Secrets and Fries at the Starlight Diner

by Helen Cox

  ‘Yeah, but if I take my glasses off and squint, the spotlights they use in here sort of look like stars,’ Esther argued, removing her glasses.

  ‘Come on,’ Jack said, holding his hand out to his girlfriend. I held out my hand at the other side of her and she put her glasses in position, reached up and pulled herself back onto her feet.

  ‘Can you two handle the inebriate whilst I wow my girlfriend with my bowling skills?’ Ryan grinned.

  ‘I’m not an ineb… I’m not drunk,’ Esther said with a slight slur once she was vertical again.

  Jack laughed. ‘Of course not, love.’ He looked from Esther to Ryan. ‘I can take it from here. If you want to roll your strike.’

  Ryan nodded and went to grab a ball.

  ‘So…’ said Esther, looking between Jack and me.

  ‘So?’ Jack said, no doubt wondering what his girlfriend was going to come out with next.

  ‘Did Bonnie ask you about the party?’

  Uh-oh. I shot Esther a look but she didn’t seem capable of focussing on me properly.

  ‘What about the party?’

  ‘Bonnie wants to invite Boyle to the party,’ Esther blurted out. I glared at her and started chewing on one of my nails, even though I knew it’d chip the dark green nail polish I’d spent precious time applying before we left the apartment.

  ‘What?’ Jack’s eyes narrowed.

  ‘No, I don’t.’ I shook my head, hard and fast.

  ‘What? Yes, you do,’ Esther insisted, slurring her words. Jack looked between the two of us, his frown only getting harder.

  ‘Alright, look, I was going to try and persuade you to let Jimmy come to New Year, I admit. But that was selfish. You hate the guy, and by the sound of it for good reason. And you’ve been so good to me, I can’t ask that of you as well.’

  ‘Bonnie kissed Boyle,’ Esther said to Jack, a bit louder than she needed to, given how close we were all standing. His frown levelled out for a second as his girlfriend clung on to his arm to keep herself steady.

  ‘You kissed Boyle?’ Jack said, looking back at me while Esther leaned her weight against him. He wrapped an arm around her shoulders and held her close. ‘Did he take advantage of you?’

  ‘No, quite the opposite. I kissed him. It was stupid, I was just feeling lonely is all. It’s kinda hard being on your own around the holidays.’

  ‘Oh, yeah,’ Jack said, his eyes dropping to the shiny blue floor tiles. Perhaps he’d sussed out that being the third wheel to the most loved-up couple on the planet hadn’t been the easiest thing to deal with in the run-up to the most depressing holiday of them all: New Year’s Eve. I was grateful for a place to stay, that went without saying, but, well, Jack and Esther kissed a lot – among other things that I pretended not to hear late at night. And every time they kissed it just reminded me that I didn’t have anyone to kiss. Or rather, I did, but he was off limits at a time when more than anything I was hungry for closeness and comfort, even if it was only temporary.

  ‘Look, I really don’t think it’s a good idea for you to get mixed up with Boyle. Whether he meant to or not he nearly got me and Esther killed last summer,’ Jack said.

  ‘Killed?’ I shook my head. ‘How?’

  ‘It’s…’ Jack trailed off. ‘It’s not a story for tonight.’

  ‘It’s not strictly true, Jack,’ said Esther, jabbing a finger into his arm. ‘Boyle brought Laura back into our lives, but we have to take responsibility for our part. We weren’t exactly up front with each other. If we had been, things could’ve been very different.’

  Laura.

  That must have been the ‘murderous ex’ Jack had talked about the other day. No wonder they wanted ‘Tell Laura I Love Her’ struck off the song list.

  Jack stared hard at Esther.

  ‘You know, it’s really not very fair that you’re reasonable even when you’re drunk,’ he said, staring into her eyes. ‘What about the way he treated you that first day he came into the diner? That’s not something I’m willing to just forgive and forget. He can do whatever he wants to me, but not to you. I won’t have it.’

  ‘Guys, really. It doesn’t matter. It was stupid. Jimmy obviously can’t come to the party when you feel this way about him,’ I said, while wondering how Jimmy had treated Esther to get Jack that sore.

