Coming Home For Christmas

by Julia Williams

  Marianne was packing to go home. Finally. The crisis had passed. Dad was much better and had finally been allowed out of hospital, where Mum was treating him like a piece of precious china, and driving him completely demented. Matt and Marcus had at long last managed to get a flight between continents and had arrived the night before to take over.

  ‘Are you sure?’ Marianne had asked for the umpteenth time, feeling guilty they were having to break off the trip of a lifetime. But then, she felt guilty that Mum was starting to irritate her and she wasn’t at home with Gabriel and the children. Guilt was beginning to feel like her default setting. In this situation, there was always someone she was letting down.

  ‘Of course I’m sure, sis,’ said Matt cheerfully. ‘You’ve done your bit. Time for me to do mine. Besides, you need to get back to that gorgeous husband and those fabulous kids of yours.’

  It was true, she did. She missed them all with an ache that was almost physical. And unworthy though she knew it was of her, Marianne felt increasingly uneasy about how long Gabe had been left with Eve. Suppose she? Suppose he? Then told herself off for imagining things. It was ridiculous to even contemplate such a thing. She’d spent too long away from home and was being paranoid. Even if Eve made a pass at Gabriel, she knew he’d never respond. He was far too honourable.

  But something didn’t feel right. Gabriel seemed so distant on the phone. Didn’t really seem in the same place as she was. Asking perfunctorily after her dad, snapping occasionally when she’d said she couldn’t get home sooner, then apologising for being so tired. And then Marianne felt guilty all over again. He must be finding things tough too. It couldn’t be easy juggling the farm and nursery runs, even with the help he was getting. Jean and Pippa had been fantastic, and even Eve had picked up from nursery once or twice. Although that had stopped when Pippa let slip that Eve had forgotten one day, and the twins had been waiting till gone 1pm, just as Steven had so many times in his childhood. Fury with Gabriel for being stupid enough (desperate enough, Pippa had assured her) to let Eve have any responsibility with their children had led to incomprehension that he hadn’t told her. She felt very far away from home, and Gabe, and wished he didn’t seem so distant on the phone.

  Shaking her head with irritation at herself for being so silly, Marianne carried her bags downstairs.

  ‘Now you will be ok, won’t you, Mum?’ said Marianne. ‘The boys will look after you. And I’ve left a lasagne in the fridge for tonight.’

  ‘Don’t fuss so,’ said Mum, familiar tears spring to her eyes. ‘We’ll be fine.’

  Tears sprang to Marianne’s eyes too. And she hugged her mum.

  ‘Thanks for everything, Marianne,’ said Mum, ‘I couldn’t have done it without you.’

  Which made Marianne howl, and hug her even harder. It wasn’t often that she bonded with her mother. And this was such a rotten reason for them to become close.

  She went into the lounge to say goodbye to Dad, who was sitting in his favourite chair, watching a DIY programme.

  ‘Now you get better soon,’ she said, giving him a hug. ‘You gave us all a fright.’

  ‘I’m fine,’ said Dad. ‘Fighting fit, me.’

  Marianne gave him a big grin, and said ‘That’s the spirit,’ but she couldn’t help fretting that he looked small and frail sitting there, nothing like the strong, physical man she’d always known. Would he ever be the same again?

  ‘Right, I’m off,’ she said as brightly as she could. She hugged Matt and Marcus, gave Mum another kiss, and got in the car, hoping that the traffic wouldn’t be too bad.

  Several hold ups on the M40 later, meant she hit Birmingham at rush hour, which she’d been trying to avoid, so she sat in a traffic jam for an hour, tantalisingly counting each slow mile home. She was so desperate to see the twins, she hoped Gabe wouldn’t have put them to bed before she got back.

  In the event, she arrived home at seven, the twins’ bedtime. Letting herself in quietly, she went into the lounge unannounced to surprise them.

  And there on the floor she found Gabriel and Eve, sitting playing snap with the twins, in their pyjamas, looking for all the world like a cosy happy family.

  Chapter Twelve

  ‘Marianne.’ Gabriel scrambled to his feet, looking – guilty? Surely not—? She was being paranoid again. ‘We weren’t expecting you so soon, from your last text it sounded like you’d be hours.’

  Clearly not, the words were on the tip of her tongue, but Marianne kept her mouth shut. She didn’t want to start an argument the minute she walked through the door.

