Alejandro looked stunned. “Did you say that she’s gorgeous?”
“Out of all that I just said, that’s all you heard?” I flopped down in the chair again. “Good God!”
“Well, you can’t blame him,” Dumphy said. “You don’t like gorgeous women.”
“I know that.” I bit my lower lip as I thought about why I liked Aspen so damn much. “She’s different. She doesn’t try to use her beauty to get what she wants. As a matter of fact, she doesn’t even realize how beautiful she actually is. She’s a rare gem. I don’t expect you guys to understand.”
“You sound like you’ve fallen in love, Ransom,” Alejandro said in a whisper.
“No,” I said quickly. “I haven’t fallen in love. I don’t think it’s possible for me. And she deserves love. I know she does. But I still want her to be the mother of my baby. I still want her to live here with us. I still want all of that, but I know I can’t ever love her.”
Dumphy looked puzzled. “Then what the hell are you doing, man?”
“Respecting my grandfather’s wishes.” At least that’s how I looked at it.
Dumphy saw things differently. “I wouldn’t call what he’s doing ‘wishes’. I would call them ‘demands’. I would call what he’s doing blackmail. Do as I say or be poor as a church mouse. Maybe you should consider the reality of this whole thing. Not only for your sake but for the sake of this woman who you seem to think a hell of a lot of.”
Maybe he’s right. Perhaps I should give Aspen the chance to walk away from this.
Chapter Eighteen
Aspen
Lubbock, Texas – June 1st
My bedroom door opened at one in the morning. I knew it was Ransom, here to give me the shot. I lay perfectly still on my side, pretending to be asleep. The truth was I hadn’t even fallen to sleep yet.
I couldn’t manage it. I was so worried he would be taking off with his friends who’d shown up. I kept an eye on the window of my bedroom that overlooked the driveway. The car his friends came in had left around nine that night. I had no idea if Ransom was in that car or not.
And I wasn’t about to go looking around to see if he’d left either. I was playing it cool, the way Margo had told me to. Acting as if I didn’t care at all. But I did care.
Ransom moved the blanket off my shoulder, pulling it down then pulling up the hem of my t-shirt to expose my side and stomach. Pinching a small amount of flesh, he jabbed the needle in then pushed in the hormones.
My body jerked. Not from pain, but from something else. I wasn’t sure what to call it. His touch sent something akin to an electric current through me.
“I’m sorry. Did I wake you up?” he asked, quietly.
“Yeah,” I lied. Rolling over, I looked at him. He was wearing his pajamas, so he hadn’t gone out with his friends after all. But I had to ask anyway, “You didn’t go out with those guys who came over?”
“No. How could I? I’ve got to give you this shot.” He smiled at me, and the sight made my heart speed up.
But I had to remember to act bitchy. “You didn’t have to stay. I guess I could’ve figured it out by myself.”
“I didn’t want to go. I’m not in the mood for that kind of thing.” He went to the little red container where he threw the needle and syringe away. “If you’re up for it. I would like to talk to you for a little while.”
I sat up, nodding, plumping my pillows behind me and then resting my back on them as I pulled the blanket up to cover my nipples—they always seemed to get hard around him. “What would you like to talk about?”
“This.” He took a seat at the end of the bed. “This baby thing.”
“What about it?” I asked. His weight on my bed made me go wet. If he would just come a little closer, I could grab him. Kiss him. My body went hot, and I hoped he wouldn’t see the sweat sprouting on my brow.
“It’s come to my attention that I may not be doing this for the right reasons. My friends think my grandfather is blackmailing me into doing something I shouldn’t be doing.” He looked right into my eyes, the dim light from a nearby nightlight made them glisten.
“Although I haven’t spoken with your grandfather at length, I don’t think he is doing this as blackmail. I think he genuinely loves you and doesn’t want you to be alone for the rest of your life.” I wasn’t being bitchy the way Margo had told me to, but Ransom needed some sage advice. Games didn’t have a place at such a critical moment.
