by Ava Miles
“I will if I can,” he told her and blew her a kiss before disappearing in the hallway.
She went to church with a heavy heart and hugged Mama extra hard when the woman squeezed her with all her strength. She went to family dinner and chatted up a storm with everyone, but her attention was split thinking about Vander. People asked after his whereabouts, and Shelby told them he was working. It was nice to have everyone send him their regards, including her pale-faced mama.
When she got home, he called, but their talk was brief. He didn’t say anything about his day, other than to say he couldn’t talk about it.
After she hung up the phone, she wondered what had gone wrong between them so fast.
Chapter 34
Vander felt like he was walking a tightrope between the duty he felt toward his clients and his impulse to protect Shelby and her family from the truth about their father.
He’d ached the whole way back to Nashville, but the impulse to go to her had been irrepressible. Making love to her had grounded him again, reminded him of who they were becoming. After she’d fallen asleep, he’d lain awake listening to her soft breathing, tortured by the decision he had to make.
When he could take it no longer, he’d showered early to head out before she awoke. Normally, she was a heavy sleeper, and it had cracked part of his heart to leave her, especially since he knew he’d put that hurt look on her face.
He told himself it was best to limit their time together until he’d decided what to do. After he left Shelby’s, he called Charlie and told her everything. Rather than give him a flip answer, she told him she needed to think on it. Despite the voice inside him that urged him to hurry, hurry, hurry, he respected her for taking it seriously.
She breezed into his office early Monday morning and planted her hands on his desk. “I thought about it all day yesterday. I tried to put myself in their place. Vander, I’m not sure I’d want to know the truth.”
Pushing back in his chair, he crossed his arms. “Why not?”
“I was thinking about my family, and I hate thinking about them,” she said with a drawn-out sigh. “What if my father had other children, ones he’d never had a relationship with, would I want them to know what he did to me? I know the kind of hurt it caused me. I…sometimes it’s not better to know you’re related to someone who’s done something terrible. It’s not like anyone is at risk here.”
He’d thought about the situation from a million different angles. Ultimately, he’d be breaking a whole host of agreements other people had made decades ago—not to mention causing plenty of pain to Shelby and her siblings, who’d already been hurt so much.
Plus, if he told them, Louisa might never forgive him. How was he supposed to show up at family occasions knowing she blamed him for sharing the ugly details surrounding the demise of her marriage?
But how could he keep such a big secret from the woman he loved, especially after he’d spoken to her about the importance of honesty?
“Thank you for sharing your opinion,” he told Charlie, reaching for his cup of coffee.
“You haven’t decided yet,” she said, frowning.
“No,” he replied, reaching for his phone when it beeped, signaling a text. Shelby.
Hey, gorgeous. I missed you last night. How about I come over early with my new key and make you dinner?
He stared at the display and turned the phone over. Great. Now he was avoiding her. This couldn’t continue. She’d get hurt and mad. Rightfully so. He didn’t want to treat her badly when she’d done nothing but love him.
He didn’t want to lose her.
“All right, leave me be,” Vander said to Charlie, looking up at the ceiling. “I need to think.”
“Holler if you want to throw darts,” she said. “You could crack like a stone you’re so tense.”
When she left, he dug out a legal pad and wrote down the pros and cons of the problem, like he would do to work out a case. That didn’t help. Charlie’s take had been enlightening. It shook him that his friend, who had always believed in people facing harsh truths, wouldn’t want to know if she were in Shelby’s place. Still, he felt the need for more advice.
He settled into his morning, meeting with clients and working the leads on his current cases. But nothing could completely distract him from his problem. He thought about talking to Gail about the situation since she knew Shelby, but the woman was too unpredictable. She might up and tell Shelby herself.
Who could he trust? Rye came to mind, but he dismissed the idea as quickly as it came. Rye could be about as unpredictable as Gail in his own way. Plus he had a baby coming any day.
