Believing Again (Finding Your Place Book 3)

by Rebecca Barber

  I watched as Zoe duck dived into the water before coming back up and pushing her long hair off her face. It looked cool and refreshing, and I was jealous as all hell. I wanted to go in. It was like a freaking sauna sitting out here. There wasn’t a breath of wind, the sun was high in the sky beating down on us, and my tank top was clinging to my every curve like a second skin.

  Ten minutes later and the others were wading about, floating, and flicking water at each other. I was dying to be in there with them, but with this many people around, there was no way I was peeling my shorts off and joining them. No one wanted to see that. Not even me.

  “Why aren’t you in there with them?” a seductive voice asked as a warm shoulder nudged mine.

  Turning around, I got caught in a steely gaze. It took a moment…okay, it took too long for me to stop choking on my tongue at the sight of a shirtless Nate beside me before I could form actual words.

  “Didn’t feel like it,” I lied quickly.

  “Bullshit!”

  “Excuse me?” I felt my whole body stiffen. How dare he call bullshit on me. He didn’t know me. He had no fucking idea who I was or what I wanted. The presumptive asshole.

  “Did I not make myself clear, Josie? I called bullshit. You’re dying to be in there with them. I can see it written all over your pretty little face. The only thing I can’t figure out is, what’s stopping you?”

  “Nothing. I don’t want to go in. That’s all.”

  “Like I said, bullshit. It’s hot as hell out here and I can see your skin burning. Why don’t you just take a dip? Cool off?”

  This guy was a prick. And he was pissing me off. If I didn’t want to go swimming, that was my business. Not his. Fuck! He didn’t even know me.

  “What part of ‘I don’t want to’ don’t you understand?”

  He smirked at me. He fucking smirked at me. As if I weren’t hot enough from the sun beating down on me, now I was burning with rage at that damn smirk. The arrogant, egotistical…“Whoa!” Before I had a chance to finish my thought, I was lifted up and being carried towards the sparkling water.

  “What the fuck!” Wriggling in my abductor’s arms, I came face to face with Derek. Asshole thought he was so fucking hilarious. “Derek! Put me down, or so help me god, I will cut your balls off in your sleep.”

  “You wouldn’t…”

  “Want to try me?” I dared him.

  An agonizing pained expression crossed his face as he set me down in the ankle deep water.

  “That’s what I thought,” I said smugly, folding my arms across my chest.

  “You’re a mean, mean woman, Josie!” Derek declared as he strode into the water backwards, leaving me with a wicked wink and a smile.

  The water was perfect. Even just being ankle deep was enough. It was refreshing and soothing. The longing to dive in was almost enough to have me stripping out of my clothes and doing just that. Thankfully, I didn’t lose my head and I hung on to reality. Just. Within minutes the once calm water was like a washing machine as the guys jumped in and started splashing about.

  “He might be afraid of you, but I’m not,” a warm breath whispered into my ear, caressing my neck. My eyes closed involuntary and my head tilted back. I didn’t want to look who it was. I didn’t want to be shattered. Let me live in my imagination. But this was me. And nothing in my life ever went right. With the exception of Matilda, my life was one giant clusterfuck. Why should today be any different?

  “Incoming!” The deep, masculine and sexy as hell voice called out barely a breath before I was once again manhandled off my feet and carried out into the water, only to be unceremoniously dumped in the thigh high water.

  After going under, I came up spluttering and fuming. Turning on the idiot responsible, I came face to chest with Nate. He’d obviously gone under as well, because his wide chest was covered in beading water that made my mouth water, and the craving to lick the salty water away was all-consuming. Suddenly I was grateful for the water surrounding me to cool my raging hormones. I noticed the tattoo on his chest and realised he was the one I’d been drooling over from afar.

  “Fuck!” I admonished myself. Why couldn’t it have been someone else? Anyone else. No, I had to go develop a crush on Nate. The one person I couldn’t have a crush on. Needing a moment to myself to deal with my stupidity, I dove beneath the water and kicked away.

