I knew I had my problems, but why did I allow them to affect that poor girl?
I had so much to make up for. So much to make right. For starters, I needed to be right there, holding her hand when she woke up. So, I gathered myself then went back to her.
A nurse was in the room, sitting next to her. “It’ll be a few more minutes before she wakes up.”
With a nod, I went to take her hand again. “And when she opens her eyes, she’ll see me.”
The nurse had been around us a lot. She commented, “I think you two will make great parents. The doctor isn’t so sure, but I can see it. You care a great deal for her.”
I nodded. “Do you think she cares for me much?”
She laughed. “She has to. No one goes through all this without caring very much for someone. I can promise you that. This is a very selfless act she’s done.”
I agreed. “I know that.”
“Not anyone I know would’ve done all this for a man she never knew before and has no ties to,” she added.
Again, I nodded. “I know.”
Aspen had no reason except money to do this for me. And before the embryos were implanted, I wanted her to know that she didn’t have to go through with that if she didn’t want to. She could keep the money, and I would forget about this whole thing.
I wouldn’t even try to find another woman to do this for me. I would stop the whole thing and accept the fate of being without my grandfather’s money.
Aspen deserved love. She deserved happiness. She deserved more than I could give her.
Her eyes fluttered open, and she looked at me. “It’s over?”
“It’s over.” I kissed her on the forehead. “You did great. They got some great eggs. And I gave them my part. I just want you to relax.”
The nurse stood up and came to loom over her. “You’ll stay here for a couple of hours to let the effects of the anesthesia wear off. After that, you guys can leave. The next appointment will be when we implant the embryos. Exciting times ahead.” She took her seat again, and I thought about what she’d said.
There might be exciting times ahead or there might not. That would all be up to Aspen. I was done orchestrating things. Done pushing.
Little by little, Aspen’s grip on my hand got stronger and stronger. Finally, she took a deep breath. “I feel normal again.”
“Does anything hurt?” I asked her.
The nurse got up and started checking Aspen’s blood pressure. “Things might not hurt right this moment, but when the painkillers wear off, they will. She’ll need to take pain medication for the next couple of days. I’ll get a bottle of them ready to send home with you.” After taking her blood pressure, she announced, “You’re great. I’ll help you get dressed then you two can be on your way.”
I helped Aspen sit up, and she sighed as she did. “One more step to go.”
There was no way I would bring up anything at that moment. I wanted her to have a clear head when I told her that the ball would be entirely in her court. Everything would lie in her hands.
After she got dressed, I found she was still a little woozy. I put my arm around her then saw the nurse coming with a wheelchair. “Go ahead and bring the car around to the front entrance. I’ll take her down.”
As I left to go get the car, I thought about doing the same thing when she had our baby. It would be me who would run to get the car to take her and the baby home.
It made my heart ache to think of that day never coming. I wanted it so damn bad. And I knew that was selfish of me, but I didn’t care.
What I would do was leave that up to Aspen. And I would have to be ready to accept it if she didn’t want to go any further. But I knew it would kill a small part of me if she didn’t want to.
Just like I had to accept everything else in my life, I would learn to accept it if she did that.
A part of me knew she wanted to have a baby. A part of me knew she wanted to have one with me.
But would she always only want my baby? Would she still want that if she couldn’t have me too?
Chapter Twenty
Aspen
Lubbock, Texas – August 25th
Things hadn’t been the best between Ransom and me. I had to keep my distance, so I wouldn’t fall in love with him. Or strangle him. I wavered on both sides most of the time.
He’d talked to me not long after the embryos were being made up in the lab. He told me that it was all up to me. I could keep the money even if I decided to end this and have the embryos destroyed.
I was impressed when he said that he wouldn’t seek another surrogate. If I didn’t want to go through with it, he was done trying. He admitted that he’d come into this thing without the purest of intentions.
I’d known that. I had to admit that I hadn’t either. But now that we’d come so far, and our little embryos were forming, I already had an attachment to them. One of them or possibly more would one day be our baby. I couldn’t have them destroyed. I wanted them all.
So, we had them implanted a short time later and were told to give it a month or two to make sure that at least one of them took. During that time, there were supposed to be all these sonograms and what-nots that I didn’t want.
Sick of being poked and prodded, I told the doctor that we would be back in a couple of months to see what kind of progress had been made. The doctor had cautioned me about ectopic pregnancies and other horror stories. I didn’t care. I wanted to live life out of that clinic for a while.
I’d done everything I could to get pregnant. I wasn’t going to do any more than that. I figured the two-month mark would be plenty of time to do whatever had to be done if the pregnancy had gone awry.
It hadn’t been easy—the not knowing. All I knew for sure was that I hadn’t had a period in over two months. Ransom and I were dying to know how many babies we had.
The car ride to the clinic was excruciating. “I’m so worried,” I confessed.
“About what?” he seemed confused as he carefully took the left turn to get to the parking garage. He drove so much more carefully now. It was funny in a way. “You know you’re pregnant.”
“I know. But I want them all.” I knew that would be nearly impossible. But I had a hard time thinking about one of those little embryos not making it.