But Clayton… Rye trusted his secrets with his manager, and Vander knew him to be a man of honor. Desperate to talk it out with someone, he picked up the phone and called him.
“Vander!” Clayton said. “We missed you yesterday at family dinner. Not that I don’t understand your absence. Hopefully, Louisa will calm down some. Amelia Ann filled me in on the whole situation. Hope you know I wouldn’t say anything.”
That made everything easier.
“Of course,” he immediately responded. “That’s why I’m calling, actually. I need some advice. There’s been a break in the case. You need to know up front that it’s pretty awful stuff, and I don’t want you to tell Amelia Ann if we decide to keep this between us. I don’t want to put you in a bad situation, but…I don’t know what to do here. You know the family better than I do.”
“I’m glad you felt you could trust me,” Clayton said, concern lacing his voice. “You have my word it’ll stay between us. Amelia Ann sometimes can’t tell me things about her work at the legal clinic. It won’t hurt us any.”
Vander felt relief at that. He didn’t want to cause strain in anyone else’s relationship. “Let me lay it out for you.”
When he finished, Clayton was silent for some time. Then he said, “It’s worse than I expected. I mean…Jesus. A minor? And she had a baby? That means they have a half sister or brother out there.”
“I know.” Vander had thought about the girl and the child too. He’d wondered if he should try and find out what happened after Skylar Watkins went to Texas, but without anyone’s permission, that seemed like overstepping.
“I can see your dilemma. You’re pretty much fucked all ways, aren’t you? Pardon my French.”
“No pardon needed,” Vander said. “When I’m not sick to my stomach, I want to curse a blue streak. I don’t want this to hurt Shelby or any of them, but—”
“You tell J.P.,” Clayton interrupted. “He’s been the head of that family since their daddy left, and the women all respect him. He’s also capable of keeping a secret if needed. I’d talk to him if I were in your place.”
Vander had wondered about talking to J.P., but it had a lot of cons. “Shelby would get mighty upset if she finds out I talked to J.P. before her.”
“In this situation, I don’t see a way around it,” Clayton said. “Especially since Louisa has always been so dead set against the truth coming out. Now it all makes sense. That poor woman. I’ve known her a long time. This would have destroyed another woman, but she… Well, she’s one tough cookie.”
He concurred. “All right, I’ll talk to J.P. Thanks, Clayton.”
“You’re welcome,” the man said. “I think I’ll say a prayer for everybody, and trust me when I tell you how rare that is.”
“I know what you mean,” Vander said. “Thanks again, Clayton.”
He hung up and stared at his phone for a solid minute before pulling up J.P.’s contact information and calling him.
“Hey, it’s Vander,” he said when the other man picked up. “Hope you don’t mind me calling.”
“Not at all,” J.P. said. “I was sorry you didn’t join Shelby yesterday. All of us want you to feel welcomed. Mama will come around, I promise. She’s a good woman and always tries to do what’s right.”
Vander had new insight on that. “Clayton told me I could talk to you about s
omething. How does your day look?”
There was an audible pause. “I can make time. I’m writing a song today, so I’m pretty flexible.”
“Could you meet me…” And a public place just wouldn’t do it, given the subject matter, especially since he couldn’t risk running into Shelby. Charlie would let him use her place. “I’ll text you the address. How about in an hour?” It was heading on about noon now.
“Sure thing,” J.P. replied. “See you soon.”
Vander picked up a pen and rolled it over his fingers. “You didn’t even ask me what it was about.”
“I figure you’ll tell me soon enough,” the man responded. “See you in a bit.”
That answer cemented it. J.P. was the right person for him to talk to. Thank God, he’d called Clayton. After a quick chat with Charlie, Vander drove to her apartment, equipped with her key and alarm code. Like him, she didn’t want the maintenance of a home or yard. She’d warned him everything was mostly clean, but that he’d have to pick up a little.
