Forgive Us Our Trespasses

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Forgive Us Our Trespasses Page 27

by M. L. Steinbrunn


  I squeeze through the small clusters of patrons in my hunt for Jen. Finally, I find her, sitting alone at a bar top that would seat a whole hell of a lot more people than just the two of us. The size of the table leads me to believe that I’m walking into an ambush. I look around, scanning the crowd for Amanda and Carly. If Campbell is still in town, I’m sure she will be here, too. Damn my luck.

  I saunter up to the table and give Jen my best ‘hi, but what the fuck is going on?’ look. Her response is a little-miss-innocent smile, but I know better than to ever really trust this firecracker. While I know that she held my secret for so long, I also know that she is passionately loyal to Vivian and would do anything to protect her, even if it’s at the expense of my limbs. “Where is the rest of your posse?” I ask as I slide onto the barstool across from her.

  “They are here somewhere. The band is playing again tonight, so Campbell is probably backstage, and knowing Carly, she’s in the bathroom calling home to check on Olivia,” she answers before tipping back her Coors Light beer to take a quick drink. She wipes her mouth and then calls a server over. “I wasn’t sure what you would be in the mood for, or I would have ordered you something.”

  “Well, my order would kind of depend on what type of meeting this is. Do I need something to dull the pain, or am I here on friendly terms?”

  She looks past me into the crowd, then up to the server, and then back to me, causing me to turn around in my chair in an attempt to follow her visual search. “He’ll have a beer, as well, please,” she says to the waitress without addressing me at all. I don’t really appreciate her speaking over me. I should order something different just to piss her off, but if she’s going to play nice, then, I suppose I will, too.

  “Okay, Jen, what is this all about? You and I both know that I’ve lost Vivian for good, so I’m not quite sure why I’m here unless you’re just looking for extra bitch points and want to rub it in my face. If that’s the case, I don’t plan on sticking around.”

  The server returns with my drink and I take a long pull, staring at her over the neck of the bottle. Her response is only to tap her fingers on the table like I’m boring her.

  “Look, you know I want Vivian to be happy, and if that’s with you, great. If not, well, I’m fine with that, too,” she snarls once I place my drink back on the table.

  “Don’t sugar-coat anything on my account, Jen,” I bark back. “What a great friend you are,” I add, allowing my sarcasm to hang in the air.

  “That’s why I’m here, dickhead. I’m her best fucking friend, and she has been miserable since you guys crashed and burned.”

  “What? You’re going to help me get her back?” I ask, leaning onto the table, now finding interest in this convoluted conversation.

  “Sorry, my part’s already done. I just had to get you here. Sit back, relax, and drink your beer; you have a lot in store for you tonight.”

  “What the fuck, Jen? I don’t think this is very funny.” I feel myself getting angry. I know Jen can be sneaky, but damn, this woman has taken her skills to a new level. I feel fucking stupid and gullible. I’m sitting here sharing a beer with someone that has nothing to say to me, and has no intention of helping me get Viv back. What a complete waste of time. “You need to tell me what’s going on,” I demand.

  “You need to do as you’re told,” she says, picking up her beer and purse from the bar top. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to use the ladies.” She tips her beer to me in a goodbye, and leaves me alone at the table.

  What the fuck just happened?

  I start peeling the label off my beer waiting for what, I have no clue. I’m not even sure why I’m still here. I guess my curiosity is piqued enough to stick around for a little longer. I’m sure all of Vivian’s girls will take their turns lecturing me on what a piece of shit I am, then I’ll be let loose to crawl home alone and wallow in self-pity like I have for the last few days since Vivian told me she never wanted to see me again. I keep hoping that she’ll change her mind and call or text, something. I still carry around her ring in my jacket pocket. I can’t bring myself to return or sell it. Having it close to me makes me feel like I still have her, and I’m not ready to let her go. I’ve never been able to let that woman go.

  I’m alone for only a few more minutes before my next girl-of-college-past appears and takes a seat at the table. At least this one is a little more benign. “Hello, Carly, good to see you. What do I owe the pleasure?”