  ‘He was bullish, and I’m not defending him,’ said Esther. She raised her hands in the air, but because she was liquored up she couldn’t tell how high she’d raised them, so it looked more like she was warming up for a workout than backing off. ‘But the fact is, he didn’t react that way to Bonnie… Did he?’ She turned to me to back her up. I looked between her and Jack.

  ‘Well, I don’t know what he did to you exactly, but I wouldn’t have described him as bullish, no,’ I admitted, while also thinking again about what Mona had said about Jimmy channelling his determination in the right direction, and how fun it could be if he was bullish at just the right moment.

  ‘He was cruel to me,’ Esther said, tearing through my fantasy in a split second, ‘but I was going through a lot at the time. Maybe if I’d been easier with him, he’d have been easier with me.’

  ‘There’s still no excuse for manhandling a woman,’ Jack said, and at the word ‘manhandling’ my ears burned behind a curtain of blue hair as a series of hot, desperate scenes played out in my head. In all of them, me and Jimmy were in various stages of undress. God damn it. I shook my head. Get it together, Bonnie. They’re talking about real cruelty here. The guy you’re into does bad things to good people. Can’t you get that into your head?

  ‘No, you’re right,’ Esther said. ‘It isn’t. I’m just saying I played a part and if you weren’t so stubborn you’d admit you did too.’ She reached a hand down to his and interlocked their fingers.

  ‘Oh, I’m stubborn, am I?’ Jack stared at Esther, his eyes glowing with affection, and repeated, ‘I’m stubborn?’

  Esther pushed her free hand over her mouth and turned to me, giggling. Even when she got drunk back in Atlantic City, I’d never heard her giggle. There was something inviting about the sound of it and I joined in. Jack followed our lead and began to laugh too, but it quickly lapsed into a sigh. He pushed his hand through his dark hair and looked at me.

  ‘Why do you want Jimmy to come to the party?’ he asked. Even though he hated the guy, he was giving me an opportunity to convince him anyway. Esther was perhaps too far gone to pick up on the compassion of this gesture but scooped her hand under his arm anyway, held it tight and leaned her head against him again.

  ‘It’s not an easy one to answer,’ I said. ‘Guess I’m feeling a little like Miss Lonely Heart right now, and he’d sooner die than ever admit it to anyone, but I think Jimmy’s a lonely heart too. He spent Christmas alone like I did, that much was obvious from what he was saying, and I can’t think New Year will be any different for him. His speciality seems to be gettin’ people mad at him, but, whatever he did – which sounds like plenty – I doubt he meant to put your lives in danger. And I don’t even know if things could really work out this way but I guess I just liked the idea of two lonely hearts coming together for one night. On the worst night of the year to be by yourself.’

  A silence fell over the three of us and Jack stared at me. ‘Damn it,’ he said, with a reluctant smile that only just showed from underneath his beard. ‘That was good.’

  ‘It’s just the truth,’ I said.

  ‘Well, I don’t agree with the way Boyle carries on but if you can clear it with Bernie, I suppose you can invite him. Mind you, if he even says “hello” to Esther…’ Jack didn’t finish the sentence but instead he balled up his hands.

  ‘Bernie already said yesterday he was OK with it if you were,’ I explained. He’d also said there was more chance of Madonna’s hymen still being intact than there was of convincing Jack and Boyle to be civil to one another. But when it came to Jack, I had the most powerful weapon of all: Esther. If anyone could bring out the best in him, she could.
>
  ‘You sure you’re going to be OK with Boyle being at the party?’ he said to her. She looked up at him at an odd, skewed angle, her head still resting on his arm.

  ‘Remember what we promised each other last autumn? About being better? It’s important to be the bigger people whenever we can be,’ she said in a dreamy voice. ‘Besides, there’s only one person I’m going to be concentrating on at the party.’

  Almost in slow motion, Jack leaned down to deliver her the softest of kisses.

  ‘Sorry to break up the conference,’ said Ryan, loud enough to shunt Jack and Esther apart, ‘but it’s Bonnie’s turn to bowl. I assume you are interested in doing some bowling tonight…’

  ‘Yeah, come on, you guys, enough of the smooching,’ Angela called over.

