Controlling Circumstances

by Jean Kelso

  We enjoy a full dinner of baked chicken, mashed potatoes and asparagus smothered in butter. Gabe even has fresh buns. Boy, he sure does have “skills” in the kitchen, because all the food was beyond delicious.

  “Well, you out did yourself. That was amazing,” I inform him after I wipe my lips with my napkin.

  “I’m glad you enjoyed that.” Gabe grins, stands and walks towards me. “Shall we?” He reaches for my hand and insists I stand and go with him to the living room area. Of course, I comply. I have never denied him before, so why should I know?

  Gabe brings me to the couch and encourages me to sit. He goes over to the stereo and puts some music on low. It’s nothing particular that he chooses, assuming he was only wanting background sound. Returning to the couch, he sits down beside me.

  Gabe’s expression is full of anxiety and concern. He opens his mouth to speak, but then closes it again. It seems he’s afraid to say something to me. What is he afraid of? I look into his eyes, raise my eyebrows in question and wait.

  Finally, he speaks. “I have something I want to show you, but I don’t want you to freak out.” He still seems unsure of himself, so he speaks faster. “I know it’s early and we can’t do… anything right now, but I just want you to get a feel for what I need to show you. I hope you can be open and honest with me about it.” He looks at me anxiously.

  I’m unsure if I want to see what he wants to show me, but I have to be fair with him. I’m curious. I know Gabe won’t push me to do anything I don’t want to do. He understands it’s too early for sexual activity since my surgery. I never could understand why you have to wait for at least a month before intercourse—the surgery was in my abdomen, not my crotch. Yes, even being a nurse I can still be biased and have my moments. I know the medical aspects of the surgery, but still—what does it really hurt?

  “Okay,” I say hesitantly. “Show me.”

  Gabe takes my hand. We stand together and he guides me down the short hallway to the room at the end. Gabe slowly opens the door. The room’s dark, but I move forward into the area. I can see very little from the light from the hallway. Gabe steps in and turns on the light. I can’t help my gasp. My heart rate speeds up, my breathing becomes erratic and my palms begin to sweat. I don’t know why I’m nervous—It’s just a bedroom…but it’s his.

  I look around the room. In the far corner sitting kitty corner is a king-sized bed covered with what looks like black silk and very plush pillows. On the night stand is a simple lamp and hanging off the side of the stand hang a pair of leather handcuffs. I turn to face Gabe and he’s expressionless. He watches me take it all in. I flush and step farther into the room as I continue to look around.

  The walls are pretty sparse with no pictures hanging. A huge window with sheer black curtains sits to the right of the bed. The color scheme is nice—very manly, I suppose. To the left is a closet with its door’s closed. Not wanting to impose, I continue to move around the fairly large room and take in the scent of the man that lives and breathes here. I don’t understand why he wants to show me his room. The floor’s bare hardwood and a dresser sits against the far wall. Something on top of the dresser catches my eye. I’m not sure what it is, but it’s a tube of something. Again, I don’t want to impose, but I think Gabe notices my interest in the dresser because he speaks before I can.

  “Go ahead, take a look,” Gabe coaxes me.

  I slowly walk towards it, curious to what it is. “Oh my.” The words slip from my mouth. A tube of lubrication and small box with a picture of a cock ring sits blatantly on the dresser for anyone to see.

  I don’t hear Gabe come up behind me, but he places his hands gently on my hips in an intimate fashion. I feel it so much that I get those silly butterflies in my stomach again. How does this man affect me so?

  “Do you like what you see?” Gabe asks me as he looks over my shoulder at me and smiles. He opens the top left drawer of the dresser and inside I notice a couple different vibrators, another set of handcuffs and some things I can’t even name.

  I take a deep breath before I speak. “Well, between the handcuffs, the stuff on your dresser top and everything in the drawer…” I shiver. I’m not sure if it’s my nerves or excitement. “I don’t know what to think, really.”

  Gabe steps back to allow movement for me. The man seems so open about his sexuality—even after I told him about my past. I need to know. “Is there a reason why you have all of this out on display?” I bite my lip and wait for an answer.

