Another Summer

by Sue Lilley

  “But nothing fits.”

  “Oh Evie, don’t be so wet. We need a bit of fighting spirit. Don’t give in before we’ve even got there.”

  The whole thing was unbearable. Evie’s stomach was in knots but it was easier to go along with Vanessa’s bossiness. And she did feel better with a bit of colour on her face and her new red coat hiding the worst of her lumps and bumps.

  Traffic on the motorway was light. It didn’t take long to hit the outskirts of York. Nowhere near long enough for Evie who didn’t have a clue what she was going to say. Was she meant to just knock on the door and come right out with it?

  She barely knew Joe really. A few hazy summer days, that’s all they’d had. She could hardly expect him to stand by her, could she? If that was even what she was hoping for? But he did have a right to know he was going to be a father. Didn’t he?

  It was one of those crisp winter days which put a sparkle on the trees and make everything optimistically festive. Evie allowed herself the tiniest glimmer of hope. Until Vanessa pulled up right outside a tall Georgian house with the shiny brass number they’d been looking for.

  “Why are you parking here? I feel sick enough as it is.”

  “What were you planning to do? Hide in the car?”

  “Yes, please?” Evie begged.

  “We’ve come this far, come on.” Vanessa undid their seatbelts and almost dragged Evie up the stone steps to a smart navy door. “Not your usual student hovel, is it? Leave it to the Drydens to set up their boy in style.”

  There was no answer when Vanessa rang the bell.

  “Maybe he’s still in bed,” Evie said, hoping that meant they could go.

  “Lazy sod!”

  Vanessa rang the bell again, longer and harder this time. Evie could barely breathe, her heart was hammering so loudly. This time, the door was opened by a girl, looking tiny in nothing but a man’s black shirt. She yawned, making it obvious that she had indeed still been in bed.

  “Did you want something?” she asked, pulling the shirt tighter when nobody said anything. “It’s bloody freezing out here.”

  Evie just stared at the girl in dismay. Even with bed hair, she was gorgeous. What chance did Evie have next to an older girl like that?

  “My name’s Vanessa Lee and this is my sister, Evie. We’re looking for Steve Dryden. Is this his flat?”

  “I’m Steve’s girlfriend,” she said pointedly. “Why do you want him?”

  “Actually, we were hoping Steve could help us find a mate of his. Joe Marsh?”

  “Oh? Why?”

  “We’re friends of his.”

  “Really? Well, I’m Heather, Joe’s sister and I never heard of you.”

  Evie could see it now, the clear resemblance to Joe. Her eyes flooded with tears, a mixture of relief and downright terror. She hung onto Vanessa as her knees began to give way.

  “Hey, are you okay?” Heather frowned. “Look, you’d better come in. Mind the stairs in the dark, the bulb went but they’re so steep nobody wants to stand up there to change it.”

  Upstairs, Heather showed them into a room with walls the colour of creamy custard, dotted here and there with film posters. The shutters at the tall windows had been painted matt black and covered in Christmas cards and scraps of memorabilia. Apart from a couple of bentwood chairs, there was no furniture. The carpet had been rolled back against the wall, revealing dusty wooden boards. There was a giant sound system and beer cans all over.

  “Sorry about the mess. Stinks a bit, I’ll open a window. We’ve had a couple of parties. You know how it is?”

  Evie didn’t know how it was. In her world, Christmas had been dismal.

  “Have a seat. I’ll just throw on some clothes. Be back in a tick.”

  It was freezing with the sash window open. Evie and Vanessa sat in apprehensive silence until Heather reappeared carrying a tray with a proper teapot and a plate of mince pies. She’d fastened the shirt and had pulled on a pair of jeans tucked into a thick pair of hiking socks.

  She turned on the gas fire. “Have a mince pie. Have a few. Please? We’re sick of the sight of them.”

  Vanessa took one. Evie thought she’d be sick if she even smelled one. But she was desperate for a drink so she poured herself a cup of tea.

  “Do you live here?” Vanessa asked.

