The Vintage Cinema Club

by Jane Linfoot

  Izzy carried on. ‘I was so wrong the other day Xander, when I implied you were like my dad, because when I actually thought about it, you’re different on every level. You are good, and kind and you have every bit of the integrity you claim.’ Her voice was soft and warm now, and she leaned towards him. ‘Thank you Xander, this is the most thoughtful, awesome thing anyone has ever done for me.’

  For a minute it felt like his heart was going to burst in his chest. ‘You have no idea how much I want to make you happy.’

  ‘That’s the other wonderful thing…’ Her hand wavered next to his knee. ‘You understand me, and you know me so well. The one thing in the world that would make me secure, and you found it.’

  He let his gaze play across the freckles below her eyelashes, and land in the dimple in her left cheek. ‘I’m glad I got something right.’

  Wrinkling her nose, she sent him a smile that turned his insides to hot toffee. Then, as her face fell, she looked suddenly serious. ‘You did this so I could feel safe enough to be with you, didn’t you?’

  He dragged in a breath, not knowing how to answer.

  She carried on. ‘It’s not only about the money any more.’ She looked right into his eyes. ‘You thinking about this at all, and understanding me, makes me know I can trust you enough to be with you.’

  His voice was low and close to cracking as he spoke. ‘I’m so sorry Izzy, I’ve done all this for you because I want you to have the life you deserve.’ He’d said this over and over to himself so many times, but still, he didn’t know how to say it now. ‘You’re wonderful, you’re the most amazing woman I’ve ever met, but in the end this is what this was about. I’m not going to be able to be with you, because I can’t let you throw all that away, on me. On someone with my genetic outlook.’

  ‘What?’ Her voice rose again, and she stared at him as if she didn’t understand.

  This was the hardest thing he’d ever done in his life. It was so complicated, and yet so clear.

  ‘I can’t take the risk.’ His words were almost a whisper now, and he raked his fingers through his hair. ‘If I do end up ill with what my mum had, at some time in the future, I love you way too much to lay that on you. I came back because I wanted to be with you, desperately, but the longer I thought about it, the more I know you deserve more than I can offer. You need to be with someone who will put you first, but I can’t guarantee that, so I can’t be that person. Now the cinema is yours I’m leaving so you can move on.’

  ‘No Xander, no.’ Izzy was in front of him now, tears streaming down her cheeks, winding her arms tightly around his neck, her sweet scent enveloping his head as he tried to wrestle back his own sobs. ‘I won’t let you do this. You mustn’t.’

  His fingers wound under her jacket, digging into the muscles beside her spine, his chin resting on the soft raspberry tangles of her hair. If he closed his eyes really tight, for a minute he could pretend this wasn’t happening, that he was never going to let go, and that he could hold her here forever. He could rock her crying, convulsing body against his, and pretend he didn’t ever have to let go. Pretend that he could wake up with her every day, and go to sleep beside her every night. Soak up all her goodness and strength, and let it make him the guy he’d never imagined he could be until he met her. When he looked into buying the cinema, he had been hoping to set her free to be with him. But now he knew, after all she’d been through with her dad, and always being there for her brothers, he couldn’t let her give everything up for him, if or when he would need 24 hour care. He was setting her free to go on to a new life, which would have to be without him. It was the only way for this to end.

  He drew in one last lungful of her scent, disentangled a hand, and dug into his pocket.

  ‘Here, I want you to have these.’ He flipped off the lid, and held out the box.

  ‘Silver cherubs?’ The words came through the last breathy gulps of her sobs, as she took them and held them in the cup of her hand. ‘They’re beautiful. Thank you so much.’ Then she stared up at him, shaking her head, and bereft. ‘What are we going to do Xander?’

  He bit his lip hard, and drew every bit of strength in his body. ‘We’re going to go back to our lives, and live them the very best way we can. And you’ll be able to do whatever you want, and be whoever you want, because you’ll be strong and you’ll have your independence. And the first thing you’re going to do is to go back, and tell everyone that the cinema is safe.’ He was talking her through every step here. Missing the bit about being with someone else, but she would be, eventually, because she deserved that too.

