My Girlfriend's a Geek, Volume 1
Page 5
Y-KO: So what if on Christmas Eve…
Ah, yes, I can see where we’re heading with this.
Y-KO: … you had lady Santas dressed up in miniskirts? Wouldn’t that be totally moe?
Yes, very moe.
Ridiculously so.
It’s too bad that written words can’t convey sarcasm of the type I’m using now.
ME: Yes, quite moe, indeed.
Y-KO: I know, right?! Okay, honey! I’m gonna do this for you!
ME: Oooh!
Y-KO: I mean, hell, I want to wear that outfit!
ME: Oh, so it’s all about you, is it?!
I thought you just said it was for my sake.
And why would you want to wear that?
Y-KO: And that means you’ll have to wear the reindeer costume.
ME: Oh, sure. If that’s what miniskirt Santa wants, that’s what miniskirt Santa ge—
…
……
………
ME: —No, wait. I can’t do that.
What the hell do you mean, reindeer costume?
Like full-body tights with hair stuck to them, the kind you’d see in a comedy show?
Y-KO: Aw! Cheapskate.
ME: I’m not being a cheapskate. I’m giving you a perfectly ordinary reaction.
Besides, what’s so fun about seeing a guy wearing full-body tights?
Y-KO: I was gonna take a picture and send it to everyone…
ME: I see. Yes, that does sound like f—
What in the world are you thinking?!
Am I supposed to be turned into a laughingstock for doing this?!
Y-KO: What am I thinking of? The ten best ways to spend your Christmas?
ME: … Uh… I see…
Is this really something I should be yelling at her for?
I mean, it is an event that only comes once a year…
She just wants to enjoy it.
Y-KO: Either that, or the best way to drag you into the ways of the fujoshi before Winter Comiket.
ME: Wint… Com…
…
……
………
I take the preceding statement back!
I also avoid confronting the truth—that I’m already being dragged there efficiently enough as it is.
ME: I’m not going.
Y-KO: You can’t do this! I’m not going to wear my miniskirt Santa outfit if you don’t!
ME: No skin off my back.
Y-KO: What?! But you have to!
ME: … I do?
Y-KO: I want to wear it!!
ME: Are you getting your goal and your means of achieving it mixed up?
Y-KO: Argh.
ME: Besides, Santa is something you can only enjoy at this time of year.
If you think I can be lured by something so temporary, you’re sadly mistaken.
… I’m ignoring the fact that I’m already half-lured at the moment.
I’m also ignoring the fact that you can dress up like Santa at any time of year.
Hang in there, reason.
Y-KO: …… Okay, a nurse outfit.
ME: … Uh, that’s not the issue—
Y-KO: … Your favorite. A pink nurse outfit.
Arrrgh—I should have realized that Y-ko would know my secret favorite—
ME: Wait a minute. How did you know that I had a thing for pink nurse outfits?
Y-KO: Because of your secret computer folder…
ME: Excuse me?!
Did she see it?! Did she look inside?!
Y-KO: You have such a wonderful girlfriend… but you’ve got this thing for pink nurses…
Heh-heh-heh…
ME: Eek!
She’s holding this against me!
Y-KO: So, what’s it going to be?
ME: I, er… I’ll think about it…
Not Comiket…
… I just can’t…
Y-KO: Argh! Make up your mind! Be a man! Decide right here and now!!
ME: Um…
Y-KO: Are you going to buy the cosplay suit or not?!
ME: … Huh?
You were talking about that?
I guess she doesn’t even care about the Comiket part.
Well, that’s better for me…
Y-KO: … Well… Okay, fine!
ME: … What do you mean?
Y-KO: I’ll even throw in some neko-mimi, too!!
ME: Cat… ears…
Y-KO: Pink nurse uniform with neko-mimi!!
Pink nurse with cat ears.
Pink nurse with cat ears.
Pink nurse with cat ears.
… (Imagining)
…… (Fantasizing)
……… (Agonizing)
What a ridiculously tantalizing combination!!
Y-KO: Neko-mimi nurse! Neko-mimi nurse! Nama-mugi nama-gome neko-mimi nurse!
ME: Hey… no…
No fair putting it into that song!!
A man’s sense of reason is as flimsy as a single sheet of paper…
Merry neko-mimi nurse!
2005/12/26 16:52
How did you spend your Christmas, everyone?
I’m sure that some of you had an enjoyable time, some of you had a lonely time, and others had experiences that fell in between.
… What? How was my holiday?
Well, I went to see the Tokyo Millenario street illumination and ate at fancy restaurants; you know, the type of stuff that couples usually do during the holiday season.
However.
I am confident that the readers of this blog are not visiting to hear sappy, lovey-dovey anecdotes.
We are a secret otaku and a secret fujoshi.
To the rest of society, we present, for the most part, the picture of a normal couple.
We’re so normal that any stories about us would be too boring to share.
Therefore.
I will instead choose to share—
how we spent our holy night at home.
Meaning,
the story of the neko-mimi nurse.
Yes.
… Please don’t get freaked out.
Christmas eve.
