by Pentabu
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My girlfriend is two years older than me…
and she’s a fujoshi.
This blog is a record of battle as dictated
by a man with a fujoshi girlfriend.
Okay, that was a lie. I’m not fighting at all.
The war is purely one-sided. Each day I am
dragged farther and farther into
the world of otaku.
I cannot be held responsible for any damages
incurred by reading this blog and falling
into the same predicament.
There is much otaku talk contained within, so
please follow your directions carefully and do not
exceed your recommended dosage.
Greetings.
2005/11/08 22:14
Greetings.
My name is Pentabu.
One year ago, I began a relationship with my girlfriend.
I had always wanted to go out with an older woman. It was all very thrilling.
The problem is…
… she was a fujoshi.
A serious one on top of that!!
… Every ongoing day is a battle.
In this blog, I hope to track the many trials and travails of our relationship.
About me.
2005/11/08 22:28
Well, I’d better start telling you about my girlfriend!!
The girlfriend that I met at a part-time job and worked hard enough to get romantically involved with!!
… She’s a big-time fujoshi…
Huh? “As long as she’s cute,” you say? Yes, you’ve got a point there.
But you see… there’s just one problem.
Through some sequence of events that I have yet to understand…
I’m…
being forced to write a SEED novel… (*Seed = Gundam SEED)
And even worse,
I’m starting to enjoy it.
… So, um, where is my life headed?
My girlfriend.
2005/11/10 15:35
My girlfriend is one of those popular (?) fujoshi.
And she’s not just any fujoshi.
She’s a very high-level specimen, a spectacular example of otaku-ology.
She will quite often blurt out unbelievable things.
For example, when we went out on a double date with another couple,
we had rented a car and were on our way to the beach.
As we sat at a traffic light, we saw a red truck (one of those shipping company vehicles) pass by.
FRIEND A: So why are all delivery vehicles, even the post office’s, painted red?
FRIEND B: So that they stand out?
As I sat half-listening to their conversation, my girlfriend spoke up from right next to me.
Y-KO: The red ones go three times faster.
The car was absolutely silent for a moment.
You know what to say next, everyone.
Ready, set…
You mean Char’s Zaku?!
*Char’s Zaku: A vehicle that appeared in Mobile Suit Gundam. It was known as Char’s personal mobile suit. Painted bright red, it was said to move three times as fast as the unit it was based upon. By the way, this anime series was originally aired…
in 1979 and 1980.
That’s right, before we were born.
Where did you learn that one?
My friend was desperately trying to contain his laughter.
His hands were trembling on the steering wheel.
My friend’s girlfriend appeared to have no idea what it meant.
She sat in the passenger seat, looking puzzled.
They already knew the dirty secret that my girlfriend was a fujoshi, by the way, so they probably decided that they didn’t need to ask.
Next, my girlfriend said this.
Y-KO: Oh wait,** [friend’s GF] doesn’t know about Gundam, does she? Well, the next time you come over…
you can borrow it!!
… Please, it’s one thing to drag me into your world, but leave my friend’s girlfriend out of this.
Don’t do it.
Fujoshi @ maid café.
2005/11/11 02:23
Before maid cafés were known and open to the general public,
when they were only frequented by real-life otaku,
I visited one with some college friends.
Or should I say, overwhelmed by the incredible line
and the procession of bespectacled, backpack-hauling warriors,
we were intimidated and left before ever setting foot inside the building.
When I regaled my girlfriend with this tale,
she blithely replied—
Y-KO: Too bad. They’re fun.
You mean…
You’ve been to one before?!
Y-KO: Hmm? Yeah, they say, “Welcome home, mistress.”
So, uh, what’s your point?
Y-KO: Yeah, I thought it was really moe.
ME: What?! Girls are allowed to get moe over other girls!?
… There is something seriously wrong with this lady.
But I just can’t bring myself to care anymore…
I must be reaching the end.
Y-KO: Hey, would you want to go together?
ME: … Huh? Where?
Y-KO: A totally over-the-top maid café. You’d think it was really moe. I guarantee it.
Uh, Y-ko…
The following question has several different meanings:
Where are you trying to take me?
Fujoshi-ish lines.
2005/11/12 01:00
My girlfriend occasionally… no, frequently, acts in strange ways.
Let’s call it… fujoshi-itis.
I think she’s coming down with another bad bout of it.
Y-KO: Hey, try saying a line like something out of a manga.
