The Heaven I Found In Hell

by Ashley Andrews

  "Get off of me!" Riley screamed laughing. "Anthony! Now! Seriously!"

  "I can't get off you," he teased. "I'm only at your side, not over you."

  I grinned at this and immediately looked at the couple. I was about to tease them endlessly, but my eyes accidentally landed on Nathan's. He, catching me off guard, turned me speechless and all I could do was stutter incoherent words. Idiocy and confusion took the best of me, and this apparently made him laugh. Underwater, he covered his submerged stomach with his arms and then he began to make 'fun' of me.

  "What? Are you a deer now?" he asked, rendering me speechless even more.

  "Bleh?"

  "Got caught in the headlights?" he then returned winking.

  I had to laugh at what he had said since it was actually funny in a shallow and a what-the-hell kind of way. As a reply, he turned to me and grinned and I could only sheepishly smile back at him. With only the bottom half of my body wet, I immediately squealed when he brought me back to reality by splashing water onto my face, onto my eyes. I brushed it away and blinked rapidly before I told him that what he did wasn't humorous.

  "If you're trying to be funny, well, it's not working," I said smirking, totally unaware that I was starting to flirt harmlessly with him.

  A long 'oh' resounded from him as he placed his hand over the left part of his chest, the place where his heart was.

  "That's a stab in the heart."

  "And you're to blame," I continued, still grinning.

  "You give love a bad name," he said, singing the lyrics of the song out of tune.

  Again, I laughed, but this time it was he who couldn't speak properly. I walked nearer to him and against the current of the water in the pool and soon enough, we stood in front of one another, closely together.

  "Look, another deer," I said, pointing straight at him. "And stop, you're killing my ears."

  With that gesture, my sights remained on him and immediately, my heart flopped and my stomach churned. I quickly reminisced on the times we had spent together, from when we were friends up until we had gotten together. Feelings of passion and of love came back. Actually, it was just really in me the whole time, and was only fully awakened now when I stared at him for a long time, probably a minute or so. He smiled that angelic kind of smile at me and I could only grin as embarrassment washed all over me. He looked almost-perfect as he stood before me, almost naked, as his chest, toned and built, and his abs, a six-pack, captivated me, which made me want him not only for his personality but also for his physic. Sure, beauty was only skin deep, but he definitely had gotten the best of both.

  "Me? A deer?" he finally said after a moment or two of silence.

  I nodded.

  "Just like I am," I answered smiling.

  "Well, in that case," he said, wearing a contemplative look. "You're my mate."

  This time, I laughed, splashing water everywhere as my hands came in contact, hard, with the contents of the pool. Nathan looked at me like I was some kind of lunatic, and to stop me from acting too exaggerated, he closed the gap between us by taking me in his arms, as my head rested against his chest. His hands slipped around my waist as he finally placed them on the lower part of my back. I wanted to kiss him right then and there, but then I thought it would be too soon, and so, I just melted into him, our bodies fitting each other the right way.

  "You're too arrogant to be my mate," I said, my head still on his chest.

  "Don't the stronger ones get their mates faster?" he asked, his arms wrapped tightly around me as if we were a couple.

  "You have a point, but strong had a whole different meaning from egotistical."

  "Alex, shut up," he started in a sarcastic tone. "Don't go all philosophical on me. It's supposed to be our Winter Break."

  I removed my head from his chest to be able to look up at him. I couldn't help myself. I just needed to control myself, which was becoming harder to do with the way he looked back at me, his gaze, full of intensity, his eyes, so full of emotions. I didn't know what I was supposed to do and so, I pulled away from him. He looked shocked when my arms unwound from his waist, but he covered it up with a questioning look.

  "Why? What happened?" he asked, as he took a step nearer when I moved farther away from him.

  I shook my head and then said with a small chuckle, "It's nothing. It's just that you're not my boyfriend anymore, but I still treat you like one."

  He gazed right at me, looking somewhat lost and…angry. Anger? How? I put on my calm façade but underwater my knees were shaking. I kept looking straight at him, to show him that I wasn't hiding anything, and in return, his lips formed a thin line as he looked at me grimly.

  "Oh," he answered. "You're right."

  I grinned in embarrassment while he remained silent, and to save me from further mortification, I gave him one last hug, which he didn't return, before I left. I exited the pool area and during the walk back to my room, I tried to think of what I had done wrong to make him act so 'closed' to the world, especially to me. My current relationship with him was weird one way or another. One moment we're smiling at each other and teasing, and then next thing I know, the both of us turns quiet as if one of us had done some grave sin. When I got to my room, I fell on my bed and let the sheets cover me. I decided to take a nap, but was interrupted when Riley came knocking on my door.