  “Cut the shit, Brooks. I’m not exactly thrilled to be here,” she sneers.

  Okay, maybe I was wrong. Mad Carly is something new, and I’m not sure I like it. I decide silence is my best means of protection, so I just raise my hands in surrender.

  “I know everything that happened, and I don’t like it, Brooks. Vivian is my friend. I love her like a sister, and that’s why I’m here. I don’t give a flying fuck about you or your happiness, but I do about hers. So I’ve come here to have a come-to-Jesus meeting with you.”

  Her fingers are laced together and folded on the table. She has no drink, and her eyes are severely narrowed on me. This is purely business, and in this moment, I feel horrible for the poor shmuck who married her, because Carly can be downright scary. I consider myself a very confident man’s man, but this woman is forcing my balls to shrivel and die.

  I push my beer away and lean back in my chair, waiting for the wrath to ensue. I gesture for her to continue, which is apparently the wrong move because I see her nostrils flare.

  “In college, I thought you were a womanizing man-whore and other than your good looks, I never saw what Viv saw in you. Then when we all thought you cheated on her, I wasn’t surprised. To see that your adult life hasn’t ventured off that course, it only makes me think less of you. However, whatever you and she had behind closed doors has made her happy. You brought out the Vivian that no one else could. I understand that none of what appeared on the outside was the actual truth of the situation, but I still don’t like it. I think Vivian deserves the world, and if you aren’t prepared to give it to her, then I suggest you walk away, because even though I seem like the nice one, I promise I have the best Rocky Mountain Oyster recipe, and if need be, I know of plenty of places to hide a body. Are you catching my drift?”

  Not wanting to poke the bear any more than I already have, I merely nod a response.

  “Good. I’ll keep an eye on you, Brooks,” she says sternly, then like a light switch, she shifts gears and smears a smile on her face. “Enjoy the rest of your evening,” she adds sweetly.

  Good God that was the most frightening downshift known to man. Here, all this time, I thought Jen was who I needed to worry about, but wrong again. Carly can throw down like no one’s business. I flag down the server to order something stronger. If I have to sit through any more lectures, I might drown myself in the alcohol behind the bar.

  The waitress slides my Johnnie Walker Black across the table and I take a sip, allowing the burn to reach every centimeter of my throat. I take a second to let my mouth cool down, letting the ice clink in the glass. It provides a nice distraction from the clusterfuck that I just sat through. I bring the glass to my lips once more, and just as I let the amber liquid hit my tongue, I’m lurched forward, causing me to choke on my drink.

  I look behind me for the asshole that bumped me, and I’m met with a beaming Lakin. I take a piece of ice from my glass and launch it at him. “You prick, what the hell?’ I say through the hacking breaths and tears.

  “That’s not any way to greet the person who’s here to save your sorry ass.” He laughs as he takes a seat with his scotch. “Besides, I was just politely patting you on the back; I think you’re just a little jumpy. Those women must have put you through the wringer tonight.”

  “You have no idea, Lakin. This was a waste of time. Let’s just finish our drinks and head out. I should be home with Grace anyways; it’s a school night.”

  “Just take it easy there, big brother. The night is still young;
Grace is fine. Besides, I think if you stay around long enough, you might find that this evening will turn out better than you expected.” The devilish grin that he isn’t even attempting to hide does nothing to improve my mood.

  “You’re in on whatever this is, aren’t you?” I say, slugging him in the arm. “You little shithead, you’ve known what’s going on, that those women would corner me like that, and you didn’t even give me a heads up. What happened to brotherly love?”

  “Hey!” he whines. “You know I bruise like a peach,” he adds, rubbing his bicep. I’m not buying the pussy show for a single second; Lakin has competed in mixed martial arts since we were kids. I guarantee that punch hurt me more than it did him.

  “Suck it up, Nancy; you have some explaining to do.”

