by Helen Cox
‘This is our song?’ I narrowed my eyes. ‘How can we even have a song? It’s not like we’ve ever had the chance to dance with each other.’
‘Well, when you see my dancing you’ll perhaps understand what a lucky escape you’ve had there.’
Looking at Jimmy, I leaned my head to the left and giggled. The idea of him dancing was pretty ludicrous but with the right song and the right woman pushed up against him, who knew?
‘This was the song that was playing the first time I saw you.’ Jimmy smiled, took hold of my other hand and interlocked all ten of his fingers with all ten of mine. I watched them click into place and, not for the first time, was struck by the fact that somehow we were a perfect fit together.
‘Yeah, you’re right. It was that song. You remember stuff like that?’ I asked with a frown.
‘Hey, when you’ve been a lawyer and a reporter, you pay attention to fine details.’
‘Steady on, that kinda talk will leave a girl weak at the knees,’ I teased, but a second later Jimmy’s lips hit mine and then the joke was on me as it was difficult not to come over all tingly.
A minute or so later – who’s counting the seconds when they’re being kissed like that? – our lips parted.
‘We’d better go inside,’ I said.
‘Yeah, I can’t stay long, I gotta go and collect Louie from Jessie. She said she’d bring him into the office this afternoon so I could pick him up. God help that woman if I don’t get him back in exactly the state I handed him over to her.’
‘I’m sure it’ll be fine,’ I said. Untangling one of my hands from Jimmy’s, I turned and pushed open the door, hearing the bell chime out as I did so.
I untangled my other hand from Jimmy’s fast enough when I saw who was sitting at the counter: Bernie, Walt, Angela… and Nick. Meanwhile Esther was behind the counter, blending a milkshake.
‘Hey, it’s Bonnie!’ came Mona’s call a second later. Everyone turned, but Nick’s head turned the quickest.
‘Bonnie…’ He stood and started walking towards me, but Mona got to me first and swallowed me up in a hug. Then the scent of rose oil wafted through the air and I felt another set of arms join in the embrace. Esther, Mona and me held onto each other for a moment, and somewhere in the middle of that huddle, something stirred in my gut. A feeling I didn’t recognise, one that brought tears to my eyes. It wasn’t any of the usual familiar feelings: emptiness, tension or shame. It was a soothing wave that warmed me all the way through. And then I realised, this was what it felt like to come home.
‘Hey,’ a man shouted. We raised our heads in the direction of the customer. It was the construction worker I’d served a few weeks back. His yellow hard hat was sitting on the table next to him and his eyes were narrow and angry. ‘When you’ve finished your Hallmark moment can I finish giving you my order? I’m on a break here.’
Mona, who had been taking the guy’s order when I walked in, looked between me and Esther with an expression that could at best be described as tetchy, but on turning to face the customer she slapped on a wide smile.
‘Mind if I cut in here?’ Nick said to Esther. He’d been standing just a few paces away. Esther, who had no idea what’d taken place between me and Jimmy last night, winked at me and walked back behind the counter. In my peripheral vision I could feel Jimmy’s glare.
‘Nick, look,’ I said, but he didn’t give me a chance to finish my sentence.
‘I’ve missed you so much,’ he said, before leaning forward, taking my face in both his hands and kissing me hard. I couldn’t quite bring myself to push him away knowing all eyes in the diner were on us – that’d be a bit embarrassing for the guy – but I kept my lips tight throughout and did not reciprocate. Of course Jimmy, who was standing just behind me, didn’t know that. All he could see was Nick kissing his girl. The girl he’d made love to not twelve hours before.
Nick wasn’t a bad kisser or anything, but this time, on account of the awkwardness, I was counting the seconds until Nick pulled back again and naturally as I could I took a step back. My eyes, as apologetic as I could make them, darted towards Jimmy, but it was too late. I could see the insecurity setting in. The lines on his face had gone all hard.
‘Esther tells me you’re a free woman,’ said Nick. ‘Which by my reckoning means I can finally take you on a date that isn’t your place of work.’
This was so typical. My whole life guys had been lukewarm about me and now two of them were red hot for me at once.
