Married To A Marquess

by Joyce Alec

  Her hand reached for his arm almost automatically, as Alice discovered that she truly did wish to believe him so changed. Her touch seemed to startle him, for he jumped a little before smiling at her again.

  “I should return you to Lady Astor,” he murmured, before turning them both around and taking the path to exit Hyde Park.

  Chapter Eleven

  A sennight later, Alice felt as though she were sinking deeper and deeper into a quagmire. Things were not going as she had planned.

  Her husband had appeared to change entirely, like a caterpillar entering its metamorphosis, except this time, the beautiful butterfly was slowly wilting back into its duller, rounder form.

  Lord Worthington was very rarely in society these days, and almost everyone was commenting on it. On the rare times she had seen him, he had greeted her with graciousness and candor and had shaken himself from the young ladies that began to flutter around him. It was as if he truly did not wish for their company, that he realized just how ingenuine they were — and how false his life really was.

  Alice had noticed, in addition to all of this, that he had not danced even one single dance with anyone of note, choosing instead to take to the shadows. As ladies did not ask gentlemen to dance, it meant that he was able to take himself away from such festivities, although there were a great many disappointed ladies that attempted to cajole him into taking part.

  Alice had initially been very dismissive of his behavior, but as the days passed, she could not help but notice just how much he was alienating himself from those he had once considered to be greatly important to his acquaintance. The ladies that had crowded him now gave him a frown and turned their backs.

  It would take a great deal of recompense to work himself back into their favors, but he appeared not to care one jot. That knowledge greatly unsettled Alice, for it meant that she was forced to consider that her words had truly brought about a change in his behavior and in his character, despite how much she was disinclined to believe it.

  It also meant that she had been forced to consider her own heart, surprised to find that there was a slight ache that grew with each day she did not see him. That was a feeling she detested; she did not wish to have any kind of affection for the man she was forced to call her husband, yet it simply would not disappear, no matter how hard she tried.

  “Can you see him?” Madeline murmured in her ear as they walked into the drawing room. The musical evening was bound to be a wonderful event, and with a small number of guests, Alice found herself wondering whether her husband had been amongst the invited guests and, if so, whether he would make an appearance.

  Alice gave a tiny shake of her head, her eyes roving around the room. “No, I cannot see him. He may not have been invited.”

  “I believe he has been invited,” Madeline replied with a knowing look.

  Smiling, Alice chuckled. “Servants’ whispers again?”

  Her friend did not give any note to that comment, tossing her head. “All I will say is I am sure he will be here,” Madeline murmured, greeting a few friends with a nod and a smile. “Whatever are you going to do about him, Alice?”

  That was very much the difficulty. It appeared that her plan to publicly shame her husband was now in doubt because how could she shame him if he were not present? In addition, at the times she had seen him, he had appeared as much changed as he had been in Hyde Park. It was becoming more and more difficult to believe that he was not as altered as he had promised, that it was, in truth, a genuine change as opposed to a façade.

  “There!” Madeline clutched at her arm, her smile wide. “He has just entered.”

  “Pray keep your voice down,” Alice murmured, trying to avert her gaze. “There is no need to appear to be interested in him.” In truth, however, Alice felt her heart beginning to beat a little faster as Lord Worthington drew nearer.

  “My dear Lady Astor,” he said, bowing deeply. “And Lady Emma. How lovely to see you both again.”

  Alice curtsied but said nothing. There was no flirtatious smile, no wink of the eye. Nothing that would make her think that he was, in any way, interested in gaining her attentions. That did not mean, of course, that there were not the usual young ladies swooping in for his attentions, however, her smile faltering slightly as a rather large older lady with her daughter in tow stepped in, directly in front of Alice and Madeline. It was more than a little rude, of course, and Alice felt a dart of anger pierce her heart.

  “Lady Harris,” came her husband’s mumble.

  “Lord Worthington,” she heard Lady Harris gush loudly. “I am so delighted to see you! You have been absent of late, and we have all been worried.”

  Stepping back, Alice felt her face burn with embarrassment at having been so easily dismissed by the older lady. Apparently, she was easily discarded when Lord Worthington was in the room.

  Lady Harris must not know he is married or she would not be forcing her daughter on him. Do people not remember that he married? How can so many people not even know I exist?

  “You are to sit with my darling girl now, Lord Worthington,” Lady Harris said, as though it were already decided. “I believe the first performance is about to begin.”

  “As much as I would be delighted to sit with Lady Annabelle, I am already engaged,” Lord Worthington said, a trifle loudly. “I must give my apologies, Lady Annabelle, and Lady Harris. Do excuse me.”

  To Alice’s surprise, Lord Worthington came to stand by her side, offering his arm. “Shall we sit, my dear Lady Emma?”

  Suspicion needled at her mind, but she accepted nonetheless and, with a nod of encouragement from Madeline, came to sit with Lord Worthington in the row of chairs that faced towards the piano. From behind her, she heard Lady Harris’ gasp of outrage followed by loud whispers, but she lifted her chin and ignored it all. There was something about being on her husband’s arm that brought her a sense of pride, as though she alone was the one who had captured his affections.