  He only laughs and takes another slow drink of his scotch. His eyes leave mine and track someone behind me. I turn around to see Campbell approaching the table. Fucking marvelous. The next girl-of-college-past is here for one last kick to the balls. Lakin is seriously going to pay for this. If the fucker didn’t have his own money, I might have considered cutting him from my will.

  She looks like some kind of 1950s pinup. Her ebony hair half pinned on top of her head and bright red lipstick match her red dress and black open-toe heels. For someone that never ventured far from her Hendrix tee, jeans, and Converse, she looks drastically different. Grown-up and sophisticated, her friendly demeanor is now mixed with a blend of confidence and sex appeal that Cam not only lacked, but avoided when I knew her before. I look to Lakin, and yes, he’s taken notice. I give him a look that says ‘put your tongue in your mouth and your eyes back in your head before I help you adjust your face.’ He complies, and we both stand when she’s within a few feet of the table. She holds a hand up and smiles, gesturing for us to sit back down. “There’s no need, Brooks. I come in peace; take a load off.” She laughs.

  Her warm, easy smile melts into me, and I remember again why I liked Cam; she was never overly dramatic like Jen or emotional like Carly. She gave everyone a fair break, which was more than she ever got. I never really had friends that were girls, but Cam was that girl that I considered worthy of the label. She really cares for people, like Vivian does, and she has a quality that makes you want her to be taken care of. I wish I could have kept in contact with her, but considering how things ended with Vivian in college, having contact with anyone from that time wouldn’t have been possible.

  I stand up anyway, and reach out to give her hug. I always knew that she was the one that talked Viv into giving me a chance back in college, and even if she and I won’t be together anymore, I’m grateful for the brief time I had with Vivian, and I owe that to Campbell. The least I could do is show my appreciation.

  She taps my back, barely returning my embrace. I forgot how uncomfortable she is with physical affection, so I give her one more squeeze and take my seat. “It’s good to see you, Cam,” I say while Lakin pulls out a chair for her. Yeah, I can see the wheels in his head turning–good luck with that, baby bro. I would eat my own foot if Cam ever agreed to date my brother. She gives him a look of appreciation, which only encourages my brother even more. I take a drink and roll my eyes; this is definitely not why I’m here.

  She finally directs her attention back to me when Lakin sits down, pushing his chair closer to Campbell. “Have you figured out why you’re here yet, Brooks?” she asks, skipping over all introductory niceties.

  “I don’t know what to think, Cam. At first, I thought I was invited here to receive the royal ass-chewing of a lifetime, and then I thought maybe you guys were going to help me win Vivian back. Now that even Lakin is in on this master plan, whatever it is, I have no fucking clue. But I would really like to be filled in; all of this is getting pretty damn old. Is Vivian here? Or did you girls plot to make me look like the prick that I already feel like I am?”

  “She’s here, Brooks.” Those simple three words cause me to spring out of my chair, and I begin looking around for her. Vivian brought me here. Her girls were hurdles, and who the fuck knows if I passed, but if she brought me here, maybe that means she still wants me, could still love me. I feel myself begin to sweat and breathe heavily with anticipation and nervousness to see her. I’m so zoned-in on finding her that I completely tune out what Campbell is saying until I feel her grab my arm and pull me back to my chair.

  “You won’t find her. She’s here, but I’m not quite ready for you to see her yet,” she says, reclining into the back of her chair and crossing her legs. I turn around but remain standing; if Vivian is here, I want to see her. I’m done with the bullshit games these women have put me through tonight.

  “What do you mean you’re not ready for me to see her? Don’t you think that this is between Vivian and me? I’m not sure why all three of you have stepped in tonight like middle men. We are fucking grown adults, who should be working things out like adults.” I stand, shoulders squared and arms crossed, ready for the fight that I’ve been waiting for all night. I’m tired of playing nice; if Vivian is ready to talk to me, then she needs to get her ass out here and talk to me.

  Campbell begins to laugh hysterically. She doubles over, placing her head on the table, and when she leans back up to gather air, she has to wipe tears from her eyes. I glance over to Lakin, and he looks as lost as I am. What the fuck is happening tonight? I have entered some kind of estrogen-induced twilight zone. Cam was my only chance of escaping and getting to Vivian, and now it looks as though she too has overdosed on the Kool-Aid.