  ‘You’re one to talk,’ said Esther, raising an eyebrow at her friend. Angela laughed and toyed with the ends of her hair.

  ‘You better make it a good hit, Bonnie,’ Lucia taunted. ‘Team JEB is lagging behind. Team LAR are set for victory, unless you score a good few strikes.’ I laughed, not for the first time that evening, at Lucia using our initials to create nonsensical team names for us, and walked over to pick up a bowling ball.

  Lining up at the end of the lane, I got to thinking about how, for the first time in the last week, I’d had a stroke of luck. I hadn’t actually expected to get Jack on side, especially after Bernie’s unique analysis of my odds, but the impossible had happened: Jack had shown mercy to Jimmy. The only thing I had to figure out now was how to get Jimmy to do the same. How to get him to realise there were better things in this world to cling to than your pride.

  Stretching my arm back, I flung the ball down the polished bowling lane and watched it hurtle with impressive force towards the cluster of unsuspecting pins which were huddled together, blank-faced and oblivious to the danger heading their way.

  Chapter Eight

  When I arrived at Battery Park the next morning, just after eleven, Jimmy Boyle was already lounging on a bench with a fine view out to Lady Liberty. I’d had some luck with Jack and Esther agreeing to being in the same room as Jimmy but I couldn’t be sure just how Jimmy was feeling after the way he had stormed out of the diner the other day. It was New Year’s Eve tomorrow, so the odds were I was only going to get one shot at persuading him to come to the party. Consequently, I’d devised a little plan to lure him out into the open.

  This was phase one of Operation Midnight Make-Out.

  Marching over in his direction and kicking up what was left of yesterday’s snow, I tilted my head towards the sky, enticing the weak winter sun to warm my face as best it could. Battery Park is just a tiny green stretch at the tip of Manhattan. Though small, it’s got a calm about it; it feels somehow separate from the non-stop jostle of the downtown area. The occasional low hum rippled out across the river from the passing boats and the smell of roast chestnuts drifted out of a cart manned by a guy in his fifties wearing a thick, deep green fleece and oversized black gloves. A cluster of bare trees lined the edges of the park, and the benches were almost exclusively occupied by shivering, sleeping homeless guys, their heads huddled under their hoods as though they didn’t want to be recognised, and maybe they didn’t. I’d been on the brink of joining them just a few nights ago and wouldn’t have wanted to be caught in that position by anybody, let alone somebody I knew.

  My eyes fixed again on the back of Jimmy’s head, his blonde hair blowing in the light breeze thrown up by the Hudson River. Whatever his reasons, Jimmy had saved me from that. From winding up asleep on some park bench, trying to catch up on the shut-eye I’d lost out on the night before because I’d been locked out in the cold.

  And when somebody helps you like that, a connection is made. It’s unavoidable. When someone reaches out and keeps you steady in your most desperate hour, it’s something you never forget.

  That had to be it: the reason I couldn’t get Jimmy Boyle out of my head.

  Nothing serious could happen between us, at least not the way things were right then, but that kiss we’d shared had stayed with me, and I really couldn’t think of a better way of bringing in 1991 than locking lips with Jimmy for a second time and maybe seeing if I could help him repurpose some of that bullish behaviour I’d been hearing about.

  ‘Hey, Jimmy,’ I said as I approached the bench. He twisted round and his whole body stiffened. Louie, who’d been sitting by his side, scampered towards me and leaped up at my knees with damp, muddy paws.

  ‘Aw, thanks a lot, mutt,’ I said, taking his face in both my hands and scratching him behind the ears. ‘I spent precious time trying not to look raggedy this morning and now you’ve gone and muddied me up.’ Louie looked up at me with apologetic, charcoal eyes, even though he couldn’t possibly know why a gal might not want to show up with mud all over her jeans when she’s meeting a guy she has designs on.

  ‘Should’ve known,’ Jimmy said, shaking his head. ‘You, you’re the source with a must-hear story about Jack Faber?’

  ‘Yes I am,’ I was about to sit next to him but he walked across to the nearby railings that fenced off land from water. He shooed a trio of gulls and leaned on the metal barrier, looking out towards Liberty Island, home to the iconic statue that’d been passed by so many people across the decades as their ships sailed in to dock in New York City. Hope no doubt filling their hearts when they saw that torch held high, hope that they’d found home.