“And I think you’re right,” he agreed. “It’s just that I don’t want you to do anything you don’t feel like doing.”
I feel like letting you do me.
Of course, I didn’t say that. “I’m doing what I want to. I’ve got my reasons for wanting this baby, too, don’t forget.”
“And what about me?” he asked.
I didn’t know what he meant. “You’ll have to be more specific, Ransom.”
“What about living here with me? Is this what you want to do? To keep on doing?”
“I think it’s important to give this baby both parents.” I held back the rest. I wanted to ask him why he didn’t want me. I wanted to ask him if there was anything I could do to make him want me.
“Even if we can’t be like normal parents?” he asked then played with the blanket a little. “You know, married and in love?”
I could be married and in love with you, Ransom.
Again, I didn’t say that. “Don’t you think we’ll grow to do more than just like each other?”
“If I were you, Aspen, I wouldn’t get my hopes up about that.” He looked down, not in my eyes at all.
And now I was pissed. I had no idea why he thought he could never love me. I had no idea why he thought I shouldn’t get my hopes up. But I was about to play my first bitch card. “Who said anything about having my hopes up? It’s not like I care. I just asked a question is all.”
When he lifted his eyes to look at me, I saw something similar to pain there. “Yeah, I guess I put words in your mouth. Sorry.”
And now I felt terrible. “No reason to apologize to me.” But that bitch thing had made him act a little differently. “Look, we’re both getting what we want. A baby. Let’s leave it at that.”
“So, you really do want this baby?” he asked. “My baby?”
“I want this baby,” I answered. I left off the part about it being his child on purpose to let him think I was thinking of it as my baby.
“You like this security though, right?” he asked as he looked into my eyes this time.
“Who wouldn’t?” I eyed him right back. “It’s a great setup. I get to have a baby. It gets to have financial security and a family that will stand behind it through thick and thin. I suppose love, other than love for the baby, doesn’t matter.”
He nodded. “I just don’t think I can love you.”
Okay, that’s it!
“No one asked you to.” I pointed at the door. “I’m tired. You can leave. I get what you’re saying. We’re having a baby. No sex involved. No feelings involved. No love involved. It’s crystal clear. Goodnight.”
Getting off the bed, he turned to leave. “I’m sorry things are this way.”
“I bet.” I turned over on my side, trying my hardest not to cry. At least not until he left the room.
“I’ll be back at seven to give you another shot,” he whispered.
“Fine.” I wished I could’ve given myself the shots. Then I wouldn’t need him for anything.
As mad as I was, I felt like I might be able to buck up and just do the shots myself. I felt so awful—like I wasn’t loveable at all.
My mother had walked away from me when I was a cute little baby. Dad made sure to tell me time and time again that I wasn’t a bad baby, and that it wasn’t my fault she left.
It had to have been his fault somehow. If she had ever given him the chance to fix things, he would’ve. She never came back. Never called. Never did a thing to give him the opportunity to find out what he’d done wrong.
But what if he was only saying those things to save my feelings? What if I was the reason she left? What if I was unlovable?
I’d been nice to Ransom. I’d been pleasing. I’d been myself with the man. And that hadn’t been good enough for him.
He didn’t want me. He didn’t find me attractive. He didn’t think he could ever come to love me.
What the hell am I doing here?
Just then I realized that I was hyperventilating. I couldn’t catch my breath. Sitting up, I moved to the edge of the bed then put my head between my knees.
When I finally caught my breath, I felt tears rolling down my cheeks as I cried silently. This is it. This my life now.
I’d sold out. At twenty-three-years-old, I had given up hope of ever finding a man to love and who would love me back. I had sold my soul just to pay for the last semester of college.
I sure hoped that having that degree was worth the price I’d paid for it. I sure hoped I wouldn’t become some bitter woman who hated men.