  “Sorry, Brooks,” she says, trying to catch her breath. “It’s just, you have absolutely no reason to get all worked up; in fact, you’re about to get everything you ever wanted. I just need you to calm the fuck down and answer a few questions for me.”

  “Are you kidding me? You tell me Vivian is here, but you want me to play a round of twenty questions? This has to be a joke.”

  “Look, Brooks, I like you; I always have. I know good people and bad people, and you’re good people. Jen and Carly don’t see it, but Vivian and I do. I want to help, but I won’t unless you answer a few questions first.”

  I plop down in my seat in a huff, cross my arms once again, and give her the nod to ask away.

  Cam takes a napkin from the center condiment island and dabs her make-up, which ran during her hysterics, and takes a drink of the water that the server brought over soon after she arrived at the table. Cam has been here a lot with the current band she’s promoting, and I’m sure the workers here are familiar with her dislike of alcohol.

  She settles herself and begins to fire away. “When you set Vivian up to think that you cheated, was it to avoid telling her about your father?”

  Well, we definitely aren’t going to ease in with some simple ones, are we? I should have known they would have sent Campbell in for this type of inquisition. I lean in on the table, rubbing my face in my hands, contemplating my answer. I know that I can’t lie to Campbell; besides, she would see right through me. “I wasn’t trying to avoid anything, Cam,” I sigh. “If I knew that she would have still loved me despite who my father is, I would have told her and let her decide. But I loved her too much to put her in that position. I knew that if I left, made her believe that I wasn’t worth chasing after, then she would have found Will. He cared about her, always had. I thought he was the better man, and she deserved to be with someone like that.”

  “That’s what I thought. So why didn’t you tell her this time around?”

  My back straightens at her tone. It feels like she’s implying that I was maliciously trying to keep things from Vivian.

  “I wanted to; I tried so many times. But I couldn’t bring myself to do it. The more I thought about it, the more I thought about what it might change. I don’t have contact with Raymond. He’s never been a part of my life. Nothing would come from her knowing, other than hurting her, and I would do anything to keep from hurting her. But then he showed up, and my plan crumbled. I had to face it, but this time she ran.”r />
  “You know I, more than anyone, understand where you’re coming from, Brooks, but not trusting her with the truth, protecting her or not, was a bit on the shady side,” she calmly says as she rubs my forearm. Her attempt to comfort me throws me a bit; it is very out of character for her.

  “One more question, I swear,” she says, removing her hand and squaring her shoulders. “Do you promise to love that woman the way she deserves and never keep anything from her again, whether it’s for her own good or not?”

  I match her posture and meet her eyes, trying to convey every ounce of emotion I have into my final answer for her. “Campbell, I love Vivian more than I thought was ever even possible. Whether I’m with her or not, she is the only one that I could ever want. All I’ve ever wanted to do is give her what she deserved, even when I thought she deserved more than what I am. I would be honored just to have the chance to try and be that man for her.”

  She smiles, and I can see the tears beginning to build in her eyes. I try to hand her a napkin, but she shoos me away. “That’s all I needed to know, Brooks. Hang tight. We will all be back soon.”

  “Vivian too?” I ask anxiously as we all stand up from the table.

  “She smiles and pats my arm. “Vivian too.” She turns to Lakin and offers her hand to shake but he immediately grabs her fingers and guides her hand to his lips. “It was lovely to meet you, Campbell,” he says smoothly, and then kisses the back of her hand. She peers over to me, and I act like I’m going to throw up, which makes her laugh. Lakin backs away and shoots a death glare at me.

  Cam turns on her heel and leaves us men alone once again. Lakin follows her with his eyes until she becomes lost in the crowd. Damn, this kid is clueless. He wouldn’t have a shot in hell with Campbell. I slap his back, similar to how he did when he greeted me, and take my seat again, laughing.

 

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