*
As I waited outside the auditorium, I eventually spotted Katie walking toward the door for her tryout. I caught her attention and pulled her aside.
The little girl looked excited and had even dressed up for the big day. She had a theme going with her outfit, said theme being ‘blindingly pink.’ From her leggings to her tutu to her sparkly t-shirt, it was all pink. Her hair was parted in the middle and braided neatly on either side, and someone had even braided pink ribbons into her hair. The only thing brighter than the outfit was the smile she flashed me when I asked if she was ready for tryouts.
“Oh yes,” Katie said. “I was born ready!”
I didn’t doubt it.
I waited until she had tried out for her part as Hamlet’s mother, and though one might accuse me of being biased, I thought she was perfect for the part. Normally, we would give the main roles to the older kids and give the little ones a few lines at most. But I knew Katie and how much she had progressed in just a short while and I had no doubts that she could do it.
So I made my choice.
It was probably not going to earn me any points with some of the other parents who always insisted that their overachievers be placed first for everything. But Katie was willing and it would mean a lot to her if her teacher also thought that she could do it, so I would give her the chance to play the part.
After tryouts, I noticed Katie waiting by the school entrance and I decided to wait with her. Perhaps the odd hour of the play made it difficult for her sitter to coordinate a pickup time, so I’d watch her in the meanwhile.
We chatted briefly about the tryouts, and soon our conversation lulled, with Katie clearly tired from all the excitement. I wanted to ask her something, but I wondered if it would be crossing the line. I had yet to truly get a confirmation that Declan was even into other men. For all I knew, I could’ve been reading too far into what was only intended to be a platonic relationship.
Katie was a perceptive little girl, because she frowned up at me and asked, “What’s wrong, Mr. Davis?”
I sighed. Should I really ask her? “It’s nothing, sweetie.”
“Oh, it’s something. I can tell.”
No hiding anything from her. I relented, saying, “Has your father ever had any long-term lady friends that you know of?”
She shook her head and I exhaled the breath I hadn’t realized I had held until then.
Katie continued thoughtfully, “He’s friends with the other firefighters but that’s about it from what I know. I asked him once how come he doesn’t have any girlfriends, but he told me I’m the only girl he needs in his life.”
Well, wasn’t that something?
“What about you, Mr. Davis?” Katie said, turning the questioning on me. “Do you have a girlfriend?”
“That’s not really any of your business, Katie,” I pointed out reasonably.
“True. But you did just ask me Dad’s business.”
The little devil. Though her expression was innocent and her tone was just as reasonable as mine, I saw the sparkle in her eyes and knew that Katie was being just a tad mischievous.
“Ah hang it, Katie. I have my students and friends and Hamlet. I don’t need anyone else.”
“Sure you do,” Katie insisted. “Daddy has me, but he still gets lonely sometimes. He never tells me these things, but I can always see on his face when he’s feeling lonely. Anytime I do, I usually go and hug him. Don’t you need someone to hug you when you’re lonely too?”
I did indeed.
She put it so simply that I saw the truth in the statement the moment she said it. Despite everything I had filled my life with, I often got lonely too.
“Do you want to hear what my grandma always says to Dad?”
I nodded.
“Declan,” she mimicked in a croaky imitation of her grandma’s voice, which had me laughing. “Declan, find yourself a person who looks good, works hard, and does what’s right. That’s all you need in life.”
I thought about it for a moment and had to agree.
By now the sitter drove up, and Katie quickly waved to me as she hurried off.
So, it was decided. The next time I saw Declan, I was determined to finally ask him outright if our relationship was a romantic one, or if I was destined to live a tragedy much like Shakespeare’s plays.
Chapter 11
Declan
It was the longest week of her whole entire life, according to Katie, and I had to agree that it wasn’t much different for me either. Waiting for the play tryout results had become quite the preoccupation.
Her excitement had been contagious, and every afternoon when I had picked her up, I had gone into the building with her to look at the notice board. And each time we looked, the notice board failed to produce the results of tryouts.