‘Yeah, Nick, about that. We sorta need to talk, you know, like you said we would. When I got back.’ I really didn’t want to shatter this guy’s illusions with the whole diner crowd looking on, but at the same time I had to plant the idea in his head that things might not be so easy, otherwise he’d only get his hopes up even further.
‘Oh,’ Nick said, looking at the ground. God, the way he did it made me feel just lousy. I looked at Jimmy, who was now looking equally crushed, no doubt because less than a day into us admitting we were having some kind of relationship, another guy had kissed me right in front of him and I hadn’t done much to stop him.
‘It’s just, a lot happened in Atlantic City, as you might imagine, so it was really intense.’ That wasn’t a lie. I just didn’t happen to be talking exclusively about my courtroom drama.
‘I’m getting ahead of myself like I always do, I was just really pleased to see you,’ Nick said, and tried to smile.
‘No, it’s not your fault. I need to have a proper conversation with you. It’s just, I’m real tired and need to get a shower after the trip. But maybe I could meet you back here in a little while?’
‘Well, I’m not working today. Took the day off so I could be here when you got back. Why don’t I help you back to your apartment with your bags and we can talk more there, if you’re up for it? If not, we’ll just arrange something else later.’
I looked from Nick to Jimmy and back again, immediately wishing I hadn’t. Jimmy’s expression was a stormy muddle of heartbreak and rising anger.
‘I gotta get going anyhow,’ he growled. ‘Gotta go pick up my dog at the office.’
‘Thank you for what you did, Jimmy,’ Nick said, while my face flushed red and I fought every muscle in my face to stop myself cringing. ‘I care for Bonnie a great deal and I’m thankful to you for defending her.’
‘Yeah,’ was all Jimmy said. ‘See ya.’
‘Jimmy…’ I called after him. But not for the first time since we’d met, I watched him storm out of the diner doorway without even a glance behind him.
‘What is up with that guy?’ Nick asked, shaking his head.
Slowly, I turned and looked at him. How could he be so clueless? Was it fantastical that something might have happened between Jimmy and me after all we’d been through together? Though I guess I was the one who’d told Nick categorically that nothing was going on between me and Jimmy.
‘I wouldn’t waste too much time on that question,’ said Esther, who’d seen Jimmy’s sharp exit and had come over to join us. ‘I’m not sure there’s an answer as to what’s wrong with Jimmy Boyle.’
‘You’re wrong,’ I said to her, and though it wasn’t easy, I met her eye. I couldn’t say any more than that. What Jimmy had shared with me that night back in the motel about his parents had been so personal, but at the same time I couldn’t just stand there and let people speak like that about him. Not now I knew what I knew. And felt what I felt. He’d defended me when I needed it most, now it was my turn to defend him.
‘Oh,’ Esther said, looking into my eyes. ‘Sorry. I need to start remembering he’s one of the good guys now.’ She gave me a half-smile that told me she knew she’d overstepped the mark somehow. ‘Are you going back to the apartment?’
‘Yeah, I need to freshen up after the journey,’ I said with a nod.
‘OK, here you go.’ Esther dropped a key into my hand, attached to a key ring in the shape of an electric guitar.
‘You got a new key chain?’
‘Nope.’ Esther took her hideous Slimer key chain out of her pocket and shook it.
‘I don’t understand,’ I said.
‘That’s your key.’
‘What?’
‘I mean, we didn’t know how long you’d want to stay but we figured you’d need a little time to work out what you wanted to do next. And you’re welcome to stay with me and Jack for as long as it takes you to do that,’ Esther smiled.
‘I don’t know what to say,’ I said, embracing her for a second time.
‘You’re part of our family now,’ came Esther’s reply.
‘Alright, now you’re just trying to make me cry,’ I teased, wrapping my arms around her a little tighter and doing all I could to keep in the tears I could feel rising.
‘Go make yourself comfortable back at the flat. Me and Jack will be back in a few hours and we’ll bring celebratory takeout.’
‘New York pizza?’ I said, raising both my eyebrows.
