The Last First Time

by Andrea Bramhall

  Heavy footsteps pounded through the door behind her, and Kate glanced over her shoulder. She could have kissed the paramedic that ran in. He didn’t bother to greet her, just took over, his partner right behind him. Between them, they got the girl on a stretcher, secured a dressing over her middle, and ran her out of the door. Within a minute, she was gone.

  Kate never even learnt her name.

  It was Timmons who pulled her to her feet. Kate didn’t even remember sitting down on the glass-covered floor. It was Timmons who led her out of the back door and into a car, a foil blanket wrapped around her shoulders and a cup of something she hadn’t even tasted in her hand.

  She could see the fence from where she was sitting now. The wooden beam that her icicles had clung to—that she had clung to—weren’t there anymore. A part of Kate wondered if they ever had been.

  Questions bombarded her with every breath she took. How the hell do you close your eyes after seeing all that? How do you get up in the morning and carry on?

  How did you sleep at night, knowing you caused all that?

  She held her breath, wondering if it would make the questions stop. It didn’t. So she closed her eyes and wondered what was going to happen next. And asked herself, more importantly, would she be able to cope with it?

  Chapter 20

  “So, let me get this straight,” Jodi said. “You were more bothered about seeing your mum again, finding out the flowers were stolen, and getting this card than you were by being in the shop where a terrorist blew you all up?” Her voice spoke of her incredulity.

  “Sounds a bit mad when you put it like that,” Gina mumbled.

  Jodi tipped her head to one side. A movement Gina had come to realise was Jodi’s non-verbal way of saying “Ya think?”

  “I see your point, I do. But that bomb wasn’t anything to do with me. I was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. It literally could have been anyone. These flowers, the card…that’s personal. It’s addressed to me. It’s someone who wants something from me. My mum, again, personal. Ally, personal. The bomb wasn’t.”

  “Okay, I can see the point there. But don’t you think it’s also possible that you’re in shock, Gina? That it hasn’t really hit you yet? That maybe you’re still processing what happened?”

  Gina flung her hands up. “I thought you’d be pleased that I wasn’t a gibbering wreck again.”

  Jodi chuckled. “Oh, I am. Believe me. But I am surprised. Gibbering wrecks are expected in these circumstances.”

  Gina smiled. “Fine. I’ll try and work on my gibbering for next time.”

  “You do that. In the meantime, let’s talk about your mum. What made you decide to let her in?”

  “The bombing.”

  “How so?”

  “Well, specifically Pat. I just couldn’t stop thinking about her and how sad she was. How many regrets she seemed to have from not talking to George. It might not have made any difference to what happened in the end, but the not knowing…that was playing on my mind so much. After what Kate told me, everything my mum had told her about how my dad was… Well, I guess I needed to know. I think I’ve come to the conclusion that we’re always going to regret something in life, and I’d rather regret something I’ve done or tried to do, rather than not and constantly wonder.”

  “I can understand that. And how do you feel about your mum now you’ve had a chance to hear what she had to say? Has it helped?”

  “I…Well, I think I’m still trying to get my head around all of it. I can understand how she was depressed, or rather, that she was, and how difficult that must have made everything for her. And I can sympathise with her for it. But understanding it now doesn’t really change anything that happened then. It doesn’t make up for the fact that we had, at best, a strained relationship when I was growing up. It doesn’t wash away the hurt or the years of being alone.”

  “No. Do you honestly think anything will?”

  Gina shook her head. “I don’t think that’s possible.”

  “Do you wish it were?”

  “Yes. I can see how growing up like that has…damaged me.”

  “I’m not sure I’d agree with that. Certainly growing up in the family you did has shaped you. But I’m not sure I’d agree that you’re damaged, Gina. Certainly no more than anyone else is, anyway.”

  “Thanks, but I can see it. I can see how that negativity has affected my self-esteem. I can see how it’s affected all my relationships, friendships.”

  “Not with Kate.”

  Gina smiled softly. “I think that’s more about Kate than about me.”