When he got back to the office, he was going to tease her about throwing her dirty laundry around the house. She was so clean in her work space. It rather surprised him to see the disarray, but honestly, he was happy for the distraction while he waited.
J.P. arrived soon after he finished tidying up, and it took the other man all of two seconds to ask, “This isn’t your place, is it?”
Vander shook his head. “What gave it away?”
“The purse over the chair. It’s not Shelby’s style.”
Looking over, he caught the plain black bag J.P. was referring to. “No, it’s not. This is Charlie’s place. I’m sorry about the caution. It was…necessary.”
J.P. put his hands on his hips, his eyes narrowing. “That doesn’t sound good. What’s going on?”
Vander’s chest constricted as he thought about what he needed to say. “Do you want anything to drink?”
“No, let’s just get to it. I’m trying not to be worried here. Is it Shelby?”
Again, Vander shook his head. “No, it’s about your father. There was a break in the case…and now I know why he left. It’s…” God, how could he describe it? “I understand why your mother didn’t want you to know. In fact, that’s why I’m not sure I should disregard her wishes. Your dad left it up to me to decide. But all of you wanted to know the truth, and I don’t like keeping anything from Shelby.”
J.P. looked down like he was studying the floor. “That bad, huh? I feared it had to be for Mama to be so tight-lipped. You don’t know her well yet, and she certainly hasn’t shown you her best side, but she’s always saying you can’t heal what you won’t talk about. And Mama believes in healing. It’s what she does as a preacher.”
“I realize that,” Vander said. “I didn’t quite know what to do. I called Clayton for advice, and he said you were the best person to talk to about it. That you’d know the best course for the family. I didn’t feel I did, or that I even had the right to make that decision.”
The man blew out a long breath. “We’d best sit down.”
They sat at Charlie’s glass dining room table, and Vander waited for J.P. to compose himself.
“I don’t know that I want to hear it,” J.P. said, patting the glass like he was nervous. “But I suppose you’d better.”
Vander had told people plenty of horrible things since he’d become a private investigator. One client’s spouse had stolen from her checking account when she wasn’t looking, and another client had hired him to find his kidnapped daughter, only for Vander to have to report she was dead. Then there was the husband who had hired him to find out why his wife had left him, which had ended with the twist that his business partner had killed her and buried her in his backyard because she’d threatened to tell her spouse about the affair. But telling J.P. what he’d learned was somehow the hardest.
He felt helpless as the man’s mouth bunched with emotion during the telling. Not once did J.P. interrupt him. He listened straight through Vander’s recitation, only once looking away when Vander told him about the girl becoming pregnant. At that moment, Vander could see the gleam of tears in his eyes, and he felt his own gut burn with empathy.
When he finally finished he said, “I’m so sorry. I don’t know what else to say.”
“How could you?” J.P. asked, blinking rapidly to clear the tears in his eyes. “I listened to you talking, and it was like listening to a story about someone else’s daddy. Part of me kept thinking, my daddy wouldn’t have done that. But it was the truth straight from his own mouth. My God! When I think about Mama and what she must have gone through… I didn’t have a clue. Part of me wonders how I didn’t know things were so bad.”
“Parents often shield their children from the worst parts of a marriage,” Vander said. “Your mother did a stellar job of it.”
“I can’t even begin to think of the pain this caused her. Or the shame. And that girl, Skylar. My God, we have a half sister or brother somewhere, and we didn’t even know it. What must his or her life have been like?” Tears rolled down his face, and he swiped at them. “I’m sorry.”
Vander had seen grown men reduced to tears before. He’d also been there himself. “You don’t need to apologize. I can’t imagine the hurt you’re feeling.”
J.P. swiped at a few more. “In my mind, I always thought Daddy left because he was too immature to raise a family and be a husband, but to learn this? I don’t think disappointment is a strong enough word for how I feel—even if he is sorry.”
