Charms & Witchdemeanors (Wicked Witches of the Midwest Book 8)

by Amanda M. Lee

  “This is unbelievable,” Patty muttered as I worked overtime to pretend she wasn’t in the room with us. “There’s no way they’ll believe this.”

  “So you’re saying you accidentally happened upon this house and due to the heat walked through an open door – which I know darned well I locked – and were just getting a glass of water when we walked in?” Noah pressed.

  I nodded, hoping my expression made me look innocent and harried instead of frustrated and guilty. “It’s just one of those strange things. I have no idea what else to say.”

  Noah rubbed the back of his neck as he turned to Landon. “Can you believe this?”

  “I … don’t know,” Landon said finally. “Aunt Tillie does look a little worse for wear. Perhaps we should take her to the hospital to have her checked out. You know, to be on the safe side.”

  “That sounds like a great idea,” Aunt Tillie said. “We can take Sally with us.”

  “There is no Sally,” Noah snapped.

  “Don’t yell at her,” I ordered. “Sally is very real to Aunt Tillie. You should be sympathetic to her emotional needs. She’s … elderly.” I figured if I was going down I might as well go for broke. Really, what did we have to lose at this point?

  “I am elderly,” Aunt Tillie agreed. She almost sounded pathetic. “Oh, Sally. Where are you?”

  “If I could still throw up, this is where I would do it,” Patty said.

  “Well, I just … don’t even know what to think about this,” Noah said. “What do you think we should do, Landon?”

  “I think we should give them a stern warning and send them on their way,” Landon said, his face unreadable. “You can’t arrest an old lady for trying to stop herself from getting heatstroke.”

  I could tell the “old lady” comment grated on Aunt Tillie, but to her credit she held it together.

  “I’m not going to do that,” Noah said, reaching to his belt and removing a set of handcuffs. “I’m arresting both of you for trespassing and taking you to the station.”

  “No, you’re not,” Landon growled, turning swiftly. “You’re not taking them into custody.”

  “Step aside, Agent Michaels,” Noah warned. “I don’t want to have to report you. We both know what that could mean for your career.”

  The words had a chilling effect on me and I immediately stepped forward and held my hands out. “Take us in. You don’t have to report him.”

  “Hey!” Aunt Tillie scorched me with a death glare. “I don’t want to go to jail. I can guarantee Sally won’t be there.”

  “Shut up,” I hissed. “Do as you’re told.” If Landon lost his job because of me – even if he only received a reprimand – I would never forgive myself. “Take us in.”

  “That’s not going to happen,” Landon countered. “Bay … just … don’t do this.”

  “Agent Michaels, will you please put the cuffs on Miss Winchester?” Noah prodded. “If you don’t … .”

  He didn’t have to finish the sentence. I stepped in front of Landon and held my arms out, fighting off tears as I fixed him with a pleading look. “Do it.”

  “No.”

  “You have to.”

  “I can’t,” Landon gritted out. “I won’t put you in cuffs.”

  “Then put me in cuffs,” Aunt Tillie said, stepping in front of me. “Sally says it’s okay. Everything will work out. Have faith.”

  Landon studied her for a moment. “I can put cuffs on you,” he said finally, grabbing his set from his belt. “Don’t cut off her circulation,” he ordered Noah as the man moved to me and started reading me my rights.

  When he was done, Landon and Noah led us out to their vehicle. Landon was careful as he put Aunt Tillie in the back seat of the sedan, and then he crossed to the other side of the vehicle and nudged Noah out of the way with his hip so he could make sure I was settled.

  “It’s going to be okay,” he whispered, pressing a quick kiss to my forehead. “We’ll figure it out.”

  “Don’t worry,” Aunt Tillie said, the smile tugging at the corners of her mouth reflecting malice. “There’s no way Terry will put us in a cell.”

  “I wouldn’t bet on that,” Noah said, hopping into the passenger seat. “He won’t have a choice.”

  “We’ll see about that,” Aunt Tillie said, smug. “You don’t know everything, Agent Gag Me.”

  For once I wished I had a little bit of her faith. I had no idea how we were going to get out of this.

