Controlling Circumstances

by Jean Kelso

  I reach my hands up and run my fingers through Gabe’s soft hair. I moan with every touch, every kiss. I don’t want to push him away. I need to feel this, to feel wanted, to feel like a real woman—not a piece of used trash.

  Gabe pulls me away from his body, noticing he is glancing around. Beginning to realize his motive as he pulls me in the direction of the couch. He pushes me down and crawls on top of me. His lips crush onto mine as he sucks my bottom lip, teasing it with his tongue and teeth. It’s as if he is worshiping my lips and mouth. The sensation causes me to fall deeper into the moment.

  Gabe begins to suckle my neck and nips my collar bone. I feel his hand glide down into my shorts once again. Surges of instant pleasure overtake me as his finger slides over the most sensitive portion—my clit. I can’t help but notice how Gabe turns me on, how wet and excited he has me. Feeling as if I may combust at any moment, he slides his finger ever so slowly into me. I arch my body into it.

  “Gabe,” I mumble, putting my hands on his shoulders and digging my fingers in. His finger moves out and back in again in a steady rhythm as my body shivers, shudders, and my vagina walls clench tight around his finger.

  Gabe must have felt this because his speed increases with his finger. A second finger enters as the rhythm continues. At this point I lose it, closing my eyes tightly, feeling as those fireworks are exploding within me. I can’t contain my scream. “Oh my God!”

  I feel the couch shift as I open my eyes to see Gabe moving from on top of me. I watch—happily dazed—as he quickly rips his shirt off, unzips his jeans, pulls them down and pushes them away.

  I internally groan while watching Gabe strip down to absolutely nothing. The man has a hot body would be an understatement, memorized by his ripped abs, toned chest and muscular arms and shoulders complete Gabe. To complete the total hot body, even his cock memorizes me. Man, it’s huge and hard. His body distracts me, and I don’t realize what’s happening. Before I know it, I can feel my shorts and panties being tugged off. I tense for a quick minute, closing my eyes tight and then open them again.

  There’s a dip on the couch cushion and Gabe’s body rests over me once again. He pants as he brushes his hands up my smooth, supple body. He cups my large breasts and gives them a gentle squeeze. I moan. Moving quickly he reaches down for the seam of my tank top and pulls it up and over my head.

  With my top gone, Gabe frees my breasts from the restricting material. Pausing for a moment, he gazes at my body before moving his head down to my exposed breast. Gabe takes a nipple into his mouth, sucking, teasing and nipping. Causing me to moan again in pleasure. He does the same to the other breast, then looks up at me with lust in his eyes. I return his gaze for a moment, and then squeeze my eyes shut. I can’t believe this is happening, especially with a stranger, but I am loving every minute of it. I can regret it in the morning, but for now, I plan on living in the now, because it’s possible I may not have a later.

  It takes everything I have to keep my eyes open. Everything I feel exhilarates me. My chest heaves in and out with heavy breath as my eyes glisten from passion given to me from the man above me. Gabe seems to mirror my feelings, my breathing, and my thoughts. I can feel his hands still exploring my breasts, my abdomen—everywhere. I can feel his erection lying against my thigh, the tip wet with pre-cum as he waits for permission.

  Yes! I scream in my head. Reaching for Gabe’s erection and wrapping my hand around it, stroking it twice as I begin to guide it to my awaiting, swollen core, feeling it jerk in my hand. Once he’s at my opening, Gabe stops, and I’m not sure why. I lean up into him with the questioning eyes.

  Gabe looks down at me. He pants, his need obvious. “Are you sure?” he asks me. He looks like he really wants this, like he wants to devour every part of me.

  I remove my hand from his erection and place it on his ass. I try to entice him forward, feeling his head at my entrance. I groan, “Yes.”

  That’s all the assurance Gabe appears to need. Rolling his hips forward and thrusting into me, he leans into me and kisses me passionately again. My moans seem to encourage him further. He pulls back slowly and with more force, pushes forward again.

  “Harder,” I whisper and moan again with every sensation as he continues to move inside of me.