Katie had tried out for the part of the queen and she had been confident she would get it. And to think that she had been so unsure of herself once…
But no.
The Katie who rarely spoke or volunteered for anything unless asked to was now a thing of the past, and no one could be happier about it than me. Well, no one except possibly Ivan, the man I had been avoiding for the last several days, as I simply didn’t know what to say to him.
It wasn’t a matter of not knowing what I wanted. That part was all settled and my body was primed for action more so than it had been in ages. But to risk Katie’s improvement for my own selfish pleasures wasn’t even an option in my book.
Too bad the only thing I really wanted to do was to get closer to him.
But today, if I went inside and the results still weren’t posted, then I knew a visit with Ivan would be in order as I simply wouldn’t have any other option.
One week of Katie waiting expectantly had been hell, and I needed some peace in the house this weekend. Not that she had thrown any tantrums, but she was morose lately and it just broke my heart to see her like that.
I parked and navigated my way through the building to the notice board, where it was now our customary spot to meet up. Katie was already there waiting.
“Any luck, sweetheart?” I asked.
She turned, saw me and offered a cheeky smile as she returned her attention to the board. On it was a single page with the words ‘Tryout Results’ printed in bold.
My breath caught and held as I scanned the list, praying in a fervent way I had learned to do ever since becoming a parent. Praying that my child wouldn’t be disappointed. She wasn’t.
“You did it!” I said way too excitedly as I scooped her up. “All Hail Queen Katie, mother of Hamlet, ruler of my heart. I’m so proud of you.” I gave her a multitude of smacks on her cheeks so loud that each kiss echoed through the empty halls as did her giggles.
She had made the cut, and words couldn’t express the joy I felt or my optimism that she would be well and truly okay going forward.
“Thanks, Daddy. They posted it around lunchtime today and I’ve been looking at it ever since. Tommy got the part of Hamlet.”
Tommy… I knew nothing of this boy, yet my parental instinct was to give him a stern talking to about being behaved around my girl. “Tommy, huh?”
She nodded. “Yeah. We play together during recess. And he said that he’ll come over to help me with my lines sometimes if that’s okay with you.”
Despite my initial misgivings, I was just glad she asked for the first time to have a friend over. “Of course he’s welcomed.”
Katie continued, “But you would have to help me practice sometimes too. I already asked Mr. Davis if he could come over on Saturdays for practice too, and he said yes, as long as it’s okay with you. So with you, Tommy, Mrs. Gardener, and Mr. Davis helping me, plus the practices in school, I think I’ll be ready.”
“More than ready. But, uh…” I had to make her rewind a bit. “Mr. Davis? On Saturdays?”
“Yeah, I asked if he could come over for practice.”
“That’s a little inappropriate, sweetie.”
“I know but you and him never see each other anymore, so I thought I’d ask.”
Was she… trying to hook us up? Because it sure seemed like Katie was trying to hook us up. “Well, it’s no coincidence that I’ve been keeping away from him, Katie. Some parents might find it inappropriate for us to see each other so often.”
Katie frowned. “So?”
I rolled my eyes at her. Still, I gave in. I mean, I wanted to give in anyway. Today I had been prepared to see Ivan again if there hadn’t been any results, and I still wanted to see him with or without a reason.
I just couldn’t get him out of my mind.
*
The week went by in a buzz of activity at work, which I actually welcomed.
According to my mother, the devil always found work for idle hands and idle thoughts, so I was relieved to have my plate full with work.
Katie was in very capable hands in the form of our neighbor Mrs. Gardener, and I wasn’t surprised when after only a couple of days Katie had already memorized a few lines.
It had been one of life’s small blessings buying the house right next to Mrs. Gardener. As a widow who had no kids of her own, she had always been ready to have Katie at a moment’s notice. She often joked that I was the one doing her a favor by letting her indulge in her maternal instincts. I knew for a fact that without her I wouldn’t have been able to manage as well as I had.
