by Helen Cox
Oh, nice one Bonnie. Yet again your mouth is moving faster than your brain.
‘Wait. What do you mean,’ Jimmy said, locking his eyes with mine. ‘That’s not what you want? Are you saying you’re not sure about Nick?’
I stared at Jimmy for a moment. Yeah, that was it alright. That was an accurate summary, but what was the point of even talking about this? Jimmy had made it clear he wasn’t interested in anything serious. Though he might want to, he couldn’t offer me anything. Although I didn’t exactly see a long-term future with Nick, I wasn’t going to get involved with Jimmy knowing it wasn’t going to lead anywhere. He might be able to walk away no problem if something happened between us, but not me. I was in too deep with this guy. ‘Look, just forget it. I’m going to get us another beer.’
I hopped to my feet, dusted the sand off my jeans and marched towards the bar, pulling the last twenty I had on me out of my pocket. As I approached the doorway, which looked like pieces of driftwood nailed together and mounted on a hinge, I could hear the opening chords to ‘Love Really Hurts Without You’ by Billy Ocean coming from the speakers.
Swinging open the door, I stepped into the bar, which was just as ramshackle on the inside as it had looked on the outside. It was really just a wooden hut with sand scattered across the floorboards. I waved my twenty at the guy tending bar, young-looking with long brown hair. He was wearing a black baseball cap and had a real gut on him.
‘Two beers, please.’
‘Comin’ right up.’
‘Hey,’ Jimmy said, to my right. There was a bit of a slur to his words. I turned to size him up. We must’ve drunk at least five bottles apiece but I thought he was sturdy enough to take them. I was feeling perhaps a little more fluttery than usual but nothing more than that. I had to drink quite a few beers before I really felt that hit. The truth is, I’d got a bit too used to drinking, playing bars and clubs over the years. Some of the crowds could be nothing short of mean and going on stage sober just wasn’t an option.
‘You tell me now,’ Jimmy said, pointing a finger at me he couldn’t quite hold straight. ‘Are you not happy with Nick?’
‘Jimmy, come on, I’m hardly in a position to make a judgement on that. We haven’t even been on a proper date yet.’ Romantic as it had been before I messed it all up, I wasn’t willing to count the meal we almost had at the diner as a date.
‘But you have kissed him.’
‘So?’ I said, handing the twenty to the bartender, passing Jimmy his bottle and accepting my change.
‘So, what’s your gut feeling?’
‘Why are you interested in this?’
‘Why won’t you just answer the question?’ he pushed.
‘Because I don’t owe you any answers.’
‘Really, the guy who got you off a murder charge today? You don’t owe him anything?’
There was that mean leer again; all of the goodness in his face dissolved in an instant.
‘You know, it’s downright cruel of you to throw that in my face, when you know how desperate I was, how desperate I’ve been all this time. How I had nobody else to turn to.’
‘Except me,’ Jimmy said, taking a step in my direction.
‘Yeah,’ I said, swallowing hard as I looked into his eyes. ‘Except you, but you told me it was just professional.’
‘I know what I said.’ His voice was gentler now. ‘But won’t you just answer my question anyway?’
‘Alright,’ I said. He wanted the truth? Well, that’s what he was going to get. Not like I’d have to see him again after this if I didn’t want to anyhow. ‘Nick’s kind and sweet and funny and good-looking.’
Jimmy’s eyes narrowed and he looked down at the sandy floor of the bar.
‘But, he’s not you,’ I added.
It seemed to take Jimmy a moment to register what I’d said, but once he had he slowly looked back up at me until his eyes once again met mine.
‘Nick didn’t take me in that first night in New York. He didn’t defend me in a court of law even though he didn’t want to and he didn’t stand up to my father when he was putting me down. You did all those things. You.’
I was breathing harder now. All hot and bothered over the truths Jimmy had pushed out of me when none of it mattered anyway. He didn’t feel that way about me. I mean, he couldn’t, right?
