The Heaven I Found In Hell

by Ashley Andrews

  "Babe…"

  Oh no.

  "That's one more thing…you're not my boyfriend, so don't call me babe."

  He screamed out a curse, before he stood up, and towered over me. He looked at me, and I saw anger flash through his eyes. Yes, apparently this was the time his eyes showed emotion, but I wasn't liking what his green orbs showed. I was surprised that he actually cursed me, not because he cussed. I looked at him, open-mouthed, before I turned away, and tried to hide the frown that was slowly appearing on his face. He didn't see how sad I was.

  "Have fun with your tutor." He said smugly, and was about to open the door and leave, if I hadn't wrap my arms around his waist from behind. He stopped immediately, and caught by surprise, asked me what was going on.

  "Don't be mad at me." I said, my arms still around him "I hate it when that happens."

  He closed the door, and turned around, so now I was facing his chest. I rested my head on it, and to my comfort, I felt his breathing. He hesitantly patted my shoulder, as I continued to hold him, grasping him tight. I knew he was confused with my sudden embrace which was lasting for more than what I expected, so I pulled away. I looked at him like a lost child.

  "It's just…I hate the things you say sometimes." He said, laughing softly. "You know…you can be very sweet, but in some instances you make me want to kill you, like what happened a while ago."

  I laughed softly at his words.

  "It's just Cindy told me she wanted you…and Blake, but you especially…and she's actually being nice to me now…I don't want to ruin that."

  He put his hands on my shoulders, as he looked me in the eyes. "But I want your hugs."

  I couldn't stop smiling. I knew he was saying that in a friendly sort of way, but still...that simple sentence was something big for me. It made me hope...wish that maybe ...

  "But Nathan…" I immediately said, stopping my own thoughts.

  He was being so sweet right at this instance that it was hard for me to run away from him. He was acting like a...I'd hate to say it, but...he was acting like an almost-perfect boyfriend. The only thing that made him not completely faultless was that he wasn't with me.

  "No…how about…" He started. "I go out with her…once only! So she won't suspect a thing. It's just a date anyway, and Cindy can be so shallow at times, no matter how high her GPA is."

  "Are you're just doing this for my hugs?" I asked him skeptically. "Or maybe you really like her…"

  He gave me a disgusted face, and asked me if I was serious as hell. Of course, I nodded, and mouthed out a 'yes,' before he started giving me an explanation I didn't really need.

  "I just want to go on a date with her so she wouldn't suspect anything about us…"

  I coughed at the word 'us.'

  "No.'us'." I pointed out, stopping after every word for emphasis.

  He laughed lightly at me before he positioned himself against the wall. I stood in front of him with my arms crossed over my breasts as I tapped my foot repeatedly, waiting for an answer. I knew that we looked stupid arguing with each other, but a while after, we'd be saying sweet things, but this was just how Nathan and I were. Random, shallow, and we hated making each other angry, so we'd end up saying something nice, or hugging.

  "Yes, we have our friendship with each other…anyway…" He continued with a roll of his eyes. "Hugs and kisses on the cheeks can be friendly, you know…but some people get wrong ideas. If I give you a friendly hug, Cindy might think something in between the lines of flirting and liking as more than a friend, and I don't want anyone to think I like you as more than a friend, because you're such a great friend to me, but not hugging you, and not calling you 'babe' aren't even going to be possibilities…and they never will be…"

  I frowned unnoticeably when he said...'...I don't want anyone to think I like you as more than a friend...'...because of that simple...stupid...fu...sentence, all my hopes of him liking me back came crashing down on moi. It hurt really...even though I knew that he considered me as someone special to him...a best friend. I really didn't know what to feel anymore...should I be happy because we're really great friends, or should I frown because that's all we'll ever be?

  I sighed...again. All this thinking made me feel like crap.

  "Continue..."

  "So…I'll go ask Cindy for a date, and only one date…and I'll expect a hug from you after Cindy and I go out, 'kay since you're a good friend to me? Right?" He asked with a small childish smile that I found so, so cute.

  When I didn't answer, he nagged me again. "Will you give your best friend a hug?"

  "Maybe." I said with a tiny mischievous smile.

  "You're not a great friend after all!" He whined, acting like a little kid that I just wanted to cuddle. Still with his back against the wall, he tried to pull me closer to him, and envelop me into a 'friendly' hug.

  "Have you noticed…you've been repeating the word 'friends' over and over again…?” I said, hugging him only for a couple of seconds until I pulled myself away from him.

  I saw the look of disappointment on his face, and just simply ignored it. I was getting nervous with every minute passing since the both of us, I knew, were thinking hard, too hard if you ask me. When I released myself from his embrace, he let his hands fall to his sides. My hands, on the other hand, were at my back as I clasped them together just to feel warm. He pulled one of his legs up, and rested the sole of his foot on the same wall his body was leaning on while his attention remained on me, and the more I felt worried.

