by L Johnson
“You can start explaining to me who the hell you are.” She said.
“I’m Lucas. The man that you fell in love with nine months ago, I’m…”
“That Lucas would…”
“I’m the same person Cypress.” I snapped.
“I don’t want to talk.” She exhaled. “I don’t want to think about it.”
“We can’t avoid it.” I said.
“I don’t want to talk about it!” She yelled. Cypress was up on her swollen feet. “I can’t even have a damn foot massage. She made her way upstairs to the bed and I could hear the springs on the bed as she sat down. Her shoes hit the floor with a loud thump and then she sobbed.
Fuck. I inched up the steps. “Cypress.” I said.
“It’s like I don’t fucking know you! And that scares me Lucas because stupidly I entered this relationship one person and now I’m someone else completely. If I don’t know you then who the fuck am I?” The mascara bled down her face and I sat next to her. “I don’t know what to do.”
“I can’t tell you what to do.” I grimaced.
“I know.” She wiped her face.
I touched her shoulder lightly and she didn’t pull away from me. Instead, she came closer to me. Her hands
Pulled at my hair and her lips grazed mine. There was nothing more than I wanted than this moment, it was like she forgot everything that had been said to her and she wanted me. I kissed her back and I could taste her tears they didn’t stop; I wasn’t sure how to feel. She tossed her clothes on the floor and she sat in my lap. Her baby bump in front of us. It was more than me and her now, she had said it several times, but it had never clicked until now. I touched her stomach lightly and leaned into her chest. I want nothing more than I want her. Cypress hands ran down my chest and she pushed me back onto the bed. She stripped my shirt off and then her hands unbuckled my pants.
“Fuck me?” She pleaded.
She had no reason to plead. I would do whatever she asked me and this was one request I had no problem doing. I kicked my pants to the floor and gripped her breasts. Her head fell back in pleasure as a moan escaped her mouth. I touched her folds, separating them and kneading at her clit. She was eager. I lifted her up slowly and slid into her. My eyes closed and I growled. It felt like it had been so long since I had her like this, she was so warm. Cypress wound herself against me. The friction she created to give her everything that she craved but it teased me. I wanted more, I wanted to be deep inside of her. I twisted her nipple between my fingers and she stifled profanities under her breath. I pounded my dick into her at a relentless pace. Her hips met mine until all of the energy was drained from her. Her pussy clenched me so tight I could come just from one more touch. I couldn’t breathe. She slowed the pace and planted her hands on my chest to anchor herself. “You’re so perfect.” I mumbled.
Cypress’ tear fell onto my chest. She had continued to weep, but she never lost her focus. She hated herself for being with me and I couldn’t say I blamed her. I lifted her off of me and she lay on the bed beside me. Her back against my chest, I entered her once more, her clit pulsed. She was almost there. I rubbed her clit and her legs shook slightly and a scream followed. I dove back into her finding my release shortly after her. “I’m so sorry.”
“I love you.” She whispered as she nestled into me.
“I love you.”
I slept until I realized that she was gone… My eyes opened with a folded letter on her pillow. Good Morning was written her beautiful handwriting. I wiped my eyes and slid my glasses onto my face. It read:
Good Morning.
I’ve been here before; some call it a crossroad, but I call it a devastation. Lucas to say that I love you would be an understatement. The love that you and I share is more than a simple notion or declaration. It’s who I am and who I thought you were. I don’t know who you are anymore. I only know the image of you that I have gathered in my mind. I only know the Lucas that you wanted me to know. And from what I can tell that version of you was far from who you are. I thought I would live my life out with you. I thought that I would spend every morning and night with you. Live with you and die with you. Be with you forever.
How stupid can I be to think that I could do this with someone that I barely know? Someone that lived his life like I was never in it behind closed doors. I would rather not know what you have done. The torment of you in my dreams has already started to haunt me. The thought that I was the reason some people have died sickens me. It sickens me to my core. I gave you everything that I had and you single handedly destroyed everything that I am… I can’t just think about me anymore. There are two very important people coming into this world that I have to consider. I don’t know if I can be with you and I don’t know if I can even love you anymore. But there is too much love manifested among us both, I don’t even know if I can leave you alone. I want you to stay away from me. I need this time away from you Lucas. Please give it to me. Please.
Cypress
Chapter Twenty-Three
Asher
The new chick was no comparison to Whitney. Whitney had her damn hooks in me and letting go was the last thing that I wanted to do. I just wanted to go back to her and talk through everything because starting over was new. I lie in the bed with my eyes close, but my mind raced. How in the hell could I get her out of here without rude or crude? I wasn’t Mark I couldn’t just say what I wanted to women, rather it be rude or nice. I had a heart, just my heart wasn’t into her.
She curled into me and I exhaled. Fuck. It was morning. There were some things that I had to do, mainly concerning graduating. I shifted out of bed and covered her back up. There had to be some easy way to this dating thing. I moved to the bathroom and started to brush my teeth and wash my face. I heard her stirring in the sheets, so I moved out of the cold room to the living room.
