by Helen Scott
None of my guys seemed to care all that much though, so I didn’t either. “Are you guys into sports?” I asked between bites of burger.
“Human sports are too restrictive,” Micah replied.
“I prefer to stick to stuff where I don’t have to hide my abilities,” Blake said with a shrug, and Tate nodded in agreement as he chewed on a massive bite of his burger.
“I didn’t grow up playing sports or watching them, so they aren’t really of interest to me,” Roman said.
“Sam loved basketball, and his favorite team was the Lakers. He had a couple of jerseys that he wore, as well as a signed one which was framed. It hung on the wall of his bedroom in the middle of everything. He was so proud of that thing. I think it was the first thing he’d ever really just bought because he wanted it since my parents died. He saved for it as well, made sure it wasn’t an impact on whether or not we could eat that week, you know?” I sighed wistfully, remembering him smiling up at the thing.
“Why the Lakers? It’s not as though we’re anywhere close to LA,” Tate asked.
“He’d never admit this to anyone but me, but he just liked some of the players’ names. I think he liked the idea of LA as well, and being able to get lost in a city as massive as LA was appealing to him. Plus, he loved the colors, purple and gold, together.” It felt good to finally be able to talk about him with someone who would understand and not have to leave out details.
The guys all chuckled at my description of my brother, which made me feel warm and fuzzy inside, like if he had still been alive, they would have all got along. I wondered what Sam would think of me having five mates. The poor guy would’ve probably been confused, slightly horrified at the idea of his kid sister having so much sex, and supportive. He was never one to judge others, and I knew that would’ve held true for me as well if he were still around.
As we finished our dinners and watched the humans celebrate their sports team winning something, my mind was plagued with thoughts of my brother and my parents. We all decided to treat ourselves and ordered some ice cream sundaes, which were practically orgasmic after not having anything like that for so long.
I wasn’t sure whether the guys could tell I had a lot on my mind or if they thought I was just disappointed because we didn’t find my missing mate, but they left me alone and entertained themselves for the most part, which I appreciated. I did want to find my mate so I could complete the bonds, but my mind was primarily occupied with memories, ones I hadn’t thought about in years, and they were making me melancholy.
I tried to shake it off, but by the time we got back to the motel, I knew that the only way it was going to get better was if I got some decent sleep. Maybe tomorrow would be my lucky day and we’d find my fifth mate. Even as I thought the words to myself, I didn’t believe them. I’d find him eventually, but I wasn’t lucky enough to find him so quickly. I only hoped I didn’t find trouble instead.
9
Roman
Nina had been quiet since dinner, and it was worrying me. Not that she couldn’t be quiet, but in the time I’d known her, I’d discovered that quiet—or at least this kind of quiet—generally meant that something was eating at her, and the only thing that should eat her was her mates.
I watched as she changed out of the cleanish clothes and got ready for bed. She barely even said goodnight as she lay down. I waved the rest of the guys over to me and said, “Do you mind if I chat with Nina for a bit?”
“A chat or a chat?” Micah asked with a lascivious grin.
“Something’s wrong, and I want to find out what. I thought she might be more apt to talking if it was just the two of us,” I hissed.
“I can hear you, you know? I’m a shifter with the same hearing as you,” Nina called out from across the room.
I sighed heavily and shoved my fingers through my hair, pushing it out of my eyes. I needed to cut it or figure out a way to keep it tied back. It was starting to get longer than I was used to. “Then you know we are worried about you,” I replied.
“There’s nothing to worry about. I’m just tired,” she said, almost sounding like that was the truth.
“And I’m just a regular guy. Definitely can’t shift into a wolf,” Tate said with a snort.
Nina whipped the quilt off of herself and pushed to a sitting position, turning so she could face us. “I was thinking about my dead family. Is that what you wanted to hear?”
I’d suspected as much, but this anger and explosive guilt was what I’d been hoping to avoid when I’d asked the guys to leave.
Before any of us could speak, she continued, “Or do you want to hear how I’m worried that being my mate is a death sentence? Or at least a one-way ticket to pain city? That I almost don’t want to find my fifth mate because I feel like the moment I barge into his life, I’ll ruin it?”
Nina’s voice cracked at the end, and a single tear slid down her cheek. My heart ached for her, and I couldn’t keep myself away any longer. Within two strides, I was at the edge of the bed and kneeling on it, pulling her into a hug. The scratchy comforter and lumpy mattress were better than the wood bench we’d slept on the night before, even if it did have a load of blankets, and were way better than the ground and sleeping bags that we’d been using before that, but it still wasn’t what my mate deserved. She should have the highest thread count eucalyptus sheets on the fanciest, comfiest mattress out there with a big fluffy duvet that she could wrap herself in. That had to wait for now, but when this was all over? She’d be getting the five-star treatment for the rest of her life if I had anything to say about it.
I felt the others come over, and we all clustered around our mate, offering her silent support. I wasn’t sure if they could feel her distress the way I could, but I hated it when she felt like this. It had happened a couple of times before, when she didn’t think she was worth the trouble or the affection.