  A few succulent kisses and two amazing thrusts, I explode under him once again. I arch my back and push my hips up to meet his. My legs wrap around Gabe’s backside and I clench my insides around him. With both of my hands on his ass, I dig my nails in, continuing to explode. I quiver and shake as I feel the spasms of my vagina. “Oh, Gabe! Yes,” I cry out.

  With three quick, hard, deep thrusts, I feel Gabe’s body tremble as he releases himself inside me.

  “Belle…..” Gabe yells out and collapses over my satisfied body.

  I just lay there with him for a few minutes as we let our bodies settle from all the shaking and quaking.

  Gabe pulls out of me and I whimper. He grabs the blanket resting on the back of the couch, pulls me close next to him, and wraps both of us in the blanket.

  “Are you okay?” he asks.

  Nothing like an orgasm or two to sober you up. The first I have ever had to be honest. I giggle and look towards him with a smile. “I feel amazing thanks to you.” I bite my bottom lip while in thought. “I’m—ah, sorry for attacking you like that. I, uh—don’t normally act like that. I blame the tequila.” I laugh again. Then tears begin to stream down my face. I feel ashamed for what I just did. I’m not this person. I don’t screw strangers to make myself feel better. Damn tequila. Damn emotions.

  I can’t believe I’m crying. Do I regret screwing him? No. Then what’s my problem? Ugh. I lay there in his arms, curled up on my couch. I haven’t scared him away, which is good, right? Trying my best to clear my emotions and take some deep breaths. He must have heard my subtle sobs as I then feel his hand on my head, stroking my hair softly. That feels nice—so nice I actually relax. My breathing slows, my tears stop. I close my eyes and fall asleep in my stranger’s arms.

  ***

  I wake suddenly to the nightmare I have often. I’m not in my bed so I look around the room and down my body. A man’s arm lies across the swell of my hip.

  I tense, realizing Gabe’s still here. What am I doing? What am I going to say? I cried in front of him for a long time. My mind scrambles, trying to shimmy slowly out of his grasp. When I succeed, I stand beside the couch and look down on Gabe and his naked body. He looks peaceful and handsome. I re-cover him with the blanket and rush quietly into the bathroom.

  After I shower and dress in a fresh pair of jeans and tank top, I return to the living room to find Gabe dressed. He sits on the couch. The blanket is folded next to him. When he smiles up at me my heart stops. No, I don’t regret this. No, I don’t regret this. I have to chant this to myself as I approach the couch and sit beside him.

  “Hi,” I whisper to him as if I were a shy little girl. I pick at invisible lint on my jeans as a distraction before looking up at him.

  “Hi back. You okay?” Gabe smiles and reaches over for my hand. He takes hold and caresses his thumb over my knuckles.

  “I’m sorry for crying,” I say sheepishly.

  “Nothing to apologize for. You had a moment, I accepted it. I’m here if you want to talk about it.”

  I can’t believe my ears. This man—the man I just met who knows nothing about me—is sexy as hell and is willing to listen to my problems. Just the way he speaks makes me believe he means it, too.

  “I’m not sure I’m ready. I just met you.” I take a deep breath and look down at the floor.

  I feel Gabe’s fingers on my chin as he gestures for me to look up. Such as simple thing, a gentle touch. “It’s okay. I’ll be here when you’re ready.”

  I feel as if I am going to melt. How can this man be real? How is it possible that he comes into my life now and makes me feel the way he does? It’s madness. I need to think—I need time. Heck, I don’t know what the fuck I need
. I stand up from the couch abruptly. “Okay. Thank you, but I need to think. I’m sorry to kick you out, but you confuse me.”

  Gabe stands up, pulls me into a warm hug and whispers, “I understand.” He releases me and instantly he’s gone.

  CHAPTER 5

  Belle

  THE FOLLOWING FRIDAY I see Gabe again. I haven’t exactly been avoiding him, but I don’t exactly know him or know where he lives or have his number. When Mel tries to convince me to go out again, I quickly agree. This time I wear a pair of my best fitting jeans, a copper-colored halter top, and my copper sandals. Wearing my hair up in a simple ponytail, but choose to wear a black choker chain around my neck, adding some meaning to the outfit and not seem too plain Jane. I was secretly hoping to see Gabe again, feeling the need to explain why I cried. If he wants anything to do with me, he needs to know what he’s getting himself into. Since I was so forthcoming with my body, I should be forthcoming with my thoughts and feelings. Lay it all out and give Gabe the chance to run while he can.