‘How else does one celebrate the triumph of good over evil?’ Esther smiled.
‘Alright,’ said Nick, picking up my case. ‘Come on. I want you to myself for a little while.’
I pressed my lips together at the thought, but I could see it was going to take a proper conversation to set Nick straight and that was probably best done in private.
‘See you later, all,’ I said, waving at everyone.
Walking out of the diner, I started to think about the kindest way of letting Nick down. It shouldn’t be so hard to come up with something – I’d heard enough platitudes in my time to come up with a couple of my own. The irony was that I was going to end up saying those same words I’d heard myself so many times before: that it wasn’t about him. I couldn’t pretend to understand what I had with Jimmy but I knew enough to know it was something special. Nick was sweet, but I just didn’t have the same feelings about him.
The good news was that Nick would probably be a gentleman about it all. He’d been a gentleman about everything, really. Even though I’d been nothing but trouble. He’d know it was hard to say what I had to say and wouldn’t make me squirm over the decision or nothing. No, it would all be alright in the end. Nick was a nice guy after all.
Everybody thought so.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Using the key Esther had bestowed on me, I unlocked the door to Jack’s apartment and did that thing you always do whenever you’ve been away somewhere: close the door, head straight to the sofa and slump down with a soft groan. Though the place wasn’t mine, it felt more like home to me than anywhere else right now.
‘I’ll just set your bags down here, shall I?’ Nick said with a twinkle in his grey-blue eyes.
‘Oh, yes, please. Sorry.’ I half-smiled at him. ‘Can I get you a drink or something?’
‘No, it’s alright,’ Nick said, taking off his red checked jacket and hanging it on a peg near the door. ‘You’ve had a long trip. Just relax. If I get thirsty I’ll fix myself something.’
He sauntered over to the sofa and sat down next to me. Slowly, I looked over at him. The guy sure was handsome and no mistake. His eyes seemed to sparkle at me through the dimness of the apartment. Probably at the thought that something was going to happen between us. My gut clenched at the thought of having to let him down. But nothing had really happened between us, not really, so hopefully he wasn’t going to take the news too hard.
‘I’m so pleased Jimmy got you off those charges. It was ridiculous of course, when you think about it,’ he said, rubbing his jaw with the flat of his hand.
‘I guess it didn’t seem so ridiculous to the prosecution. It was pretty easy for them paint a portrait of a person who was desperate enough to kill for money, not that I’d ever be able to do anything like that.’
‘I know, you’re too sweet for that.’ Nick said this with a smile but a second later it’d faded. ‘God, you’ve been through so much haven’t you?’
‘Well, it’s all over now.’
‘I know,’ he said. ‘But I get it if you still need some space. What I’m trying to say is, I’m willing to wait if you need to do some working out.’
‘That’s really kind of you to say,’ I smiled. ‘The thing is—’ The phone rang, cutting me off.
‘Sorry,’ I said, tilting my head in the direction of the phone. ‘I’d better get that.’
Nick waved to indicate it wasn’t a problem.
‘Hello?’ I said, picking up the receiver
‘Don’t react,’ Jimmy’s voice said from the other end of the line. ‘Just answer the following question calmly with a yes or no response. Is Nick at the apartment with you?’
‘What?’
‘For God’s sake, just answer the question. Yes or no.’
I rolled my eyes. ‘Yes.’
‘Right, you mustn’t react to what I’m about to say. Just pretend I’ve called about some papers I need you to sign.’
I paused for a moment, wondering what the hell Jimmy was playing at, but did as he said. ‘Oh, hi, Jimmy. What papers?’
‘That’s good. Keep that up. Look, I ran a background check on Nick.’
‘Why would you do that?’ I asked through gritted teeth and then, remembering Jimmy’s instruction, added, ‘If you needed me to sign the papers, you should’ve got me to do it at the courthouse, dummy.’ I shook my head at Nick and pointed a finger at the phone, hoping to look casual about it.
‘Real smooth.’ Jimmy’s voice was laced with disdain. ‘I did it because I didn’t trust him. And I was right not to. The MTA have no record of him as an employee. I don’t know where he got that uniform but it doesn’t belong to him. My guess, this guy is Frankie’s source.’