“You’re my moon. You push and pull at me, and I can’t help but gaze at you and feel lucky to be in your presence, to be alive at the same time as you. Whoever your fifth mate is, I’m sure he will feel the same way, and I’m also sure that the feeling will only intensify with time. You are ours, Nina. Every relationship has bumps. What’s that quote, ‘A smooth sea never made a skilled sailor’? All we’re doing is learning to sail the ship that is our relationship. Once we understand this better, which I think we will once we find number five, it won’t be so rocky.”
“And if Jax never stops hunting us?” she asked.
“I’ve already told you my opinion. If he won’t stop, then we kill him. I won’t suffer a threat to my mate to live if he refuses to back down.” The vehemence in my voice surprised her. I could tell because of the way her head twisted sharply so she could face me.
“What’s with you being all murdery recently?” she asked.
“I’m tired of you being in danger. I’ve tried to be nice, to be the bigger wolf, but that’s not working. If he wants to fight, then we’ll fight, only I know he’ll lose, and it won’t be just the fight he loses.” I cupped her face gently as I spoke, trying to make sure she understood where I was coming from.
“It’s just like what you did with Ray,” Blake said quietly.
I had no idea what he was talking about, but judging from the flush on Nina’s cheeks and neck, she knew exactly what he meant.
“What do you mean?” I asked.
As soon as the words left my mouth, Blake looked guilty, as though he’d spilled a secret he wasn’t supposed to. He silently stared at Nina until she sighed deeply.
“Do you remember when I went for the run in the woods that morning to check for the car? Ray wasn’t gone. He’d been waiting, watching for one of us to check on it.”
“Fucking hell,” Micah muttered as he pushed up off the bed and began to pace.
“Anyway…” Nina began after worriedly watching Micah for a moment. I could feel her heart hammering in her chest like she was a hummingbird, not a wolf. Whatever happened, she felt guilty
about it, and that was, without a doubt, why she’d kept it from us. “When I turned around to head back to the cabin, he attacked me. He was still pretty badly injured, so it wasn’t as tough of a fight as it could have been. He almost got the upper hand, but I was able to grab onto a rock and use it against him. When he stopped moving, I wasn’t sure that he was dead at first, but then I could scent it on him. I moved him farther away from the parking lot and any trails that were around and ran back. Blake scented Ray’s death on me before I could shower.”
We were all stunned into silence. It wasn’t that I didn’t think Nina was capable of something like that, but I was surprised she’d kept it to herself for so long. When no one said anything after a couple of seconds, she continued, “It’s not that I intentionally kept it from you, I just… I didn’t want you to think I went around murdering people like it was nothing. If it wasn’t life or death, then I don’t think I could have done it, but he was literally trying to kill me not just capture me like Jax wanted.”
“You don’t have to justify yourself to us,” I said quietly, smoothing a hand over her head and down the silky waterfall of her hair. “We know you’re a good person and that you did whatever you did because you felt like you had to. Just don’t keep stuff from us, okay? We’re your mates, we’ll support you no matter what, even if it takes a minute for our dumbasses to realize it.”
“Anyone want to let me in on who this guy was?” Tate asked.
“Jax sent Ray and me to get Nina when Brecken first told him where they were. Ray was an asshole, and the world is better off without him if we’re being honest. It doesn’t surprise me that he tried to kill instead of capture, that pretty much sums up his personality. He was one of the guards that Jax used for some of his more violent jobs, and he knew that Ray and I disliked each other, which was why he sent us together. Glad he did though, because otherwise, I might never have known that Nina was my mate.”
“Gottcha, yeah any of those guards can probably be put down without anyone missing them much. Jax’s inner circle is feared because they are all insane. Everyone in the pack knows that at some point, one of them is going to challenge him for alpha and it’ll depend on his wolf as to whether or not they win or he just goes full berserker and destroys them.”
“Berserker?” Nina asked, her heart having slowed to its normal pace now that she knew we weren’t going to freak out on her for killing someone who deserved it.
“When Jax shifts, he sometimes loses control, but especially when he’s angry. His wolf is massive and, honestly, scary. It also does not give a single fuck who is in front of it, it’ll destroy friends, family, lovers, it doesn’t care. When it’s unleashed, it’s never just for a run in the woods or something, it’s always because of violence,” Tate said. There was a sadness to his voice that surprised me, like he felt sorry for the wolf for only ever experiencing the violent side of the world.
“That red blotchiness he gets on his skin when he’s mad? If that reaches his eyes, then it’s like he loses control to his wolf and it just erupts out of him, whether he was intending to shift or not. His eyes will go red, and whoever is in the room with him has seconds to get out and hide. If the wolf sees you, then you’ll be his next target and he’ll hunt you down until he’s satisfied that you aren’t a threat anymore. It’s how he keeps everyone in line. I swear he lets it out occasionally just to remind people what he’s capable of,” Blake added.
