that he couldn't do anything about it. After a few days of me giving him the silent treatment, he apologized and things were back to normal. He finally accepted that, that one night was merely nothing.

  #5…I noticed that Anthony had been looking at me for the past two weeks, and it felt weird. I knew he liked someone, but it couldn't be me…could it? It'd be just so wrong, but I'd been catching him trying to look.

  #6…Nathan, after that night, didn't really make a big deal about what had happened. He was placid and cool, and acted like nothing had taken place. We continued with our usual routine of laughing and teasing each other, and I didn't bother to ask if he remembered anything or was just acting. I didn't want another lecture from him.

  #7…I continued getting low grades, but thank God I wasn't failing anymore, I was getting barely-passing grades. It wasn't really great if you compared it to Cindy's or the other's grades, but it was a step up for me.

  #8…I was getting lonely, literally. The guys had soccer, football, and track. Riley and Kendra had soccer and track practices too, while Cindy who was still jealous didn't really enjoy hanging out with me, so she stayed with some other group that I didn't like to mingle with since they were all so full of themselves. Okay…all of them were rich, and some of them were pretty, smart, and all, but a few really had nothing to brag about except for their wealth, which annoyed me. Sorry for being so blunt.

  #9 The magazine article…I had just scanned through it though…

  …Alexandra Levi went to Mixx a few weeks ago…

  …She and a few of her newfound friends from Ridgeway entered the club looking glamorous and ready to party…

  …A source that was inside the club spotted the supermodel making-out madly with an unidentified person…

  …The Victoria's Secret Angel was having a fun time kissing and grinding when she got pulled away by one of her close friends…

  …She left the club along with six other people. The guy Alex made-out with wasn't seen leaving the club with the model…

  * * *

  Chapter 7: Making Deals

  * * *

  A month passed, and I felt the Halloween Spirit come in full swing. A masquerade ball was to take place on the thirty-first of October, which was only a few weeks away, so here I was in The Harbor, which was a mall a few minutes away from Ridgeway, looking for the perfect costume to go along with my handmade mask.

  While walking around, and eyeing window displays mindlessly, I accidentally knocked someone's shopping bags off from her arm, sending the plastic and cardboard containers to the ground. I picked them up as quickly as I could, and returned them to the owner. I looked up to see Cindy with a surprised look of her own.

  "What are you doing here?" She said, eyeing me from head-to-toe. She got her bags from me, and sent me a look of skepticism.

  "Shopping." I said innocently.

  We were in front of the Roberto Cavalli store, and by the anxiety she wore on her face, I could tell that she wanted to leave me, and enter the shop. I crossed my arms over my chest, and let them stay there.

  "I don't see you carrying anything…" She said, stating the imperceptible. Note the sarcasm, please.

  She looked around, before her eyes rested on me again. I knew she wanted to leave, but I was desperate…for a tutor. I looked at the big Cavalli poster that was displayed at the back of the mannequins, and saw myself posing with some hot model. I remembered the photo shoot. It took place only a couple months ago…and then…a light bulb floating above my head went on.

  "How about we make a deal?"

  She exhaled slightly exasperatedly. "Is this about me tutoring you again?"

  I nodded. "How about…"

  "No, no, and no! You flirted with Blake…" That was a month ago! "You were alone with Nathan and Anthony inside the bathroom…" That too!

  Were we fighting over guys? I restrained myself from saying those words. I wanted to pass school…I needed to pass it if ever I wanted to model again…stupid parents…no, it was only my mother's choice…

  "How about let's go inside that store right now?" I suggested, p
ointing to the store we stood in front of. She looked at me thoughtfully, before she raised an eyebrow.

  "What's the deal first?" She said, giving me a suspicious look once again.

  "How about you tutor me and let's go on a shopping spree." I suggested, hoping even for just a simple nod.

  She arched her eyebrow one more time at me. "I can go on a shopping spree without you." She answered, a little bit tactlessly.