  Keeping my expression as level as I could, I followed him over to where he was standing, Louie trotting at my heels. Jimmy was putting on quite a show but it was obvious from his face he’d had a suspicion it might have been me anyway. He was too sharp not to have considered it. My little pretence just allowed him to turn up and save face, and it’d worked a treat. I was chalking up phase one of Operation Midnight Make-Out as a success.

  ‘What are you playing at, Blue, dragging me onto the island on a Sunday? Me and Louie had big plans.’ He waved a hand at the dog and then gazed back out at the water.

  ‘This won’t take long, I promise.’

  From what Esther had told me, Jimmy was like a cat and would come out with his claws scratching if I backed him into a corner. Whatever I said next, I’d better think real careful about it.

  I followed his stare, out towards the river.

  ‘Alright, spit it out and let’s get it over with.’ Jimmy crossed his arms and rested them on the fence.

  Wow, he really was in a bad mood…

  Why did that make him more attractive?

  ‘Alright, I can see you’re still sore at me, even though technically I’ve not done anything to you, so I’ll get to the point.’ I paused, waiting for him to look at me, which at last he did. ‘There’s a party happening at the Starlight Diner tomorrow night, and I’d like to invite you to it.’ Jimmy’s head hopped back a couple of inches in surprise. Then his eyes narrowed and he hardened his stare. I stared back with all my might, convinced that if I could just look into his eyes for long enough, I’d be able to reignite whatever it was that had sparked between us that first night back at his apartment.

  ‘That’s your big story? Not exactly headline news, Blue,’ he said, but across his brow were the creases made by whatever figuring he was doing in his head. At a guess, he wanted to come to the party but didn’t think there was a way of it working.

  ‘Well, Bernie’s asked me to play a couple of sets and provide a little entertainment on the evening, and I thought, if you weren’t doing anything else, maybe you’d like to come along and hear me play. It’ll be my last night in New York – on New Year’s Day I’m outta here – so it’ll be your only chance.’ I was applying a principle taught to me by one of the first guys to ever ask me out after hearing me sing. He was a financial adviser. Far as I could tell, he was into me for the same reason that jocks were secretly into the Goth girls in high school: variety. One more night in the arms of a vanilla cheerleader type and he probably would’ve blown his brains out. Anyway, he once told me scarcity sells.
Make people think they’re going to miss out on something and they’ll buy it just so nobody else gets something they don’t.

  ‘You’re leaving already?’ Jimmy’s eyes darted up and down, from my face to my body and back again.

  ‘Can’t stay here,’ I shrugged. ‘Probably already stayed longer than I should’ve.’

  I couldn’t be sure whether Frankie had sent someone after me. I sort of felt they would’ve caught up to me by now if he had, but it could also be the case that they just hadn’t picked up my trail yet. I had to get out of town while I was still ahead.

  ‘Where you going?’ Jimmy leaned towards me, just a fraction.

  Mimicking this movement, I leaned a touch closer and stared up at him. ‘Where else do you go to start a new life? California.’

  ‘That’s…’ He paused, looking into my eyes. ‘That’s a long way away.’

  ‘That’s the idea.’

  Frankie was influential on the East Coast, sure, but I would get myself to a straight cop in California. The first one I found, I’d confess everything to them, my whole damn life story if they wanted it, and then maybe I’d have a chance of feeling safe again. Or as safe as I’d ever felt anywhere, anyway.

  ‘You really want me to come and hear you play?’ He tried to keep a cool note in his voice, but I saw him do a sort of nervous swallow when he asked this.

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘And the fact that everybody in the place pretty much hates my guts, you don’t think that’ll be a problem?’ He turned away from the river and lolled backwards, resting both elbows on the railings behind him. It was an unnatural move, like he was trying just that bit too hard to look casual. Course, that was exactly the kind of thing that made me want to laugh at him but I had to choke it back. He took himself pretty seriously, and if he thought that I was laughing at him at a moment like this, that’d be the end of the conversation for sure.

  ‘I spoke to Jack and Esther about it. They’ve no objection to being in the same room as you.’

  ‘Oh really?’ Jimmy raised an eyebrow.