  That awareness was a douse of icy water, making her shiver as he seated her in one of the chairs.

  “You are cold, Lady Emma?”

  She glanced up at him, seeing his dark eyes filled with concern.

  “No, not in the least, I assure you,” she said, firmly. “I was just lost in thought for a moment.”

  “Nothing too troubling, I hope,” he said, quickly.

  She shook her head and returned her attention to the piano, seeing that a Miss Denton was about to play. As the music filled the room, Alice tried to give herself a stern talking to. There was no reason that she should wish to have Lord Worthington’s affections, not when he did not know who she truly was and especially when he had abandoned her for three long years.

  The man might have attempted to change his character, but a sennight of such a change did not merit any kind of fondness from her, nor should it create any kind of desire for his affections. Why then, had she felt such pride in his proclivity towards her company instead of that of Lady Annabelle?

  “You have saved me, you know,” Lord Worthington whispered, shattering her thoughts.

  She glanced at him, trying to ignore the strange swirls deep in her belly as she looked into his eyes. “Saved you?” she repeated, trying to sound nonchalant. “What can you mean?”

  He shook his head, glancing back at the pianist. “Lady Harris has been particularly insistent that I spend time in the company of her daughter.”

  “But you enjoy the attention,” Alice protested, seeing the pain in his eyes and wondering at it. “Do you not?”

  She saw his jaw clench, his eyes glazing over for a moment. The piano music drifted between them, and yet he still did not answer.

  Eventually, he let out a heavy sigh and turned his eyes back to her. “Perhaps I did, once,” he admitted. “But now I have had a chance to reflect, all thanks to you, I might add. I realize that I have been using it to simply play a part. To hide the parts of my life that I do not want to consider, hiding it even from myself.”
His smile was pained, his mouth tight. “It is as though I have lost myself, but deliberately so. Can you understand even a modicum of what I am trying to say? Or am I rambling utter nonsense?”

  Alice could see the look in his eyes as he tried to smile, aware that, for the very first time, she believed everything that he was saying.

  “I do understand, I believe,” she murmured, quietly. “Although I confess that I do not know everything of which you are speaking.”

  His smile became somewhat grim. “Of course, you would not, for, as I said, I have hidden it from everyone, even from myself. Society thinks of me as a well-meaning rogue, but that is not the truth of who I am.”

  Alice found herself desperate to know more of what her husband spoke of, realizing just how little she knew of him. With a sharp shock, she realized that the only true things she knew about her husband were that of his title, his family, and his behavior towards her. She knew nothing of what truly troubled him, of what he thought, of what he hoped, of what he dreamed…and the worst of it was, Alice wanted to know such things.

  “Alas, I believe I have shared too much with you,” he continued, patting her hand for a moment. “You are quite too good to listen to me, Lady Emma, especially after what I have put you through.”

  “Think nothing of it,” Alice said, quickly. “I will admit that I am a little more inclined to believe your words now, Lord Worthington.”

  He chuckled, as the performance came to an end. “I am glad of that at the very least.” As the applause rang out, he kept her gaze, a thoughtful look in his eyes. “Might you honor me with your company tomorrow, Lady Emma? I shall call on you at Lady Astor’s home, of course, if you are agreeable? I am in need of some advice.”

  “And you think I am best placed to give it?”

  “I can think of no one else,” he exclaimed as the second pianist struck up a merry tune. “But only if you wish it, my lady. I should not like to impose.”

  Alice found herself agreeing to his plan almost at once, surprised that her heart squeezed with pleasure at his delighted smile. For the remainder of the evening, Alice found that she could not keep her eyes from searching the room for her husband, nor stop thinking about their walk tomorrow. What was it he wanted her advice on? Could it be about his wife? His responsibilities? And if the opportunity presented itself to reveal the truth of who she was, would she take it?

  Chapter Twelve

  “Alice, I cannot understand why you are so vexed,” Madeline said with a sigh. “The man has changed, has he not?”

  “It seems that way.”

  “And you now believe him to be genuine?”

  Alice struggled to answer. The truth of the matter was that she did not want to believe him, but all of society was now remarking on the change in Lord Worthington, and his snub of Lady Harris had made a lot of the women most upset with him. Having discussed the matter at length with Madeline, Alice was presented with the truth of the matter: her husband was no longer behaving as he once had been.

  “I suppose I must,” she said, the words almost dragged from her reluctant lips.

  Madeline smiled, a look of satisfaction on her face. “Then you must decide how to continue, safe in the knowledge that the man you wed is no longer that same man.”

  “But he is,” Alice protested, remembering her cold winters when she had cried many tears over him. “He left me there, alone, for three long years!”

  Madeline’s expression did not change. “Yes, he did, and you might as well ask him about it, Alice. If he is truly as changed as he appears, then he does not need to hide the fact that he is wed. Perhaps you will discover the reasons behind what he did.”

  Alice snorted. “He left me there because he wanted to play the rogue here in town.”

  As she spoke, however, the words Lord Worthington had confessed to her only a few hours previously haunted her memory. The derision left her face, her eyebrows furrowing as she considered what he had said.