  The music is pumping as usual on a Friday night. The crowd’s busy and Mel and I are both in great moods. The drinks go down smoothly and then Mel decides it’s time for tequila. She waves the waitress over and orders two rounds of shots. When the shots arrive, it’s not the waitress that brings them. A tickle of electricity crawls up my spine as I see the shots set down on the table.

  That sexy, husky voice comes to life. “Ladies.”

  Gabe’s right beside me and Mel has the biggest smile on her face. I blush. I didn’t expect him to just show up like this.

  “Hey, Gabe,” Mel says. “Pretty busy tonight, eh?” She looks toward the dance floor.

  “Yes, fairly busy,” Gabe responds, but his eyes don’t leave mine. His smile reaches his eyes. It’s a flirtatious smile that I haven’t seen before. “Are you ladies having a good evening?”

  I try to get my voice back so I can speak. Mel looks at me and waits for just that. Finally, the words come become coherent. “Yes, thank you.” My cheeks turn bright red and I smile. I feel like a teenager again—shy and blushing whenever he comes around.

  Gabe smiles at us and saunters away.

  I watch him walk away in awe, daydreaming.

  “Belle! Earth to Belle!” Mel snaps her fingers in front of my face until I respond. In moments the shots go down the hatch. I never did tell Mel about my night with Gabe. I know I’m a horrible friend, but some things are just worth holding onto.

  Its last call and I’m more than a little buzzed. Mel’s completely trashed, so I escort her out to a cab and send her on her way.

  “Do you need to be escorted home as well?” a voice asks.

  I nearly jump out of my skin and turn to see where he is. I know that husky voice, but I didn’t notice him standing there. Gabe leans against the outside wall of the bar beside a door.

  “You scared the shit out of me, damn it.” I strike a pose of annoyance before I relax. “Anyone ever tell you it’s wrong to sneak up on people?” I huff.

  “I wasn’t sneaking. I was leaning here and then you were here. I saw the condition Mel was in and was concerned for your safety.” A slight smirk crosses Gabe’s face.

  Oh, that was a good one, using my safety as an excuse.

  Okay, since I am beyond buzzed, I have a hard time shutting up. “How do you know Mel? Did you sleep with her, too?”

  The look Gabe gives me makes me jerk back. He looks angry. It leaves an uneasy feeling in me.

  “No.” He takes a sharp breath in. “Mel has been coming to this bar long before she ever brought you here.” Gabe stands up straight and moves towards me.

  “Stop right there.” I’m very abrupt with my words. “Before you think of touching me, and I melt into your tantalizing touch. Fucking melt into you. First, we need to talk, damn it.” I hold my hand up in protest and wobble as I try to hold my composure.

  Gabe laughs. “You melt, do you?”

  I can feel his stare as it penetrates me. “Yes, now fuck off. Don’t laugh at me.” Man, I need to calm down. I’m getting riled up for nothing. “It’s not everyday someone like you…..” I look him up and down, lick my lips and continue. “Has any interest in a f’ugly like me.” I huff loudly. “So we need to fucking talk.”

  “Did you just say f’ugly?” Gabe laughs again—a full belly laugh by the sound of it. “Is that even a word?” He’s not laughing at me now. He actually looks serious.

  “Yes f’ugly. Fat and ugly combined. F’ugly.” I can’t help but let out a low giggle myself. “Anyways, we need to talk, but I can’t do it when I’m drunk.” I stumble a little in my drunken state.

  Gabe reaches out for me and prevents me from falling.

  “Don’t!” I mumble. I know he’s trying to help, but my thoughts are a mess. If I don’t walk away now, who knows what stupid thing I may say or do to this man--or with him--again? I situate myself and begin to walk home. Taking a glimpse over my shoulder I yell. “Tomorrow.” I continue home without another backward glance.

  ***

  Saturday morning, I feel a bit hung over. My head hurts slightly and my stomach is queasy. I get out of bed and dress comfortably in jean shorts and t-shirt, hoping a blast of caffeine will help and head to the kitchen to make some coffee.