  It wasn’t much fun swimming in denim and a tank top. Figuring I was safe in the water, I swam to the shallows and peeled the wet clothes from my body. While I was in the water, no one would see my fat ass or flabby belly. Getting out would be another issue, but I’d deal with that later on. First things first. Revenge.

  Chapter 8

  Nate

  I watched her swim away and was grateful for the distance. The woman could kill me. She was as hot as hell and just as stubborn. When we’d tied the boat up and decided a swim was in order to cool off, we’d spotted the women and immediately headed in their direction. As we got closer, I noticed that they were all so different, yet their incessant chatter and giggling seemed like it worked for them. One of them, one I’d never met, paraded herself up and down the shallows, her rack on display. And when she looked up and licked her lips, I wanted to find a hole and crawl in until it was safe to come out. She was hunting. On the prowl. Looking like she was about to throw herself at the first guy who smiled in her direction. That guy would definitely not be me. Fuck no! Some high maintenance chick was definitely not what I needed in my life.

  When Derek and I spotted Josie sitting alone on the sand, I felt my chest tighten. There was something going on there. Something sad. She had this look of longing and desire on her face but she wasn’t moving. She watched as the others played in the water with reckless abandon. When Derek scooped her up and carried her towards the water, the pain inside my chest almost crushed me. Yet the moment he put her down, I couldn’t stop myself from moving behind her.

  Out of the corner of my eye, I saw her toss her clothes on the beach before diving back in. The woman was like a damn fish. She looked like she belonged in the water. Her long, dark hair was tied back in two braids hanging halfway down her back, and the urge to tug on them like an idiotic ten-year old was almost too much. Her wide eyes seemed to reflect the water. She was fucking stunning. And so bad for me.

  Shaking off the thought, I dove under the water and swam away from the group, thankful for the space and my powerful stroke. When I was far enough away that their chatter was just garbled sounds, I lifted my legs to the top of the water and let my body float. Damn, it felt good. Why hadn’t I gone swimming earlier? All of my bone-weary muscles seemed to soften and ease. It felt damn good. Above my head, birds circled and chirped, but it didn’t worry me. In that moment, nothing could.

  When we’d been out in the boat racing up and down, I’d been nervous. And I didn’t do nervous. I don’t know what it was or why, but I didn’t like it. Not one bit. The only thing I could put it down to was the lack of control. I wasn’t licensed to drive the boat, so I hadn’t. But if I was staying around, then I was getting a license ASAP. I wasn’t going to put up with that shit for very long. Being a backseat driver didn’t suit me at all.

  The water around me rippled and I didn’t think anything of it. Probably some fish or something. So when the hands settled on my shoulders and pushed down, my whole body sunk like a lead balloon.

  Finding the surface, I spluttered and coughed when I spun around to see which asshole had dunked me. The moment I met those sapphire eyes though, I knew I was completely fucked.

  “Payback’s a bitch, Nate.”

  “So it is,” I coughed, wiping the water from my face with my free hand while I continued to tread water to keep my head above the water line.

  “And I’m worse.”

  “Really?”

  “Definitely.” Josie was so adamant in her words that I wanted to laugh. She was trying to play the tough bitch, a role that didn’t suit her. Not one little bit. She may like to t
hink that, she may even need to believe that, but one look at her face revealed the truth. She wasn’t a bitch. Not at all. She was just someone who’d been hurt, and the only way she knew to cope and make sure it didn’t happen again was to pretend to be a tough as nails hard ass. I knew. I mastered that same role.

  She duck dived under the water and I caught a glimpse of that rounded ass. If I thought her ass looked biteable in jeans, well, when wet and clad in only a black lycra, she was fucking delicious.

  “You might want to remember that,” she added as she surfaced and swam away from me.

  I don’t know how long I stayed exactly where I was, treading water and praying for the blood to flow back to my brain again. One look at Josie in her swimmers had sent all of the blood in my body flowing one way. South.

  “Nate!” A voice called out my name from what seemed like really far away. Glancing around, I didn’t realise how far I’d drifted. I was more than two hundred metres downstream from them. “We’re going to eat. You coming?”