As I dropped Katie off at school, I made a mental note to look into my finances to see if I could afford to give Mrs. Gardener a small raise in pay. She could use the extra money, and she more than earned it.
“Bye Katie, baby,” I told her as she leaned forward to give me my kiss. “So remind me of the schedule one last time. You’re staying late at school to do homework with Hamlet on Mondays and Wednesdays, practice for the play on Tuesdays and Thursdays, and Tommy is coming over on Fridays?”
“Yup. Also remember I asked Mr. Davis if he’d like to come over on Saturdays to help me practice too.”
Guess I had conveniently forgotten that part of the weekly schedule, even though my heart clenched to remember that I had gone an entire week without seeing Ivan and my body was less than amused.
“Okay. Let him know any time after Saturday afternoon is fine for him to drop by.”
Katie nodded then hopped out. I smiled as I watched her lopsided ponytails bob on her way up the stairs as she disappeared into the building.
*
Before I knew it, it was Saturday and I was on my way home from work.
I had Katie tell Ivan to come in the afternoon, and that if traffic made me late, Mrs. Gardener would be there to let him in and make sure Katie behaved until I was back.
Traffic, as I predicted, was bad, as it usually was from weekend visitors. I was dead tired after a hectic twenty-four hour shift. The worst call came from three children who were left alone at home while their mother went out drinking. It had ended with a house fire, their mother in custody, and the three children rescued and placed into the care of social services. Though in the end everyone was safe, it was such an awful situation and I couldn’t help but be affected by it.
Why people had kids if they weren’t willing to make the sacrifices needed to keep them safe was beyond me.
The rescue had been so reminiscent of Katie’s case. Perhaps it was unhealthy to suppress it, but I tried not to think about that day very often. The sound of her crying haunted me to this day, even if I knew she was safe and sound now.
Perhaps I was overprotective, but I simply couldn’t understand how a parent could leave their children to fend for themselves like that.
To me, being a parent meant being willing to do whatever it took to ensure the well-being of your child, even if it meant sacrificing your own needs and desires.
Then again, perhaps a relationship with Ivan wasn’t contrary to Katie’s well-being. I mean, she practically invited him into our home, so maybe she really wouldn’t be negatively affected by it. Maybe she did want us to be together.
But as friends? Or as partners? That was the question.
I parked in front of the garage, noting an unfamiliar car parked by the curb, then I entered my house. Some part of me worried that Ivan would back out of this engagement, but when I walked through the hallway I could hear that wasn’t the case.
I stood outside the kitchen, listening to Katie and Ivan chat and laugh while I leaned tiredly against the wall. I closed my eyes for a moment and indulged in a fantasy. A fantasy where every day I would come home, scoop up Katie when she ran to me, then walk over to the man I loved and kiss him hello.
It was such a vivid fantasy that when I finally entered the kitchen, I wasn’t sure what I was about to do.
Chapter 12
Ivan
I arrived at Declan’s house right on time, but noticed his truck wasn’t there. I wasn’t surprised, as he had warned me that his shift could run late. So I exited the car and took in the view. He had a beautiful two-story Craftsman, with a wide welcoming front porch, and a manicured yard. I admired his use of native and fire-retardant plants. Of course a fireman would be conscious of those things. It all worked, blending into the landscape seamlessly.
I walked down the red brick walkway, up the wooden gray steps, and stopped in front of the stained glass door. I pressed the doorbell and took in a deep breath.
It felt weird for me to show up when Declan wasn’t there, but that was how the hours of a fireman were. Mrs. Gardener opened the door, saying in greeting, “Mr. Davis, I presume?”
I nodded my head, suddenly feeling like a child because of her matronly mannerisms.
“Well, come on in.” She opened the door wider, then turned toward the inside of the house and called out to Katie.
“Mr. Davis!” Katie yelled from behind Mrs. Gardener before running up to me. She grabbed my hand. “Let me give you the grand tour!”
“Okay,” I said as she dragged me through the house. It seemed like she rarely got to give the tour, and was jumping at the opportunity now.
