by Pentabu
I’m hooked.
How much better it would be
if I could write a post that began
like this.
That’s not the point!
I mean, sure, I enjoyed it!!
That’s not the point!!
I’m saying that I was influenced in an even more basic and fundamental way!
Oddly enough, Y-ko and Yumi decided to start watching Eva
while I was still busy preparing their tea in the kitchen…
I thought that the point of this get-together was so that you could show me this program!
I guess I’ll just have to scold you two ladies and force you to rewind!!
Y-k—
Y-KO: Oh hey! Can you bring out some plates and forks for the cake?
ME: … Yes, ma’am.
… Let’s see.
Plates and forks for the cake.
………
Sigh.
Pathetic.
I am so weak.
And yet I went ahead, bringing out the plates and forks, the cake, and the tea.
Y-KO: Thanks, pal.
YUMI: Thank you.
ME: … You’re quite welcome.
Y-KO: Come on, dear. Sit down. The show’s already started!
Y-ko patted the floor, making a “sit here” gesture.
… It’s not my fault that the show started.
You’re the one who pressed the play button.
I handed out the cake and tea and sat between Y-ko and Yumi.
There we go.
A little sigh.
My eyes move to the TV.
On the screen, I saw a timid, weak-looking boy with black hair.
… Ah, this must be Shinji.
No, before I could even make that judgment,
before I could even decide whether or not this must be the protagonist of the show,
there was a single thought that popped into my head.
It was…
this guy is an uke.
………
……
…
It took all of 0.2 seconds.
An instantaneous thought concurrent with my visual contact with the screen.
An absolutely reflexive reaction.
My first judgment of the first character I saw was he’s an uke.
That’s right.
The swiftness of my response was stunning.
If I had to make an example,
it was like the instantaneous, natural production of saliva at the sight of a pickle.
… Huh?
No, wait…
What the—?
What am I thinking?!
Y-KO: What’s up with you?
ME: … Um, I…
Y-KO: …?
YUMI: What’s wrong?
ME: … I really don’t know how to answer that question…
In fact, I wish that I could ask it.
What’s wrong, me?
I don’t want these reflexes.
Watching Evangelion.
2006/04/27 11:52
Ahem.
Thank you for all the e-mails and comments stating,
“Welcome to the world of fujoshi, Pentabu!”
How should I put this?
I can’t keep up with the number of unread e-mails anymore.
Is it some new kind of Internet harassment technique,
that no matter how many times I turn down dating sites, their spam keeps multiplying?
By the way, the number of unread messages (from dating sites) for the day is currently over two hundred.
Do I seem like I need to meet other people that badly?
I wouldn’t deny it, but I’m not interested in doing it that way.
However, I also can’t deny that buried beneath the mountains of spam,
the actual thoughts and advice I receive from real people are getting more and more fun to read.
Now, then…
My Shinji is an uke reaction from the last post seems to have made quite a splash.
I ask that you all please settle down.
True, this could very well be the first step down the path of the fujoshi.
Worst-case scenario, it could already be the tenth step down that path.
But.
But, my friends.
Do you really think I’m going to allow myself to take that path?
I must be firm! I cannot give in to infection!!
Plus, I’m not at all infected in the first place.
I’m just a pure, innocent boy, the kind you can find anywhere.
…… I’m sorry, that was a lie.
I am partly infected already.
No normal person would make judgments about uke.
… Okay, time to fess up.
I am slightly—no, just a tad, just a smidgen,
being contaminated by the aura that Y-ko emits.
… Please, don’t make any wisecracks about the accuracy of the terms “tad” or “smidgen.”
Look.
Sometimes there are truths that we just don’t want to face directly.
……… Yeah. I’m okay.
I can still carry on with this battle.
I’m not gonna let it take me down without a fight.
I’m going to turn back into that pure boy I was months ago.
I have to show Y-ko the resilience and strength of norms.
On with today’s update!
Continuing with the tale of the Eva watching.
We’re watching Evangelion.
It’s my first time seeing the show, of course.
But the owner of the DVDs, Yumi (housewife and fujoshi),
and my girlfriend Y-ko have seen it not once, not twice, but dozens of times.
We’re on an episode with an enemy that looks like this
Y-KO: “You won’t die…”
YUMI: “I’ll keep you alive!!”
ME: …?
Y-KO AND YUMI: She’s so cool!!
Y-KO: I wonder if this oath was the reason that she blew herself up.
Blew herself up?!
What do you mean?!
YUMI: Yeah, I cried so much at that part. And then she turns into the third one.
Third one?!
I don’t… I don’t understand!!
And we’re only at the beginning of the show! Don’t spoil everything for me!!
… I screamed silently as I continued to stare at the screen.
… Hey, Rei smiled.
Very slick move, Shinji.
Then they were on top of an aircraft carrier.