  "Why are we putting so much thought into a simple hug?" I asked him, hoping to lighten up the air surrounding us.

  He shrugged his shoulders, as he answered my question with another question of his own. "Why do you care so much about what Cindy thinks about you?"

  I could feel another argument starting...just right after we hugged...this was just us...

  "Why do you care so much about my hugs?"

  "Why do you seem like you're schizophrenic? One moment you're returning my embrace, and then the next you're giving me a stupid talk about how we shouldn't act like a couple!"

  "Because we aren't a couple, Nate!"

  "Friends hug!"

  "It's not just that!"

  "Then what else is there? Care to enlighten me because I'm not really getting you?"

  "I feel that there's something more to those 'friendly' hugs than what you're telling me." I said to him in all honesty. I waited hesitantly, but curiously for his reply, and when I got one, I wished he would take them back.

  "There's nothing more to those hugs…I like hugging you because I don't know…you're huggable." He said awkwardly, scratching his hair. "Why…? Did you think…?"

  Yes, I actually thought that there was something more like…want…need…like…or even love…for me, stupid asshole.

  I was really thinking too much, and should stop being suspicious. First I thought Anthony was going to ask me out, then next, comes Nathan who I thought hugged me because he wanted something to happen…but no. I was just desperate for someone…

  But I really don't get it…how can I be desperate for someone when I've just made-out with at least five people last week? Their names, I didn't know.

  "No, I didn't think whatever you were thinking I was thinking." I lied, causing me to start ranting. "Just don't hug me too much…hug Cindy…kiss her even…I'm sure she'd want that."

  "So…you never liked my hugs?" He asked, looking at me sorrowfully.

  I let out a sigh. Why was he being so dramatic?

  "I never said I don't like them…maybe…maybe I'm just getting tired of them."

  "Okay."

  I looked up at him, and stared at him pointedly. Getting tired of standing for a long time, he went over to my place and sat on the stool beside mine.

  "Okay…? That's it? After arguing for so long, you're just going to say 'okay'?" I asked in a tone of incredulity.

  "Yeah…"

  "Why?"

  "Because I'm late."

/>   "Late for what?"

  He stood up, grabbed his jacket that was on the counter top, and opened the door to leave. He turned his head back to me, looking at me emotionlessly, before he said, "I need to ask Cindy for a date."

  He didn't have to lie, just to escape from me...

  We were supposed to have dinner with Riley.

  * * *

  "So you and my brother had this whole talk about being affectionate to one another?"

  I nodded at Riley.

  Riley arrived a few minutes after Nathan left with Kendra trailing behind her. When I opened the door for both of them, they saw how much of a mess I looked, and came to a conclusion that something bad happened. I told them what happened, starting from my tutoring sessions with Cindy, up until the part where Nathan walked out on me, just to ask Cindy out. Kendra listened intently, while Riley asked questions minute after minute, some parts of the interrogation were important while some of her questions were just plain random.

  "Why wouldn't you want a hug from someone like Nathan?" Kendra asked with a hint of mischief. Riley slapped her soccer buddy's arm, before telling her to not talk about Nathan in that way whenever she was present. I simply laughed at their goofy-ness, but the worry still didn't leave me.

  "I told him I was tired of his hugs."

  Riley and Kendra feigned surprised gasps which immediately made me laugh. I knew they were taking in what I was telling them seriously, but just to make it easier for them, and me, they made jokes from time to time as an effort to rid the awkwardness between us.

  "How can you get tired of hugs?" Riley asked, obviously not believing what I told her.

  "Who can get tired of Nathan Adams' hugs? Those long, and muscular, but lanky arms…the solid body of his that you feel whenever he pulls you closer to him… "

  Riley smacked Kendra for the second time, but now she hit her at the back of her head. "Eww…that's my brother you're talking about."

  "Well, I'm sure the whole of Ridgeway agrees with me." Kendra said proudly, as she sat Indian-style on the floor, while Riley took the loveseat, and I the couch.

  "Nuh-uh."

  "Okay maybe, but the whole male population consider your brother as the hottest among all of them in a non-gay way, while five percent of the student body are composed of bisexuals and homos, and I'm sure they lust after our dear Nate." Kendra said in a very casual tone. I laughed at what she said, until Riley hit both of us.

  "Shut up…don't talk about Nathan like that…he's not even hot!"

  "Whatever." Kendra said with a laugh and a hand gesture.

  "You agree with me, right Lexy? You're a supermodel…I'm sure you've seen guys much hotter than Nathan!"