Katie stopped suddenly. “This is our living room.” She waved her arm in a sweeping motion and allowed me a moment to take in the warm scene.
They had large tan suede sofas trimmed with nailheads along the edges, with various colorful quilts tossed about along with matching throw pillows. There were a couple of poufs, an antique mahogany coffee table, and on the wall above the intricate brick fireplace was a large flat screen TV recessed inside the wall, with two wooden shutters opened to reveal it. The TV was seemingly out-of-place at the moment, but I appreciated the old shutters that could close and conceal the modern amenity from the room.
There were books everywhere. Bookcases lined the outside of the fireplace on opposite sides. A man after my own heart, for sure. Before I had a chance to take more of the room in, Katie pulled on my hand and dragged me to the other side, as the room was huge and open. On this side was an old dining room table with a matching hutch. At the edge of this room was the entrance to a large kitchen. The kitchen had both a modern and old look. Here Declan kept it bright.
Katie pointed to the stools that lined the counter. “Here. Let’s sit for a second.”
So I sat beside her. Mrs. Gardener came up from behind us and entered the kitchen, clearing her throat. “Can I offer you some coffee or tea?”
“No, thank you. I’m good for now,” I said. Although in hindsight I should have kept her busy so she wouldn’t have the chance to stand on the other side of the counter eyeballing me and starting her third degree interrogation.
“So, you are our sweet Katie’s teacher. I hear you have a parrot?” She glanced down at Katie and winked.
“Yes ma’am. Hamlet. He’s quite the character.”
“It is rather unorthodox to have a parrot in a classroom, but I hear he has helped the children.”
“Yes, he and Katie seem to have a particular bond.”
Katie interrupted, “Hey, why didn’t you bring Hamlet with you?”
“Well
, honey, maybe next time. I didn’t want to overstep.”
“Okay, I guess,” Katie replied softly.
“So,” Mrs. Gardener continued, “You and Declan are becoming quite close.”
I felt she was prying a bit, but I answered, “Yes. We get along and have plenty of things in common.”
“I suspect it could be more.”
I cleared my throat, and instead of answering her I turned to Katie. “Have you made the cookies for the play crew yet?”
“What’s this, Katie?” Mrs. Gardener asked, allowing for the change in topic as her curiosity now had a new subject to concentrate on. “Are you to make cookies?”
“Yes. But we haven’t had a chance yet,” Katie responded to both of us, a guilty look on her face.
“Well, what do you guys say we bake up a batch while we wait for Declan?” I asked.
Mrs. Gardener’s demeanor changed. A huge smile formed on her face, and she suddenly didn’t look so scary to me. “How about my famous secret chocolate chip cookie recipe, Katie? Your favorite!”
Katie jumped off her stool and started jumping up and down, clapping her hands at the same time. “Can we, can we?”
Mrs. Gardener and I shared a smile. “Well,” she said, “if it’s okay with Mr. Davis, I happen to have it here in one of your daddy’s cookbooks.”
She walked over to a little corner shelf built into the wall of the kitchen. She took out a cookbook, opened it, and pulled out her recipe, which was on a folded piece of floral stationery. She handed it to me while wearing a proud expression.
“Why, thank you, Mrs. Gardener. What do you think, Katie?”
“Yes, of course, Mr. Davis! Wait until you taste these cookies!”
Mrs. Gardener sat at my stool when I got up to join Katie in the kitchen. We then proceeded to gather ingredients and mix them up in the red stand mixer that was on the counter. While we were doing that, Mrs. Gardener regaled us with her cookie tales. It was quite cute.
While she spoke, she took out a huge spoon, dipped it into the mixer bowl, then scooped out a bit of cookie dough. She then ate the dough in between sentences. When she was finished, she dropped the spoon into the sink, went into the drawer to get another clean spoon, and had another large bite. When Katie eyed her hungrily, she said, “You must wait for the cookies to be cooked. Only old biddies like me can have raw cookie dough, okay?”
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