The fumbling knock at my door startled me at first. I walked over to it and to no surprise it was Lucas. He was for once a savior. Whatever story he had brought would be good enough reason for her to leave and for me to be alone. “What are you doing out this early?”
“It’s ten.” He whispered. “Can I come in?”
Lucas looked miserable. His eyes were red and he had his pajamas on. “Come on,” I closed the door behind him and watched as he slumped over in my favorite recliner. “What’s wrong?”
“She left me.” He stated.
“Cypress?”
“No, who the fuck else?” His voice broke.
I could hear her footsteps as she hopped out of bed. She stumbled into the living room, holding her purse and keys. Great. She would just leave and we could talk about whatever was bugging Lucas and then I would get back with Whitney. “Asher,” She moaned.
“Good Morning.” I smiled. “You met my brother yesterday?”
“Oh, hi, congrats again on the two babies.”
“Thanks.”
“I have to go. Could we do coffee sometime later this week?”
“Certainly, just give me a ring or text and I’ll be there.”
She kissed my cheek and then made a run for the door. “Bye!”
“Bye.” I said. I waited for her to leave and then turned towards Lucas. “What happen?”
“She bloody fucked me and then wrote a note. This note proclaiming, she doesn’t know if she can love me. She doesn’t know if she can be with me because she hates what I am and I lied to her and…” His hand collided with his face in anger and kept my distance. His anger was nothing to kid about. “What do I do?”
He hit himself once more and I nodded my head. Lucas loved her with every ounce of him and at first I was genuinely scared that she would end up like some of the other women in his life but I knew there was nothing that he would do to her. “First, stop hitting yourself.” I pulled his hands down from his now red and almost bruised face. “Second, let me see the note.” I held my hand out and I glanced over the letter. She had done what any sane person would do. She had distanced herself from a b
ad situation. “Fuck.”
“Yeah, fuck. She’s my fiancé.”
“She has the right to feel this way Lucas. You can’t expect her to be okay with all the fucked up shit that you have done. And you can’t expect her to willingly just go back to you. Give her what she wants and if she comes back to you then don’t fuck it up.”
“What do you mean if she comes back. You have to talk to her.”
“I can’t clean up after all of your messes Lucas. I talked to her last time. I gave her every bit of advice that I could give her. The fact of the matter is that you can’t make a decision for a person. You have to accept that she doesn’t want you or give her more of a reason to want you.”
“I’ve never felt this way before in my life, about anyone. I mean anyone.” He paused. “I fancied her so much in the beginning that I almost knew that everything that I felt for her would fade. She was like a toy that I had to have and that I wanted to be mine. But instead of fading feelings I swear they grew stronger. It went from not being able to sleep without her to now… I can’t breathe or think when she is not around. I want her back.”
“Well, give her space and when she comes around… like she always done… tell her all the shit that you just told me and I swear that she’ll be yours.” I ran my fingers through my hair. “But, the real question that she will ask you is if you can stop and will you stop?”
“I can’t answer that.”
“Then you don’t need to talk to her. You need to give her space and perhaps use this time to figure out if you’re willing to stop something for someone that you love.”
Cypress
Lana had made my new couch a bed and she was splayed out on it like she lived here. I hated sleeping alone. I hated being alone, period. I was surrounded by an array of food. Pickles, Nutella and pretzels. My food cravings had been so thrown off here lately I could hardly eat a regular meal. What I needed most was real food. I wobbled out of bed and into the kitchen.
“About time you woke up! How my babies doing?”
I appreciated the fact that Lana stayed with me and let mom take her baby back to Tennessee. She had no idea what was happening between Lucas and me. She only knew what I told her which was a fabricated story about Persephone. “They are sleeping on my bladder like it's a freaking pillow.” I moaned. I got up like seven times and struggled to make it to the bathroom. Then there was the struggle of hot and cold.
“I’m sorry babe!” She giggled. “Have you heard from him?”
It had only been one day since I left the note on his bed and snuck out in the night. It was the only way I knew that I could make a clean break because it was always hard for me to leave him, especially when I looked into those emerald eyes. “I told him to leave me alone for a while.” I nodded. “I just want some time to be alone.” I wanted some time to figure out if he was what I needed in my life.
I had heard of serial killers before. I mean, who hadn’t, but the fact that I was sleeping with one, damn near living with one for half a year was scary. Lucas seemed to be the same normal person to me. He seemed to be the same guy that held my hand, held doors opened for me, cried to me about his father… he was a serial killer. I closed my eyes and pushed the thought back out of my mind.
“Well, are you going to take him back?”
“I think I’m going to pray about it.”
“I mean he was just texting her and you said it wasn’t bad things.” Lana rolled her eyes. “Is a text really worth ruining a family.”
“Whose side are you on?”
“Those babies?” She snapped. She sat back up on the couch and nodded her head, “But it’s not my life so my opinion does not matter.
“Are you hungry?”
“You shouldn’t be.”