  ‘And the bunting?’ She shook her head, as if it was a random thing she’d just remembered. ‘There’s so much of it…’

  ‘You keep it.’

  Bending down, he picked up the envelope from the ground, disentangled her arms from around his neck, and taking her by the hand, he led her back to her van, and pulled open the door.

  ‘Get in, Izzy.’

  He almost shouldered her up into the driver’s seat. Bossy and forceful didn’t begin to cover how he was being, but it was the only way. There was a volcano pushing up in his thorax, and he wasn’t sure how long he could hold it back.

  Handing her the envelope, he couldn’t meet her eye. Quite how he was keeping his voice low and collected he had no idea. ‘The solicitors will be in touch with you on Monday. You need to go now.’ For both their sakes this parting had to happen at the speed of light, or he might never do it. ‘Now drive away, and don’t look back.’

  Saying goodbye was beyond him. He took a step back, as the engine spluttered into life, and he remembered another time, what seemed like a lifetime ago now, when he’d been praying for this same engine to fail. He heard the gears grind, and then the tyres were crunching across the pebbles. Catching a last glimpse of her hair as she turned into the lane, the ache in his chest racked off the scale. Then he made a dive for his car, slammed the door, and only then did he let himself cry. And for half an hour he sobbed for everything they had, and for everything they didn’t.

  87

  Saturday Lunchtime, 24th August

  DIDA, LUCE & IZZY

  In the Bridal Suite

  Red eyes and coffee cake

  ‘Well, talk about quick changes. Five minutes ago we were unloading a van in silence, with long faces, now there’s a full blown celebration, and it’s all down to you.’ Dida eased her way past the long rail of floaty lace dresses, and threw her arms around Izzy, who was snivelling into her sleeve. ‘You’ve saved the cinema, but what about you?’

  Dida threw a desperate querying glance at Luce, over Izzy’s shoulder. Luce had dashed after Izzy when she’d bolted upstairs moments after coming in with her stupendous news, but Luce was shaking her head at Dida now.

  Sinking onto the chaise lounge, Dida pulled Izzy down beside her.

  ‘Here, my special mother of the bride’s tissue box.’ Luce pushed some hankies at Izzy, who blew her nose loudly, and dabbed her bloodshot eyes. Izzy’s sunken cheeks were blotchy, and behind the sleeves of her denim jacket, huddled across her chest, her body shrank to nothing.

  Finally, Izzy gulped in some air, and then her words came out in a rush. ‘You know Xander bought the cinema, so I could be independent.’ Throwing up her head, she battled to push away the ragged curls falling across her face. ‘That’s not all though. His mother died from a horrible, debilitating genetic disease, which he might have. But even though he doesn’t know for sure, he’s decided he doesn’t want to be with me and that’s why I’m…’ Izzy’s bottom lip went again, and she collapsed into a shaking mass of sobs.

  ‘Oh shit, I’m so sorry.’ While Dida gave her another long hug, patting her heaving shoulders, Luce knelt on the floor, and rubbed Izzy’s knee.

  Once Izzy’s tears had subsided, Dida eased her grip, and carried on talking. ‘So what do you think about this?’ From where Dida was sitting, this sounded like a good man, being selfless, and no doubt about it, Xander was that.


  Izzy considered. ‘I’m gutted that he’s got the disease hanging over him.’

  Dida couldn’t begin to imagine how Izzy must be feeling. ‘I can see why he would want to save you from that too, especially if he loves you, which he obviously does, very much.’

  After another nose blow, Izzy managed to croak. ‘I sound like I’m changing my mind a lot, but I do know for certain I want to be with him…I can’t actually imagine living my life without him.’

  Luce’s frown was indulgent. ‘At last. You have no idea how glad I am to finally hear that. We’ve known you and Xander belonged together since day one. It was completely obvious to everyone but you.’

  ‘I was hung up on the money part, but once I saw how he’d handled the cinema, I realised how well he understands me. I knew in that instant that I want to be with him, and his potential for illness doesn’t change that at all.’

  ‘It might be a very big commitment.’ Great, Luce was playing devil’s advocate here.

