Owned by the Hitman: A Mafia Romance

by Abbott, Alexis

  So I set up an anonymous way of paying a lawyer that came highly recommended on backpage by other escorts, and asked him to help her out. I figured if there's anything that the money could do, helping a person in need might at least make me feel a bit better, but it didn't.

  Instead, I feel just as hollow as I did before.

  I make my way north, past all the familiar landmarks, all the memories of family vacations, and all my time with Kaiden. He was like a rollercoaster, bringing me to such highs and lows, but after the ride is over, you're always disappointed by how short the whole thing was.

  He's always going to abandon me. I know that now. That when things get rough, he's going to run, and he's always going to do it his own way.

  I don't know how I feel about that, but it gives me a small bit of comfort to know that this is just how it will be and that it's nothing I did wrong.

  I'm just destined to be alone.

  The highway stretches out before me, and for hours, I keep going through the vast nothingness until a sign catches my attention. San Francisco is up ahead, not one hundred miles away. I've never been there, not even for a visit. My parents always hated the big cities and preferred camping to driving on the busy streets.

  Maybe this is my chance to make something of myself. To do something new and exciting.

  Even that thought can’t relieve the ache in my heart.

  Chapter 23

  "Are you sure?"

  "Yea, I'm sure, Becky!" I say, my voice shriller than I intend. There's no way this can be right. I can't be pregnant. Not now. Not when I’m on my own and just starting school.

  It's two months after Kaiden abandoned me at the pharmacy, and I haven't had my period since then, but that doesn't matter.

  This just... it can't be happening to me. No.

  Fear and anguish rush through me, but there's something more, too. Excitement. I don't even want to think about it, and I try to push it down, snuff it out, but I can't deny that it's there, burning within me.

  An excuse to reach out to him!

  "Oh my God, Gail! You're pregnant!" She says it with enthusiasm but tones it down to gauge my reaction, but even so, she could have no idea why I look and feel so distraught. I never told anyone at the University of San Francisco about Kaiden, or even that I have a step-brother. Not that many people care.

  Becky's pretty much my only real friend, but she's been a lot of fun and really important to getting me out of my slump.

  She's toured me around the city, taken me to some of the best restaurants, but it's always been a bit disappointing. It's always been missing Kaiden.

  I haven't heard from him since, and I've avoided looking.

  If he didn't want me in his life, then that's his choice.

  "So who's the father?" she asks, her tone sly, like I've been hiding something. "It's not Jack, is it? That guy is-"

  "It's not Jack."

  "Oh thank God!" she says, rolling her eyes heavenward. "The way he looks at you, you know, I was starting to wonder."

  "Ew, Becky. No, it's not him. You don't know the guy," I say, and I wonder, for a second, if I knew him either.

  "So what are you going to do?"

  "I'm... I'm not sure. Maybe just raise it by myself."

  "What? Don't be ridiculous, you're not even going to tell him?"

  I shake my head and she looks mortified.

  "If I got pregnant, I'd be sure as hell telling the guy and getting some child support at least. I mean, raising a baby isn't cheap, Gail," she says, her voice holding so much concern. "I mean, especially when you're only nineteen. Maybe you should think adoption..."

  She looks at me with those big, green eyes of hers, and they remind me of Kaiden's. I wonder how he'd react.

  If he'd be excited, or if it'd just be another bother.

  He already gave me more than enough to cover child support.

  But I can't deny the fact that I want him to know. He deserves to, after all we've been through.

  I nod my head, brushing some of my dyed brown hair behind my ear. I'd taken Kaiden seriously about starting new.

  When I moved, I started going by Gail, dyed my hair, changed my wardrobe, everything. I even started going to school, dreaming of the day that maybe I could be a lawyer. Start working to really help people in need, find some purpose to my life.

  Becky leans in, touching my face gently.

  "It'll be okay, I promise. But you should really tell him at least. C'mon, if you liked him enough to sleep with him, how bad can he be?"

  Chapter 24

  It doesn't take me long to track down Kaiden.

  I took him seriously when he said to start fresh, but apparently he didn't take his own advice. He had apparently put a down payment on mom and dad's old house.

  It was kind of bitter-sweet to think of him back in the home we grew up in. We shared so much in those walls.

  The drive back was harder than I expected. Once I started passing familiar buildings and homes once more, each brought a rush of memories with it, coming on faster and faster as I drove into town.

  It's middle of the day on Saturday, a month after I found out I was pregnant. I tracked him down within a day, but I just can't bring myself to do it. Not until I knew for sure that nothing is going to happen with the baby.