  ‘The traffic cleared quickly once I got to the M54,’ said Marianne lightly. ‘I thought I’d surprise you.’

  ‘Mummy!’ The twins came flying over to her, nearly knocking her down in their enthusiasm. She smothered them with kisses and hugs, blinking back the tears. She’d missed them so much.

  ‘And it’s a wonderful surprise,’ at last Gabriel enveloped her in a great big hug, and Marianne felt herself succumb to it. But a part of her felt awkward. Eve was still there, a witness to her homecoming. Awkward that she suddenly felt tongue-tied in Gabriel’s presence. And worst of all, awkward that both of them had shared this man, and this house, and aware that at the moment, she felt like the outsider.

  ‘Have you brought us a present, Mummy?’ Daisy wanted to know, as she snuggled up to Marianne. ‘Eve said you would.’

  ‘Oh.’ Marianne felt an immediate pang. She should have thought to bring them something. Why hadn’t she thought of that? But how idiotic of Eve to tell the twins something, when she had no idea if it were true or not.

  ‘Present, present,’ said Harry excitedly.

  ‘Sorry, sweeties, Mummy’s been too busy looking after Grandpa to get to the shops,’ said Marianne. ‘But never mind. I’m home now. That’s a present, isn’t it?’

  ‘That’s not a present,’ said Harry sulkily.

  ‘Want a present,’ said Daisy, looking doe-eyed and moody.

  Marianne felt like strangling Eve, who clearly picked up on the vibe as she swiftly disappeared to the kitchen to make tea.

  ‘Now now,’ said Gabriel, ‘you know you can’t always have presents,’ which caused Daisy to have a minor meltdown.

  ‘But I want a present!’ she screamed, bright red in the face. ‘Eve said you’d bring one!’

  ‘Eve made a mistake,’ said Marianne, trying to remain calm, and thinking this was not at all the homecoming she’d been planning. ‘Now it’s time for bed.’

  At which point Harry joined in the screaming, ‘Don’t want bed!’ he shouted, throwing himself at Marianne, and kicking her wildly.

  ‘I hate you, Mummy!’ shouted Daisy, and threw herself on the sofa screaming even louder.

  What on earth was happening? The twins never behaved like this.

  ‘Bed, now!’ roared Gabriel, which had the effect of shutting them up temporarily, silently and sulkily they made their way up the stairs.

  When they got there, they refused to let Marianne put them to bed.

  ‘Want Eve!’ wailed Daisy.

  ‘Well you can want,’ Marianne was tempted to say, but bit her lip. She was exhausted and wrung out. She didn’t have the energy for this at the moment.

  ‘Sorry,’ said Eve who’d come upstairs with the tea. ‘They’ve got a bit out of routine since you were away. They seem to like me reading them stories.’

  They like me reading stories, Marianne wanted to say, but didn’t, instead leaving Eve to it, she went downstairs with a heavy heart. She felt like a stranger in her own house.

  ‘Wine?’ said Gabriel. ‘Dinner’s in the oven.’

  ‘Please,’ she said gratefully. ‘Have they been like that the whole time?’

  ‘Not the whole time,’ said Gabriel, ‘but they have been unsettled, particularly at bedtime. Eve’s been a great help.’

  ‘I bet,’ said Marianne bitterly.

  ‘What’s that supposed to mean?’ Gabriel looked puzzled.

  ‘You l
ooked very cosy when I came in,’ Marianne blurted out the words, and instantly regretted them.

  ‘Marianne! Don’t be so ridiculous,’ said Gabe. ‘You’ve not been here for a whole fortnight, and I needed all the help I could get. As it happens, Eve was bloody useless at picking them up, but it does turn out she’s really good at stories. They wouldn’t settle for me, but they seemed to for her.’

  ‘And I’ve been having such a great time on my fortnight away,’ said Marianne.

  Gabe stopped mid-sentence, looking stricken. He ran his hands through his wavy brown hair, and stared at her with those lovely deep brown eyes.

  ‘Oh god,’ he said. ‘I’m so sorry. It’s been so rough here without you. I know it’s not been any fun for you either. How is your dad?’

  ‘Better,’ said Marianne. ‘But it’s been horrible. And I missed you all so much.’

  ‘And I missed you too,’ said Gabe. ‘Come here, you idiot.’

  He pulled her close to him, and she sank into his arms.

  ‘Sorry this wasn’t the homecoming you were quite expecting.’