  Izzy’s voice was quiet. ‘In the long term it might not be easy. But I want to be with Xander, whatever.’

  Dida narrowed her eyes. ‘I thought you might say that, in which case you can’t hide away here. You’re going to have to go and tell him this.’ There was no other way forward. ‘It’s up to you to persuade him this is right for both of you.’

  ‘And it might not be easy.’ Luce chimed in.

  Izzy gulped again. ‘I don’t even know where he is.’

  Dida was already on her feet, heading for the door. ‘I’ll bring you some tea, and coffee cake, you’re going to need every bit of strength you can get.’ If this was the only thing they did for Izzy, they had to pull it off, after everything she’d done for all of them. ‘As for tracking Xander down, The Vintage Cinema Club is on the case. We owe you on so many levels Izzy, and we’re here for you. Xander’s a strong guy, and I suspect you’re going to have to fight hard to win this one. But we’re right here, fighting with you.’

  88

  Saturday Afternoon, 24th August

  IZZY

  At The Pink House

  Kitten heels

  ‘Here goes, wish me luck.’

  As she knocked on the front door, Izzy slipped the plaster cherub she’d been talking to back into her bag, wrenched in her stomach to stop it lurching off down the drive, and gave a last chomp on her gum. Much as she needed it, on balance it was crucial she did as little as possible to annoy Xander. This time the bubble gum had to go.

  The sound of her own heartbeat banging in her ears was loud enough to drown out the birdsong, as she waited for what seemed like forever. Luce had insisted she wore her lemon kitten heels but as Izzy peered down at her feet, she knew it was going to take more than lucky shoes to pull this off. And then he was there, peeling back the door, all stubble and cheekbones, but the two lines between his eyebrows deepening as his frown descended told her he was less than happy to see her.

  ‘Not disturbing you I hope?’ She threw out the remark anyway, even though it couldn’t be more obvious she was.

  ‘I’ve got a stack of scripts to read, but I hear you’re insistent…’ His shrug was gruff.

  He shook his head as he stood back to let her in. ‘This isn’t a good idea, Izzy.’

  Expecting her, already primed, his mind already firmly made up then. Leading her along the hall, he sent a grimace of complaint over his shoulder as he shuffled her through the kitchen to the snug. One uneasy nod at a sofa told her where to sit, and underlined exactly how delighted he was to see her, i.e. Not at all.

  She tried for a watery smile, and wished her full skirt didn’t take so much tucking into place.

  Xander, still standing, stretched one arm across his body, and the corners of his mouth pulled down in recrimination. ‘Saying goodbye once was hard enough. I was two hours into my life without you, now I’ll have to start all over again.’

  As she dropped her bag and perched on the edge of her seat she couldn’t help biting her lip. She took a breath, wished her voice hadn’t disappeared quite so completely, and desperately tried to nail the first line she’d rehearsed. Luce and Dida had talked her though it. The key was to put forward all the arguments, logically and calmly. But if she couldn’t remember the start, how the hell was she going to get to the end? She’d counted on resistance from Xander, but his cold detachment was making her more twitchy by the minute.

  Under his ferociously dark brow his eyes narrowed. ‘Are you wearing lipstick?’

  Izzy sighed, and pushed back an escaping strand of hair. She’d resisted Dida’s insistence on sending her into battle slicked up with bright red Ruby Woo, and compromised. ‘Crushed strawberry gloss.’

  ‘Right.’ Just for a moment the granite in his eyes blurred. ‘Your cherubs look nice.’

  ‘I love them.’ She instinctively grabbed her ear, and then hurled herself in. ‘That’s the whole point of why I’m here, you’re the only person in the whole world who would know these are the perfect present for me. How the hell can you expect me to let you go when you know me so well? Just tell me that.’ Her words dwindled, as his scowl deepened.

  He advanced a step, and then jerked to a halt, sending her a grave warning stare. ‘You have to stop this Izzy. I understand it’s been a shock, but you’ll get used to it in time, we both will, we have to. We’ve got to do this, and the sooner we start the sooner we’ll get…’ He tailed off.