He reached over to take my hand. “I want them all too. But I’ll be happy with whatever we have.”
I doubted that he thought the same way I did. I already thought of them as living babies. He most likely considered of them eggs right now. I didn’t know what he thought since we talked so little.
The baby or babies took center stage for me. Whatever happened between their father and me would play out on its own. I couldn’t just stop at that point because the man couldn’t love me.
He hadn’t loved me in the beginning. Why make that an issue now?
Plus, I figured my hormones had a lot to do with how I took everything. Maybe I wouldn’t ever love him.
If I kept away as I had been, that would’ve been a real possibility. I could just lead my life and him his. The estate was so vast that we only passed in the hallway at bedtimes and when we got up. We did eat meals together. That was mostly because the cook made the meals, and it would’ve been a pain in her ass if we took them separately.
After we parked, we got out of the car then headed inside. And suddenly I felt a wave of nausea overwhelming me. “Oh, God!” I grabbed my stomach then rushed to a waste receptacle half a football field away.
“What’s happening?” Ransom called out as he came after me.
I couldn’t speak as I knew puke would burst out of me if I did. Instead, I ran as fast as I could and did a thing I never thought I would do: I stuck my head inside the trash can and let it all out.
“Oh, that’s what’s happening.” His hands moved over my back as he tried to comfort me. “It’s going to be okay.”
I hadn’t thrown up before. It made me nervous. “Do you think something’s wrong, Ransom?�
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He handed me a handkerchief to wipe my mouth. “I hope not. We’ll see soon, won’t we?”
I hadn’t told Ransom what my plans were if this pregnancy didn’t work out. I thought it was time to do that before we got inside with the doctor and nurses. “I need to say something to you before we go inside. I should’ve said something sooner, but you know how we’ve been communicating lately.”
The nervousness in his eyes told me he must’ve had some idea what I was about to say. “Go ahead, Aspen.”
“If this pregnancy doesn’t work out, I don’t want to try anymore. I’ll move out, and that will be that.” I looked away as his sorrowful expression hurt me.
“I understand.” He took my hand then led me to the clinic.
Not too long after that, we were in a room with an ultrasound machine. And the operator was happy to see us. “Hi, guys. I’ve heard about your case and wanted to wish you guys the best of luck. Now, the embryos are still tiny. I’ve got to warn you that you won’t be able to make out your baby or babies yet. But the good news is that I will.”
Looking at the machine, I noticed it was the vaginal kind again. I wasn’t pleased about that but didn’t have much choice in the matter. “So, let’s get to it.”
Having changed into a gown, I lay back and let her put my legs in the stirrups as Ransom took his place near my head. I had my hands folded on top of my stomach, and he reached over, taking one. “I think things will be just fine, Aspen. I don’t want you to worry one bit.”
The crazy thing was that I wasn’t worried at all anymore. I’d told him what I would do if things weren’t right with the pregnancy and the burden of making sure he had a baby wasn’t mine to bear any longer. “I’m not worried.”
“Then neither am I.” He leaned over to kiss my cheek. “That’s for good luck.”
I didn’t need luck; I just wanted to let fate play out its hand. Either I was having Ransom’s baby or babies, or I wasn’t. Either way, life would go on.
The cold gel was spread all over my vagina before the wand was pushed in. The tech looked at the screen as she moved the wand up inside of me.
Ransom and I watched the screen too. But she’d been right. I didn’t see a thing. And from Ransom’s silence, I gathered he didn’t either.
“Well, those fallopian tubes are clear,” she said. “That’s great news. No ectopic pregnancy.”
“That is great news,” Ransom agreed.
I was happy to hear that too. That had been one of Doctor Larson’s biggest worries. “Glad our little embryos didn’t lodge there.”
She moved the wand around, and then she smiled. That had to be good news. “Now here they are. And all three have beating hearts too.”
Ransom sighed. “All three of them?”
I closed my eyes. I couldn’t remember a time I’d ever felt more relieved. “They all made it.”
The tech was quick to say, “Now, that doesn’t mean things will stay that way. I don’t want you guys to go making the nursery with three cribs just yet. By the sixth month, we’ll be more certain of the health of all three fetuses, and we can go from there. But for now, you guys are pregnant with three babies.”
Ransom couldn’t pull the smile off his face. “Three of them!”
Tears fell from my eyes as my dream had come true. I hadn’t lost one of them so far. And now that I knew I had them inside of me, I wanted to keep them safe and sound.
Ransom’s lips on my cheek had me opening my eyes. “It’s okay, Aspen. I’ll take care of you and all three of them. I swear to you that I will always take care of you guys. No matter what.”
I couldn’t help it, I threw my arms around his neck and buried my face in his chest. “You better.”
He laughed. “I will.”
After leaving the clinic, we headed home to give his grandfather the news. Ransom and I walked into the house together, and then I walked to the staircase that led to the wing we stayed in. “Let me know how it goes, Ransom.”
He grabbed my hand. “No. You’re coming with me. You’re carrying his blood now. You’re a part of this family.”