The town is overrun with loving couples.
As we were buffeted by the crowd at the Millenario, clinging to each other’s hands,
even as we ate in the very fancy and expensive restaurant at which we had reserved a table,
my mind was dominated by one single thought.
Neko-mimi nurse. Pink colored.
On a night in which most couples around the world would choose to “dress up” in a Santa miniskirt…
Neko-mimi nurse. Pink colored.
A nurse uniform colored bright pink, only instead of the usual nurse’s hat, a pair of soft, fluffy cat ears.
In other words,
neko-mimi nurse. Pink colored.
… Crap. We haven’t even come close to showtime yet,
and I’m almost completely moe’d out.
Just as I was agonizing over the possible ramifications of this statement, the changing room door opened, and—
Clunk.
Y-KO: Ta-daaa!
ME: Yesss! About… time…
… H-holy crap…
This is way more powerful than I had expected…
Y-KO: Meowry Christmas!
“Meowry”?!
My sense of reason is flying out the window!
In fact…
ME: … Uh, are you sure that isn’t too short? I can kind of see under it.
Yes, the nurse uniform was too short.
I could kind of see stuff.
Like what was underneath it, the limits of my own control, even the truth behind the universe…
Y-KO: Hmm? Well, the costume I bought was just too long.
ME: …?
Y-KO: So I got my friend, who’s really into cosplay, to trim it for me.
ME: I see.
It’s very nice work. I am moved by it.
Socks that go up over the knee.
Lithe, thin thighs.
No. Settle down, me.
The night has only just begun.
ME: Well, I love the shortness, but we’ve still got to exchange presents and eat the cake…
Y-KO: Huh? What do you mean?
ME: Well, if I can see all that stuff underneath, it might make it hard to concentrate.
I’m afraid that I won’t be able to take my eyes off it.
Y-KO: So you’re saying that you can’t keep your eyes off me because you’re too horny?
ME: Well, if you want to get directly to the point, yes.
Y-KO: Oh, don’t worry about that. Look—
deploying AT field!
ME: Uh… A… T…?
Flip.
With this strange call, she opened her nurse uniform.
And there, I saw…
ME: … B… Bloomers?! Those tiny gym shorts…?!
Y-KO: Bwa-ha-ha! Yes!
It’s the magic item that shuts out the lewd glances of horny little boys, the bloomers we call an AT field!
Wrong! I think you mean “the AT field we call bloomers.”
… But on the other hand,
Neko-mimi + Nurse (pink) + Bloomers
……
………
………… A three-piece combo.
Merry Christmas, me.
Merry neko-mimi nurse 2.
2005/12/26 20:36
Y-KO: … What’s wrong? Okay, fine, you want me to take the AT field off?
ME: No, don’t!
Y-KO: … Huh?
ME: Er, please don’t… What is an AT field anyway?
Y-KO: You know, the barrier from Evangelion. It blocks enemy attacks.
ME: So I’m supposed to be an enemy?
And my glances are an attack?
And you’re talking about Evangelion?
I don’t think they ever aired that show in my hometown, so I never saw it…
But meanwhile, I had noticed something very important.
Rather than acting as a barrier—
the bloomers were raising my attack power.
I made Y-ko cover up her AT field,
and I pulled the cake I had bought earlier out of the fridge.
It was a convenient little pastry I had bought in the department store basement, a perfect serving for two.
The only light in the room came from the candle.
Its small, wavering light illuminated the pair of us.
A pair of cups with tea bags steeping inside sat on the table.
The pleasant scent of the tea drifted throughout the room.
The mood was perfect—
Y-KO: You know the term tea bag…
ME: Yes?
Y-KO: It sounds kinda sexy, doesn’t it?
ME: … I don’t know why you’re bringing this up at this particular moment…
It’s ruining the mood.
… Okay, the mood was ruined from the moment she put on the neko-mimi nurse outfit.
Y-KO: Plus, if you’re going to call yourself Sebas, you need to prepare some real tea.
What kind of butler uses tea bags?!
Don’t we have any tea leaves in here, Sebas?
ME: I don’t call myself Sebas, and this is your apartment.
Y-KO: You’re getting a fresh mouth, know that? I never raised you to be that way!
ME: You never raised me at all. Come on, let’s eat.
The repartee ended.
We began to eat the cake.
Y-KO: Ooh! It’s good!
It is? I’m glad you like it.
Y-KO: How would you describe this? In English, you might call it tres bieeen!
ME: That’s actually French.
Y-KO: Or was it… trombooone?
ME: That’s an instrument.
Y-KO: … Umbreeellaaaa.
ME: That’s the thing you carry when it rains.
Y-KO: ………
ME: …………
Y-KO: ……… Is it just me, or are you being really cold today?
Your usual snide put-downs are really sharp and mean-spirited this time…
ME: Ha-ha-ha. Whatever do you mean, my dear?
My put-downs are always done half out of love and kindness.
Y-KO: No way! Usually, when I say something like “umbreeellaaaa,” you come back with
“Yes, yes, that’s right, umbreeellaaaa—not! That’s what you carry when it rains!”