  ‘Sorry for being so paranoid,’ said Marianne. ‘Look at me, I’m such a mess. I can’t stop crying.’

  ‘I know something that will cheer you up,’ said Gabriel, ‘the kids have been making Easter cards for you.’

  He produced a picture of something which could resemble a bunny, with the words To Mummy, Love Daisy xx scrawled on it, and another featuring an exploding Easter Egg, which just had Harry and lots of kisses on it.

  ‘Oh that’s wonderful,’ said Marianne, feeling instantly better. ‘Shit, I’d completely forgotten about Easter. That’s this weekend, isn’t it?’

  ‘It’s ok, Eve went out and got eggs,’ said Gabriel, and Marianne tried not to flinch. ‘And we’re invited to Pippa’s for breakfast on Monday morning.’

  ‘Monday? What’s happening on Monday?’ asked Marianne.

  ‘The Monday Muddle,’ said Gabriel.

  ‘I’d forgotten all about the bloody Monday Muddle,’ said Marianne. How could she have forgotten about one of the major highlights in the Hope Christmas year? The Monday Muddle was a mad race through town, chasing a leather ball. Whoever brought the ball home was declared King of the Muddle. Gabriel had even won it one year. ‘I’ve only been away for a fortnight but it feels longer.’

  ‘Too long,’ said Gabriel, taking her into his arms and kissing her. ‘You’re never allowed to go away for that long again, you hear, Mrs North?’

  ‘Perfectly, Mr North,’ said Marianne and kissed him back. For the first time in days, she felt ok.

  ‘Are you really going to take part in the Monday Muddle?’ Cat asked Noel as she served out the Easter Sunday roast. ‘At your age? Isn’t it dangerous?’

  The Monday Muddle was such a scrum, there were always injuries. She wasn’t quite sure she wanted Noel to take part.

  ‘Oh probably,’ said Noel cheerfully. ‘But Michael Nicholas and a couple of the younger guys from work are going, so I thought I’d give it a bash.’

  ‘I can’t wait till I’m eighteen and I can take part,’ said James, who had been wanting to do the Monday Muddle since their first year in Hope Christmas.

  ‘Well don’t say I didn’t warn you,’ said Cat, ‘I’m not planning to take you to A&E when you hurt yourself.’

  Angela, who had come for Easter and was sitting playing peekaboo with Lou Lou, at the dinner table, looked up and said, ‘What a lot of nonsense. Sounds like a ridiculous idea to me.’

  ‘It’s just a local tradition,’ said Cat. ‘If you come and live here, you can watch if you like.’

  ‘Ah about that,’ said Angela. Cat knew or thought she knew what was coming. Since Christmas, they’d been trying to persuade Angela to move nearer to them, even promising to convert their garage into a granny flat. But Angela was determined she wanted to stay put, and didn’t yet want to give up her independence.

  The trouble was, she’d had a couple more falls recently, and though Angela made light of them, Cat and Noel were getting quite worried. Noel had had to go down to Bedford to sort her out the last time. Sooner or later, something had to change.

  ‘Your sister wants me to move in with her,’ announced Angela to Noel.

  ‘Really?’ said Cat in surprise. Angela had always favoured Kay over Noel, so she shouldn’t be surprised by her mother-in-law’s choice, but Kay was incredibly selfish. Cat found it hard to fathom that she’d actually offered to have Angela to stay.

  ‘Really,’ said Angela firmly. ‘She has more space than you, and she’s nearer. She’s adamant that she wants me to come, and she and David are converting their downstairs. I can move in in May.’

  ‘But what about your house?’

  ‘On the market,’ said Angela. ‘Now don’t worry, it’s all settled. I’m going to be quite all right. Kay and I will have a lovely time together. More potato anyone?’

  Noel glanced at Cat, and she shrugged her shoulders. She’d always assumed they would take responsibility for Angela. Noel’s brother Joe was lovely, but feckless, and Kay had always seemed too selfish to her to get involved. Angela was a grown woman, and knew her own mind. But Cat knew she’d always idolised Kay, and could see no fault in her only daughter. Cat hoped that that wasn’t about to change …

  ‘Monday Muddle!’ There was a roar from the crowd as the competitors took off in a surge, down the field, racing after the elusive ball, among them Noel Tinsall, much to Cat’s chagrin.