  “Maybe. Or maybe you just needed the person to help you see beyond the hurt. I don’t think she’s the first person to see you. I just think she’s the first person you’ve allowed to show you what they see when they look at you.”

  “Deep, Jodi.” She tried to play off the thought-provoking insights as much as she could. Sometimes Jodi let her. Sometimes she didn’t. Today she let it go.

  “So, back to your mum, then. Do you think you can forge a relationship with her now?”

  “I don’t know if it’s possible. Not now. So much has happened, so much hurt.”

  “Do you want to?”

  Gina gave the question serious thought. Did she? What would it be like to have the kind of relationship where she could pick up the phone and call her mother? To ask for advice or to listen to each other complain about a shit day at work? To talk to about…things. Did she want that?

  Who was she kidding? Of course she wanted that. She’d always wanted that. But it was a fantasy that had no bearing on reality. It was an “I wish”, not a “could be” or even a “maybe”. A fairy tale that she’d outgrown. Still, in an ideal world… “Yes, but like I said—”

  Jodi held up her hand to quiet Gina. “To get over the past, you first have to accept that the past is over.” She smiled. “No matter how many times you revisit it, analyse it, regret it, or sweat it…it’s over. It can hurt you no more.”

  “Again with the deep.”

  “Not mine this time. Mandy Hule, I believe. I saw it on one of those memes on Facebook, but the truth of it stayed with me. If you want to move forward, Gina, let go of the past. It’s doing you no favours, and it can only hurt you now if you let it.”

  “I guess.”

  “Just think about it. Remember your new philosophy. Regret what you did or tried to do…not what you didn’t.”

  Gina rolled her eyes and refused to admit out loud that she agreed. And she would try. Her phone buzzed. “Sorry, I left it on in case there was a problem with Sammy.”

  “It’s fine.”

  Gina glanced at the screen to see a missed call from Kate. And a second from DI Timmons. She frowned.

  “Everything okay?”

  “I don’t know. It’s Kate and her boss.” She pressed the button to call Kate and mouthed “sorry” to Jodi. Jodi waved the apology away. After a moment, it went through to voicemail. She tried Timmons’s number.

  “Yeah?”

  “Mr Timmons, this is Gina Temple, I’ve had a missed—”

  “Thank God. Brannon’s been chewing my ear off to get hold of you. She’s on her way to Queen Elizabeth’s.”

  “Why’s she on her way to the hospital?” Gina’s heart leapt into her throat, almost choking off the words. “What’s happened to her?”

  “Banged her head when the blast threw her into a wall—”

  “What!” Gina was on her feet, pacing as she listened and tried to make sense of the words. But they didn’t make sense. What blast? What wall? What the hell?

  “Can’t go into details, Miss Temple, but there was an explosion as my officers were carrying out their duties. Kate wasn’t seriously hurt, but she’s taken a knock to the head. I want her checked out. So she’s on her way to the hospital to do just that. She refused to go unless we let you know. So now you know.”

  “Is she already at the hospital?”

  “She’s on her way there n
ow. Maybe a few minutes away.”

  “Okay, thank you for letting me know.”

  “No problem.” Gina pulled the phone away from her ear to disconnect when his voice called, “Miss Temple?”

  “Yes?”

  “Look after her.”

  “I will.”

  “And tell her I’ll be in to check up on her later.”

  Gina smiled. “I will.” The line was dead before she finished saying the words. She opened her mouth to speak, but Jodi cut her off.

  “Go. By the time you get across the grounds, she’ll be there and you can make sure she’s okay.”

  “Thank you.” She slapped her hand to her forehead. “Shit, Sammy.”

  “Leave her here for the time being. When you know what’s going on with Kate, you can get her then.” Jodi scribbled on a piece of paper and handed it to Gina. “Text me when you know. Sammy will be fine with the other kids for a bit.”

  Gina nodded. Not an ideal solution, but she didn’t want to drag Sammy over there only for her to be traumatised seeing Kate badly hurt. “Thanks.”