  “ABSOLUTELY not!” Chief Terry roared twenty minutes later, slamming his hands down on his desk. “You get her out of those cuffs right this second!”

  Noah was taken aback. “But … .”

  “Now!”

  “Thank you,” Aunt Tillie said, sighing. “I need to sit down. My poor weary legs.”

  “Not you,” Chief Terry said, making a face. “I was talking about Bay.”

  I pressed my lips together to keep from laughing at the murderous look on Aunt Tillie’s face. The situation was not funny, yet Noah’s reaction to Chief Terry was one of the most hysterical things I’d ever seen. Huh. Maybe the heat really was getting to me.

  Noah obediently uncuffed my hands and I took the opportunity to rub my sore wrists. Landon ignored Noah’s disgusted look and grabbed my arm, frowning when he saw the red marks on my skin.

  “I told you not to cut off her circulation,” Landon snapped.

  “I didn’t,” Noah protested. “I just … .”

  “Shut up,” Chief Terry barked. “No one is talking to you, Agent Glenn. Sit in that chair and shut your mouth.”

  It was obvious from the way Noah threw himself into one of the chairs that he wasn’t pleased with the dressing down. I swear he almost looked as if he was about to cry.

  “Bay, tell me what happened,” Chief Terry instructed.

  Uh-oh. I trusted Chief Terry with my life, but when he heard the Sally story he would know it was a lie. “Well … um … we were out for a walk,” I explained. “It was very hot, and Aunt Tillie got confused. She thought she saw an old friend … .”

  “Sally Osterman,” Aunt Tillie supplied. “She’s dead, but I still see her sometimes.”

  Chief Terry narrowed his eyes. “Okay.”

  “We came up to the back side of a house we didn’t recognize and went up to the front door,” I said. “No one answered when we knocked, and when we tried the handle – which we had to do because I was afraid Aunt Tillie would pass out and die – it opened. We were just looking for a drink of water … and that’s when Landon and Agent Glenn came in.”

  “Is that not the biggest pile of horse manure you’ve ever heard?” Noah asked.

  “I believe them,” Chief Terry said. “Let them go.”

  “They broke into a crime scene,” Noah argued. “You can’t let them go.”

  “I can do whatever I want,” Chief Terry shot back. “How do you know they broke in?”

  “Because I locked the door myself.”

  “Uh-huh. Did the door show signs of tampering?” Chief Terry asked.

  Landon stuck his tongue in his cheek and the look he shot me was one of triumph. “No, it did not,” he answered. “We checked on our way out. We made note that the door was not tampered with, even though Agent Glenn was convinced he locked it upon our departure for lunch.”

  “So how did they break in, Agent Glenn?” Chief Terry asked, lifting a challenging eyebrow.

  “Perhaps they had a key.”

  “Did you search them?”

  “Yes,” Noah replied. “I didn’t find anything, but … .”

  “So you have no proof,” Chief Terry said, cutting him off. “You want to put an elderly woman in jail on one of the hottest days of the year without proof? Is that what you’re saying?”

  “No,” Noah protested. “A suspect broke into the victim’s house.”

  “She’s not a suspect, though,” Chief Terry countered. “She’s a person of interest, and she clearly looks as if she’s seen better days. I mea
n … look at her.”

  Aunt Tillie frowned. “Don’t push it.”

  Chief Terry ignored her. “Should this young woman have ignored her great-aunt’s medical needs and let her die in the woods? Is that what you’re saying, Agent Glenn?”

  “Of course not,” Noah replied, flustered. “You can’t let them go, though.”

  “Oh, it’s already done,” Chief Terry said. “I invited you in on Patty Grimes’ murder. I did not invite you in on a simple breaking and entering that could cause a media firestorm for elderly abuse. That’s still under my purview.”

  “But … I need to call my boss.” Noah was floundering. He sounded as if he was whining.

  “I’ll handle that call,” Chief Terry said. “Landon, uncuff Tillie. I think Bay should take her to the hospital to get her checked out.”

  “I think that’s a great idea,” Landon said, pulling his handcuff key out of his pocket and shuffling over to Aunt Tillie. “They should probably poke her with a few needles to be on the safe side.”