  ‘I can barely look,’ she confessed to Pippa, as they stood together at the cake stall. The Monday Muddle was a community event, the whole town coming out to watch, and buy produce from the stalls which sprang up in the field near the start line. Lucy was ostensibly helping them man the stall, but she was eating nearly as many cakes as she was selling. She was doing it in such a cheeky fashion that Pippa didn’t have the heart to tell her off. It was so lovely seeing her cheerful.

  ‘Look who’s coming,’ Lucy tapped out on her computer, her grin growing even broader.

  Pippa felt herself grow absurdly nervous as Dan came wandering over to see them. Which was ridiculous. They were now officially divorced, the decree absolute when it finally came, feeling like something of a damp squib. She felt her marriage should have ended on more of a fanfare than that. But ended it finally had, and there was nothing more between her and Dan; she was with Richard now, she could be polite. But she rarely saw him away from the farm, and dressed in smartish jeans, shirt and denim jacket, his dark hair looking ruffled, he looked gorgeous. She shouldn’t think like that, she scolded herself, she no longer had the right.

  Time was when Dan had led the Monday Muddle. Time was when he ran (and won) it year after year. But on medical advice, he hadn’t run it since his accident, though a foolish bit of Pippa thought that maybe with another bang on the head, they’d get the old Dan back. A forlorn hope she knew. Though Dan had made a brilliant recovery, the injury had changed him permanently. And nothing could ever change that.

  Putting on a smile, she said, ‘Hi, how are you?’ He’d spent the Easter weekend with his parents, and been busy with the newborn calves on the farm. It seemed ages since she’d seen him properly.

  Dan hugged Lucy, and tickled her chin, before stealing a cake from her.

  ‘Oi, that will be 50p,’ she typed.

  ‘Even for me?’ he teased.

  ‘Even for you,’ typed Lucy.

  ‘I’m fine,’ said Dan, eventually turning his attention to Pippa. ‘You?’

  ‘Great,’ said Pippa brightly. She had a feeling he wanted to say something, but she couldn’t work out what.

  ‘I’ve been thinking, Pippa,’ he began.

  ‘About?’

  ‘The farm. The future,’ said Dan.

  ‘Oh that,’ said Pippa, her heart sinking. ‘I thought we’d agreed …’

  ‘I know what I said last time we spoke about it, but the more I think about it, the more I think we’re just not going to get a better offer than LK H
oldings.’

  ‘But, Dan,’ argued Pippa, ‘I haven’t had time to work everything out yet.’

  ‘Pippa, I know you’ve got lots of ideas,’ said Dan, ‘but how many of them are really feasible? Even if they do work, we’re staring bankruptcy in the face. I don’t think we’ve got the luxury of time on our side.’

  Pippa felt she’d been punched in the stomach. Dan had always believed in her in the past. He’d always given her the benefit of the doubt, when her ideas were fledglings just hatching out. He’d never just dismissed them out of hand. Things really were different.

  ‘Oh Dan,’ she said, the familiar sickness returning to the pit of her stomach. ‘Come on give it chance. If I could at least try out some of my ideas. I’m sure I could get a loan from the bank to tide us over …’ She told him about the themed events and school visits.

  ‘But it’s a big if, isn’t it, Pippa?’ he said sadly. ‘We’re running out of time, and I can’t see the bank lending you enough money.’

  ‘We have to try,’ said Pippa stubbornly.

  ‘We?’ said Dan. ‘It’s got to be down to you now. You and Richard. What does he think of all these ideas of yours?’

  Richard? Richard wanted her to sell. She hadn’t said she would or she wouldn’t, and he seemed to have assumed that in time she’d come round to his way of thinking. Somehow she hadn’t found time to disabuse him of the notion. She felt dismayed that both Richard and Dan were so dead set against her keeping the farm.

  ‘I haven’t told him about them,’ admitted Pippa. Richard was down south visiting his mum for Easter and spending time with his daughter.

  ‘Naughty Mummy,’ typed Lucy slyly.

  ‘Shh,’ said Pippa. ‘Look, Dan, I’m not trying to be difficult, I’m really not. But I just can’t bear the thought of giving up without trying everything.’

  ‘No you wouldn’t would you?’ Dan gave her a wry look. ‘You wouldn’t be Pippa, if you did.’ He sighed. ‘Maybe something will turn up.’

  ‘Maybe it will,’ said Pippa, but she felt more doubtful than she had for a long time. Dan wasn’t backing her, Richard would never understand. Did she really have the guts to go for this alone?