Y-KO: There she is!! Asuka!!
YUMI: Tsundere girl!! How can you kiss a guy, then run to the bathroom to throw up?!
ME: …?
Kiss? Bathroom?
This character hasn’t been on-screen for more than a minute, and they’re already spoiling stuff about her!
Y-KO: Isn’t it Asuka’s mom inside Eva Unit 02?
YUMI: Only her soul. The body got salvaged, remember?
Y-KO: Asuka’s awakening in the movie was really great.
YUMI: Yeah, I know. Those mass-production units were no fair at all.
… Would you guys mind not spoiling everything?
I wish I could I say this out loud.
Long live the weak willed.
Even after this…
Y-KO: Yeah, and then Toji gets picked to be the Fourth Child.
YUMI: Yep. And then Unit 03 gets possessed.
Hang on, you guys are still talking about stuff that hasn’t happened, right?!
Y-KO: Hey, so the third Angel is Sachiel, right? Who were the first and second?
YUMI: The first one was Adam.
Y-KO: And the second was… Lilith?
YUMI: Yeah… So that’s what they meant by “Lilim”!
Y-KO: “Your people need the future… Erase me from this world.”
YUMI: “Tabris, destroyed.”
Y-KO AND YUMI: I can’t wait for episode 24!!
/> Excuse me?!
First you start spouting all this gobbledygook, then you want to skip ahead?!
They still haven’t stopped this weird-shaped robot yet!!
In fact…
they’re leaving me out of the group.
However, being included in their little group…
would mean trekking down the path of fujoshi.
… I mustn’t run away. I mustn’t run away. I mustn’t run away…
No, scratch that—I must run away.
But it was interesting.
I had no idea what the second half of the show was about, though.
Don’t make me take off your high school uniform.
2006/05/04 12:14
How are you all spending this string of holidays we call “Golden Week”?
Some go back home to visit family, some work part-time jobs, some go on vacation.
There are many ways to spend the break.
On that note,
I have a Golden Week story to share with all of you.
Late April.
As Y-ko and I walked through the town, as is our frequent habit,
we passed a group of high school boys wearing their school uniforms.
… After we walked by them, Y-ko mumbled in my ear.
Y-KO: Don’t you just love uniforms? Especially those heavy button-up ones.
ME: … Why are you soliciting approval from me?
Y-KO: Oh, come on! You know those gakuran outfits are hot.
ME: Since when did I ever have that opinion?!
How could I possibly get excited over those stuffy things?
Y-KO: A male high school student and his gakuran! It’s the perfect combination!!
ME: Listen to me!
Y-KO: Shut up! Stop trying to interrupt my fantasies!!
ME: Why are you yelling at me?!
Y-KO: Ah! High school boys! The best!
ME: … Let it go on the record that I am officially warning you not to commit any crimes.
Y-KO: How rude! What crimes do you accuse me of attempting?
ME: Attacking high school boys.
Y-KO: Ha-ha-ha… Not funny. Why would I attack them? What would I do?
ME: Well…
Y-KO: It’s a pair of high school boys that I’m into!!
And she gave me an exasperated look like
What would be the point of me attacking them?
ME: Actually, I think that would also be a crime, of a different sort.
Y-KO: Oh, fine. I get it. You’re just jealous because I like high school boys.
ME: Huh?!
Y-KO: Fine, fine. If it makes you feel any better…
I’ll wear my old high school uniform for you!!
… Huh?!
No, no, no. Wait, wait, wait.
You’re jumping way over several points in the conversation.
Y-KO: I still have my uniform from high school, you know.
And I bet it really smells like Tansu Ni Gon right now!!
I mean, how many years old is that uniform at this point?!
Y-KO: Heh-heh-heh. I’ll bring it back next time I see my parents.
No, that’s all right!
I’m not asking you to do it!
Y-KO: …? What’s wrong? Cat got your tongue? Oh, I get it.
You’re so excited at the prospect, you can’t even speak.
… No!!
ME: … Miss Y-ko?
Y-KO: Hmm?
ME: I think a twentysomething in her high school outfit is a worse crime than attacking some innocent high school—aaargh!!
She stomped on me with her high heels!!
That hurts!!
It feels like my ankle’s just been carved with a knife!!
Y-KO: Honey?
ME: Yes?…!!
What’s with that terrible, mirthless smile?!
It’s so terrifying and fixed… just like a Noh mask!!
Y-KO: The next time you make a crack about my age…
ME: Y-y-y-y-y-yes?!
Y-KO: I’ll kill you.
ME: I-I-I-I-I’m sorry.
Y-KO: Good. As I was saying, I’ll be getting my uniform next time I visit home.
ME: I… I can hardly wait.
Oh, to hell with it.
Live and let live, I suppose.
What do you think of school uniforms?