  * * *

  Riley and I, along with Anthony of course, decided to watch a movie, a horror flick, but as much as I would've wanted to get scared for the sake of being able to hug someone in feigned fright, I couldn't, since well duh, Nate, who I wanted to do that to, was absent and I had no plans of hugging Anthony. He was already taken, mind you. The three of us headed over to the house's entertainment area, as we entered the Adam's Movie Room which was completed with thirty cinema seats and a very wide screen. I sat beside Riley, who was between Anthony and me, and before I knew it, the movie started playing, and I could feel myself starting to fall asleep, again. I realized the nap I took had not done me any good. It was a thirty-minute slumber. I needed more than that if I wanted to survive bonding time with Ridgeway's Most Perfect Couple who were, I must say, sickeningly sweet, just like how Nate and I used to be. Oh…the memories.

  "This movie is bullcrap," I said, turning to the two, who were too busy to care about what I felt due to the fact that they were groping each other like it was the last day of the world. "It's not even scary!"

  "It is!"

  "No, it isn't!"

  "It is!"

  "How would you know? You're too busy playing tonsil hockey with lover boy!"

  "If you want to play the game, just tell me. My brother's available twenty-four seven."

  "Shut up," I said as I crossed my arms over my chest. "Just turn your attention back to your boy. I see he wants it more than I do."

  "At least he's thankful for my presence," she countered, losing eye contact with me.

  "He obviously is," I replied, not arguing any more with that. "And by the way, you make Nathan sound like a prostitute, anytime, anywhere."

  I left the movie room of their mansion, and decided to explore the place. I had already seen the gardens at last night's Christmas party, some of the bedrooms, the indoor pool, the entertainment area, the kitchen, which when I last went there I was with Nathan, and the driveway which was boring. Well, not so anymore. My grey-colored day turned a little brighter when a bright red Porsche parked up right in front of me. A familiar figure got out of the vehicle and that person welcomed my presence with a warm smile.

  "Are you going somewhere?" Nathan, with his duffel bag hanging on his shoulder, asked.

  "Not really," I answered. "I'm just wandering, going around.

  "Do you need a tour guide?" he then questioned, grinning.

  I looked at him thoughtfully, as I leaned beside him against his car. The cloth of our shirts brushed, and I felt a sensation run up my spine. After a few minutes, I looked away from him since I needed to control myself from doing anything rash
and to control my heart from popping out of my chest. The ground, which currently held my attention, stared back at me. Something that wasn't going to return anything you give it was much better than someone who could give you the worst of times during the best, and so right now, I was appreciating the ground's dullness.

  "Well, do you need a guide?" he asked again when he saw me drifting off.

  "You look under-qualified," I teased.

  He pretended to look hurt, and again, he placed his hand over the place of his heart. The cold wind bitch-slapped me and I couldn't help but shiver. This again, led to Nathan and me flirting with each other as he took my hand and began to show me around. Our first stop was the living room which was insignificant to the part where we were supposed to just make-up and start making-out. Just kidding. The lush royal red carpets stood under brown-colored leather couches, and to complete the living room set, at the middle, a table, made from bark from the finest Mahogany trees, was placed. The decorations, which were mostly paintings, were impressionistic in their nature, while the small wood carvings were a few pieces that had been imported from Africa. With the, no offense, uninteresting view in front of me, I let go of Nathan's hand as I crossed my arms over my chest.

  "Interesting…" I said, as I turned my head to face him and then raised my eyebrow up. "Not."

  I heard him chuckle softly and this made me grin. The sound of his voice had been how it always was, but hearing it now, when we were broken up, it seemed different, like it was of a different octave or pitch. I tried to stop myself from getting red in his presence, but I was a failure at that and to embarrass me even more, he put his hands on my shoulders as I felt his chest collide with my back.

  "Well, if this is boring you then why aren't you going anywhere?" he asked. "You seemed so focused on the couch, which I think is dull as hell."

  "Hah-hah," I returned. "Your sarcasm never fails to amaze me."

  "And your face never fails to distract me."

  Instinctively, I turned to him before I furrowed my eyebrows at him in suspicion. His cheeks were of a red color while his face looked worried and his posture, stiff. I wanted to curve my lips up into a smirk but what happened was that I was smiling sweetly at him as if he were my boyfriend who just complimented his girlfriend.

  "I'll pretend you didn't say anything," I said deciding to save the both of us by playing stupid.

  "Yeah, that's the right thing to do," he answered smiling sheepishly. "I forgot you're not my girlfriend anymore."

  After a few moments, the both of us finally went back to reality and he continued touring me around. The next stop was the outdoor pool and before I could say anything to compliment the already amazing house, Nathan pushed me hard as I landed under water my shirt, my shorts, my bra and yes, my panties, all wet. When I surfaced, I scanned my surroundings for Nathan and got ready to attack him, only to see him laughing his ass off as he pointed a finger in my direction.

  "That wasn't funny!" I shouted, as I left the pool and headed over to him to try and pull him down.

  "Hell, yeah it was!"