I hadn’t ever thought about it that way. “No. Don’t think of it like that.”
“I have to.” He pulled me along with him. “It’s true. You carry our DNA, Aspen. You’re our blood now.”
The jolt of electricity that shot through me almost made me faint. Was I really part of the Whitaker legacy?
Was I part of a family?
It had been so long since I’d been part of one. And I didn’t expect the flood of emotions that swept over me. My knees buckled, and Ransom stopped pulling me along as he realized something was wrong.
When he saw me crying again, he pulled me into his arms, hugging me. “Have I overwhelmed you with all that?”
“No, you just made me feel like a part of a family again. It’s been so long. You have no idea how this feels after losing it.” His arms held me tight as he swayed with me.
And I wondered why it couldn’t always be like this. I felt wanted. Loved even.
It wasn’t so hard to do. It was easy, really.
His lips pressed against the side of my head. “Don’t cry. Everything is great. And Grandad is going to be over the moon. I hope it gives him more incentive to fight this damn cancer.”
He was right. We needed to let that man know there was a future worth staying around for. I bucked up, wiped my eyes then blew my nose on a handkerchief Ransom handed me. “Let’s go. I want to see his face when you tell him the news.”
“I would love it if you would tell it to him, Aspen.” He held both of my hands and gazed at me. “He thinks the world of you. I haven’t ever told you that, but he does. And I do too. You’re the bravest, smartest, strongest person I’ve ever known. I think you should know that.”
It felt weird, him saying those things to me. Mostly because I had no idea he felt that way.
“I’ll tell him then if that’s what you want.” I felt like I should say something nice to him too. I had to dig deep since I’d been putting up walls where he was concerned. “Ransom, I think you’re very sweet. You’ve been right by my side with all this in vitro stuff. I thought I was going to have to do this alone when I signed up for it. It’s been nice to have you in my corner, and you’ve been a great supporter.”
“Thanks.” He kissed me on the cheek. “I think this is where it all really begins, Aspen. I really do. I’ve never felt like this before.”
So, away we went to tell his grandfather the fantastic news. The nurse was waiting outside his room when we came in. “Hush now. He’s with the doctor. We may have to move him to Houston to MD Anderson Cancer Center.”
My heart felt heavy as Ransom squeezed my hand.
Is it all going to come too late?
Chapter Twenty-One
Ransom
Lubbock, Texas – September 10th
Knocking on Aspen’s door at six in the morning, I was sure I would be waking her up. I hesitated to do that since she’d started classes for the last semester of college.
My grandfather took an unfortunate turn during the night. His nurse came and woke me up to tell me an ambulance was on its way to pick him up to transport him to MD Anderson, a hospital that specializes in cancer in Houston.
We’d expected this day to come for a couple of weeks. Funny how knowing it would inevitably happen hadn’t made it any easier to take. My stomach hurt, my body felt shaky and weak, and I couldn’t think straight.
Pulling the bedroom door open, Aspen stood there in an adorable little pajama set. “You’re up early, Ransom. Is everything okay?”
“Grandad is about to be taken to Houston in an ambulance. I’m going to follow in my car. I just wanted you to know.” I turned to go back to my room to finish getting ready. I’d put on jeans and a T-shirt but hadn’t put any shoes on yet.
The touch of her hand on my arm sent a wave of electricity through me. “Wait. I want to come with you. We can go in my car. It’s room
ier, and that’s quite a drive. We can trade off driving every couple of hours, so neither of us gets too tired. Give me fifteen minutes, and I’ll be ready to go.”
Turning to look into her eyes, I wanted her to know that I hadn’t expected her to go with me. “Aspen, you’ve just started classes a little over a week ago. I can’t ask you to miss any of them so soon in your last semester.”
She shook her head as she turned to go back into her room. “I’ll figure things out. Being there for you and your grandfather is the most important thing right now. Meet me in the garage in fifteen minutes. I’m not going to let you go through this all alone, Ransom.”
My heart swelled. My head went fuzzy. And all I could do was let her do what she wanted to. Be there for me. “Thank you, Aspen. It would be nice not to be alone. You might want to pack a bag. We’ll probably need to stay for a few days.”
“I’ll do that then. I’ll pack enough for a week.” She closed the door, and I went to my room.
Somehow, knowing she would be with me made me feel a little lighter inside. Aspen was different. Not like any woman I’d ever known. And she cared about me. And even my grandfather.
Although I knew that I didn’t deserve her, I was thankful for her. Life would’ve been so much harder without her in it. And to think that I’d thought my life had been a piece of cake up until my grandfather put that stipulation on me to have a baby.
It had been easy, that much was true, but it hadn’t been filled with much. Since finding Aspen, my life had become richer than it ever had been. And my heart had never felt so full, either.
With the pregnancy, Aspen glowed in a way I’d never seen a woman do before. She’d always been gorgeous, but now she radiated pure beauty. It was all I could do not to toss her over my shoulder like a caveman and take her to my bed.
But I knew what would happen to me if I did that.
Women couldn’t be trusted. Aspen would steal my heart if I let her. She’d been the first girl I’d ever met who had that ability.
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