I looked at Nick as Jimmy spoke. He smiled at me and I forced a smile back, sure that he would hear my heart pummelling against my ribcage, certain that my shoulders must be stiffening and that my pupils were dilating just enough to give away the fact that I was afraid.
‘So what do you want me to do about that?’ There was an edge to my voice that I prayed Nick was interpreting as irritation rather than nervousness.
‘I’m on my way to you now and I’m calling Alan on the way. If you can leave the apartment without rousing suspicion then get outta there. If not, just try and keep him occupied. Act natural. It won’t take me long to get to you. Alright?’
‘Alright. See you then.’
I put down the phone.
‘Everything alright?’ Nick asked.
‘Oh, fine. Jimmy just forgot to get me to sign some papers, apparently they’re pretty important.’
‘Is he coming here now?’
‘No. He’ll catch me at the diner tomorrow,’ I lied – trying not to blush about it. ‘Can I get you some coffee?’
‘No, that’s alright. We should probably get back to what we were talking about.’
‘Oh, right.’ Telling Nick I didn’t see a future with him when he could be working for Frankie didn’t seem like the best plan. If Jimmy was wrong, I’d have to iron this all out later, but until I knew, I had to keep this guy on side.
‘Would you like to go for a walk and talk about it, get some fresh air?’ I suggested.
‘I thought you were tired?’ Nick frowned.
‘Oh, I am, I was… I was just being polite about it really,’ I said, my heart beating faster with every lie I told.
‘You don’t have to be polite with me.’ Nick patted the sofa cushion next to him. ‘I just want you to be honest with me.’
Did I want to sit next to a man who could be working for a guy who wanted to kill me? No. Of course not. But I couldn’t raise his suspicions. I had to just keep playing the game.
‘Alright.’ I sat back down on the sofa, my body rigid. ‘Well, while I was away in Atlantic City, I did a lot of thinking. A lot of it about you.’ I looked into his eyes and held his gaze.
‘Is that a fact?’ Nick said, staring at me with his steely blue eyes.
‘Uh-huh. It’s been a complicated time, and I’m not sa
ying I can jump right in, but since the moment we met, you’ve just been the sweetest guy.’ I paused, thinking about his behaviour towards me. I’d been so distracted by his charisma from the beginning that I’d never thought about the fact it might be a show. ‘You’re romantic and funny and kind and, well, almost too good to be true,’ I added. And inwardly cringed. That last statement wasn’t exactly the smartest thing to say if this had all been one big pretence.
‘Too good to be true? Is that how you think of me?’ Nick’s voice had gone quiet, a deadly sort of quiet, and there was a look on his face I didn’t much like. A sort of sly smirk had replaced the former glittery smile that had won me over when I first laid eyes on him.
‘Of course,’ I smiled, trying to keep things light. ‘This may surprise you, but there’s not exactly a long line of men waiting to bring me Chinese food after my shift at the diner.’
‘No, I can believe it,’ Nick said.
I frowned at him.
‘You know, usually these kinda jobs are very messy. Most people have connections. Daily connections with people who’d notice if they were gone. But it didn’t take long for me to realise that wasn’t the case with you. At least, not in comparison to most of the other jobs I’ve taken on. You’re something of a loner, you know that?’
I felt the heat in my face right away. Nick’s mask had dropped. He was just a few inches away from my face and wasn’t even bothering to put on a show anymore.
‘There are people who care about me,’ I said, my voice wavering. ‘Esther and Bernie and Jack and Mona. They’d notice if I was gone. And Jimmy sussed you out and he’s on his way here right now.’
‘Is that so? Well then, I guess I better get this over with quickly then.’
Without another word Nick lunged at me, but I clawed my nails into his face, ripping at his skin.
He cried out and withdrew for a second, just long enough for me to whip around the sofa. Nick recovered himself and stood at the other side of the sofa, waiting to see which way I was going to try and dodge to get to the door. I’d drawn blood with my clawing and he was wincing from the sting.