  Adrenaline surged through her, pumping energy-giving blood to her muscles and fuelling her brain in a random series of thoughts that bounced from please don’t let her be badly hurt to I want to kill the son of a bitch who hurt her and back again. Every second seemed to last at least an hour as she punched at the door releases to let her out of the building.

  The Reman unit that housed the mental health facilities at the Queen Elizabeth Hospital was a three-minute walk from the main entrance of the accident and emergency ward. Or, as Gina found out, a two-minute run, when you’re not very fit. No matter how much her lungs protested, she kept going. Every muscle-ripping step brought her closer to making sure Kate was okay. To seeing her face and holding her again and making sure she never, ever let go. Never. She wasn’t ever leaving Kate’s side.

  Gasping for air, she tapped on the receptionist’s window and managed a sputtered “Kate Brannon?”

  “Are you related?”

  “She’s my partner.”

  The woman nodded and tapped on her keyboard. “Did you say Brannon?”

  “Yes.”

  “I’m not showing—”

  The ambulance bay doors opened, and Kate was wheeled in on a stretcher. “That’s her!” Gina pointed over the woman’s shoulder. Craning her head around, the woman nodded and buzzed the entry door. Gina yanked it open and ran after Kate, catching a glimpse of her just as the curtain was pulled shut behind her. Gina didn’t hesitate for even a second as she slipped between the curtains and pushed her way to Kate’s side, her hands finding Kate’s arm instantly.

  Kate jumped. “Bloody hell, how’d you get here before me? You okay?”

  Gina nodded, her gaze scanning Kate for every bump and scrape. There was dust all over her. And blood. Lots and lots of blood. There was a raw graze on her chin, and her hands were covered in little scratches. No doubt under her clothes there would be bruises…just like the ones that covered Gina’s body after the explosion two days ago, but otherwise, Kate didn’t look any worse for wear.

  Gina couldn’t stop herself; she cradled Kate’s face between her hands, bent forward, and captured her lips in a kiss. Just to be sure she was really there, really okay. The panic she’d been fighting tumbled down her cheeks as tears of relief fell at the solid feel of Kate beneath her fingertips, beneath her lips.

  “I was with Jodi,” she said quietly when she pulled back and swiped the tears from her face.

  “Ah.” Kate leant back against the bed. “Timmons finally get hold of you, then?”

  “Yeah, he said—”

  A throat being cleared behind them grabbed their attention. Kate blushed and murmured, “Sorry, Doc.”

  “No worries.” He smirked as he stepped forward and bent over Kate. “I’ll just finish my assessment so we can get on with important stuff, shall I?”

  Gina turned to see the same doctor who had treated her and Stella just a couple of days ago.

  Dr Gilad shone his penlight in Kate’s eyes, made her follow his finger, touch her nose, squeeze his fingers, and do all the other crap they made you do when you’d smashed your head into a wall, and then he shoved the light back in his pocket. “You have a nasty lump on the back of your head, a mild concussion, and no doubt a headache. But otherwise, you are a very lucky lady.”

  Kate looked at him, and Gina tried to read her expression. There was a sadness to it, a resolution, but something else too, something Gina had never seen in Kate’s eyes before. And she didn’t know what to make of that.

  “I know. Is there any news on the little girl?”

  “Name?”

  Kate shook her head. “I don’t know. Stomach wound. Bowel perforation.”

  “Why the interest?”

  “I was holding her guts in till the paramedics scooped her.”

  “That was you?”

  Kate nodded. “Did she make it?”

  “She’s in surgery now. She lost a hell of a lot of blood. Last I heard, she’d had four units already, but the team is working on her. I don’t know any more than that.”

  “Thank you. How old is she?”

  “Six.”

  Kate closed her eyes. “Even younger than I thought.”

  “Yes, we were a little surprised. Her name is Anastacia Pekov, by the way. Now, you get some rest, I’ll get a nurse in to clean those cuts and scrapes, then we can get you out of here. No reason your lady can’t take care of you at home, and I can use this bed for someone who needs it.” He winked at her. “Sound good to you?”