ME: ……… Like what?
Y-KO: Umm, like something that will make that speed wagon guy want to call you IDIOT and slap you upside the head.
As usual, a completely absurd and impossible request out of the blue.
Despite my better judgment, however, I decided to ask.
It wouldn’t do to upset my girlfriend, after all.
ME: Errr… Can you give me an example?
Y-KO: Okay… Like something from this manga.
“This” manga turned out to be Love Celeb.
*Love Celeb: Gin’s grandfather is the prime minister of Japan, and his father is the head of an elite business conglomerate. Gin himself is the heir to the Fujiwara group. Instead of following his predetermined fate, however, he falls in love with the unsuccessful teen idol Kirara in this shjo manga full of sexy hooks and twists. It also has that, uh, whatchamacallit (great, so much for this definition!), where characters from Mayu Shinjo’s other series Sensual Phrase show up. Anyway, if you’re interested, you should borrow it from a friend or go read it at a manga café. By the way, it’s apparently quite successful and has even been popular in several other countries around the world.
Great. Mayu Shinjo!!
So…
Uhh…
… Why am I being punished this way?
It’s like my world is coming to an end.
>
I just want to cry.
Eroge.
2005/11/15 17:56
So, I got a package the other day.
It was from Amazon.
I don’t remember ordering anything,
but the package is clearly addressed to me from Amazon.
I scrawled off a hasty signature like a celebrity
and took the box back into my room.
I looked multiple times to confirm that it was indeed my name on the package,
but I still couldn’t remember buying anything.
In this case, there could be only one answer…
It was clearly my girlfriend’s doing.
I hesitantly approached my girlfriend,
who was lying in my room, reading Love Celeb
and wearing a grin, the type of which no human being should ever sport.
ME: Y-ko, did you buy anything from Amazon using my computer?
Y-KO: Oh yeah, I did.
I knew it.
And with an “Oh, it arrived,” she grabbed the package from my hands.
She began tearing directly through the cardboard.
Most people would neatly cut through or rip off the tape on the lid,
but my girlfriend does not bother herself with methods that involve more than one step.
And what should emerge from the shattered, torn carcass of this cardboard box, but…
A smaller box. Judging from the packaging, it was some kind of game.
And it didn’t look like a PlayStation game.
Therefore, it was most likely a game to be played on the PC.
A sudden possibility popped into my head, and I asked my girlfriend a question.
ME: I hate to even consider this possibility…
but that wouldn’t happen to be what they call an eroge, would it?
I really hope it’s not the case.
That is another world that I really don’t want to get involved in, for entirely different reasons.
Not least of which is the fact that she’s buying it under my name.
This was her answer.
Y-KO: No!! It’s not an eroge!!
ME: Oh, then that’s okay. But you don’t need to shout about…
Y-KO: It’s a world-famous eroge!!
Ah, I see. It must be very erotic, then.
ME: So it is an eroge, then!!
It was a scream emitted from my entire body and soul.
I don’t know why she denied it the first time.
At any rate, it was one hell of a roar.
I’m sure it must have upset the neighbors.
And, of course, it just had to be “it is an eroge” that I screamed so loud.
I can practically see the neighbors pointing at the back of my head tomorrow.
… Someone, anyone, save me.
… Whew. Well, that earthshaking bellow helped calm me down.
I’m okay. I’m still hanging in there. I can still fight.
I got into a boxing stance within my mind,
and I delivered a withering smack down to local fujoshi, Y-ko.
ME: Ahem. And why, pray tell, did you buy this eroge?
I couldn’t help but frame the question politely. You are so weak, me!
But I just can’t help it. She’s older than me.
It’s my personal motto to always speak politely to my elders.
Y-KO: Huh? Because I wanted it.
… Well, that makes sense.
However, I can’t back down yet.
I’ve got to get answers to all of my questions.
ME: And why did you have to use my account? Why not use your own?
Y-KO: What? Because it would be embarrassing to buy an eroge with mine.
She looked at me with an expression like can’t you even understand that?
Yes, yes, I do.
It is indeed embarrassing.
I know because I am feeling it in real time…
… I know it so well it hurts.
I mean…
… there are limits to injustice.
Apparently, this game has been turned into an anime.
Apparently, it’s not really that erotic…
Apparently, it’s actually very popular…
I have learned something today.
Eroge 2.
2005/11/17 22:25
I can see that my site has reached ten thousand hits.