  “I only displayed it for you, to be upfront and honest. I don’t want to have any surprises in the future that would scare you off.” Gabe looks a little nervous, but completely serious all at the same time.

  I move out of his reach and pace the room. My hand moves to my mouth and I begin to chew on a nail, an old, nervous habit. He displayed it for me…he wanted no surprises…well, shit. Handcuffs and sex toys? That’s a bit scary.

  “Belle?” Gabe calls to me.

  I stop my pacing to look to him. I don’t know what I really feel. Angry. Scared. “What?” I blurt out loudly.

  Gabe moves closer to me. My freaking out must be noticeable. He pulls me into his arms. “I’m not trying to scare you, Belle. Are you okay?” Gabe begins to rub my arms up and down gently.

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to let you think that I was freaked, because I’m not.”

  I hear him take a deep breath and blow it out. “Oh, thank God. I want you to be honest with me as I will be honest with you. I needed to show you this so you could try and understand the controlling part of me. This…” Gabe waves around the room and points toward the dresser. “This is where I like control, in here, the bedroom,” he whispers in my ear.

  I tip my head and turn to look at him. “I’ll be honest with you, Gabe. I’m scared. Only because of my past, but I’m also curious. Does that make sense?” I question.

  “It certainly does, babe.” He winks and appears more at ease.

  “Okay, hot stuff.” I wink back and try to get back into a happier mood. “If I get a nickname, so do you.” I laugh at the name I give him and then blush. I can’t believe the stuff he showed me, but I suppose it makes sense. He likes control, and now he shows me toys. He likes to be boss in the bedroom. As much as that will be hard for me, I think I may be able to try for him.

  Suddenly, sinful thoughts begin to rise in my mind. The things I could do to him if he let me. Tying him up, licking and kissing every part of his sexy body. The ideas are limitless. I’m not a complete idiot. I’ve seen movies and read books…but I suppose he’s the one who wants control. He did say he could share it—or asked me to share mine, so maybe it’ll be tit for tat. Only that’ll mean that I’ll have to let him tie me up, too. I guess when my body heals more…only time will tell. I look up at Gabe with a wicked grin. He’ll never expect anything.

  ***

  Gabe

  After Belle leaves for the night, I lie in bed and think about her in my bedroom. How she looked at the lube and ring on my dresser top. When I opened the drawer, the color change in her skin said it all. I noticed the emotional turmoil she battled, but the glint in her eyes afterwards makes me hard when I think about the things I could do with her. Then the talk we had at the diner flashes to the forefront of my mind and crashes it all down.

  If I want to be with Belle I may have to restrain my control and just see how things go. I know she’s beginning to trust me. Just allowing me to show her my room and the display I laid out was enough proof to say she has some trust in me already, but I need to be careful. I’m not a dominant man. I enjoy some simple pleasures, and control of a beautiful woman just happens to be one of them.

  The thought of blindfolding and tying Belle up sends a shiver down my spine. Her naked on my black silk sheets with her gorgeous reddish blonde hair fanned out on the pillow. Fuck!

  My cock is hard as a rock. I reach down and squeeze it lightly. No! I shake my head. I’m in control. I close my eyes and take a deep breath. I
need to plan out how I’ll use my abilities to help Belle, to keep her trust and not scare her away.

  CHAPTER 9

  Belle

  IT’S NOON ON WEDNESDAY and I sit in the oncology ward. The curtains are drawn around me as my upper chest is revealed. The doctor puts in a central line that I’ll use for my chemo. They give me some meds to make me drowsy and pain meds to help with the pain after the fact. The doctor explains everything about my adjuvant therapy treatment plan. My form of chemo isn’t used often for the type of cancer I have, but since it’s being used post-op and for preventative measures my oncologist felt this was the best route for me.

  I understand it’s going to suck. That’s the gist of it. I don’t look forward to the pain, the nausea, the fatigue and everything else that the doctor listed, but hell, if it prevents my cancer from returning or spreading, I’m game.