  “Not officially. I have my own place but this flat’s nicer than mine. Bigger, more sociable. I’m hanging onto mine for now, though. Keeps Steve on his toes. I’ve been staying over Christmas. Saved me from choosing between my three competitive sisters.”

  Evie decided she quite liked Heather. She relaxed a fraction. Maybe Heather would be able to help.

  “So, how do you know my brother?”

  “I met him in Cornwall, in the summer.”

  “And now you’re here looking for him?”

  Evie shuffled uncomfortably in her chair. Surely the first person to know should be Joe himself, not his sister, however nice she was?

  “Oh, I get it,” Heather nodded, waving the crust of a mince pie in the air. “You’re pregnant, right? Why else would you turn up on the doorstep looking terrified? How do you know it’s Joe’s?”

  “There hasn’t been anyone else.”

  “I see. How old are you, Evie?”

  “She’s sixteen and your brother needs to face up to his responsibilities.”

  “Really? Good luck with that one.” Heather tossed aside the remains of the pie. “I’m not trying to be difficult but I should warn you, Joe’s not himself at the moment.”

  “Sounds like an excuse to me,” Vanessa scoffed. “If you know where he is, you should tell us.”

  Heather looked at Evie for an endless moment. Her eyes seemed half defensive, half loaded with pity. Evie couldn’t tell if the pity was for her or for Joe as Heather stood up and put her mug on top of the gas fire.

  “Wait there. But don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

  Again, the girls were left looking at each other when Heather disappeared. As they waited, Evie started to wish she hadn’t risked the tea. Then the door opened again. But, it wasn’t Heather standing there. It was Joe.

  Evie stared at him as he leaned on the door frame, rubbing sleep from his eyes. She couldn’t believe the change in him. Naked but for a pair of black boxers, he looked pale and almost skinny. And he’d got a tattoo, a wild cat that seemed to be crawling over his shoulder and down his chest, one paw reaching out, as if to grab at something. Had she really been in love with him?

  “Do you remember me?”

  He barely nodded and she flinched at his hostile expression. He hadn’t moved from the doorway, his sleepy eyes dull and unfocussed. He was either drunk or very hungover.

  “You left without saying a word.”

  “Train to catch.”

  “Evie’s pregnant,” Vanessa snapped.

  “So?”

  Vanessa looked like she wanted to hit him. She wrenched open Evie’s coat to reveal her rounded belly. Evie was near to tears, she just wanted to disappear into the ground.

  “Count back to Cornwall, five months ago,” Vanessa insisted. “This is your baby.”

  He shrugged. “And?”

  “And we thought you should know.”

  “So now I do.”

  Evie was shocked by his scowl and the utter coldness of his reaction. She didn’t know what to do next. It was clear he didn’t care and her precious memories of him were nothing but illusions. He didn’t want her or their baby. She’d been a fool to imagine that he might. But she wasn’t going to let him see her cry about it.

  Biting the inside of her lip, she stood up and walked past him, out of the room. She didn’t look at him and he didn’t try and stop her leaving. Outside, she ran down the street, as fast as she could to get away from him. Her stomach heaved from a mixture of tea and disappointment.

  It was raining now, no trace left of the wintry sun. Just flurries of sleet and a biting wind. She dragged her coat around her, feeling cheap and
stupid. She had no money and no way of earning any but one thing had become crystal clear. She wouldn’t be rejecting her baby, just because its father had. Who needed him?

  There was a playground at the end of the street. She sat down on the slushy roundabout to catch her breath. It was deserted. Probably all the local children would be having their lunch. She wondered if they all had mums and dads. Most likely they all had nannies, it looked that sort of area.

  Her baby wouldn’t have a nanny. But it would have a mother. She’d have to make sure that was enough.

  “Thank Christ! There you are! What are you doing out here? You’re drenched.”

  She jumped at Vanessa’s voice. Heather and Vanessa were sharing a large golf umbrella. Evie had barely noticed her own hair dripping onto her shoulders.

  “I just wanted some air, needed to think.”

  “Are you okay?” Heather asked. “I’m sorry, what can I say? I don’t think he can cope with anything like this right now.”