  “You’re ticking me off,” Aunt Tillie warned.

  “Join the club,” Landon shot back.

  Once she was free Aunt Tillie moved closer to me. “We need to go … to the hospital.”

  As relieved as I was that our arrest was brief – and wouldn’t appear on our records – I was still irritated with her. “I think you should thank Chief Terry and Landon for understanding your feeble mind and taking your fragile mental state into account.”

  “Do you want me to curse you?” Aunt Tillie asked.

  “Bacon,” Landon coughed into his hand as he stared at the ceiling.

  “Thank them,” I prodded.

  “Fine!” Aunt Tillie turned to face Landon and Chief Terry, and I could tell it took every ounce of strength she had to keep pretending. “I apologize for being feeble … .”

  “And mentally fragile,” I added.

  “And mentally fragile,” Aunt Tillie gritted out. “You’re true patrons of this great community of ours. Sally salutes you.”

  “I’m going to salute Sally later,” Landon said, pointing toward the door. “Take her to get checked out, Bay.”

  I nodded. “I’ll do it right now.”

  Landon grabbed my arm before I could exit the office and lowered his voice so only I could hear. “You and I are going to blow the roof off later, and not in a fun way,” he warned. “Prepare yourself for a big fight.”

  “I … I’m so sorry.”

  “Go,” Landon said, my heart squeezing a bit when he didn’t offer me a reassuring kiss or hug.

  “I’m really sorry.”

  Landon was firm. “Go, Bay. Consider yourselves warned … and lucky.”

  Twelve

  “This is all your fault!”

  I held my temper in check until Aunt Tillie and I were safely inside Hypnotic, and then I completely lost it.

  “I cannot believe what just happened,” I railed. “I just … you’re unbelievable. Here I am trying to help you and how do you repay me?”

  Aunt Tillie was blasé as she settled on the couch and turned her attention to a surprised Thistle. “I’m thirsty and I want some iced tea.”

  “Good for you,” Thistle replied, shifting her eyes to me. “What happened?”

  I told her about my afternoon, leaving nothing out, including my stop at the senior center. By the time I got to the part about breaking into Patty Grimes’ house, Thistle was stunned. When I got to the part about Sally, she couldn’t stop herself from breaking out in hysterical laughter.

  “This is not funny!” I screeched. “How can you think this is funny?”

  “I can’t help it,” Thistle said, wiping a tear from the corner of her eye. “I just … how did that story work?”

  I shrugged, frustrated. “It worked because Landon and Chief Terry were determined to make it work,” I replied. “We could’ve told them a herd of elephants chased us into the house and they would’ve found a way to let us out of there.”

  “I think I was brilliant,” Aunt Tillie said. “I was so brilliant, in fact, I deserve some iced tea.”

  “You know where the Keurig is,” Thistle said. “Make it yourself.”

  “I’m tired. The heat is bothering me.”

  “Then sit there and suffer,” Thistle said. “I’m talking to Bay. She’s the one who is upset.”

  “Needlessly so, if you ask me,” Aunt Tillie said, shifting on the couch so she could rest her head on one end and stretch out. “Get me some iced tea.”

  “Oh, stuff it,” Thistle said, fixing me with a sympathetic look. “How did you end things with Landon?”

  What did she mean by that? “End things? I … what … how … do you think that’s what he’s going to do?” My heart dropped.

  “No, I think you’re panicking about him doing that, though,” Thistle said, grabbing my arm and jerking me toward the chair in the center of the room. “Sit down. I’ll make you a glass of iced tea. We have that Twinings stuff you like. You need to chill out.”

  “I’ll take some tea,” Aunt Tillie said.

  “I’m not getting you squat,” Thistle said, moving behind the counter. “You’re perfectly capable of getting your own tea. While you’re doing it, you can explain why you and Patty were screeching at each other like that.”

  “Ugh! What is it with you two?” Aunt Tillie asked, fanning her face and acting as if she was dying of heat exhaustion despite the air conditioning in the store. “If Clove were here, she’d get me some iced tea.”

  “Well, Clove has the day off so she can get settled at the Dandridge, so I guess you’re fresh out unless you want to go out there,” Thistle shot back.