  Something about the way he rubbed his chin spun her straight back to the day they were eating their sundaes, and she’d broken her heart at the thought of him ever getting ill. Then she’d cried because she was hurting and sad, but now the thought of Xander, not only the possibility of him getting ill, but wrecking his life and hers because of it, sent a volcano force of anger rushing through her chest.

  ‘This is so not fair Xander.’ The quiet she’d intended went out of the window. ‘It’s not fair that one day you might get ill, but it’s really not fair the way you’re just giving in, and letting it ruin both our lives.’ Somehow all the pent up pain and stress and hurt she’d been holding in since France was exploding out of her like a bursting damn. ‘Yes, I’m sorry for you, but I’m also furious. You think you’re being so damned selfless saving me, but actually all you’re being is bloody selfish, because you’re not thinking of what I want at all.’ Her howling accusations bounced off the walls, and she wasn’t sure if she was yelling, or crying now, because her face was wet, and she was gulping back sobs. ‘How exactly am I meant to cope with this?’ As her wailing rose to a scream, Xander moved towards her, and suddenly she was beating her fists on his chest. ‘And what the fucking hell happened to seizing the moment?’ A whole tumult of love bottled up inside her, and her whole body ached, because it had nowhere to go. So much for being a calm woman, arguing her case. She was howling like a banshee, with snot running out of her nose, her face probably looked like a raspberry sundae, and she didn’t give a damn, because all she wanted was to be with the man she loved. How the hell could he deny her that? ‘This isn’t grabbing life, it’s lying down to bloody die, and I refuse to let you do it.’

  Xander’s arms closed around her back, and as her ribs collided with his stomach, her face was crushed against his chest. As her hands wound up under his T shirt, his scent engulfed her, as she fought to get her breath back.

  ‘I’m sorry.’ She scraped her nose on her sleeve, kicking herself for being girlie enough to cry. ‘I didn’t mean to lose it…’ The last thing she wanted was to use tears to manipulate him.

  His voice reverberated through his chest. ‘Maybe I should have guessed you’d fight me on this.’ He tugged her towards a chair, flopped down, and one twist of her hand later, she landed on his knee. ‘Now we’re here, we might as well talk rather than fight. Are you going to tell me about it quietly?’ He raised one eyebrow expectantly.

  ‘I know I’ve been inconsistent, but since France I’ve been completely screwed up and miserable. Then this morning, when I thought you’d bought the cine
ma as a way that we could be together, there was this amazing moment when all the pain dropped away, and everything was suddenly clear. In that split second I knew that all I want is to be with you.’

  ‘Oh, Izzy.’ He propped his chin on his hand, and shook his head. ‘It can’t happen.’

  ‘It’s because I love you.’ She scratched her head, and puzzled. ‘When we’re apart I get this awful dragging emptiness, and it hurts so much, but as soon as we’re together I feel amazing.’

  ‘Right.’

  She told this guy she loved him, and he looks pained and says right? ‘Well do you get that too or what? We’ve never talked about this before.’ Lately all she’d done was hide from him. Knowing he was about to leave, she couldn’t believe she’d wasted so much time running away.

  ‘I told you the day I came back from America – I hate being apart from you.’ He cleared his throat. ‘When I came back it wasn’t because I wanted to see you again, it was because I knew I loved you so much I wanted to spend my life with you. But I’ve had time to think and I can’t live with myself if I put you in this position.’ He gave a guilty grimace. ‘When I look back I loved you long before that. Really, I knew there was something going on as I hauled you out of the skip, I just didn’t recognise what it was.’

  Another time Xander saying all that would have had her melting into a pool on the woodblock floor. Hearing this, but knowing he was still holding back, saying he couldn’t be with her, made her stomach wrench.

  Raking his hand through his hair, he went on, his voice so low it almost cracked. ‘It’s because I love you so much that I know you deserve much more than a life with me.’

  She screwed up her face. Somehow talking about the illness made it seem more real and threatening, not less. ‘I know what might happen. I read a lot about these kind of illnesses when I came back from France. And I’m strong, and ready to face it, if…’ She had to throw in everything she could here.