Jimmy’s face was equal parts petrified and serious. A frown furrowed his brow but at the same time his breath was coming out all sputtering and uneven. He leaned towards me and ran his hand through my hair. I didn’t stop him but I didn’t smile or nod or move. I just held steady while he gravitated closer. He put his hands on my cheeks and looked into my eyes. His face was close; I could smell the traces of beer on his breath. Maybe he was just doing this because he was drunk, but I couldn’t pretend I cared about that, not right at this second. All I wanted, all I’d wanted for a really long time, was his lips on mine.
‘Blue,’ he murmured, just loud enough for me to hear him over the music, and I exhaled with some strange sense of relief at the sound.
‘Jimmy,’ I whispered back at him, and then again, ‘Jimmy,’ right before our mouths merged. At the feel of his skin against mine, a sudden heat shot through my body. He moaned as I opened my mouth wider and his tongue rolled over mine. His hands, still on my cheeks, roamed back and his fingers wove themselves into my hair.
Wrapping my hands around his waist, I pulled myself closer. The delicious smell of citrus floated in the air; it was coming from Jimmy and just about overpowered the smell of liquor. Without warning, Jimmy pulled back from my face, panting after the desperation of the kiss. We both stood there, frowning at each other. Breathing heavy and staring into each other’s eyes. Then a smile stole across Jimmy’s lips.
He grabbed both my arms and blurted out ‘Baby!’ before singing the rest of the third verse to ‘Love Really Hurts Without You’. I started back in surprise as he did this – he was off key and off the beat, but somehow those two facts made what I was hearing all the more miraculous.
Once I was over the initial shock of it, I started to laugh. He grabbed my hand and twirled me round to the music, singing his own special version of Billy Ocean’s hit.
‘C’mon,’ Jimmy said, placing our bottles on the bar, grabbing hold of my hand and running with me back outside, past that big, goofy elephant to the highway. Our motel stood just across the road. Jimmy went to pull me across but I pulled back, digging my heels in on the sidewalk.
‘Wait, Jimmy. What’re you doing?’ I asked.
He turned, stepped close into me and said, ‘Taking you back to the motel.’
‘Oh.’ I looked at the ground.
‘Oh,’ Jimmy repeated. ‘I’m sorry, I misread… When you said that, I thought… you wanted to be with me.’
‘I do. But not just for one night,’ I said, glancing at the motel out of the corner of my eye.
‘Who said anything about one night? I didn’t say anything about that.’
I looked up at him. ‘You mean, you like me?’
‘Well, I… Yeah, I like you.’
‘Oh. Well, dragging a girl you like off to a motel the first chance you get ain’t exactly romantic.’
‘Oh, it isn’t?’ Jimmy smiled. The lines of his face were drawn so soft it was hard to believe he’d ever given anyone a dark look in that moment, though I knew otherwise. He leaned forward and gave my lips a soft, slow kiss. ‘Well forgive me,’ he said, once he’d drawn back again. ‘I got experience in a lotta things, but romance ain’t one of them.’ He pursed his lips and then started looking around us. His gaze settled on Lucy for a few seconds and then he looked back at me.
‘Wait here a minute.’
‘Wait, Jimmy! What are you…’ But it was pointless saying anymore. The sense of purpose in his step told me he wasn’t turning back to explain himself. I sighed and looked up and down Atlantic Avenue, hugging myself for warmth.
Pacing up and down for a minute, I kicked a couple of bits of st
ray gravel around until I heard footsteps. I looked up to see Jimmy approaching with the widest grin I’d ever seen on him. And that wasn’t the only odd thing. In his right hand he was clutching a helium balloon in the shape of an elephant.
There wasn’t even a hope of me masking my amusement, but I covered my hand with my mouth anyway, muffling a giggle.
‘What is this?’ I asked, as he extended his hand and offered me the balloon. I took it but shook my head at him.
‘It’s romance,’ said Jimmy, looking somewhat wounded at having to explain.
‘You know, some women, particularly those of us with a curve or two, might take offence at a gentleman presenting them with a balloon in the shape of an elephant.’
‘Picky, picky, picky,’ Jimmy said, shaking his head. ‘You try finding a gift in that shop that ain’t shaped like an elephant.’ He pointed a hand at Lucy in irritation.