  I'm terrified, though, still.

  I have no idea what he'll say, what seeing me will bring up in him.

  What I'll feel at seeing him again.

  It's only been three months since we parted ways. It feels like an eternity, yet at the same time, it feels like no time at all has passed, and I drive a bit slower out of fear more than anything.

  I've brushed my hair, letting the dark locks spill around my neck, a casual shirt and jeans hiding most of my body.

  I'd gotten so comfortable wearing revealing clothes around the bar, but now that I'm enrolled in college, I've gotten back to my more conservative outfits. It just feels more appropriate, anyways.

  To be a bit hidden from him. To protect myself—and him—from our lusts. From our history.

  I didn't tell him I was coming, though, and that makes me nervous. I don't want him to know. I just wanted to put off talking to him as long as possible.

  But when I pull up in the driveway of our old home, and I see his bike, I can barely bring myself to get out of the vehicle.

  When he comes to the window, though, and I see the light and excitement on his face, it pulls at me.

  Draws me in, like it was his siren song, and I'm his willing victim.

  He opens the door for me, pulling me out and hugging me tight, just like nothing ever happened.

  And once more, I fall under his spell and remember why I've loved him so much all these years. I pull away, trying not to lose myself to his rugged charm, but I'm hopeless. He's covered up a bit, a shirt covering the myriad of tattoos and, I'd guess, more than a few scars.

  I look down at the ground, suddenly struck mute and shy.

  "Abby, God, why didn't you call? I could've..." he trailed off. He knew there was nothing he could've done, and for a second, I wonder if he's forgotten how he left me. That he abandoned me.

  And then it strikes him, wiping the smile from his face, and he steps aside, letting me in, suddenly more formal.

  "You want some tea?"

  "Sure."

  I go into the old hallway, following the familiar path to the kitchen. He looks so good, though there's a bit of a limp to his step, and I guess it's from the fight. He didn't get medical attention for a while, maybe that caused some damage.

  He puts on the kettle, and I look around at the sparsely decorated room. He doesn't have much, but it seems like he was able to salvage some stuff from mom and dad, and memories wash over me.

  "How've you been? Your hair is great."

  He shakes me out of my reverie, and I give him a smile and a nod.

  "Thank you. And I'm good, fine. I enrolled in college, started last month," I say, licking my lips.

&n
bsp; I went over it in my mind a thousand times how I'd tell him, but every time it fell flat. And I know, at least in part, it's because I don't know whether to be happy or not about the news.

  He leans against the counter, his biceps bulging and looking so good. I remember how they felt wrapped around me for those whirlwind hours we were finally, blissfully together, and it brings a flush to my cheeks and a heat to my loins.

  I'm actually upset by the fact that I still want him—annoyed, even. By the fact that when he talks, I'm still looking at that tongue stud, remembering how it felt against my pussy.

  And now I'm paying the price.

  I sit at the table, my purse resting at my feet, as I look up at him. Instantly I regret it, as I feel even smaller now, but I don't want to stand and draw attention to my discomfort.

  "What about you?" I ask, looking around. "Guess you got the bail money returned?"

  He nods, a sheepish smile on his lips.

  "Yep. Just enough to get this place out of foreclosure and a few things from the auction. It's not much, but it's a start."

  I wonder if he regrets giving me the money, but I know that's not true. He seems perfectly content without me in his life, and without the money in his life.

  I swallow, nodding.

  "That's good. It's nice to have it in good hands," I say, but my voice cracks, and he instantly comes over to me, his face marred with concern.

  "Abby, what's wrong?"

  I shake my head, wiping away a stray tear.

  "It's nothing, nothing," I swear, but the words sound hollow and I know it.

  His finger hooks in underneath my chin, making me look at him, stare into those beautiful green eyes. I long for him, even still, even after all he's done, but I can't let myself fall for him again. I can't let myself be hurt.

  It's not just me anymore, but for the baby, too.

  I have to protect us both from the stress and the agony of Kaiden's fickleness, and thinking he knows best.

  I chew on my lower lip, nerves coiling within my gut, making me regret ever coming here.

  I wish I'd just called him or sent a message online, but I wanted to do the right thing. But doing the right thing feels so terrible, like my stitches have been torn open.

  "I have something I need to tell you," I say, my voice soft, and the kettle interrupts me with its whistle.

  He cringes and takes it off the stove, coming back to me without pouring up my tea, though this time he doesn't touch my chin, doesn't touch me at all, and my heart turns to ice.