  Wondering how the hell I was supposed to get out of the water and face Josie now, I knew I couldn’t stay here forever. “Yeah. On my way,” I replied. Reluctantly, I took long, lazy strokes as I made my way back, in no rush at all.

  It was a pretty good day. I met a bunch of people, some I was in absolute no hurry to talk to again, especially Jackson. That guy was a grade A douchenozzle. Sure, we were all checking out the girls while they splashed about, some more than others, but we kept the X-rated comments to ourselves. Especially those comments concerning Mia. For God’s sake, she was Derek’s fiancée. But not Jackson. He thought he was God’s gift to women and could say whatever he liked. And the moment he remarked about Mia’s ass, I thought for sure he was going to be left floating in the river, care of some mysterious accident. Or run into Derek’s fist. I can’t say he wouldn’t have deserved it, either.

  After we dragged ourselves from the water, we’d sat down to eat what the girls had organised. And I’d be damned if I wasn’t going anywhere without them again. It was the most delicious spread I’d ever had. It had everything. Fresh salads, bread, fruit, cured meats, barbeque chicken, cheeses, all topped off with a couple of cold beers. I really don’t think it would have mattered though if they’d served up cold sausages and stale bread. After spending the morning trying to stay upright on those damn water-skis and then swimming, I was famished. The only thing restraining me from making myself look like a complete pig was the fact I was the new guy. I had to at least pretend I had manners, until they got to know me a bit better.

  “That the last of it?” Derek called as he pushed the empty cooler into the tray of his truck.

  “I think so,” Mia replied as she slipped under his arm.

  I turned away, not needing to see that.

  I was jealous.

  It was as simple and as complicated as that. I wasn’t jealous of Derek because I wanted Mia, I was jealous because I wanted what they had. That companionship. That closeness with someone. Someone to talk to. Someone to help fight the demons. Someone to make smile. But I knew myself and I knew my heart. I’d had my chance. It was gone. All I could do was make the best of what was left. Have some fun and try not to get hurt.

  Walking away from the lovey-dovey couple, I spied Josie standing on the hill looking out over the water. She looked beautiful. The sun reflected off her hair, making it shine, and her shoulders peeked out from under the towel she had wrapped around her tightly.

  Without realising what was happening, I wandered towards her. “It’s really beautiful out here, isn’t it?” I heard the words fall from my mouth and I wasn’t sure where they came from. It didn’t sound like something I’d typically say.

  “Yeah. Untouched, I think is the word you’re looking for.”

  Although she replied, I don’t think she was necessarily talking to me. Not once did her gaze waver from the expanse in front of her, and for a long time she didn’t make a sound. The part that surprised me the most however, was the fact that the silence wasn’t uncomfortable. Not at all.

  “Hey, you two?” someone sang out. Turning around, I saw Mia and Derek staring directly at us, mischief written all over their faces. “Are you joining us?”

  Josie wiped her hands on the front of her towel, before turning to look at me. “I guess that’s our cue.”

  “Sounds like it.”

  Side by side we started back up the incline, and when Josie’s foot slipped out from under her, I caught her in my arms. She fitted perfectly. It was like she was made for that spot. Like it was hers and hers alone. I don’t know if I hated the idea or loved it. Once she was stable again, we kept walking, but unexpectedly she didn’t let go of my hand. Her fingers were soft and warm and tiny. And wrapped in mine.

  When we reached the car park, I realised I didn’t want to let go. “Ride back with me.” The words were out of my mouth before I could stop them.

  “W-what?”

  Her sapphire eyes were wide with astonishment. I knew she hadn’t been expecting it, and it made me feel even better. Usually it was the other way. People—well, ladies—were lining up to get on the back of my bike…I mean, who wouldn’t? It wasn’t just a bike, but a work of art. My fully restored 1956 650cc Triumph T110 was to die for. I don’t know how many hours I spent working on it or how many dollars. Honestly, I was too scared to count, but it was all mine. And I loved it.

  “Ride back with me,” I repeated, my eyes locked in a silent battle with hers.