  “Some of us will have to cope,” Evie snapped, wondering where her strength had come from. “I thought it was the right thing to tell him but I don’t need anything from him.”

  “Maybe if I try to explain?”

  “Don’t bother,” Vanessa interrupted. “Spare us the sob story.”

  “Look, I can see you’re both upset and I understand why, I really do. But he’s going to need some time. Our mother died not long ago. It hit him really hard. He was always the blue eyed boy.”

  “He’s not twelve!”

  “Vanessa, it isn’t Heather’s fault. Maybe we should go and sit in the shelter, out of the rain?” What else could she lose just by listening?

  They sat in a row on the long seat under the eaves of the boarded up ice cream kiosk, the dripping umbrella at their feet. Heather took a minute to go on, as if she couldn’t quite make her mind up what to say.

  “Joe’s the baby in our family. He has four older sisters who’ve doted on him all his life. Our mother was a widow for most of our childhood. She worshipped the ground he walked on. He’s used to being indulged, spoilt and pandered to. He’s never had to stand on his own two feet. He isn’t even beginning to cope.”

  “You obviously care about your brother,” Vanessa put in. “He’s lucky to have you. Maybe you can see that I’m just trying to do the right thing for my sister?”

  “Yes, of course. I do love him. But right now, I genuinely think your sister may be better off without him.”

  Heather pulled up the zip of her padded ski jacket. It was too big for her, probably belonged to her boyfriend.

  “He’s in with a strange crowd. They’re older than him, very arty. He’s under the thumb, neglecting his studies. He drinks far too much, takes God knows what else, far too often. A baby just doesn’t fit into that lifestyle.”

  “That’s all very well,” Vanessa snapped. “But it’s quite a convenient excuse for ducking his responsibilities.”

  “That isn’t what I’m saying. I’m saying I’m worried about him. He’s in no fit state to look after himself, never mind a family.” She turned to Evie. “I’d be worried he dragged you down with him.”

  “Come on, Evie. Let’s go. We’re wasting our time.”

  Vanessa jumped up and Evie felt suddenly torn. The sensible part of her knew she ought to go home and forget about Joe, to concentrate on building a life for herself and her baby. But a tiny part of her was still back there in that summer paradise, wondering if she shouldn’t be trying to help Joe. Maybe he needed her. How was she meant to know?

  “Look, don’t write him off,” Heather pleaded. “Just give him some time to pull himself together. And I’d like to help. After all, I’ll be the baby’s aunt, won’t I?”

  “It will already have an aunt. Me.”

  “Of course. But I’d like to keep in touch anyway. See how things turn out. Would you give me your number, Evie? Your address?”

  Evie couldn’t think of a reason not to. Despite her obvious disapproval, Vanessa tore a page from the diary in her bag and scribbled down the details. The three of them walked back to the car. It was still pouring.

  “I feel like we should hug?”

  Heather already had her arms around Evie. Vanessa just got into the car.

  “Bloody nerve!” she hissed as they pulled away. “Making excuses for him like that. You don’t need the likes of him. Or his sister. He’s nothing but a bastard and probably a junkie to boot. You’ll be better off without him.”

  “You’re probably right,” Evie lied, still torn.

  Joe had behaved appallingly. Why would she want a father like that for her baby? But what if he really was ill? Needed help? How could she explain to their child that she’d turned her back on him? Her head was pounding. Maybe she should just get on with making plans and let him come to her if he wanted to?

  “I think I should take you to see Mum when she gets back from France. You’ll have to tell her sometime.”

  “Do you think she’ll be shocked?”

  “I’m sure she’ll want to help.”

  Evie was sceptical but the one reaction neither of them expected was that Maxine, who never cried, would burst into tears. She fell onto one of the grey velvet sofas with her head buried in her hands. The girls sat opposite her, not knowing what to say. It was the first time they’d seen her make-up less than perfect.

  “I really believed it was the right time to leave. I’d waited so long, until you were both grown up. I thought you were both sensible girls. What were you thinking?” Maxine sobbed.