2006/05/11 21:28
Smack in the middle of Golden Week.
After extolling the virtues of the high-collar, stuffy male uniform we call a gakuran,
Y-ko announced that she would later wear her own high school uniform.
I, of course, have no course of action but to declare my excitement at the prospect.
However,
Y-ko is not the sort of girl to be satisfied by this alone.
In fact, I think that the following was her true purpose.
Enjoy this conversation with Y-ko.
Y-KO: So, did you have a gakuran for your school uniform?
ME: Hmm? Yes, I did.
Y-KO: … Well, I’m bringing my girl’s sailor uniform.
ME: Huh?
Y-KO: Doesn’t that mean you should be doing something in return?
ME: Uh…
Y-KO: I’m going back home at the next vacation, so you ought to bring your own uniform!!
ME: ………
… I should have figured.
In fact, I think I’ve already gotten rid of it.
It’s been four years since then, you know?
Of course, if we’re going by age, Y-ko’s uniform has another * years on mine, and she still kept it…
ME: I think I already threw it away…
Y-KO: Wh-what? Why?! You’re supposed to keep them, remember?!
ME: Why would I do that?
Y-KO: Because as long as you have your uniform, you can always be a high schooler! You’ll be a perpetual eighteen-year-old!!
ME: … No, I think you can only pull that off for another two years, max…
No ma’am, I didn’t say anything.
I have said nothing that would warrant being jabbed with a high heel again.
It hurts.
So do the glances of the people around us.
Y-KO: Well, I was only kidding.
ME: So you stabbed my foot as a joke?
Y-KO: Why, did you want me to insult you and call you names, too?
ME: Please, no…
Y-KO: “You Sebas!!”
ME: Seb…?! And you intend that to be an insult?!
Does that mean you’ve always been insulting me?!
Y-KO: Oh! Look, here come two more gakurans!
ME: Don’t change the subject or look away from me.
Y-KO: The one on the right is the uke, huh?
ME: Please don’t plead for my agreement.
Y-KO: … The right one is the uke?
ME: I’m not the one you should be asking!!
Y-KO: So selfish… And you just changed the subject.
ME: … No, the one who is being selfish and changing the subject is you.
Y-KO: Shut up. The problem is whether you still have your gakuran or not!
ME: You think that’s the problem?!
Okay, fine. I get it.
I pulled out my phone and called home.
My mom is a housewife, so she’s bound to be home at this hour.
I’ll crush Y-ko’s hopes right here and now.
Of course my old school uniform is gone.
One ring, two rings.
Three and a half, and she picked up.
It’s been ages since I heard her voice.
I’m sorry that this is the best excuse I could find to call, Mom.
ME: Uh, hello? It’s me.
Mom: Hmm? What’s up? You rarely ever call.
ME: Actually, I wanted to ask you something.
Mom: What?
ME: You threw away my gakuran, didn’t you? Like right after graduation?
Mom: Gakuran… Oh, your uniform?
Mom: No, I haven’t. I’ve kept it nice and safe in the dresser.
……… Huh? You haven’t gotten rid of it?
ME: No, wait… What do you mean, you haven’t thrown it away?
Oh, crap. Y-ko just heard me say that and pumped her fist.
Mom: Well, I was going to throw it away, but when I think of those three years you wore it, I just get so emotional…
ME: Emotional?! What…? I don’t understand what you mean!
Mom: Well, I mean… Oh, sorry! Pot’s boili—[Click.]
Beep… beep… beep…
ME: Pot?! What was that about a pot?! Hello?!
Mom?!… Mooom!!
…… She hung up.
……
Okay, look on the bright side.
Just because it’s still there doesn’t mean I have to bring it.
… So I won’t.
Yes, as long as I don’t bring it here, everything is fine.
Gotta say it.
Gotta tell her I won’t bring it back.
How would I explain to Mom what I plan to do with it, anyway?
“I’m not bringing it back.”
There.
That’s perfect.
I turned to Y-ko with purpose.
Fantasizing (Rated R)
… I can’t do it. I can’t tell her that I refuse to bring it back.
What’s with this aura of ecstasy around her?!
I just know she’s imagining something terrible!!
In fact, she just might be thinking about me!!
No, I know for a fact that she’s imagining me!!
W h a t c a n I d o ?
And she looks so damn happy…
With it on.
2006/05/19 22:42
“I’m using it for my club at school.”
With that simple excuse as my weapon, I went home and extracted my old uniform.
Working on explicit orders to retrieve the outfit,
I packed my Febrezed and air-dried uniform in my bag and headed to Y-ko’s place.
Sigh.
To think that I would have to put on this high school gakuran again in my fourth year of college.
Come on. It’s not like I’m joining a male cheerleader squad or anything.
……
… Okay, I’m not going to lie. It doesn’t feel that bad.