  “I-I can’t.”

  I heard what she was saying, but I also knew she was lying. The torment darkened her eyes and she hitched the towel a little tighter at her chest, her knuckles turning white with the strain.

  “Why?” I challenged. I don’t know why I was being such a bastard, I just couldn’t stop myself. I don’t know why it mattered so much. It just did.

  “Yeah, why not, Josie? Go. Have some fun!” Mia added, nudging Josie with her elbow.

  “I can’t ride on the back of a motorcycle in a towel.”

  “Why would you wear a towel?”

  “Because someone…” her eyes fixed on mine defiantly, “threw me in the water fully clothed, and now they’re wet and covered in crap.”

  Mia giggled. I don’t know how I knew it, but I knew she was up to something. “Good thing I brought these for you then, hey?” I laughed. How could I not? Josie had thought she’d found a foolproof excuse, and here Mia was thrusting a ball of jeans and top into her arms.

  “You-you planned this?” Josie spat incredulously.

  “I didn’t. Really, I didn’t. I just love it when things work out!” Mia winked at Josie, and I saw her cringe. I really hoped that wasn’t aimed at me. It would suck donkey’s balls if the thought of spending time with me made her physically sick.

  While indecision marred Josie’s stunning face, Derek started up his truck. I watched with intrigue as Mia approached her sister and wrapped her arms around her. I could see her whispering something into her ear, and I would have given my left nut to know what she said when Josie’s eyes went wide. But before she had a chance to reply, Mia slapped her ass, yanked the towel off her, and dived into the front seat of Derek’s truck. With a cloud of dust, they were gone. The echo of Derek, Zoe, and Mia’s amusement sounded through the deserted parking lot.

  When the cackling faded, I spun around and spotted Josie standing there, looking like someone just kicked her puppy. She looked like she was about to burst into tears. I couldn’t let that happen. I could deal with a lot of shit, but tears were definitely not on that list.

  “Come on, Josie. I’m not that bad. Am I?”

  It took her a moment. I watched as she swallowed whatever it was that was stopping the words from coming out. “It’s…it’s not you.”

  “Okay then.”

  Her shaky words did absolutely nothing to reassure me or silence the thoughts in my head.

  “Why don’t you get dressed and then we can get out of here. Looks like I’m your only op
tion now.” I smiled at her, trying to lighten the situation.

  “Can you turn around so I can put these on?” she asked softly as a blush crept up her neck.

  Damn it! She was embarrassed. That was the last thing I wanted. Without a word, I turned my back to her. I strode over to the bike and began packing my crap into the saddle bag. I didn’t mean it. Really, I didn’t. I just couldn’t help myself. It was just too damn tempting. She was too damn tempting. So when I caught a glance of her reflection in the side mirror, I couldn’t help but watch as she bent over and pulled on her jeans. This woman confused the fuck out of me. She had a killer body but she seemed ashamed of it. That was just a travesty. Right then and there I made the decision that it would be my own personal mission to change that.

  “You ready?”

  She was right behind me, fully dressed and ready to go. She wore a pair of jeans that weren’t exactly skin tight, but they hugged every single one of her delicious curves, a long sleeve grey shirt, and a pair of well-worn Nikes.

  Straightening up, I hoped my jeans covered the very inconvenient bulge forming in my pants. Why I had thought this ride was a good idea, I’ll never know. Now I had more than an hour’s ride with Josie wrapped around me, and all I could think about was the way she filled out her swimsuit.

  Throwing my leg over the bike, I settled into the seat, adjusting myself as discreetly as possible before turning my attention back to the fidgeting woman beside me. “You’ll be fine. Just climb on behind me and get comfortable.”

  Without a word, she did as I asked. The only problem was her comfortable was as far away from me as she could possibly get. This was never going to work. Behind me I could feel how tense she was. Instead of asking her to move forward, I planted my feet on the ground, grabbed her knees that were spread either side of me, and dragged her forward, catching her off balance.

  “Whoop!” she let out as her boobs crashed into my back. I must have knocked the air out of her, but I wasn’t letting her back away now.