Preston McGuiness was sorry, and he certainly hadn’t led an easy life. But that was no excuse for what he’d done. Vander wondered what the man would do now. Would he continue to move around from town to town like a nomad wrapped up in sins like he’d indicated was his lot in life? Since the man obviously didn’t want to see his children, Vander supposed it didn’t matter.
“This will kill the girls,” J.P. said in a hoarse voice. “And having Mama know we finally know the truth… God help us all.”
“Do you want a bourbon?” Vander asked, knowing Charlie would have some around.
“A stiff drink or two might be just the thing,” J.P. said.
Vander located Charlie’s bourbon and decided to buy her a better selection as a thank you for letting him use her place. He poured two glasses, and when he placed J.P.’s drink in front of him, the man took a long, slow sip.
“I’ve always told myself I’m not the kind of man to get drunk to numb out bad news,” J.P. said, as if noticing his scrutiny. “Rye was the king of that. But now I can see the appeal. I’m still not going to do it, though.”
“I wouldn’t judge you,” Vander said, meeting his eyes as he sat down across from him.
“No, you wouldn’t,” J.P. said after a time, setting the glass aside. “This must have weighed heavy on you, being with Shelby.”
He didn’t want to make this about him, but he couldn’t deny he was connected. “That’s putting it mildly. I love her, and being honest with the person you love is sacrosanct as far as I’m concerned. This doesn’t sit well at all.”
J.P. nodded and pushed his glass further from him, closer to Vander’s, which he hadn’t touched.
“Do you know what you want to do?” Vander asked.
Shaking his head, J.P. said, “This whole thing is a mess of tangles, isn’t it? If you pull one string, it only gets more knotted up. Christ, give me strength.” J.P. stood. “I’ll need to sit with this. Pray about it. Hard. But I won’t take long to decide. I know this isn’t the kind of news you can let linger.”
While Vander wasn’t sure how he was supposed to see Shelby before he had an answer, he didn’t want J.P. to feel rushed. He got to his feet and said, “Time doesn’t factor into decisions like this. When you’re sure, let me know. I’ll be here. Whatever you decide.”
The man nodded and walked to the door, letting himself out.
Vander sat back down at Charlie’s table, and even though he wasn’t the kind of man to drink
over bad news either, he downed his bourbon.
Chapter 35
Shelby stared off into space as she stirred the batter for the Mississippi Mud Cake she’d decided to make for Vander. He’d given her his key and told her she was welcome anytime. Of course, he hadn’t responded to her text, but she reasoned he was in back-to-back meetings and hadn’t had time.
Being at his house had calmed some of the anxiety that had welled up inside her since his abrupt departure on Sunday morning. His things were where they normally were, and somehow that order was its own assurance. She’d left the office early to shop for their meal and decided to bake the cake at his house. What man didn’t like coming back from work to a home filled with the scent of a baked cake? Perhaps it would help Vander relax about whatever case had him all riled up.
Every time her mind told her the problem was her—that he’d grown tired of her like Nick had—she banged the wooden spoon against the side of the bowl. She banged it quite a lot, actually. She said a little prayer that it wouldn’t make the cake flat as she put it in the oven.
She returned to the spreadsheets on her laptop and tried to find some peace in all her formulas and numbers adding up like they should.
When there was a loud knocking on the door, Shelby jumped in her chair. She glanced in the direction of the sound, but stayed where she was. Even though she had a key to Vander’s home, she didn’t feel right about answering his door.
But the knocking wouldn’t let up. In fact, it sounded quite frantic.
She walked slowly to the door, trying to keep her footsteps quiet, so she could peek through the peephole. Could it be one of Vander’s clients? She couldn’t imagine he’d give out his personal address. When she saw who was knocking, she gasped.
Mama!
She jumped again when another barrage of knocks shook the door. What was her mama doing here? Shelby opened the door to find out.
Mama’s whole face seemed to crumple. “Oh, no! I’m too late. Oh, Shelby! I’m so sorry.”