Giggling again, I stepped closer to him and wrapped my spare hand around his neck. ‘I love it,’ I said, and tried my hardest to recreate the soft kiss he’d given me a few minutes before. The dreamy look on his face as I pulled away told me I’d got somewhere close.
‘C’mon,’ said Jimmy. ‘There’s more.’
‘There is?’ I said, my voice wavering at the idea of being subjected to any more of Jimmy’s pretty outlandish notions about romance.
‘Yup.’ He took my hand and led me off towards the elephant. Now that the place was a tourist attraction, people could pay to go on little tours around this pretty bizarre example of seaside architecture. Of course, it was the end of January, which meant sun-seekers were nowhere to be seen. The city was full of people visiting the casinos but out here in the Margate area there was no one around, which must have meant a pretty dull day for the kid sitting in the admissions booth.
He beamed at Jimmy as we approached, as though he were an old friend.
‘Here you go, mister,’ said the kid, who was both gangly and fidgety. He passed a small ring of keys over to Jimmy. ‘Just remember to leave them at the motel reception tonight so I can pick them up tomorrow and open up.’
‘You got it,’ Jimmy said, before tugging my hand and walking me towards the back right foot of the elephant, where I noticed there was a small wooden door.
‘Jimmy, what are you doing?’ I narrowed my eyes at him.
‘It’s a surprise,’ he said, opening the door on the elephant’s leg, a move that made me shake my head at the sheer weirdness of it.
‘Haven’t I had enough surprises for 1991?’
‘Don’t say that,’ said Jimmy, stepping inside the elephant and pulling me after him. ‘The year’s only just begun.’
With that, he locked the door with the keys the kid had given him and started leading me to the stairs that wound upwards, inside the elephant’s leg.
I’d barely taken three steps up when I decided that I’d never been anywhere that was quite as extraordinary as Lucy, and I’d played some pretty zany bars over the years. I knew from what people had said around town when I’d lived here that she’d weathered a lot over the years and had been given several major makeovers, but there was something about the space that smacked of history. Maybe it was the peace. From inside the shell of tin and wood, the only sound was the soft swishing of waves crashing against the sands and the low hum of the bassline from the music in the bar. All other sound, including the traffic on the highway, was drowned out.
‘Oh my God,’ I said, as we stepped from the staircase out into the elephant’s belly. The whole thing was painted the colour of rust… or maybe that was just rust. It was hard to tell. There definitely was a damp smell about the place, but given she stood right next to the sea, I guess that was to be expected. The place was empty apart from some artefacts placed around the sides of the room, relating to the history of the structure, and some soft purple cushions for people to sit on, probably while the tour guides expounded their knowledge.
‘This is… How did you get that kid to hand over the keys?’ I asked, tying the elephant balloon to the top of the bannister rail.
‘Well,’ Jimmy said, catching hold of my both my hands again and turning me to face him. ‘I can be a very persuasive fella.’
‘Is that so?’ I said, smiling.
‘Uh-huh.’
‘You paid him off, didn’t you?’
‘Well… yeah.’ Jimmy scratched his head and laughed. ‘Doubled that kid’s pay today. But c’mon, this ain’t the best part.’
Jimmy led me up another set of stairs and opened a sort of trap door. We stepped out into the little canopied structure that sat atop of the elephant’s back. It had an ornate roof painted in crimson and gold and, as it had no sides to it, the bracing sea breeze ruffled our hair and clothes.
‘I’ve never been up here the whole time I lived in Atlantic City,’ I said, shaking my head at the idea. The curve of the coastline stretched out to our left. From this vantage point, save one bulky high-rise blocking part of the view, it was possible to see all the way along the shore right to the sparkling glass prism, illuminated by pink, green and purple neon lights, which sat on top of the Crystal Coast Casino.
Wanting to think about anything other than Frankie Ray, and the way he’d threatened me, I turned back to Jimmy.
‘You OK?’ he asked, noticing, no doubt, that my face wasn’t as bright as it had been just a minute ago.
‘I will be,’ I said. ‘Thanks to you.’
‘Well, guess Esther was fair with what she said. It was the right thing to do,’ he said, peering down at his shoes for a second before looking back up at me. ‘Besides, I wanted to do it.’