  “Sounds perfect, Doc.”

  “Good. The nurse will bring some information on what to keep an eye out for with concussions and head injuries,” he said to Gina. “But I really don’t expect any problems. Rest. That’s the best cure.” He tapped his hand on the rail at the side of the bed and slipped out of the cubicle.

  Gina reached for Kate and kissed her again. “Are you really okay?” She ran her hands up and down Kate’s arms, over her shoulders and her back, and quickly over her legs. “Not hiding anything from me under those jeans?”

  “Just my legs, I promise.” Kate smirked. “Want me to show you?”

  Gina’s lips twitched into a smile. “Well, don’t these all have to go into evidence, Detective?”

  “That’s a very good point, Miss Temple. Think you can scrounge me up a pair of scrubs?”

  “Probably not, but Timmons is coming to check up on you soon. He’ll have one of those paper suits for you, I’m sure.”

  Kate shuddered. “Gee, thanks.” She ran her hands up Gina’s arms. “You okay?”

  She chuckled and nodded. “You scared the shit out of me.”

  “Sorry.”

  “Don’t do that again.”

  “Hey, you got blown up first.”

  “Oh, so was this a taste of my own medicine, was it?” Gina couldn’t keep her hands still. She had to touch Kate everywhere. She just had to.

  “I was just doing my job. You’ve yet to tell me what you were up to in Ann Summers, by the way.” Kate’s eyebrow arched, and her smile was positively wicked.

  Gina blushed. “You’ll never know now.”

  “Evil.”

  “Knock, knock.” A nurse pulled open the curtain and stepped inside. “Kate Brannon?”

  “That’s me,” Kate said from the bed.

  “Good. I hear you’ve got some scrapes and cuts that need cleaning and a concussion we can’t do anything about. That sound about right?”

  “Sounds like what the doctor said.”

  The nurse smiled, her white teeth standing out against her dark skin. “Good enough for me.” She busied herself getting her station set up to Kate’s left and pulled in a stool. She sat and looked over at Gina. “Do you want to get a coffee or something while I do this, love? Won’t take many minutes.”

  “Actually, I think I’ll go and get Sammy. She’s hanging out with some other kids in a kind of temporary day care o
ver at the Reman unit.” She kissed Kate again and smiled. “Won’t be long.”

  “Won’t she get upset?” Kate waved a hand at her blood-covered clothes.

  “I’ll get you something to wear, girly,” the nurse said. “Don’t want your little girl all worried about her mama being hurt worse than she is if we don’t have ta.”

  “Oh, she’s not my—” Kate started.

  “That would be great, thank you,” Gina said, meeting Kate’s startled gaze. As far as Gina was concerned, that was exactly where they were headed. Gina loved her, and Sammy loved her. The rest was just semantics.

  “I love you,” Kate whispered.

  “Love you too.” She kissed Kate’s forehead. “Now, behave, or I’ll tell Sammy you cried like a baby.”

  “Low blow, Temple.”

  The nurse snickered and started running cotton wool over the cuts on Kate’s left hand. Kate hissed, and Gina pulled the curtain closed behind her.

  “So, how old’s your little girl?” the nurse asked as Gina started to move away, a smile stretching across her lips. Kate was whole and healthy, and everything was okay. Everything was perfectly okay.

  Chapter 21

  “Couldn’t even let me get blown up and concussed without trying to copy me.”

  Stella Goodwin stood beside the curtain as the nurse left, a set of scrubs laid at the bottom of Kate’s bed.

  Kate grinned. “Well, it looked like a good way to get some time off. They’ve been working us like dogs since your little fireworks party.”

  “Fireworks? That the best you could do?”

  Kate shrugged. “Concussion.”

  Stella sniggered, then sobered. “Seriously, kid, you okay?”

  Stella was only ten years older than Kate, but in police terms, ten years was a lifetime, and being called ‘kid’ by someone you respected in a situation like this…that was like winning the jackpot.

  “Yeah, I’m okay.” She took a deep breath. “Did you hear about Collier?”