Believing Again (Finding Your Place Book 3)

by Rebecca Barber

  “Probably should be. But seriously, it’s not easy being the new guy in town.”

  “Tell me about it.”

  “Yeah, I forgot you’re only a bit older than me around here.”

  “Yep. Met the single mums yet?”

  “Been there.”

  “Done that?”

  “Fuck no! They’re husband hunting, and I’m not playing that game.”

  “Me either. Me either.”

  With a quick handshake and a promise to get together and watch the game the following week, Logan settled his sunglasses back over his eyes and walked off.

  Alone, I turned and looked at the progress. Sure, it was slightly out of order on my list, but fuck, it felt good. For weeks I’d been making slow, steady progress, but to see one huge item done made me stand a little straighter and puff out my chest. What was even better was it seemed I may have finally made some friends around here. Friends who didn’t want anything from me or to know my whole history. Derek and Logan seemed like cool guys. And today, today was more help than I could have hoped for.

  The shower was calling me and so was that beer, but remembering I was taking Josie out on the bike later curtailed that idea. And with that thought, gone were the tired, achy thoughts, replaced quickly with the bounce in my step and something to look forward to. Now I just needed to clean myself.

  Chapter 13

  Josie

  “Mia!” I screamed as I stomped down the hallway towards her bedroom.

  I didn’t care if she was having a nap, hell, I didn’t give a flying fuck if she was banging Derek’s brains out in there. She’d screwed me over agreeing to this ridiculous date on my behalf, the least she could do was help me figure out what the fuck I was supposed to wear.

  To say I was a little on edge was the understatement of the century.

  “You better be dressed in there!” Throwing open the door, I was more than a little surprised to see Derek snoring in nothing but a pair of low hanging track suit pants, while Mia had her black-rimmed glasses perched on the end of her nose and a pile of papers in her hand.

  “Shhh!”

  “Sorry.”

  Now I felt guilty. I wanted to be annoyed at them for getting me into this ridiculous situation, but they both looked completely buggered. Mia carefully edged her way off the bed and ushered me out the door.

  Once we were in the hallway, and Derek was behind closed doors sleeping innocently, Mia turned on me. “Now, wanna tell me what all the drama is about?”

  Did I? No, not really. It seemed so silly now. It was just an outfit and I was a big girl. Surely I could find something to wear in my own closet. The problem was Mia knew me too damn well, and she knew I was stalling. Instead of calling me out on my bullshit, she grabbed my arm and half carried, half dragged me towards my room before shoving me sending me flailing onto my bed with a bounce. I couldn’t stifle the giggle as I thanked the heavens that Matilda was down for her nap at the moment. Her new favourite thing in the world to do, other than tell me ‘no’ every second of the day, was to bounce on the bed. I didn’t need her seeing me doing exactly that.

  “Right! What are you wearing?”

  “I-I don’t know.”

  Stuffing my head under a pillow, I groaned miserably. This is why I didn’t date. Too much hassle. Too much stress. It was easier my way. Sure, it might be lonely sometimes, and my battery operated boyfriend may get more use than recommended, but at least I didn’t have to worry over how to do my hair or how much makeup was needed versus how much was necessary.

  Mia rolled her eyes dramatically. I knew I frustrated the shit out of her sometimes, probably more than that really, but I couldn’t help it. I wasn’t strong like she was. Maybe I used to be, but that girl was long gone, replaced by a cynical single mother.

  I watched silently as she dug through my closet, tossing the rejected items in piles over her shoulders. When she was finished, every item of clothing I owned was piled on the floor. “Okay, here’s what you’re going to do. Go! Have a shower and wash your hair. When you’re out I’ll braid it in two braids so it will still be somewhat comfortable under the helmet.”

  “Oh. Helmet.”

  “You forgot about that part, didn’t you?”

  “Maybe.”

  “Josie! Come on. Get it together. Are you not even a little bit excited about going out with Nate?”