  “All you are doing is talking to him,” Madeline continued quietly. “Do not frown so. You shall get wrinkles, and then what will become of you?”

  Hearing the mischief in her friend’s voice, Alice had to laugh, the anxiety she felt lessening somewhat. “My heart, Madeline, is more than fickle.”

  A knowing look appeared on Madeline’s face. “Ah, so that is the long and the short of it, then. You find your husband somewhat agreeable now?”

  Alice sighed. “I confess that I do. I do not wish it, of course.”

  “It is a good thing to be attracted to one’s husband, let me assure you,” Madeline said calmly. “But as things stand, I can understand your very great predicament.”

  Thinking quickly, Alice’s lips twisted. “Perhaps the time has come to reveal the truth about myself. It shall not be the public humiliation that I have hoped for, but I believe that he will still feel the shame of knowing that I have seen every last bit of his rakish behavior.”

  Madeline rose from her seat and grasped Alice’s hands. “He may not respond in the way you wish, Alice. What if he is angry with you?”

  Alice shrugged, growing tired of the whole façade. “I have to tell him the truth, Madeline. But only once he has sought my advice, for I would know what it is that is troubling him so.”

  “You must be careful, Alice,” Madeline cautioned, her eyes filled with worry. “This could cause a great deal of heartache for you both, not just at this moment but for years to come.”

  Accepting Madeline’s caution gracefully, Alice nodded and bade her friend goodbye. “I will not be long,” she assured her. “And then I shall tell you all, I swear it.”

  ***

  Alice did not have to wait long for Lord Worthington to arrive and soon found herself walking in Hyde Park with him once more, again keeping to the quieter paths. It was a little too early for the fashionable hour, which Alice was grateful for. She did not want to be the subject of rumors, nor did she want anyone else to know what she was about to discuss with her husband.

  Lord Worthington, however, was quiet. In fact, he barely said more than twenty words to her as they entered Hyde Park, his face etched with a deep struggle that Alice could not help but inquire about.

  “You look somewhat sorrowful today, Lord Worthington,” she began, carefully. “Are you well?”

  Lord Worthington gave something of a harsh laugh, his eyes fixing on the path ahead instead of towards her. “You are most perceptive, Lady Emma. In truth, I have struggled not to wear my jovial face, in a manner of speaking. I have become quite accomplished at hiding my difficulties from others, and, in that way, from myself.” Finally, his eyes met hers. “But not with you, I dare say.”

  “No,” Alice responded, firmly. “You know that I can easily see through your facade now.”

  “I am sure you can,” he replied with a quick smile. “In truth, I should not have met with you this afternoon.”

  “Oh?” Alice’s heart sank into her boots, looking up into his face. “I am sorry to hear it. I can return home if you wish it?”

  He shook his head and grasped her hand, placing it into the crook of his elbow. “You misunderstand me, my lady. It is you that I struggle with, for you seem to know me better than any other of my acquaintances. I need your words, your truths, for they clear the fog in my mind and help me to see clearly.”

  Alice’s heart began to pound in her chest as she stopped, looking up into his face with confusion. “I do not understand what the struggle is, then, my lord.”

  For a moment, he looked down at her, his face tight with emotion. His fingers reached up and touched the curve of her cheek, and her entire being came alive at once. She found that she could not breathe as he looked deeply into her eyes.

  “It is because of how much I feel for you, Lady Emma,” he replied, heavily, shaking his head and beginning to walk once more. “I cannot help my heart, and I have struggled to hide it from myself, and from you, but still it yearns for you.”

  Alice did not know what t
o say, her mind whirling with a thousand different thoughts.

  “I told myself that I wanted your affection because I did not like being treated in such a way,” he continued when she said nothing. “But in truth, I found you one of the most beautiful ladies of my acquaintance, in both character and in face.” His arm tightened under her arm. “I should never sought you out the way I did, but I confess that even now I do not regret it, for I know such a thing can never happen again.”

  Alice cleared her throat, trying not think clearly. “I am surprised at your words, my lord.”

  “I am ashamed of myself, I admit,” he replied, quietly. “If I were free, I would confess my affection for you and seek to court you, should you have me. However, I now know that I must be true to my responsibilities and put aside my feelings.”

  “Were you free?” Alice asked, trying to sound offhand. “What are you speaking of, Lord Worthington?”

  There was a brief pause, and, as Alice glanced at him, she saw how he hung his head, unable to look at her.

  “I am not free because I am a married man, Lady Emma,” he replied, heavily. “I am wed, and I have treated my wife despicably.”

  Chapter Thirteen

  A silent scream lodged itself in Alice’s throat as she stared at her husband, hardly able to believe what he had said.

  “You are shocked, of course,” he continued, his voice so quiet that she struggled to hear him. “I can return you to Lady Astor, should you wish to exclude yourself from my company immediately.” Finally, he looked over at her, his expression filled with shame and grief. “Although I confess that I am still in need of your advice.”

  Alice bit her lip, her emotions whirling through her and making it difficult for her to think clearly. He had just confessed the truth to her, sharing his regret and sadness over what he had done. Did he realize just how much that meant to her? However, questions still remained in her mind: Why had he done such a thing? Why had he abandoned her these three years?