You know, real playful, like you’re going along with my joke…
Since when did I ever do that?
… Sigh. I don’t have a choice.
I’ll have to be honest…
ME: Okay, look… You know the outfit you’re wearing right now?
Y-KO: Hmm? The neko-mimi nurse?
ME: Yeah. It’s, well…
I’m pretty nervous at the moment.
I don’t think I can even taste the cake.
Y-KO: Aha… Say no more. I understand.
ME: …?
Y-KO: You’re feeling shy because of my costume!
ME: … Well, if you want to be perfectly blunt, yes.
Y-KO: And to be perfectly blunt, you want to cosplay, too!
ME: To be perfectly blunt, no!
Y-KO: Don’t worry! My present is a suit!
ME: Wha… Are you listening to me?!
Y-KO: It’s got a nice, crisp shirt and a slightly loose necktie…
ME: Um… Y-ko?
Y-KO: … Suit… moe!
ME: … Can we at least talk to each other rather than over each other?
Y-KO: I don’t think you’ll ever find another present—
that combines my interests with practical benefit in a better way…
… But I was the one who asked for it.
I was the one who told you that I wanted a suit.
This display of open excitement is starting to frighten me, dear.
Y-KO: Go ahead! Put it on!!
ME: But… the cake’s only half-eaten…
Y-KO: Suits are more important than cake.
ME: Why do you say that like it’s a well-known adage?
Y-KO: Okay, fine. Wear half of it!
ME: Half?! What do you mean, wear half?!
Y-KO: Isn’t it perfectly obvious?
You will be half-naked. I just love collarbones.
… And that was how our Christmas eve unfolded…
Me, my girlfriend, and two fujoshi.
2005/12/30 09:36
So, it seems that Comiket has begun.
Unfortunately, I was unable to attend.
When I say “unfortunately,” I am neglecting to mention that I slept with great relief last night.
Not yet… I’m just not ready yet.
Some of you blog readers may have gotten your hopes up,
but I am still a chicken. Forgive me, dear readers.
Y-ko, on the other hand…
Y-ko went to Comiket with some of her fujoshi friends.
I don’t have any reason to sneer at the hobbies of other people, of course.
I really don’t, but…
these two friends of yours, dear.
Why did you have to bring them to my house?
Now you get to see what my nightmares are made of.
Ding-dong—
ME: Coming, coming…
Y-KO: It’s me!
ME: Oh hi. Come on… in…
All: Pardon us, coming through!
There were two women standing behind Y-ko.
And who would these delightful ladies be?
And from the sound of it, they seem to think they are coming inside.
ME: Um… Y-ko?
Y-KO: Oh, these are my friends.
ME: Yes.
Y-KO: I was telling them about you, and they wanted to meet you. So here they are. Tee-hee!
Tee-hee?
Think of your age.
And at least send me a message about it first…
ME: Er, well, let’s not stand around. Come on in—
Fujosh
i A: So, is this the Sebas you told us about?!
ME: ………
I’d like to scream out my protestations.
No, scratch that—
I want them to leave.
But I am a chicken. I hold my tongue.
In fact, I am a shy person.
I don’t know how to act around strangers.
Especially not older women.
I’m scared off my ass right now.
FUJOSHI A: So, you were on the baseball team in school, right?
ME: Er, yes.
FUJOSHI B: Right-handed?
ME: Yes.
FUJOSHI A: Throwing and hitting?
ME: Correct.
Y-KO: But for some reason, his thing is curved to the left!
ME: ………?!
All: Da-ha-ha-ha-ha!
What kind of nonsense gossip is this?
Fujoshi A: So, you basically speak politely by default, huh?
ME: … Well, Y-ko is older than me.
Fujoshi B: How old are you?
ME: I’m twenty-one.
All: He’s so young!
… If you’re both the same age as Y-ko, then I’m not all that much younger, really.
FUJOSHI A: You’re not very macho for a former baseball player, are you?
ME: Our school’s team wasn’t very good. They weren’t very strict about muscle training.
FUJOSHI B: So that’s why you’re so skinny.
ME: I suppose.
FUJOSHI A: But that means you’ve still got plenty of uke characteristics!
FUJOSHI B: Go on, strip off your clothes!
ME: …?!
I made desperate, tearful eye contact with Y-ko.
My gaze screamed out one single, heartfelt statement: “Help!”
Y-KO: Da-ha-ha-ha! Striii-ip! Striii-ip! Striii-ip!
Whaaaaaaaaat?!
You should be stopping them, not egging me on!
The calls of “striii-ip” echoed throughout the area.
I’m very sorry, neighbors.
I’m sure the female chorus of “striii-ip” must be confusing the hell out of you by now.
I feel the same way right now.
And then the shocking truth is revealed.
FUJOSHI A: You know, I think he really is sort of uke!
FUJOSHI B: Yeah… even though he’s a Sebas.
Don’t call me that.
Fujoshi A: What’s the deal, Y-ko?
Fujoshi B: Isn’t a Sebas supposed to be seme?