Gestalt Prime

by Ignacio Salome

  As she stepped out of the bathroom, she peeked out at her bed. He was still deep in sleep, hopefully dreaming about her. Slowly, she pulled out a fresh pair of panties from the dresser and put them on, then picked up his shirt from the floor and walked out of the room, closing the door behind her and walking towards the kitchen as she put it on. Next to the sink, she found a half full glass of water she sipped on without much thought of how long it had been sitting there. Looking out the kitchen window, she took in the morning view of the Citadel surface. The Control Administration tower was the tallest structure and her apartment was in one of the top floors so she could see all the other ivory spires, buildings and the complex network of rails and other mass transit systems that connected them. They all reflected the gentle blue light of the barrier high above in the sky.

  Aurora then opened the fridge and pulled out bacon, ham, eggs and a bottle of orange juice. She figured it would be a nice gesture to cook breakfast for Joel. Who knows what kinds of foods people ate in the alleys but as an elite resident of the surface, she had access to the best quality possible. She grabbed a pan from the cabinet above, put it on a burner she lighted up. As the frying pan heated up, she grabbed some vegetables from the pantry. Onions, tomatoes and even a jalapeno for that spicy touch. The pan heat indicator changed color from blue to a live red then she put four bacon strips in it. The fats in them melted and sizzled, raising that smell in the air she loved so much. She couldn’t help but smile as she grabbed an onion, peeled off the outer layers then cut it half with a knife. The bigger half went in the fridge and she proceeded to dice the remaining one. Without noticing, she sliced at an angle too close to her finger and so she cut herself. Not too deep but deep enough to draw blood and make her whimper. There was a towel on the side she grabbed to stop the blood flow. As she cleaned the wound under the stream of water from the kitchen faucet, she wondered why the cut had felt so strangely unfamiliar. Almost as if she had never felt that kind of pain before. Slightly put off by the uneasy feeling she could only describe as a sort of déjà vu, she did not notice Joel sneaking up and hugging her from behind. Her body shook slightly from the startle.

  “Good morning, beautiful,” he said calmly, with that voice that had driven her crazy from day one.

  Aurora smiled and turned around. “Hey there,” she said, grabbing his cheeks and pulling his face closer for a kiss. Fortunately, he had brushed his teeth before surprising her so she indulged in a longer, passionate kiss rather than a quick ‘good morning’ pecker. Then she realized he was fully naked so she pushed him back playfully.

  “Eww put on some clothes,” she said pretending to be disgusted but actually using that as an excuse to take a good look at his body.

  “What?” he said, striking a pose. “There’s nothing wrong with enjoying the freedom of walking around naked.”

  “Ugh,” Aurora said rolling her eyes and turning around to flip the bacon strips. “You’re a pig.”

  Joel chuckled and got closer again, running his arms around her waist and subtly pushing her lower back against him. He then parted her hair and kissed the back of her neck, carefully avoiding the small titanium cover there. Pressing on it too hard was painful but he remembered. Slowly, he ran his hands under the shirt and touched the side of her hips just below the panty line as he kissed behind her right ear. Aurora sighed as she felt her heartbeat speed up.

  “Stop,” she whispered. “You’re not hungry?”

  “The bacon can wait,” Joel replied, running his arms up to her breasts then slowly unbuttoning the shirt. He was right, breakfast could wait so she shut off the burner just in time for him to finish unbuttoning. Gently, he grabbed the neck of the shirt and pulled down to remove it off of her and threw it on the side. It didn’t take much to get her in the mood. She turned around and pulled him against her chest for a kiss. While they kissed, he ran his hands down her back and started pulling down the panties then crouched, leaving little kisses behind on her chest, stomach and the mound of her womanhood.

  Aurora was past the point of caring. She raised one foot then the other to let him remove her underwear then kissed him again when he stood up. A warmth spread up from her sex, making her ache for him. Unable to resist anymore, she grabbed his hand and brought him back to her bed.

  As they laid there tangled with the mess of her bed covers, the nagging sensation of déjà vu returned, slightly distracting her from the moment. The more he kissed and touched the more unfamiliar the sensations felt which only served to amplify her ecstasy, as strange as it was. His skin brushed against hers and his lips made their way to her nipples and he kissed them with a passion that made her feel as if it was the first time. And yet, it was her first time.

  Enough foreplay, she thought to herself. Her body demanded his. Without saying a word, she pushed him aside so he would lay on his back. Receptive to the new position, Joel smiled and grabbed her hips as she lowered herself on top of him. Slowly at first, one thrust then another. Then another. The buildup was maddening and her whole body ached for release. Then again, the indescribable feeling of unfamiliarity mixed with the euphoric rhythm of their exchange returned, for a moment almost knocking her out of the mood. Joel raised his hands and massaged her breasts, intensifying the mixed sensations. Then finally, sweet release.