I’d never hated the opposite sex before. I didn’t know how to interact with them at all, but I didn’t hate them. I hoped my dealings with Ransom wouldn’t sour me on them—the way I was sure to end up hating him.
I got up and went to the bathroom to pee and wash my face. When I looked in the mirror, I saw one mean bitch. A scowl on my face. An attitude from hell. I wasn’t myself.
“You are what he’s made you to be.” I laughed as I ran my hand through my wild hair. “Or what he will make out of you—but only if you let him.”
The scowl went away as I washed my face. The cool water calmed down.
“Maybe it’s the hormones,” I told myself. “Maybe I took what he said wrong.”
Tomorrow would be another day. Maybe things wouldn’t seem so bad in the light of day. Maybe things wouldn’t look like I would have a future without love. Maybe Ransom didn’t mean things the way he’d said them.
How could two people have a baby, raise it together, living under the same roof and never find love? How could that ever happen?
I felt a little bit of pain in my abdomen and went to pee. It happened now and then since starting the shots. Redness at the injection sights, swelling around the areas as well, and slight pain in my abdomen too.
Heading back to bed, I laid on my side, placing my palm on the area of my torso that hurt. It wasn’t that bad. I figured the agitation spurred it on.
Closing my eyes, I tried to go to sleep. I needed to sleep. The doctor had told me to sleep as much as I possibly could. It would help things go along more smoothly if I stayed relaxed.
She’d told Ransom that too. But apparently, he’d decided he had to tell me at one in the morning that I shouldn’t get my hopes up for him to love me.
What an ass!
I should’ve known he would be this way. Alone at thirty had to mean that he was hard to get along with. So, why did I think I could manage to do it?
I didn’t even know how to make a man happy at all. I’d never gotten the chance to. And here I was trying to make a man happy who couldn’t do that. A man who couldn’t love is who I decided to have a baby with.
So, what the hell is wrong with me?
Is financial security really worth a lifetime of no love?
Maybe I could do it for myself, but a baby didn’t deserve that.
Suddenly, I found myself getting out of bed and stomping out of my room over to his. Throwing the door open, I asked one question of the stunned man who looked at me with wide eyes. “You can’t ever love me. But can you love our baby?”
He just stared at me for the longest time before he finally answered, “Yeah, I’m sure I can love our baby.”
Slamming the door, I went back to bed to cry the rest of the night away.
Chapter Nineteen
Ransom
Lubbock, Texas – June 5th
The days were mostly silent between Aspen and I, but she needed me for this. Her eggs were about to be harvested, and she was clearly anxious.
“So, you’ve got to put me under?” she asked and then turned to look at me reluctantly. “And I can trust you?”
“If anything looks like it’s going wrong, then I swear to you that I’ll make sure you’re taken care of. I promise you that, Aspen.” I hadn’t touched her since she and I had that little talk that felt much more like a fight. But I took her hand in mine. “I’ll hold your hand through it all; I’ll be right here by your side for the whole thing.”
She didn’t have a choice; there was no one else around to give her any comfort. She squeezed my hand. “I’m trusting you, Ransom. This is all for us. For you and me. This is the baby we want.”
“It is. I know that. I’m with you, Aspen. I’m right here, and I’ll be right here even after they put you to sleep.” I leaned over and kissed her cheek. The sparks I felt left me almost dizzy. I wanted to taste her lips. I wanted to give her all the reason in the world to trust me.
But I didn’t do that. Instead, I pulled my lips away from her pretty face then nodded at the doctor. “She’s ready now.”
The surgery only lasted thirty minutes, but it felt like five hours. My legs ached from standing there holding Aspen’s limp hand. My heart hurt too. I wanted so badly to tell her that I was sorry for what I’d said before.
Who knew if I was right or not? Who knew if I would get over my issues?
I had no right to go into her room that night and tell her that I could never love her. I’d hurt her. She hadn’t said that exactly, but her actions did.