  The central line is in and now I wait in a little boxed-in area for the nurse to come initiate treatment. Gabe went down to the café to get us both a drink, so I know he’ll be back shortly. I reach for my purse on the side table and pull out the book I have with me to read. It’s one that Mel suggested. She says it’s good and juicy with lots of sex.

  I make it through the prologue when both the nurse and Gabe slip in through the curtains. Gabe smiles and holds two coffees. He sits in the chair beside the bed I lay in. The nurse has a small bag of liquid in her hand which I assume is my treatment. She hooks it up to a machine and then hooks some tubing up to the line attached to me. The nurse mentions that my treatment will last about an hour and half and that she’ll be around to check on me frequently. If I need anything before she makes it around, I have to buzz the call bell attached to the bed. After she dials in some numbers and explains about possible side effects, she leaves us alone.

  “You okay, babe?”

  I must space out a moment because Gabe’s words startle me. I turn my head to him and smile. “I’m just nervous.” I reach my hand out to Gabe. He takes it and gives it a gentle squeeze.

  “I’m here. I won’t let anything happen to you.” Gabe returns the smile. He releases my hand, sits back in the chair and begins to drink his coffee.

  I reach for my coffee that Gabe had set on the bed side table and take a sip. The doctor informed me not to drink too much liquid other than water for my first day since we didn’t know how my body’s going to respond. I brought a bottled water with me as it’s listed on the sheet given to me prior to treatment of the dos and don’ts. The pills I had to take last night—to prevent a reaction to the chemo—has left me parched, so I’m very glad to have brought it with me.

  Just having Gabe with me, I feel a bit better. I don’t feel like talking, but I think Gabe knows this because he grabs a magazine off the side table, opens it and begins to read. His presence eases my mind. I set my coffee on the table and open my book again. If the rest of the book is as good as the prologue than I’m sure it will be amazing.

  Fifteen minutes in my stomach begins to get upset. The nurse is in to check on me and when I tell her this, she mentions that this is normal. She opens the drawer to the table on her side and pulls out a basin for me to have access to in case I vomit. I get the water from my purse and begin to sip on that. Maybe the little bit of coffee I drank was too much. No, the nurse told me it was normal, so I’ll just let that thought go.

  Gabe looks up from his magazine with concern written all over his face. “Need me to get you anything?”

  Even though I feel like I’m going to puke my guts out, I don’t want him to be a slave to me. I just want him here. “I’m good. Thank you, though.”

  Gabe closes his magazine and sighs. “Belle, I’m here for you. Let me help you if you need the help?”

  He stands from his chair, leans over me and kisses my forehead. “Okay, okay. I don’t feel great, as you probably heard me mention to the nurse.”

  Gabe nods his head, turns his body from me and disappears through the curtains.

  Where the hell is he going?

  I’m glad the bed’s set for me to be sitting up somewhat. I think if it was lying flat I’d feel worse. I stare at the curtain where Gabe just walked out because I’m curious to know what he’s doing. Did I upset him? I sure hope not. His support means the world to me.

  I just open my book again when Gabe comes back through the curtain with an ice pack and towel. I melt a little more. This man turns me to mush. I don’t think I can stop myself from letting Gabe in. He seems to get sweeter and sweeter. He stops beside the bed.

  “Tip your head forward, please.”

  I do as Gabe requests—maybe because he actually said please for once. Gabe sets the towel across my neck then lays the ice pack on top of it. He strokes his hand over my hair and sits back in his chair.

  “The cool should help with the nausea.” He grins.

  I feel a tear leak from my eye. I wipe it and smile at him. “Thank you,” I whisper. I look back down at my book and begin to read as I hear Gabe open the magazine he was reading earlier.

  The hour and a half flies by fast. My nausea went away about fifteen minutes after Gabe placed the ice pack on me. The nurse checks on me every fifteen minutes and I remain stable.

  Once they disconnect me from the medicine and cover my port cover—since it’s fresh today I need to bandage it for a day or two—Gabe and I leave to go to my place.