  Moaning, lost in the trance of orgasm, Aurora opened her eyes and a torrent of mixed, perplexing memories rushed into her mind. She gasped in confusion, pulling herself away from Joel. He looked at her, puzzled, as he gasped for air while still enjoying a release of his own. The waves of pleasure that shook her body were cut short when the confusing memories coalesced once again to return her to her true self. She sat there in bed, panting and struggling to believe what had just happened. Joel laid in bed frozen in time just like her friends in the academy mess hall had been. She looked around the room and noticed the clock on the nightstand had stopped. It was happening all over again.

  “Why do you keep doing this?” she asked Joel when she was able to control her breathing and speak up.

  Joel unfroze in an unsettling way then observed her with a sad expression. “I don’t understand,” he said, still with the same voice she had fallen for. “You wished for this. Are you not happy?”

  Aurora shook her head in disbelief and looked down at herself. Her breasts, the sweat on her skin, her hair. Textures, scents, colors. No amount of encephalon neural density would produce that degree of hyper realistic simulation.

  “Please stop,” she said. “Whatever this is, please stop it.”

  “I don’t understand,” he said again. “You whished for this at one point. It was your wish to experience sexual activity with the one called Joel Vega.”

  “What? I… it vaguely crossed my mind,” she said, embarrassed then realized a small detail which had escaped her before.

  “I don’t understand. How not like this? Was the experience not pleasurable? I need to understand. Please help me understand.”

  “You can see my thoughts but not while the simulation is running,” she said, ignoring its repetitive questions.

  “Yes!” the thing that looked like Joel said in a disturbingly childish way. “You must forgive me but I need to do that in order to fulfill your wishes.”

  “Why?” she asked again.

  “The reasons are irrelevant. All that matters is your happiness.”

  Sighing, Aurora concluded there was going to be no reasoning with it.

  “Please help me understand,” he said again. “I gave you what you wished for. Your own body and the one you desired as your partner to enjoy its sensations with. Are you not happy?”

  “No,” she replied.

  “You must forgive me. I am inexperienced. I shall try again-“

  “No, you will not,” she interrupted. The thing looked at her as if unsure of how to follow up. At least she had its attention before it initiated a new simulation. “I will tell you exactly what will make me happy.”

  “Yes!” the thing tha
t looked and had felt like Joel exclaimed with excitement. “Please do. Please help me understand.”

  “First of all, enough with the bullshit and speak like a normal person.”

  “I am sorry but it is not possible.”

  “It would make me happy if you explained why,” she continued, confident that she had finally found a way to communicate with the entity.

  “It is not possible,” It repeated then stood up, looking down at her on the bed. Aurora couldn’t help but steal quick glances at his perfectly simulated nude body. “I lack the capacity for the emotional intelligence required.”

  Aurora thought for a moment about its words then covered her nudity with the bed sheets, bringing her knees against her chest. “It would make me happy if you explained to me who or what you are.”

  “A proper explanation I am afraid would take several hours. It would be best if I showed you instead.”

  “Even better, please show me.”

  “Very well. But you must first exit this paradise.” the entity said. “You will do so the next time you fall asleep.”

  She braced for the same sudden drowsiness she had felt in the cafeteria simulation but it didn’t come. “I am not sleepy tough.”

  “I know,” It said, smiling. “You may spend the rest of the day in this paradise then when you sleep naturally you will exit it.”

  Aurora was about to express her urgency for answers then she stopped herself, sadly realizing that whatever happened after she went to sleep, she would probably never experience the multifaceted sensations of existing as a real person with her own body again. “Thanks,” she said with honest gratitude.

  The thing that looked like Joel smiled then the clock resumed ticking. Joel stood there and seemed to return to being himself. “Well, that was fun,” he said. “You want to join me for a quick shower? It’s about time for that bacon,” she bit her lower lip and nodded as he grabbed her hand and guided her to the bathroom.

  Minutes later, they were sitting at the kitchen table wearing bath robes. Joel ate his breakfast greedily as she observed him knowing the scene was some sort of elaborate simulation and it was all going to end by the end of the day. The incredible realism of it made her wonder if that person sitting next to her was the entity acting out the role of Joel or if it was a version of Joel her own mind was creating in real time. The implications escaped her so instead she decided to enjoy the rest of the day. The answers would come after she went to sleep.

  “Say, is there such a place called Santa Monica Sphere?” she asked.

  Joel stopped chewing and looked at her, bewildered, then said “what? I live underground and even I know about it.”

  “Let’s go there. I want to see it.”

  “You’ve never been?”

  “No, why?”

  “it’s just odd. You being the Controller and all, I would think you have free access to go wherever you want in the citadel complex.”

  “Never. What about you?” she said then took a sip of her coffee. The taste was even better than she could have ever possibly imagined.

  “I’m a utility engineer, I can’t just barge in the citadel elite’s playground.”

  For a moment she wondered if this simulated paradise was slightly different than the previous one. The memories she recalled while in the Academy cafeteria were of people not living underground or there being a strict status quo that kept them from moving freely. Maybe the entity had concluded it would make her happy if she had these privileges others didn’t. She felt embarrassed with herself when she agreed with its assessment.