  I shrugged. I didn’t know how to answer that. Shit scared was a better description. The urge to cancel the whole stupid thing was overwhelming, but I knew Mia wouldn’t allow it. I was excited about spending more time with Nate, he seemed like a genuinely nice guy, but I knew it couldn’t go anywhere. What was the point of leading him on? Leading myself on. I couldn’t afford to get my hopes up. No good could come of that.

  “Nope! Not going to hear it. Shower and dress. You’ve only got an hour!”

  “But Matilda?”

  “But Matilda nothing. Derek has a very special evening planned for his favourite girl. They’re cooking me dinner and watching Finding Nemo. He even bought her favourite custard. Don’t worry you’re pretty little head about Matilda. She has a date of her own tonight. With a really hot guy, I might add.” Mia winked as she danced out of my room leaving me standing there like a chump.

  Damn it! There goes my last hope of an excuse. The only thing that would get me out of this nightmare was if my Munchkin came down sick. And I couldn’t wish that on her. Could I?

  It was ten past five. He was late. He changed his mind. He didn’t want to do this. I didn’t have to go through with it. As relief coursed through my body, I heard the all too familiar rumble of a motorbike coming down the street.

  Picking up the blocks at my feet and dragging Matilda back into my lap, I clung to her like she was my lifeline. And she was. She was the reason I got out of bed each day. The reason why no matter how much crap or how hard it all got, she made me smile. With a stupid chubby cheeked grin or an inappropriate giggle she made everything bearable again. Lighter.

  “You ready?” Derek asked from his leather recliner.

  I couldn’t answer. Suddenly my throat was drier than the Sahara. I swallowed deeply and it felt like I was swallowing razor blades. This was not my idea of fun.

  Without a word, Derek clambered out of his chair and scooped Matilda out of my arms, tipping her upside down. “Give Mummy a kiss, Munchkin.” Without hesitation or batting an eyelid, Matilda opened her mouth as wide as it could go and slobbered all over my face. My nose was almost consumed in one go. “Now, Mummy. Get off your ass and go have a good time. You deserve this. Tonight, just this one time, try not to worry about anything. Be young, Josie. Matilda will be fine. I got your girl.”

  With one arm, Derek dragged me up against him and crushed me to his side before placing a kiss on my temple. He was like the big brother I always wanted. I was so happy for Mia for finding such an amazing guy. She deserved to be treated like a princess every day. Despite his faults and twisted ways, when it came to Mia, Derek didn’t hesitate in stepping into the leading role of her very own Prince Charming.

  “Thanks. I’ll have my mobile if you need me…”

  “We won’t.”

  “But if you do…”

  “If we do, we’ll call. But Josie, don’t hold your breath.”

  After kissing Matilda good night, I shrugged out of Derek’s grasp and picked up my phone and purse, tucking them in the inside pocket of my jacket. I almost made it to the front door before breathing became a challenge. Wiping my clammy palms on the butt of my jeans, I tugged on my knee high black boots and tried to calm my rapidly beating heart. I wasn’t having much luck, but I had to try.

  When Mia appeared beside me, her small hand on my back, I instantly felt better. “You got this.”

  “This is a disaster waiting to happen.”

  “No, Josie. It’s not. I know what happened is shitty, but Nate seems like a nice guy. It’s not like you’ve never met him before. You know he’s a good guy. Deep down
you know.”

  “Yeah. I do.”

  “But?”

  “But what if I can’t do this? What if I’m meant to be alone forever? What if he doesn’t like me?” All my fears were coming out of me now, thick and fast.

  “He wouldn’t have asked you out if he didn’t like you. And he’d be crazy not to. You’re an incredible woman, Josie. Sure, you’ve been dealt a shitty hand, and some asshole’s hurt you before, but Nate won’t.”

  “You can’t promise that.”

  “Yeah, I can.” I must have looked at him strangely. Derek, seemingly unfazed, just continued. “’Cause if he’s not, I promise I’ll kick his ass.” The look in Derek’s eye revealed that everything he was saying was one hundred and ten percent true. I didn’t doubt it for a moment.

  A sharp rap on the door brought us back to reality. My time was up. It was now or never. Mentally pulling up my big girl panties, I straightened my spine and squared my shoulders. Sucking in a deep breath, I opened the door.