  Once home, Gabe makes me sit on my couch while he makes himself familiar with everything around. He brings me a glass of water and a couple Acetaminophen, since the nurse mentioned to watch for fever. Gabe sits beside me on the couch with his arm across the back and behind my head. Like I said, making himself familiar, comfortable.

  Like I told myself before, I need to get comfortable with him, so I just go for it. I lean my body into his and tip my head to the crook of his underarm. I don’t care if Gabe smells or not, I want to show my thanks. “Thank you for today.” I look up at him and smile.

  He leans down and kisses my forehead. “No problem.”

  Gabe reaches for the remote and turns the TV on with the volume down low. We sit snuggled on the couch for a while and fatigue takes over. My energy is low and I don’t really want to move. I just want to rest my eyes for a few minutes. Maybe it’ll help. Then I can get up and head to bed, but I know that won’t happen. Being so close to Gabe feels too good. I take a long, deep breath and snuggle a little closer to him. My eyes close and I allow sleep to take over.

  CHAPTER 10

  Belle

  TWO WEEKS PASS with little excitement. Here I sit for the last round of chemo since my doctor said only two sessions post-op. I’m happy that my doctor was right about one of the side effects. I haven’t lost any of my hair. The drug he chose to use on me didn’t have that effect. Don’t get me wrong, if that was a side effect, I’d accept it, but with the vomiting and fatigue I’ve been experiencing, I don’t think I want anything else. Now, treatment number two is today.

  Gabe can’t make it today—something about deliveries at the bar that he has to sign for—so Mel’s with me. She freaks out a bit because she is so nervous for me. Worried about the effects of the chemo and such, so I send her to get us a both a drink while the nurses set everything up.

  They hook me up and the medicine is running by the time Mel returns with a couple of bottled waters and a magazine. She smiles at me. Mel’s skin is slightly pale as she takes in the setup, but I know she understands everything. She just hates the fact that I’m going through the whole ordeal. But hell, I’m alive, right?

  We sit and chat for the full hour and half about work and just life in general. Mel tells me that there’s a new intern at work that gets her panties in a twist and that she’s thinking of asking him out. Of course I tell her to go for it.

  By the time they disconnect me from the machines and we’re ready to leave, I’m exhausted. I’m slowly learning that I’ve been taking advantage of my body for too long. Mel wheels me out by wheelchair to the car since the nurse in the unit doesn�
��t approve of me walking out. She says I look too pale. I guess I look paler than I normally do, which is a first. I don’t fight her on it. We nurses have been told that we make the worst patients, so I don’t want to make things hard for anyone.

  I’d told Gabe I would meet him at the bar for lunch after my treatment, but I’m not really up for any food. I have Mel drive me home so I can go to bed. I’m home ten minutes when my cell phone begins to ring.

  When I reach over to the night stand by my bed and grab my cell, I see the name Gabe flash across the screen. I press answer and move the phone to my ear. “Hey, hot stuff,” I say. My fatigue is loud and clear in my voice.

  “Shit, Belle. You sound like hell. Are you okay?” His concern is more than noticeable.

  I sigh and roll around in my bed. “Yeah, Gabe, I’m okay. I’m just exhausted. I feel like I was run over by a truck. This round of treatment was harsh.” I yawn and lick my lips while I wait for him to speak.

  “Well fuck, Belle. I should’ve gone with you. I should’ve delayed the delivery for another day,” he grumbles.

  Gabe sounds upset. I know he wants to be here for me, but he can’t drop everything all the time. I know this and so should he. “I’m fine. I’m just going to get some sleep and I’ll be good as new.” I try to sound chipper for him, but being this tired, I’m sure he doesn’t believe me.

  I can hear Gabe’s heavy breath through the phone. “I’ll be there as soon as things are straight here,” he growls. “Do you need anything?” he asks in a calmer tone.

  I just want to sleep. Why can’t he just give me that? I sigh again. What am I talking about? I’ve grown attached to this man. He’s slowly been slipping into my heart and I haven’t been able to stop it. “No, Gabe, I’m good. I’m going to sleep now. I’ll see you when I wake,” I tell him.