The Heaven I Found In Hell

by Ashley Andrews

  Hah. There is no game.

  "No, I wouldn't." Nathan answered, with a small shy grin slowly appearing on his face, a first tonight.

  We left the room, but before I closed the door behind us, I caught Dylan's attention, and sent him a wink. 'Thank You'…was the mental note I gave him.

  * * *

  "Which mall did you leave it at?" Nathan asked, referring to my baby, a.k.a. my BMW.

  He started the engine of his car, before he stepped on the pedal, and drove. The first few minutes of my ride with him were silent, and only the barely audible voice of Unk coming from the radio was heard. I was starting to feel weird since this kind of thing had never happened between us, and it felt like it was only yesterday that I was hugging him, and pinching his sides like crazy.

  "Uhm…the Harbor," I said, as I turned my head to face him.

  He was staring out at the road ahead of us, and with his hair starting to grow longer I could almost no longer see his hazel-green orbs anymore. Strands of his light-brown hair were almost starting to cover one of his eyes completely, but I wouldn't object. He was looking so much better.

  "Oh ok-"

  "I like your hair," I suddenly blurted out, cutting him midway.

  My gaze remained on him, so I was able to see his lips curve up into a grin with what I said. He took his eyes away from the road, and turned to look at me. He was smiling, and the more I couldn't help myself. I was falling deeper.

  "It's getting annoying, honestly," he started, "but I'm too lazy to get it cut."

  I smacked him on his shoulder, and before I realized what I had just done, he was getting his revenge by giving me a noogie. If he were someone else, I would've started to get annoyed, but with him, that was like a nearly impossible feeling. Ever since I realized I was attracted him, I saw him as someone 'way up there'. Don't get me wrong…he was awesome ever since…but I don't know…I guess he just became more awesome in my eyes.

  "My hair! You know how long it takes me to fix it!" I said, crying out loud, as I held my hands up in the air for exaggeration.

  "I know…forever," he said with a roll of his eyes.

  I didn't really have a clue as to what happened that made Nathan and me all-buddy-buddy all of a sudden, but I wasn't going to complain. I had been missing his laugh, his jokes, and his excited voice so that it was like a breath of fresh air to see him smiling at me again. I must've seemed stupid looking at him with a small grin without saying anything and I wanted to melt and then disappear when he asked me if I was okay.

  I nodded quickly, before I gave him a, "Why? Did you think something was wrong?"

  He scratched the back of his head in confusion with his left hand, while the other remained on the wheel.

  "Yeah…you were looking at me like I was a pair of Jimmy Choo heels…" He said unsurely, while I was starting to laugh like a maniac.

  "Oh please…I look at Jimmy Choo heels with admiration…that look I gave you…I-…I was jus-"

  Oh damn. What should I say?

  "So you admit you were looking at me?" he asked with a small mischievous smile starting to creep up his face.

  My eyes suddenly grew bigger, and I felt like a deer caught in headlights. He cornered me, and he was smirking! I knew he loved this inside, and wanted to get 'it'…whatever 'it' was out of me. I started to stutter, saying incomprehensible words, before he started to drive the car in a slow manner, and soon after parked it. Thank God! I was saved!

  "My car's over…" I started, but I was stopped when I felt Nathan's hand on my own.

  I looked down, and saw the both of us holding hands, so I put my head up to start and question him, but all he did was smile. I felt my heart rate start to increase, and before I was able to ask him what all this was about, he asked me if I wanted to take a walk…a long, long one in fact.

  "Do you want to go around, first? It's still kind of early…and I kind of want an early dinner…" he said. "…do you want to come?"

  Obviously, with a million thoughts trying to be processed by my small brain at once, I didn't think properly.

  "I'm here with you anyway, aren't I?" I said, smirking.

  He grinned once again, and led the way, as we exited the indoor parking lot. He let go of my hand once we were inside the mall, and I felt myself suddenly wanting to feel his touch even though I had just experienced it a few seconds ago.

  We started walking around, and I stopped, and got a hold of his arm when we stood in front of the Coach store. He asked me what was going on, and I told him I wanted to get a new bag since the one I was using now looked so out of season. He looked at me weirdly, before I told him that explaining would be useless since it was a 'girl thing.'

  "I'll never understand a woman's mind," he said shaking his head from side-to-side, before he followed me inside the store. "And I don't think I want to."

  I browsed around, looking for something that would catch my attention, and when I did, I squealed like a little schoolgirl in love. I found the cutest denim shoulder bag resting peacefully on a shelf, and it kind of reminded me of one of my mom's Louis Vuitton handbags. Before I could get it off the ledge, Nathan said something that made my head do a three hundred sixty-degree turn.

  "I'm sorry."

  I immediately took my eyes away from the bag, as I turned to Nathan with a confused look. He was grinning, but it seemed like he was just trying to hide this sad feeling inside of him. I couldn't really explain how he looked at the moment. All I could say was that I found it cute.