  After my second cup of coffee and some Ibuprofen I feel much better. Enough that I feel ready to go face Gabe.

  I barely exit my building when I walk right into a well-chiseled body that smells super amazing, clean, fresh, and all male. I look up immediately and there he is. I step back and smile.

  Gabe checks me over, smiles and takes my hand in his. “Come with me.” I have no idea what he has planned or what’s going to happen, so I allow him to lead the way. It feels nice to hold his hand, so who am I to complain.

  We arrive at a small café on the corner down the street from my apartment. Gabe directs us in and towards a table. He even pulls out my chair for me. “Have a seat.”

  I do, even though I’m beginning to not really enjoy his subtle commands.

  “You wanted to talk, so let’s have it,” Gabe speaks softly.

  Right to the point—no simple pleasantries or anything. I’m a little nervous now. My foot begins to shake, tapping against the floor in a nervous gesture. Taking a deep breath I try to push aside the nervous me that is beginning to take over. I decide to pull up my big girl pants and begin.

  “Well, for starters, what’s your name?” I ask him bluntly.

  “Gabe,” he answers quickly.

  “No, your full name.” I won’t let him get off that easily.

  “Gabriel Mann.”

  “How old are you?”

  “Thirty-three.” Gabe smirks. A waitress approaches and he orders us both some coffee.

  I chew on the inside my bottom lip and stare at the table while I think for a moment. Then I look up. “You said Mel was coming into the bar months before she brought me. So I guess…” I ponder how I ask without being rude. “How long have you been working there?” I search his eyes for any dishonesty in his coming answers.

  “I don’t work there as such. I own the bar, Belle.”

  The waitress brings our coffee. Gabe empties a creamer into his and takes a sip while he stares back at me. He pays no attention to the waitress who was ogling his assets before she walked away. Well, that’s a good start, I guess.

  Okay. Let me get this straight. He’s hot as sin and owns the bar. He ignored the waitress who couldn’t stop checking him out—I’m pretty sure if I was a man I wouldn’t have ignored her. I don’t know how to take this all in. He seems to be too much…not real.

  “You own the bar…I guess that brings me back to my original question. Why me?” I sit up straight and wait with bated breath. I concentrate on his eyes and his full facial expression for any sign of a lie.

  “You won’t believe me,” Gabe speaks flatly.

  “Try me.”

  “Okay. Well…for starters, you are beautiful.” Gabe puts his hand up to stop
me from objecting. He knows me all too well already. “No, you listen. You wanted to know why, and I’m telling you. You are beautiful. You are confident, intelligent, independent and mysterious.” He puts his hand down on the table and sits back.

  I see no hint of a lie from him, but still I have a hard time believing it. “You’re right, I don’t believe you,” I breathe out softly. “Did I not tell you I was fat and ugly last night? Between my looks and my weight, what about me is beautiful?” I bite my lip, another nervous habit of mine.

  “To be perfectly honest, I prefer some meat on my woman. There’s nothing sexy about skin and bones. A real woman has curves—and you have beautiful curves, Belle.” He reaches for his coffee and takes a sip.

  “Oh, okay…well, thank you for your honesty.” I mirror him and sip my coffee. I accept his words, but I’m not sure I agree. Fair is fair, and since he gave me a piece of him, I should give him a piece of me. “Okay, my turn, I suppose.” I blow out a quick breath and look Gabe in the eye. “What do you want to know?”

  “Hmmm…” He smirks. “How about the same common courtesy?” He takes another sip of his coffee and sets it on the table.

  I take a few deep breaths to clear my congested thoughts before I begin. “My name is Isabelle Jones, but I go by Belle. The night you kissed me in that dark corner was my thirtieth birthday, and I’m a nurse.” Wow, that came out easier than I thought it would. Then I accidently blow the lid of the pot. “And I have cancer.”

  Gabe’s eyebrows shoot up and he whistles softly. “Shit, cancer. Wow, I’m sorry. That really sucks.”

  I know everyone responds differently when told, but I had to get it out there on the playing field, toss it into the game. “Yes. I found out the same day as my birthday. Nice gift for me, eh?” I sit up in my chair and mimic his position again. I hope I didn’t freak him out too much. I know he’s probably going to run. No one wants a sick woman.