  If I was struggling to breathe before I saw him, then now I was absolutely shitting myself. He looked better than I remembered, and that was saying something. I’d played those memories over and over and over again and he still outdid them. From the crooked grin and the stubble that covered his jaw, to the way his chocolate eyes looked back at me. Dressed casually in jeans, boots, and a grey shirt peeping out from beneath a black leather jacket, this guy was every woman’s wet dream. I wasn’t entirely sure I wasn’t having one right now. God knows he was hot enough.

  “Hey Josie.”

  “H-hi.”

  “You ready?”

  “S-sure.”

  I wasn’t exactly sure when I’d developed a stutter, but it was as embarrassing as hell. Flanked on either side by Mia and Derek, they marched me through the front door and out onto the veranda.

  “Have fun you two,” Derek called.

  When I turned and saw him, he still cradled a squirming Matilda in his arms. He had the widest smile as he attempted to keep hold of her. The moment I caught Nate’s eye, I realised this was the first time he’d seen Matilda. Every other time I’d seen him, she’d been asleep or with Jenna while I worked. I wasn’t purposefully hiding her from him, they’d just never crossed paths before.

  Nate reached out his hand, and I placed my trembling one in his huge paw. It was calloused, and I noticed a few band-aids wrapped around injured fingers. Mia and Derek had already complained about the back-breaking work they’d endured today, so I knew what caused it. I could only hope it wouldn’t affect his ability to hold tight to the handle bars and keep us upright on the bike. Nate seemed like a pretty capable guy, though. I’m sure he wouldn’t let a few little cuts and bruises stop him from anything.

  The moment we reached the bike, Nate silently handed me a helmet before picking up his own. After quickly adjusting the strap and triple checking that there was no way it was going to come off, I threw my leg over the seat and settled myself against him. Despite the layers of denim and leather between us, the moment I pressed up close to him I was overwhelmed by his warmth.

  “Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do,” Mia sung out evilly. Bitch would pay for that later.

  “What’s that rule out?” Nate surprised me asking in his deep, husky voice that I felt down to my core.

  “Not a lot,” I grumbled.

  I should have prepared myself for Mia to do something. How could she not? She was my sister and this is what sisters did. Revenge would be sweet. After all, I had a bachelorette party to plan. Maybe a stripper or two would teach her a lesson. Probably not, but seeing her face while some guy bumped and grinded up on her wearing nothing but a piece of dental floss between his butt cheeks could be worth the investment.

  As my devious and scheming mind started to run away with me, Nate fired up the bike. It came to life with a roar. Taking one last look at my family standing on the steps, Matilda and Derek waved wildly while Mia just grinned like the cat that got the cream. Shaking off the thought, I decided I might as well do exactly what Derek suggested. Go with the flow and try not to stress too much about the future. It wasn’t something that came naturally to me, but my daughter was safe and happy, so what else did I have to worry about?

  Quickly we passed over the rickety old bridge and out onto the highway. When we picked up speed, I felt my whole body relax. I hadn’t realised how tense I’d been, but the moment I let go and just focused on enjoying myself, I found myself flying. The urge to stick my arms out and let the wind carry them away was too tempting for my own good. Maybe when we slowed down a little I’d give it a try, even if it was only for a second. We sped down the road, rounded corners, and made our way through the next two towns.

  When we turned down a dirt road, I’ll admit my nerves were completely shot to shit. Where the fuck was he taking me? Was he going to kill me in the bushes and then dump my body? I had a daughter waiting for me. I couldn’t become another statistic. Shit! Shit! Shit! When we pulled into the clearing and the bike slowed, I knew I was done for. As soon as he was going slow enough that I was game enough to unwrap my arms from around his waist I let go and jumped off.

  Backing away, I watched as Nate spun the bike to a complete halt, sending a shower of dust and gravel into the air.

  Yanking his helmet off roughly, Nate kicked at the stand and set the bike before jumping off and moving towards me. “What the fuck, Josie? You could have been seriously hurt.”