  "Sorry for what?" I asked, returning his grin with a smirk. "You didn't do anything wrong…unless you did it behind my back…?"

  "No! No…!" he quickly said. "I just…" and then he turned serious. "…you really didn't need me to help you get your car…"

  "Yes, I did."

  "No, you didn't…you just wanted to help me…you knew I was…"

  I'm not sure, but he sounded like he was having a hard time saying something. I wanted to know what that something was, but I didn't want to be a nosy pain in the ass, so I decided to just keep quiet.

  "What exactly are you trying to tell me?" I asked, furrowing my eyebrows in perplexity.

  "You knew I was…" Get it out! Damn it! "…jealous."

  "What?"

  I seemed to have been dreaming. But no. I seriously had heard the word 'jealous' come out of his kissable lips!

  "You knew I was jealous…so you got me out of…that."

  I didn't know what the right thing to do was, so I just gave him a wide smile full of mischief. He must've been embarrassed since his cheeks started to turn red, and he was trying to cover his face with his hands. I swear. I wanted to kiss him at the moment.

  "Hold on, okay?" I said to him.

  His eyes grew wide when I told him to wait. He must've thought that I was going to do something to him to return what he had said, but I didn't even know what I wanted to do. Sure, I wanted to kiss him, but come on! I'm trying to be realistic here!

  "Why? Is there anything wrong…?"

  "Yes," I answered. "I haven't paid for the bag yet."

  Wapack! Why the hell did I say that?

  "Oh, okay," he said, trying to hide the hurt look on his face. "I can pay for it."

  And then suddenly…an evil thought came to my head…

  "Okay. It's eight hundred dollars," I said secretly smirking.

  He took the bag, headed over to the cashier, as I followed suit. I saw him take out his wallet, before he revealed a few hundred-dollar bills. I didn't know what kind of alien thing came to me, and suddenly smacked me in the head that I decided to want to give him a hard time. This was how I was like before…but I knew I had changed, because of the guy paying for my bag.

  "Here you go," he said handing me my new purchase.

  I smiled, looked at him intently, before I closed the space between us and hugged him. The embrace was quick, but during our few seconds of closeness, I felt his chest tense up, and that made me happy. I would have never expected Nathan to
get all nervous because of a girl, and my kind for that matter, so I was glad when I felt him do that.

  God, I feel mean…

  "Thanks," I said, willingly taking the bag.

  "No problem…so where to now?" he asked. "Oh…do you mind if we pass by Armani first? I found this cool jacket the other day…so yeah."

  "Sure, come on."

  We left Coach and headed over to one of my top five stores. I didn't know why, but I really liked the designs of Armani. They were chic, but still, anyone could wear them. We entered the shop, and started looking at random pants, tops, etc, and after a few minutes, Nathan decided to buy the leather jacket. After doing so, we left the shop, and walked around again. We headed over to The Cheesecake Factory to have an early dinner, and even though my mind didn't like the idea of being served in large amounts, my stomach couldn't wait. I had tasted their cheesecake once, and it was to die for.

  * * *

  Chapter 15: Attack of the Cameras

  * * *

  "I don't think I have room for any more food," I said to Nathan the moment I finished the pasta I had shared with him.

  I really loved The Cheesecake Factory even though everything there was ginormous. Their servings were like…whoa…okay…I better stop before I start ranting on and on about how this restaurant was supposedly the best one I've ever been to. And so I shall talk about Nathan and me, and the dinner we had together.

  I ordered a simple pasta, while he, sharing it with me, still got steak. The guy finished it, and it didn't even hurt his superb physique one bit! He still looked good, even though he took in probably a million calories, while I, on the other hand, tried to maintain my size two body very carefully. Before I could think about him and his body, and me and my growing bone structure, the song 'Collide' played throughout the whole restaurant, so I sang along. I super, really, definitely loved this song. It was so, so sweet.

  I started singing out loud, but not in a way that would embarrass me, and when I noticed Nathan looking at me weirdly, I told him to join along. His raised eyebrow went even higher, as he shook his head.

  "No way…!"

  "Aw…come on, dear!" I said, using my favorite nickname of his. "Join!"

  He kept saying 'no' while I continued forcing him. I was even shaking his arms already, so that he'd get annoyed, and end up singing, but no. He stayed true to himself, and remained as hard as a rock. Finally, after a few light-years had passed, he finally agreed, and started to open his mouth. I soon realized why he gave me that awkward look. It wasn't because of me. It was because of him. He sucked at singing for real, and this sudden realization made me see him as someone human. He had his defects, and learning about it made me feel good about myself. Ha-ha.

  "Okay…stop," I said, holding my hand up in front of my face.

  I wasn't trying to offend him. I was just trying to save him! If people heard him 'recite,' they would probably throw their cheesecakes at him. I shook my head. God, I was really bad.