  “I just thought I loved him. I’m sorry.”

  “No, I’m sorry. You must think I’m a lousy mother?”

  “It isn’t your fault Evie got pregnant.”

  “But I left her for a whole summer.” Maxine dabbed her eyes with a tissue, looking sadly at Evie. “You must have been lonely stuck down there on your own? I didn’t even think of that, I’m so sorry. I can see he must’ve turned your head, taken advantage. But we can sort things out.”

  “It wasn’t like that,” Evie insisted. She didn’t want to be seen as a victim. “And I’m not having it adopted.”

  “Evie, that’s ridiculous! You can’t look after a baby at your age. How would you cope? You have no idea what it‘s like.”

  “I’m sure I’ll find out. Other people manage.”

  “But, your career?”

  “What career? I’ve never wanted to be a teacher but none of you gave me the chance to say so. Anyway, I can still study. Won’t be much else to do until the baby’s born.”

  “Please think about it,” Maxine begged, rubbing Evie’s hand between her own. “It’s a decision that will affect the rest of your life. You’re young. You’re pretty. You’re intelligent. There are so many things you need to do with your life before getting tied down with babies.”

  “Mum, I know it’ll be hard. I’m not stupid. But it’s my choice. I’m not giving my baby away.”

  “That’s what I thought and look where I ended up.”

  “What do you mean?” Vanessa frowned.

  Maxine stood up and took a deep shuddering breath. She tugged at the hem of her cashmere sweater, a shade of gold which flattered her tan.

  “I’ve never told you this before,” she said. “But I was pregnant when I married your father.”

  Evie gasped before she could stop herself. Vanessa reached for her arm, stopping her from jumping up as they both stared in alarm at their mother’s tear-streaked face.

  “I miscarried at six months. A little boy. I was barely nineteen. You never get over something like that. It just stops being so raw. But I’d already missed my golden opportunity.

  “How? What do you mean?”

  “Michael was older than me, very charming. The most intellectual man I ever met. I thought it would be romantic to get married. I thought he was rescuing me and I was grateful, quite bowled over.” Maxine dabbed at the black streaks under her eyes. “I wanted to be a model, to be on magazine covers and see
the world. I had started to get somewhere. I was house model for an up-and-coming designer and I had a contact in Paris who was lining up work. I never planned on giving it all up to be a schoolteacher’s wife.”

  “Why couldn’t you do both?” Evie asked.

  “Twenty years ago, it wasn’t so easy. Your father didn’t like the idea of me working and by the time I realised I was missing my chance, you were on the way, Vanessa.”

  “I didn’t realise”, Vanessa murmured.

  “I’d hate you to think I didn’t love you, either of you. Or that I resented you. I didn’t. You were two gorgeous little girls and we were a happy family. For a while. But what I’m trying to say now, Evie, is resentment came later. The more I tried to swallow it, the more it threatened to engulf me. It’s taken me over twenty years to snatch back my independence, however badly I timed it. I don’t want the same thing to happen to you.”

  But Evie had already made up her mind.

  Chapter 14

  Jake stopped messing about on the piano and sat beside Evie on the sofa. As he put a welcome arm around her, she hid her face in his shoulder, embarrassed that she couldn’t stop crying.

  “Maybe I’ll just wear this shirt wet in future.”

  She tried to laugh but choked on a sob. The memories were still too raw, no matter how much she’d been pretending. She was icy cold, shivering against him, almost curled up in a ball now as he wrapped his arms around her, his chin resting on the top of her head.

  “You’re going to have to tell me?”

  She took a deep breath. “I lost a baby a couple of months ago. It was ectopic, when the baby grows in the tube? It ruptured. They said I could have died.”

  “Sounds gruesome. Is that what the scar’s all about? I thought it was your appendix, or something.” He leaned over her shoulder, pushing her hair back from her face so he could look at her. “I’m thinking I’ve been a bit rough. I didn’t hurt you, did I?”

  “No, you didn’t hurt me. You’ve been wonderful.”

  “Wonderful? I’m liking that. But are you going to tell me the rest of it?”