It’s been half a month since I started it.
I really didn’t expect to hit this milestone so quickly.
This is thanks directly to all you visitors.
I feel like there’s no turning back at this point.
… I mean, not that I would ever dream of running away, you know?
Please trust in me and continue visiting for months and years to come.
The other day, my girlfriend, Y-ko the fujoshi, just so happened to buy an eroge under my name.
It is called Fate/hollow ataraxia.
I’m told that it is the sequel to the hit game Fate/stay night.
ME: … So is this Fate game good?
Y-KO: Hell yeah, it is!! It’s like a super-hit.
ME: Huh. Well, what’s your opinion of it?
Y-KO: Me? I don’t know. I haven’t played it yet.
“Of course, I haven’t played it—the game only arrived just now,” she says.
Yes, I understand that.
I just signed for it and brought it into the room this minute.
ME: No, I’m talking about the first game, not this one.
If you’re buying the sequel, it must be because the first game was pretty darn good, right?
And she responded—
Y-KO: I don’t know. I haven’t played it.
I see. You haven’t played it.
ME: … Pardon?!
Wait a moment.
My girlfriend bought Fate/hollow ataraxia.
It’s the sequel, meaning the continuation of the first game.
But she claims that she hasn’t played the first.
… I have a very bad feeling about this.
I don’t want to know.
I can feel that there’s a terrible sucker punch waiting for me ahead.
But I have to make sure.
There are lots of things in this world that you simply can’t ignore.
And now is the time to face this fear!!
Come on, me!
ME: So, um… You decided to buy the second one, despite the fact that you haven’t yet played the first?
And still with the politeness!!
I am such a coward!!
Y-KO: Yep. Oh, but don’t worry.
ME: … Huh?
…… Don’t worry?
… What does that mean?
Does it mean, “Don’t worry, I haven’t bought the first game”?
Or does it mean, “Don’t worry, I ordered the first game to go with it”?
… The former! “Don’t worry, I haven’t bought the first game” is my final answer!!
ME: Does that mean you haven’t bought the first game?
Y-KO: Yeah. Amazon said the first one was out of stock.
ME: Ah. I see. Well, that’s too bad.
Yes!! Yes!!
I know I’ve got a smile on my face now!!
The smile of a man who just survived a battle!!
I’m as smiley as Yon-sama right now!!
Y-KO: So I ordered it from Sofmap.com instead.
ME: Ah, I see, you ordered it from Sofmap—
That’s grea… grea… uh…
ME: Under whose name?
Y-KO: Why, under y—[DING-DONG]—ah, there it is.
C’mon, isn’t this your house? Don’t just stand there, answer the door.
“Here,” she said, handing me the intercom.
“Okay,” I said, accepting the intercom.
I slowly raised it to my ear…
ME: … Hello, who is this?
VOICE: Yamato Delivery Service. I have a package from Sofmap for you.
……… Yes, that’s right. I knew this was coming.
I just wanted to believe that it wasn’t the case.
Sigh………
… What is this that I’m feeling?
This futility that makes me want to cry.
The day the fujoshi was let out of the bag.
2005/11/19 00:09
I’m good friends with a classmate from college. Let’s call him S.
S moved to Tokyo with his high school girlfriend,
and they’re still going strong.
By the way, he’s listed as “living with his father, who is on a business assignment,”
but that’s a complete and total fabrication. He actually lives with his girlfriend.
To be honest, I’m jealous.
The “S couple” and the “Me and fujoshi Y-ko couple” get along well.
We often find ourselves eating out and doing things together.
Back when they didn’t know about Y-ko’s secret identity yet, we went out for drinks.
We heard them talk about their high school, and we told them about the place we worked.
A fun time was had by all.
By the way, within the relationship between S and his girlfriend (let’s call her her **),
she is the one who wields the power.
From an outside perspective, she’s like a fire-breathing wife.
While we sat listening to their still very lovey-dovey conversation,
my own secret weapon, the now solidly drunk fujoshi Y-ko, decided to drop a bombshell.
Y-KO: ** is a total tsundere, you know?
**: Huh?
S: Tsundere?
Yes, you can tell these people live together.
They are on the same wavelength.
But this is terrible!
If they ask, “What’s a tsundere?” the only possible result is disaster!!
Must change topic… must change topic!!
I need something, anything I can use to change the topic!
ME: Whoa! This fried chicken is great! You’ve gotta try it, Y-ko! Here!