  “I can’t go out there,” Aunt Tillie grumbled. “My car is parked in the woods by Patty’s house. You’re going to have to give us a ride out there, by the way, because Bay’s car is there, too.”

  “Well, great,” Thistle said. “That sounds like a delightful way to spend an afternoon.”

  “You’re my least favorite most of the time,” Aunt Tillie said. “You know that, right?”

  “I’m having a trophy made up and everything,” Thistle said, bringing me a cup of iced tea and patting my shoulder. “Drink that and take a breath, Bay. You’re overreacting.”

  Was I? It didn’t feel like I was overreacting. “You didn’t see Landon’s face.”

  “I’ve seen Landon make a lot of faces, and some of them are downright ornery,” Thistle said. “There’s no reason to freak out. I didn’t believe Landon was going to break up with you when I asked the question. I didn’t mean ‘end things’ like you thought I meant it.”

  “How did you mean it?”

  “What was the last thing he said to you?”

  “Pretty much that we were going to have a big fight and I should consider myself lucky,” I said. “He was so … angry.”

  “Oh, good grief,” Aunt Tillie said, grabbing one of the couch pillows and tossing it in my direction. “Smother yourself with that and shut up.”

  Thistle deflected the pillow and shot Aunt Tillie a withering look. “You’re not helping.”

  “I’m the one who got us out of that mess,” Aunt Tillie countered. “I came up with the great invisible Sally story. Who else could’ve done that?”

  “Chief Terry didn’t step in and cut you loose because of the Sally story,” Thistle said. “He stepped in because he adores Bay and would never let her spend a night in jail.”

  “He did that one time he caught us drinking down by the lake when we were teenagers,” I reminded her.

  “Yeah, and he slept on the bench to make sure we were okay while he taught us a lesson,” Thistle said. “I know you can’t keep yourself from worrying about Landon, but this isn’t a big deal. He’s not going to break up with you. He loves you.”

  “He does love you,” Aunt Tillie said, sitting up. “Give me your iced tea.”

  I ignored her. “He refused to cuff me,” I said. “Noah told him to do it and Landon said he couldn’t
. Then Aunt Tillie stepped forward and ordered him to cuff her.”

  “Which he gladly did,” Aunt Tillie said. “My feelings are hurt by his cold-hearted nature.”

  “Oh, you’re so full of crap you’re floating in the sewage tank,” Thistle said. “You stepped up because you knew Landon was wrecked over having to cuff Bay. You tried to ease his burden. You’re not fooling anybody.”

  “Don’t I deserve some iced tea for my selfless gesture?”

  Thistle stared Aunt Tillie down. It was a war of silent glares for a moment, and then Thistle finally gave in. “Fine. I’ll make you some iced tea. I want you to know I’m only doing this to shut you up.”

  “I want a cookie, too.”

  “Don’t push it, old lady,” Thistle warned, returning to the counter. “Bay, you can’t work yourself into a lather.”

  “Landon told me to go,” I said. “He didn’t hug me … or kiss me … he just told me to get out.”

  “Oh, puh-leez,” Aunt Tillie said, making a face that would’ve been comical under different circumstances. “He practically ran around the car after he put me in the back and he nudged Agent Golly Gee out of the way so he could make sure you were comfortable and he kissed you on the forehead and told you everything was going to be okay. What else do you want?”

  “I want to go back in time and not put him in an awful position,” I replied.

  “Well, I haven’t figured out how to travel through time yet,” Aunt Tillie said. “Maybe I can carve out a window for that discovery tomorrow.”

  “He could get in trouble for this if Agent Glenn reports him,” I said. “He could lose his job.”

  “He’s not going to lose his job,” Aunt Tillie said. “Criminy. How I long for the days of Clove being a kvetch. When you do it, I want to smack you silly. At least she’s cute when she whines.”

  “You’re a true joy and a loving person,” Thistle deadpanned as she handed Aunt Tillie her glass of iced tea. “Now drink that and shut up.” She shoved Aunt Tillie’s feet away from the end of the couch so she could sit and focus on me. “Bay, Landon loves you. It’s going to be okay.”