She could hardly speak to me at all. She’d always been nice. Now she was barely tolerating me.
I didn’t have anyone to blame but myself. Who wouldn’t have acted the exact same way?
The doctor said something to the nurse that took me out of my own head, “Here, take these to the lab.” Doctor Lawson looked at me. “And now I need you to give us the sperm, Mr. Whitaker.”
I had to let go of Aspen’s hand to do that. But before I did, I kissed the top of it before lying it beside her. “I’m going to make things up to you. You’ll see.”
As I went to give my part of this process, I felt terrible. It took forever to get my dick to cooperate. Mostly because I felt ashamed of myself. I’d hurt her.
For no good reason at all, I’d hurt her.
The first time I saw my mother kissing a man other than my father, I threw up. When I saw her and the pool boy having sex, I threw up again. And I had nightmares for years after that.
Mom had no idea I’d seen any of the things she’d done. I’m sure she would’ve hated that I’d seen her doing such things. I’m sure she would’ve felt guilty and told me over and over again how sorry she was.
Mom wasn’t a mean person. She wasn’t the kind of person one thinks of when one thinks about a cheating woman.
Gorgeous nearly to a fault, my mother was considered an upstanding woman and a devoted wife. Only me and the men she’d cheated with knew any different.
I wasn’t getting anywhere with my sperm collecting. I had to force my mother from my mind. I had to find someone to fantasize about to get this done.
I pulled from my memory banks one hot night with a woman in Canada. She’d been on the chunkier side of plump. Her short hair was pulled up into spikes. She was ripe and ready and told me as much.
My cock wasn’t getting into it.
I thought about another time. With a woman who was really tall and skinny. Her long hair was thin, and she had it piled on top of her head. She took her clothes off and presented me with a pair of fake tits she was very proud of. I sucked them.
Nope. The cock wasn’t into that one either.
With my limp dick in my hand, I gave it the only thing it wanted.
Aspen.
Her taut body, making a dark shadow in my shower. Me, pushing the glass doors open to join her inside the large and steamy tiled shower that could fit five people in it comfortably.
Her hands, roaming over my body. Her sweet lip
s, grazing my neck. “You want to make a baby, Ransom?”
“Oh, yeah, baby. I want to make one with you.” I took her face in one hand, then kissed her mouth with a vengeance.
My cock pressed against the edge of her sweet spot, she pulled her mouth back from mine. “You’ve got to tell me what I want to hear first.”
My heart swelled right along with my pecker. “I love you, Aspen Dell. I think I always have.”
Her smile made me happy. But her words made me happier, “I love you, too, Ransom Whitaker.”
With one thrust, I pushed my hard cock into her hot depths, filling her as she moaned with pleasure. Her nails cut into my back as she moved her legs up to wrap them around my waist.
I held her ass in my hands, gripping it, loving the way she felt in my arms. Moving with slow and steady thrusts, I gave her what she and I both wanted.
I moved my mouth along her neck, licking and kissing it as I went up to her ear. “I want to see your belly round with my child. I want to hear you scream my name when I make you come. Tell me that you want my baby inside of you, Aspen. Tell me that you’ll love me and only me forever.”
Gasping as she clung to me, I felt her body begin its ascent. “Ransom! I will love you and only you forever. I want your baby inside of me. I want to give you what no one else has. I want you forever, Ransom. Forever!”
Her tight cunt clenched my hard dick, and I was helpless. I had to give it all to her. Groaning like a lion, I filled her up with my hot sperm. “Our baby, Aspen. Our baby!”
The semen left my body, overflowing the cup as my body quaked. And all I could do was look at the white, thick liquid. “Go do your thing, boys.”
I put the cap on, washed myself up, then placed the cup in the little silver box on the wall. It would all be up to the doctor now.
Feeling weak, I took a seat on the chair they’d cleverly put in that bathroom. Why hadn’t I just done this the standard way? Why did I have to put Aspen through so much?
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