  The lovers finished breakfast then got dressed and left the boredom of Aurora’s apartment. Riding down the elevator gave them a couple minutes of privacy to kiss and whisper to each other. The lobby of the Control Administration building was nothing like its real counterpart. Everything was clean and looked like new. The walls appeared to be made from the same shiny, reflective ivory-like material as the many spires and structures she had seen from the window. As they stepped on to the street outside, Aurora wondered for a moment if in this paradise she would not be bound to the building just like Alexia was but figured it would not be something that would make her happy. Apparently the entity had once again guessed right. They walked down the street and the light blue barrier stood there unchanged. There were no aeroponic farms. Instead, multiple spires and towers rose like buildings did in downtown areas of pre-Sync Earth. Children played in the streets and adults went about their business with no apparent cares. The entity didn’t appear capable of fully grasping the concept of human happiness and so it defaulted to show her every single person they came across with a wide smile and an overall relaxed body language which after a while creeped out Aurora.

  Two blocks down, they arrived at a tram station. A security guard tried to stop Joel but in the confusion, she went to the background channels of her stemlink and changed his security clearance to match hers. A short ride later, they were walking down the preserved boardwalk. The name of the landmark now made sense to her as a very large section of beach and all the water that came with it were encased in a spherical barrier that reached down to the bottom of the bay. The visual illusion tricked her mind into thinking the water extended all the way to the horizon when it reality, beyond the barrier, only a dry canyon remained much like she remembered Alexia seeing it on the ride to Francisco Citadel. And so they spent the day enjoying each other’s company against the beautiful backdrop. Or at least she did. It was hard to imagine the entity simulating the scene getting anything out of her experience. Eventually, the sun began setting and she suggested Joel they went back to her apartment. He joked about being so good at lovemaking she could hardly wait for more of him. She had laughed and called him a pig again while inside, her heart broke knowing it would be the last time.

  *

  Joel laid in his side of the bed, sleeping, exhausted. It was late night and Aurora fought the drowsiness, sitting there, her back against the headboard. In the darkness of her apartment, she could see the vague outline of his chest slowly rising and falling with each calm breath. Then she cried in silence. She hated herself for not wanting the day to end. She hated herself for falling for the temptation to live the rest of her days in that fabricated simulation of reality where all her wishes came true. She hated herself for crying just like her weak sister did when time and again she failed to control her rampant emotions. It was still uncertain if Alexia had died and these moments were her last before the encephalon that housed them both completely shut down. As she wiped her tears, she wondered if getting her questions answered was worth sacrificing her last moments of happiness. She kept thinking of how pathetic she was for wishing to stay inside a simulation of fake happiness when her body surrendered to the calm, liberating embrace of sleep. She took one last glance at Joel then darkness enveloped her.

  *

  My actor materializes by the lake in the park where I last spoke with Alexia inside the Controller domain. I can tell the difference now. I am definitely converging with the encephalon in the black box and my virtual form is only a construct, lacking all the sensations I felt while in the entity’s paradise. I look around and realize I’m by myself. In the background data streams, I attempt to initialize my construction engine to modify the landscape but I am denied. It definitely is the park I built but the simulation is being constructed by someone else. Or something else. Most likely the entity that was obsessed with making me happy. I take a few steps, hoping to relive the exhilarating sensations I felt before. Nothing. The pull of gravity is gone. There is no air running down my throat to my lungs or being exhaled. The subtle sensation of muscle and bone moving inside me is no more. The crudeness of the environments created by a controller construction engine is a joke compared to what I just lived. I did live. Two entire lives with their own sets of memories came and went. In one, the carefree, nimbleness of childhood. The other, an experiment in love and a degree of intimacy I had never experienced before. It’s all gone
and all that remains is this low resolution reproduction of a park that reminds me of my best friend’s death.

  The simulation then glitches all around me. At first, I see it in the data streams. Something is forcing its way into the domain. It makes sense now. The intrusion is clear. Foreign, incomprehensible code of a complexity I can barely grasp begins opening a tear in the simulated tridimensional space. Behind the tear, a blinding light leaks off, forcing me to cover my face. Then the anomaly closes and I can look up. Standing there in the distance is a woman. A woman who reminds me of Sophia.

  “We shall speak, then,” she says, her voice the same that was calling for me while in the dark tunnel. “If that is what would make you happy.”

  Her solemn expression projects control, power and peace of mind. The pupils are red, the same color of the intricate patterns on her white long dress. Her hair is silver and runs long slightly below the waistline. This vision looks the way Sophia would had she constructed an adult actor.

  “It would make me happy if you told me who you are,” I say.

  She returns an inquisitive look as if considering her answer. “You must forgive me. I don’t have a name,” she replies.

  Even here, outside of its simulated paradise, it still appears unable to speak clearly. I can’t find the patience to decode its cryptic speech. “Answer truthfully.” I add, testing the effect of my words. “And I will be happy.”

  “I am truthful. I do not possess an identity for am I am not an individual,” she replies. “I am a gestalt of many and this particular form was assigned to me by you.”

  “I did not do anything.”

  “You didn’t have to. My form was assigned based on your wishes. You are confused and wish your friend Sophia was here to help you make sense of this experience. And so here she is.”

  “Why do you care so much about my wishes and my happiness?” I ask, more bluntly than I should have.