“Thanks.” I rolled my eyes at her and then grabbed my keys. “I am about to go out and get something to cook. I would kill for some egg rolls and some pizza.”
“That’s takeout.”
“Perfect!” I smirked. “I’ll be back and we can share some food together and talk about some girly shit.”
“Yeah, like your wedding.”
“Or how pastels are so in right now.” I laughed and opened the front door.
“Cypress,” I heard a thick Irish accent. Declan. He stood before me in a gray suit and a fedora hat. “How are you?”
“Perfect…” I paused. “Why are you here?”
“Well, Lucas said that we would have dinner before I left town and I haven’t heard from him. Then Asher calls me and tells me what’s truly going on and I just wanted to see you and make sure you were okay.”
Declan, was not my favorite person. He had walked out on his child willingly just so that he could live a separate life. And I didn’t want to know why. I wanted him to go back to Ireland. “I was just leaving.”
“Oh pity,” He paused. “Would you mind if I joined you then?”
“I can go.” Lana volunteered. “I’ve really wanted to see the city anyhow.”
Way to fucking go Lana. I shrugged my shoulders. “Be my guest.” I turned back into the apartment and Lana made her exit swift. She just wanted to go to the damn mall. I wasn’t able to walk far anymore and the mall was my least favorite place at the present moment.
Once she was gone Declan took a seat. “I won’t keep you long.” He shrugged out of his jacket and smiled at me. “It’s safe to talk in here?”
“What do you mean?”
“There are no wires or bugs here, eh?”
“No,” I nodded my head.
“Perfect.” He cleared his throat. “I know he told you about himself. I know that he has finally become man enough to let you see every piece of him. And I have been in his place before. With Luna it happened right before the birth of Mark.”
“The same place…”
“I’m a killer Cypress.”
“Fuck, what is it hereditary,” I groaned as my eyes started to sting.
“Luna, I dare say was not as strong willed as you. She just blocked it out and whenever she knew something had happened, she made herself disappear. We didn’t have this perfect marriage. We didn’t even have a good relationship at the start of it all. You know… but we made it into something.”
“Are you here to guide me to Lucas?”
“I can’t do that and wouldn’t if I could. I want you to make the best decision for you and those babies. And if it’s not Lucas then I cannot blame you. I can’t sit here and say you should love him and here is why. The only thing I can say is that you make him a better person. I’ve seen him calm himself and slow down here lately.”
“Calm down.”
“My son has been a killer since he was sixteen years old. I’ve covered tracks for him longer than I can remember. He once was insatiable and we had to move all around every year to keep people from noticing the increase of the deaths. I knew he was a killer. I knew he was a killer from the moment he opened those green eyes.”
“You cleaned up after him.”
“I did.”
“You might as well have put the knife in his hand.” I shifted in my seat and readjusted my pillows. “You’re worse than him.”
“I can’t disagree with you, but don’t act like you haven’t cleaned up after him, even if it was unknowingly.”
The knife. I paused to gather myself before speaking to him again. Declan knew more than I thought he knew about us. “I... don’t know why I did that.”
“Because you knew already.” He said. “Luna knew already. She just followed her intuition, that damn woman knew everything about me before I could tell her anything and you know you are not much different from her. And that’s a good thing because she knew how to call bullshit on him, she knew how to control him and you can do the same thing. I can teach you if you want.”
“You mean have him kill for me.”
“I mean stop him from killing.” Declan crossed his legs and nodded his head. “I can’t say it will work, but it could save some people.” The sil
ence hung there for a moment and then he sighed. “But then I have to say that he killed some people that needed to be killed.”
“He has not right to kill anyone.”
“Not even the bastard that raped his wife and child before killing them in cold blood? Or the porn star that passed HIV on to over thirty men and women through carelessness. Or how about the woman who beat children because they asked for kids and then slammed one to the ground so hard a bone cracked?”
I couldn’t tell which was more sickening, their acts of cruelty or the fact that Lucas had more than likely enjoyed putting them down. “None of it is right.”
“I feel like had he not killed any of them… they would have killed more. They would have killed more than he was ever capable of and the fact that he killed them doesn’t bother me.”
“Of course not you kill too.”
“I’m a hired assassin.” He corrected. “And yes, I kill. I kill when it is necessary by my job and I kill when I have to… we’re alike but different.”
“Okay.”
“He should explain everything to you himself, but he’s so afraid that you are going to say no to him that he can’t function right. I can’t stay long. I have a few places to be tonight but I would love to see you again before I leave the country.”
“Certainly.” Thank heavens he was leaving.
“Think things through thoroughly before you make a decision. I want the best for you and him and if that means that you can’t be with him than it is fine. Just take care of yourself.”
“Will do. Are you leaving?”
“Yes, Cypress.”
Lucas
“You have so much to do before next week. Number one they want you to go under psychiatric evaluation.” Mark went through his folder. His apartment was so white it made my head hurt. “Then there is the meeting with the defense lawyer, she wants to set up some things that can help you. She said something about it being your first offense and…”