  I 'hmph-ed' at him and in return, he continued his annoying laughter. Droplets of water which came from my clothes started to spill onto his, and if he weren't here with me I would have already removed my clothes to be able to get rid of the sticky and wet feeling. But hell, I wouldn't even need to change if he hadn't pushed me.

  "Your bra's red," he said, stopping his hysterical act.

  I followed to where his eyes darted at and what I saw was my soaked white see-through shirt exposing partially my crimson lacy bra. I crossed my arms over my chest before I stood up to go to my room and change. I started walking as I took my time and from behind he put a hand on my shoulder. I turned around to face him.

  "Yes?" I asked when he started following me.

  "I'll accompany you," he answered smiling.

  "You're going to be with me while I change?" I questioned arching one of my eyebrows up at him and soon after, I laughed. "You're not serious are you?"

  I grinned before my lips curved wider and turned into a smirk because of the way he blushed. He looked like a little kid whom I so wanted to hug. His posture seemed a little bit restless and his shining eyes looked embarrassed. It was my turn to put a hand over his shoulder.

  "So, are you?"

  "Am I what?" he asked, his arms remaining on his sides.

  The sun was almost about to set and the sky became a palette of orange, pink and red. I looked at what was over me before I locked eyes with Nathan. His lips formed a thin line as if he were having an inner battle with himself, while his eyes avoiding eye contact, looked away from mine. He seemed to be having an argument with his mind, and I, on the other hand, was debating with myself whether it was right to continue doing what I was doing. My hands were against his skin and if I brought them up just a little bit they would be cupping his face. We weren't together anymore, though I'd do anything to change that. Well, not entirely everything. I couldn't give up my career. It was just too much a part of me...

  "Come on, it's getting darker now," he said, taking my wrist. "And you're probably feeling cold with the winter wind and your soaking wet clothes."

  "And my red bra?"

  He blushed again.

  "Yes, and your bra too," he answered smiling shyly.

  "Well, it's your fault," I retorted. "You pushed me."

  We stopped walking, and once more, we turned to face each other. He wore the same expression, lost, confused and embarrassed while my heart held the same longing feeling. Was it so hard to kiss him and apologize? He was so near me, and I didn't even need to reach my arm up to be able to touch him. All I wanted to happen was for everything in my life to get better, for my career and my relationships to mix. But hell, life wouldn't even give me that.

  "You know I was just playing," he said childishly, and I just had to fight the urge to hug him.

  "Oh, just admit it," I replied starting to grin.

  "Admit what?"

  "That you're perverted."

  And then he laughed a gentle and genuine one. The tone of his voice resounded in my ears and I couldn't help but smile back. What was happening right now, I could say, was a Kodak moment with the both of us standing so closely together with a setting sun as our background. It seemed like a picture from a travel magazine, something photoshopped.

  "That's so random, Alex," he said, as he took my hand and pulled me towards the house. "And a complete lie, I might add."

  "Nuh-uh."

  "Yes, it was."

  "Why else would you push me into the pool while I'm wearing something white?" I asked, placing my hand on each side of my waist.

  We were inside the mansion now and the both of us rushed up to the entrance of my room. We were both worried since the drops of water on my shirt were staining the lush carpets of the house. Good thing though was that none of the housekeepers saw us enter. I leaned against my door and waited for him to say something, but he didn't.

  "Uh…" I started, feeling discomfort.

  "Yeah?"

  "I guess I'll see you later," I said and was about to open the door when he stopped me.

  One of his arms stretched out as his hand landed on the wood of the door and was placed a few inches away from my face. I looked over to his hand and then back to his face. He looked lost again, the argument inside him continuing. I, on the other hand, stared at him with curiosity since I knew he was going to say something, or ask for the matter.

  "Yes, Nate?" I questioned when he opened my mouth but no words came out.

  "I…uhm…I just wante-"

  I smiled at him because of the way he was stuttering. It was just me, and here he was, restless and incoherent when he spoke. I found this totally adorable and I couldn't help but grin which I think him made him feel embarrass with the way only one side of his lips curved up. The silence continued and only our exhaling breathing tickling our skin was heard. The tension between us rose probably to a maximum since I could feel
my chest tightening and my lungs needing more air. I didn't know what he was feeling at the moment, if he wanted me back or not, and I didn't know if I wanted to know which it was.

  "Spit it out, Nath," I said, smirking although my voice seemed tense.

  I saw him take a deep breath before he opened his mouth in worry. Well, that made the two of us.

  "Can I take you out to dinner?"

  I could only smile at him and the way we were acting like a couple of fifth-graders. His hand, once again, fell to his side while mine placed itself over his chest. I could feel his breathing with his iron chest going up-and-down repeatedly and I must admit, I enjoyed the feeling, the intensity of our presence with one another. However, despite all these, the worry and the fear, I still had the time to take this moment lightheartedly.