  "I told you so," he said, looking slightly hurt, "You were pestering me to sing!"

  I looked at him, and suddenly began to pout. I didn't know he was that sensitive. It was his fault anyway! He had been acting tough all along. How did he expect me to react? He was always acting conceited, that sometimes…Gaaah! I didn't want to think about my feelings anymore. It was stressing me out.

  "I'm sorry…" I said, not knowing what else to say.

  He nodded, and then, "Did I really suck that much…?"

  Should I tell him the truth?

  As they say, Honesty is the best policy.

  "Uhm…" I started, trying to think of a good answer. "…just stick to soccer."

  His lips curved up into a grin, as he reached his arm out, so that he could slap my shoulder. I took my vengeance by messing up his already tousled hair, before the both of us decided to settle down, and act like the mature seventeen-year olds we were. Ordering our cheesecakes, we told the waitress what we wanted, and before she left, she gave us a smile, and told us that we'd get our desserts soon.

  "Dylan seems like a good guy," Nathan spoke out loud, taking me by surprise.

  That came out of nowhere.

  "Yeah, he really is," I answered him, my voice sounding unsure.

  In response, he simply smiled, and for my part, I grinned back. I didn't know why the topic of my ex started to cross his mind, but I thought it better if it never did. Our surroundings suddenly felt awkward, and I had no idea what I was supposed to do, so he decided to break it.

  "That was random." He said, stifling a laugh.

  I nodded, smirked, and told him I so agreed with what he said. After a few minutes of exchanging grins and laughs, we became still once more, so it was my turn to break the ice.

  "Just say what you want to say." I said, taking from his unsure expression that he was thinking about something deeply ever since we got to the mall.

  He talked definitely, but unlike before, he seemed so unsure of his actions and words. It was as if he was being cautious, like he was afraid if something happened, and this I must say was so not like the Nathan I knew.

  "I already did."

  I cocked my eyebrows up at him. Was that all he was going to say?

  "I already told you I liked you."

  Nobody told me you'd feel so good

  Nobody said you'd be so beautiful

  Nobody warned me about your smile…

  Can I say perfect timing? I stopped to think, and came to the generalization that the world was trying to tell me something. Was the earth siding with Nathan? No way…

  Before I could say something to him, the cakes arrived, and with them came a sigh of relief. I was saved…again, but I honestly didn't know what the right thing to do was anymore. I liked him. That was clear. But should I tell him? A million reasons came to my head as to why Nathan and I together wasn't such a good idea.

  First, my career. If ever we start going out, the whole world would know about it, and won't stop until they catch on camera every single teeny-weeny detail of our relationship, and find a scandal somewhere in it. Second, my parents. I wanted them to think that I was studying my ass off in this boarding school, so that I could go back to what I normally did, which was modeling, but if they find out about Nathan and me (if ever), they're probably going to think that I'm not taking them seriously, and might end up giving me some harsher punishment. Third, my reputation. If ever we became a couple, I'd probably end up loving him more, and Alexandra Levi doesn't do love. She breaks hearts. I swear…I sounded like a bitch.

  And a million other 'if ever's' you guys don't want to hear immediately filled up my brain…

  "I swear. Their cheesecake is the best." Nathan said, as he stopped eyeing me, and instead, turned his attention to the dessert covered with strawberries and syrup.

  I started eating my own cake, and as I did, I thought about the things that could happen if ever I told him, or if I didn't. Gosh…why is my self-control extremely high right now? That's not how it's supposed to be!

  "Here, taste." He said, as he held up his fork in front of my mouth.

  The moment I opened my mouth to answer, he shoved the wonderful creation I called dessert down my throat, as I savored its flavor, making the most of my sense of taste. I swallowed it, and then took a drink of my water, before I hit Nathan's hand which was just lazily resting on the table.

  "You just put your fork inside my mouth! I was supposed to say something!" I said acting a little bit exaggerated.

  "I wanted you to taste my cake…?" he answered, but the way he said it, he sounded like he was asking something rather than saying it.

  "Are you just trying to find a way to talk to me or something?" I asked with a tone of voice that made me sound arrogant or snobbish.

  "Maybe," he started, with a small grin. "I just wanted to get closer to you."

  I had to smile when he said that, and Lord please help me…my sanity was going insane! I was practically exposing my blushing self to the whole w
orld in a full restaurant with the reason of my cheek coloration just in front of me! And that was not the worst yet…my answer…

  "Well instead of shoving the fork into my mouth, it could've been your tongue."

  Crap.

  My answer was total…crap.

  Nathan couldn't help himself, and instead of the usual apathetic, cool, and collected aura I usually felt from him, he started to literally laugh his ass off, and make fun of my answer. He tried to cover his mouth with his hands, but it was just plain useless. Even if a few seconds had already passed, his laughter still didn't die down, and I was forced to make him shut up.