  Running his hand through his hair, he looked pissed. His eyes were dark and his brow furrowed.

  “I-I…” I didn’t know what to say. How do you say ‘Sorry, I thought you could be a serial killer’?

  “Josie,” his voice softened as he buried his hands in his pockets.

  One look, one decent look, and I knew it was my head that was going to kill me. Not Nate.

  “Sorry.”

  “What for?”

  “For—”

  “Jumping off the bike when it wasn’t safe? For looking at me like I was going to hurt you? Or something else?”

  “All of it?”

  “Forgiven. Now, you want me to show you the real reason I brought you out here?”

  “Forgiven? Really? Just like that?”

  “Yep. Come on.”

  He held his hand out to me and locked our gazes. How could I not believe him when he looked at me with those puppy dog eyes and the pouty lips he’d perfected? I wanted to kiss them so bad. Ignoring the butterflies in my stomach, which were growing with every heartbeat, I dropped my hand in his and allowed him to lead me down the track.

  The night had grown cool and the sun was setting. Until now I hadn’t noticed the sky above us. Not once. The whole ride out here I’d been so caught up in the speed and the feeling and every little thing I felt like I was flying past, I’d missed the spectacular show Mother Nature was putting on tonight. It was like she knew this was something to me. Showing off and putting everything she had into it. It was a vivid mix of burnt orange and purples. And in a few spots, the spots that touched the earth whether it be the surrounding hills or the tips of the trees, it still shone bright yellow. Magical would be the best description. Something someone drew. Someone extremely talented, mind you.

  “It’s amazing, isn’t it?”

  “It truly is.”

  Not paying attention to where I was going, I walked straight into Nate with a thud when he stopped. Thankfully he was more graceful on his feet than I was, and despite his stumble, he managed to keep us both upright…something I was desperately grateful for. Steady once again, I moved beside him and wrapped my arms around myself. I wasn’t cold, but strangely I felt a chill in my bones. I had no idea where it’d come from, but I felt the shiver rocket down my spine, leaving a trail of goose bumps.

  “How’d you find this place?” I asked, unable to mask the awe in my voice.

  Nate dug his hands in his pockets, something I’d noticed him do often, and cleared his throat. “Accident really. I was riding around one weekend
and stumbled on it. I’ve never seen another soul out here.”

  “It’s so quiet.”

  “That’s why I like it. It’s usually my Friday afternoon haunt.”

  “Is that so?”

  “Yep.”

  “Why Fridays?”

  “Ah, the million dollar question right there. You want the real answer or the one most people want to hear?”

  “Honest answer. With me, always choose the honest answer.”

  “Noted.”

  “Okay then.”

  “Okay.”

  “So…Fridays?”

  “The real answer is to find some space and clear my head. Don’t get me wrong, I love the kids, and I love being a teacher, but there’s some aspects of my job I can’t stand.”

  “Like…”

  “Like the office politics. Or the stupid rules and regulations that do absolutely nothing to protect the kids but everything to protect the unfit parents. Or the single mothers who think that picking up their son or daughter from school is the perfect place to husband shop.”

  I could tell instantly he was caught up in his head. He’d drifted off and was so emotionally passionate about everything he was saying I could feel the frustration growing. It was my fault and I had to fix it.

  “Are you telling me the school bus line isn’t the place to husband shop? Dang it! I’ve been doing it wrong all these years.”

  He looked over at me like I was crazy. For as long as I could possibly hold on, I kept my face neutral. Or at least what I thought was neutral. Under the scrutiny of his steely gaze though, I cracked. I cracked like an egg hitting the tiled floor. An explosion of laughter carried me away. And it wasn’t the dainty, first date snicker you’re supposed to do when you’re trying to impress someone, either. No, this was the tears streaming down my cheeks, snorting, snotty type of laughter.

  “That was just mean.”

  Nate tried to be the adult here. I could see him warring with himself, trying to be the bigger person. I don’t know if it was the loud snort that came out of me or the fact my high pitched hyena laugh was echoing through the emptiness, but whichever it was, it didn’t take long before he joined me, holding his stomach and letting it all go.