Blushing, I looked out over the rooftops, and my eye landed on a white, bulbous water tower. Someone had painted a smiley face on it and it beamed back at me in the fading dusk.
‘It’s beautiful up here,’ I said, turning to Jimmy and looking into the deep hazel of his eyes. ‘If you’d told me ten minutes ago that romance and elephants were compatible, I wouldn’t have believed you. But I’d have been wrong.’
Jimmy stepped towards me and touched my nose with his. ‘Got one last thing to show you,’ he said.
‘Sounds suspicious.’
Jimmy shook his head. ‘Just follow me, wise-ass.’
Treading back down into the belly of the beast, Jimmy led me to the front of the structure. There, two small windows had been carved into the front of the building. We walked up to them and I stood on my tiptoes to peer along the elephant’s trunk, out to the ocean. Jimmy stood just behind me, wrapped his hands around my waist and murmured into my ear.
‘The windows are carved into her eyes. You’re looking through her eyes now, out at the same stretch of beach she’s been looking at for decades and decades. Out at the waves that are different every day. She stands still while time passes, rolling on and on, just like the waves.’
I closed my eyes, my heart beating faster as his deep, gravelly voice surrounded me. ‘For someone who doesn’t know much about romance you seem suddenly very suave,’ I said, turning my head towards his, drawn to the warmth of his body.
‘Fast learner.’
‘Fast mover, more like.’ I opened my eyes again and nudged his nose with mine.
‘Hey…’ He turned my body round to face him square on. ‘I didn’t mean to be presumptuous before. I was just thinking about us spending some time alone together. This goes as fast as you want it to go.’
‘You really mean that?’
‘Course.’
‘Good,’ I said, moving closer. I wrapped my arms around his neck, our lips almost touching, but not quite, the anticipation just a bit too delicious. ‘Do you know how much I want you?’ I whispered.
‘No… I don’t,’ Jimmy said. Was he shaking?
‘Guess I’d better show you then,’ I said, my impatient hands already unbuttoning his shirt while his hands tugged at my T-shirt. In an instant it was off, over my head. Jimmy examined my body while I stood there in my jeans and red bra. My chest heaved up and dow
n as his eyes wandered over my skin.
He stepped close to me again and then tangled his fingers in my hair, tugging just hard enough to tilt my head back. I looked up at the odd, rusty colour of the ceiling and then closed my eyes as I felt Jimmy’s lips against my neck. From there they headed south to my breasts, down to my stomach. Then both his hands were working on unbuttoning my jeans. I took in a sharp breath and within seconds I was kicking my jeans away and Jimmy’s lips continued their journey.
‘Jimmy…’ I gasped, running my hands through his hair. My breathing got faster. Too fast for comfort. After waiting so long, the last thing I wanted was for this to be over quickly. I pushed against his shoulders, just hard enough to knock him backwards. I climbed on top of him and a moment later I was kissing his chest, fumbling with his buttons. Slackening his belt and tearing off his jeans.
He pulled me into his body and rolled the pair of us over so he was leaning over me.
‘Blue,’ he said, running his fingertips across my cheeks. ‘I wanted you from the second I saw you, I just… I just didn’t want to admit it.’
Looking deep into his eyes, I stroked his hair. ‘Well, maybe, what happens next will make being stubborn like that seem like a really bad idea.’
‘Yeah,’ he moaned. ‘You’re right. I’m not doing that stubborn thing anymore.’
Smiling, I brought one of his hands to my mouth and kissed each finger in turn.
‘Blue,’ he moaned, as his body did what he’d been unable to do all this time: surrender to me, completely.
Chapter Twenty-Six
I’d heard the same tracks churn over and over so many times during my four-week stint as a waitress that I never thought the pulse of fifties ditties would be such welcome music to my ears. But that’s exactly how it felt as I approached the familiar doorway of the Starlight Diner right after we got back from Atlantic City and a muffled version of ‘Earth Angel’ played out, muted by the restaurant’s glass frontage.
‘They’re playing our song,’ Jimmy said, his hand still in mine, as it had been pretty much non-stop since we’d left the motel that morning.