  I nodded at her, making her smile triumphantly.

  "Although…"

  "Hah!" That was Kendra, knowing I was going to say something Riley wasn't going to enjoy hearing.

  "What…?" Riley asked, looking a little blue in the face.

  "I told him the first time I met him he could be a model…" I said smiling impishly at what I remembered. Riley simply shook her head in disbelief, before she mouthed out the words, "I can't believe it."

  "Just admit it…your brother's a total hottie." Kendra said, pinching Riley's sides for a good laugh. Riley let out a deep sigh, before she agreed with the both of us. Kendra and I high-five'd each other, making Riley groan again.

  "Do you know who he's taking to the ball?" Kendra asked.

  I totally forgot about the Halloween dance since I was too preoccupied with my sessions with Cindy. I had my dress, and I had my mask. All I needed was a partner. But who?

  "If he's asking Cindy out, he'll probably ask her to the dance as well." I told them, and they quickly agreed by nodding their heads.

  Riley and I slouched further down on our seats, while Kendra who was on the floor leaned her back on the edge of the couch. I started to twirl strands of my black hair around my fingers, while waiting for someone to speak.

  "Do you know who Blake's taking?" Kendra asked, as she crossed her left leg over her stretched out right one.

  Riley shrugged her shoulders. "You know how random Blake can get."

  "Blake? Random? He only gets girls who belong to the categories, sexy and hormone-driven. That's not random." Kendra answered with a simple shrug.

  I smiled to myself, because of something new I noticed in Kendra. She was more talkative, if I could put it that way. I remembered that I had described her when I first met her as a shy, reserved woman who was just like Riley, but was just quiet, but now, I had to eat my words. She was becoming more and more sarcastic in a good way of course, always teasing Riley, and amusing me.

  "You've been more talkative lately…" I said with a hint of mischief, as I voiced out my thoughts.

  She blinked rapidly at me, before she stuttered, and asked me, "In what way?"

  "Maybe it's because of that new student from London…you know the one in our Gym class." Riley said, looking at me, enjoyment glinting in her eyes.

  Kendra stood up, and wiped the dirt off her Nike soccer shorts. She remained standing, and Riley and I couldn't help but laugh softly when a tint of pink colored her cheeks.

  "He asked me to the dance you know." She said with a small innocent smile, that made Riley and I giggle like lovesick innocents.

  "No wonder you've been bubbly…and that I haven't seen you lately. Are you guys dating?" I asked, saying the latter part in a much louder voice.

  She nodded shyly.

  "No shit?" Riley said, as she got out of her seat and stood in front of Kendra, prepared to give her a teddy bear hug.

  "We've gone out a few times…"

  Riley and I erupted in deafening chuckles as we hugged Kendra victoriously. We congratulated her over and over again, and apparently she got tired of it since she told us she wanted to sit down. She told us what happened, right from the very start. She told us how they were paired off in a game of badminton, and Kendra being extremely athletic and competitive, wanted to win, and when Jackson (the guy's name) was being lazy and wasn't giving a damn whether they failed or not, Kendra had no choice but to shout at him, and flip him the bird. She told us Jackson was entertained by her fit so that instead of shoving her off, and ignoring her, the guy asked her out. I thought of her life as a cliché, but hey…it was hella sweet.

  "I'm so happy for you…I'm jealous even…"

  I smirked at what Riley said. No need to be soon…

  "Jealous…why?"

  "Because no one decent enough has asked me out yet…it always has to be those horny bastards…I want someone like…"

  Riley was cut off, by the sound of someone knocking on the door. She stopped midway in her sentence and stood up to answer it. She opened it, but apparently no one was there. From where I sat on the couch, I saw her bend down and pick something up. When she walked back to Kendra and me, I saw she was holding a mask and a piece of parchment paper rolled up into a scroll.

  "Ooh…can I see the mask?" I asked, faking my look of surprise.

  She handed me the white visor, and I laughed when it was in my hands. He did it…

  The mask looked like it was cut out of a soccer ball. Silver pentagons were glitter-glued on it, while the eyeholes we cut into small pointed oblongs. It looked really cute, not flashy, nor classy…cute. Riley laughed silently to herself, having no idea what she was about to face. I told her to roll open the piece of paper in her hand, and she did so.

  It was a poem.

  Riley

  Damn, I can't believe I’m writing a poem for you

  And it's making my heart and mind turn into goo

  No guy ever did this kind of thing to you...I’m sure

  Cause they don't like you as much as I do (;p)

  Every time you open your mouth to speak

  Whatever you do that makes me sick

  I still want to hug and hold you tight

  Then squeeze the hell out of you with all my might

  However...if things between u
s get a little out of hand

  May you give me one more chance, but don't just start acting like you're the man