“Why didn’t you tell us this before?” I demanded as Nina’s heart thumped rapidly against her chest. We’d let Nina walk into the devil’s playground when we tried to get Blake back, and if I’d have known that Jax’s wolf was a berserker like they said, then I never would have allowed it to happen.
“Honestly, it’s been a while since he’s let it out, and I forgot about it until I saw the red splotches on his neck while we were fighting,” Blake said.
“He really tries not to let his wolf out at all,” Tate added. “He’s fully aware of what it can and does do when it’s in control. I think it’s part of what makes him so fucking insane and also why he’ll probably be alpha until he’s too old to fight.”
“Unless we put him down first,” Nina said quietly.
I tilted my head as I looked down at her. She must have sensed it because she looked up at me, and I had no choice but to drop my lips to hers in a reverent kiss. “Whatever my mate desires,” I said as I pulled away.
“You said it first. Knowing this? Knowing how dangerous he is as his wolf? I think his pack, my old pack, deserves better than to live in fear. We all do.”
“I don’t know how we’ll be able to take him down, but if we figure something out, then I’m definitely in,” Tate said.
Blake and Micah just murmured their agreements. I nodded and relaxed against the headboard. We were all on the same page. It had taken us a while to get there, but now that we were, I was willing to bet it wasn’t going to change. The only thing that could change it was this fifth mate, whoever he was. I just hoped we found him sooner rather than later so that we could move on.
I knew in the depths of my heart and mind that it wouldn’t be that easy, but if I thought too far ahead, then I’d get angry. So I just focused on what was in front of me and the next step, which was finding the last mate. What was in front of me at that moment was Nina though, and to my mind, there was nothing better, even if I did have to share her with four other men. I wouldn’t give her up, not voluntarily at least, but I could share her because that was what the fates had decided, even if sometimes, it was a hard pill to swallow.
10
Nina
When I woke the next morning, it was to the sound of a truck horn blaring as they drove by. Road rage was always at its finest first thing in the morning. As I stretched and slid out of bed, which was more complicated than it sounded since I was surrounded by my mates, I felt the familiar stirrings of anxiety within me. I needed a workout and to go for a run. It felt like it had been too long since I’d really had an opportunity to do either of those things.
The guys began to stir as though they could feel that I was awake through the bond and were waking up with me. Tate was the first to wake and get up, his morning wood making an impressive display that almost made me want to have sex instead of work out, but sometimes, a workout was what a girl needed.
“Wanna go for a run?” I asked as Tate meandered back out of the bathroom.
“Sure, let me just get dressed. Unless you want to run as a wolf?” he asked.
“No, I can’t, not yet anyway,” I said as I tucked a lock of hair behind my ear. I couldn’t look up at Tate for a moment as I wrangled my shame and embarrassment. I tried to think about it objectively. I had nothing to be embarrassed about since it wasn’t like this was something that was in my control, but it felt like a personal failure. Now that I knew the possibility to shift was in my future though, I couldn’t help but feel a little excited. I wasn’t sure when it was going to happen, but Skuld said I would be amazing, which made me hopeful.
I honestly couldn’t really remember what it felt like to be in my wolf form anymore. I could feel her now more than ever before, at least in my adult life, but that didn’t mean that we were suddenly going to be best friends. I knew my wolf resented me for locking her in a cage, just as I had resented her for a long time for making it hard to resist shifting. There had been whole days when I’d first been on my own where I’d just been huddled in a corner fighting her for control, even though I hadn’t shifted since my parents’ murder. It was like once we were on our own, she wanted to hop out and protect me, yet that was the worst possible time for her to do so since I was in the middle of the very human populated city. To say we both had issues with one another was an understatement.
“Can’t? Oh, right. The guys told me about that. It’s messed up. I’ve never heard of a shifter being so at odds with their other side. My wolf is a moody bastard if I don’t let him out every once in a while, but I don’t think he’d ever refuse to come out
.”
When I glanced up, I could see pity in Tate’s stare and it made me want to scream. “The oracle said I’d be able to shift again one day, I’m just not sure when that is or what it depends on. So for now, I’ll run in my human form.”
Tate nodded and turned back to his bag, grabbing some clothes and shoes and changing. I scribbled a note for the others on the tiny pad of stationary that was on the table next to the old, yellowed phone, which had probably been cream at one point.
I told them I was with Tate and not to freak out, then tore the paper off and laid it on the pillow where I’d been sleeping. One of them was bound to find it there.
As soon as we were both ready, I opened the door and stepped out. Part of me feared being attacked, as though some of Jax’s wolves would have found us overnight and would just be waiting for us, but no one was.
The two of us started out at an easy pace, and I quickly got bored. When I glanced over at Tate, he wasn’t even sweating, so I knew this was probably just as boring for him. Was he holding back on my account?
There was only one way to find out. I upped my pace, and he followed, finally starting to stretch his legs. The man was as graceful as a cheetah, his long stride eating up the ground easily.
“Think you can go faster?” I asked, teasing him. I may or may not have bitten off more than I could chew by challenging the tallest of my mates when running.