  "Is it the money?" he asks, his voice filled with worry. "Did something happen to it?"

  I shake my head.

  "Axel?"

  I shake my head again, and he opens his mouth to ask something else and I silence him with my words.

  "I'm pregnant."

  Two simple, easy words, said billions of times over the course of humanity. So why did they feel so wrong?

  He takes a step back, as if I'd just turned poisonous, and I stand up, quickly.

  "This was a bad idea," I say, grabbing my purse, but he reaches out and holds my wrist firm.

  "You're pregnant?" he asks, his voice dark, as if he hadn't heard me right the first time, and I nod.

  "But... who?"

  Anger floods through me, and I spin to face him, fire in my eyes.

  "Who?" I ask, my voice rising. "What the fuck, Kaiden? Who? What do you think I am, huh? Just some floozy slut like all the rest of the girls you bring home?"

  I've held onto so much anger, anger at him controlling so much of my life, anger at him making all the decisions that affect both of us, and I can hardly contain it.

  "I thought you were on the pill!" he argues as he takes a step back, looking shocked at my outburst, but I don't feel anywhere near to done.

  "On the pill? I was a virgin, Kaiden, and intended on keeping it that way!"

  He takes another step back, leaning against the counter like I just punched him in the gut, and I feel a moment of satisfaction. I throw my purse over my shoulder and start towards the door, but he's faster than me, and he grabs both of my shoulders, pulling me to face him.

  "So what now?" he asks, his voice softer, more filled with care and concern, but it's too little, too late.

  "So now you know," I reply, trying to make my voice cold, but it comes out with a tremble of pain that I know he can sense.

  He pushes me to the wall, stopping me from leaving, and I stare up at him aghast.

  "Let me go."

  "I can't," he protests, and his mouth moves to silence my words, his pierced tongue running against my upper lip as he presses his body to mine. He's already stiff against my stomach, grinding there, and for a moment I'm rendered dumb.

  He tastes so good, and I kiss him back, the passion between us mounting. I want him so bad, now more than ever, and I moan into his mouth.

  "I want you," he whispers between kisses, his mouth trailing down my neck, over my collarbone, down along the fabric of my top as he pulls up the bottom of it. He exposes my stomach, still smooth but with a slight bump, to his mouth, and I want more than anything to lose myself in him again.

  But I can't.

  I push him away, his back hitting against the other side of the hallway, and I run out the door.

  Chapter 25

  I sit on my bed, my headphones on. I just need to blare out all the badness, all the sorrow and loss.

  Four months, and the morning sickness hasn't totally gone away, though I think at least part of it is due to missing him.

  Wanting him back in my life.

  I haven't heard from Kaiden since that horrible day, but the memory of his hands and mouth on me once more ignited that passion I'd quelled with the anger and rage of being abandoned.

  But he didn't mean it.

  If he did, I would've heard from him by now.

  I flip through the adoption pamphlet Becky gave me, but I don't feel right about it. I don't feel right about any of it. I should've been more careful, more cautious, but he had me wrapped around his finger.

  And now I'm paying the price.

  Tossing the pamphlet aside, I sigh and pick up my phone. Even my old favorite songs aren't perking me up. Maybe I should try to find something more upbeat.

  But when I turn on the screen, there's a text from a number I don't recognize. Probably another stupid reminder about some clothing sale I accidentally signed up for.

  But when I swipe down, my heart stops.

  Princess, I know I don't deserve you, but I want to. More than anything. Can we talk?

  Tears spring to my eyes, and I don't know if it's the hormones or not, but I swipe them away quickly. My lower lip trembles, and the rest of the world is forgotten.

  I stare for so long at that message, reading it over and over again. My heart starts racing, my palms going sweaty as I wonder what to say.

  He's just going to blow you off, I chide myself, but I don't want to believe it. Not this time. Not now.

  If ever I'm going to give him the benefit of the doubt, it has to be now.

  Talk about what? I reply, and the second I hit send, I start wondering if it's too terse.

  If he's going to think I'm still mad.

  You are still mad, my subconscious reminds me, but that doesn't stop me from staring at my phone. Every time the screen goes black again, I swipe it back on, the anticipation killing me.

  Luckily, he doesn't keep me waiting for long.

  I want to make it up to you. Can we meet? You know our spot on Big Bear Lake?

  Big Bear Lake?

  That was where...

  I shake my head free of the memory of his mouth lingering so near to mine, and swallow. My mouth feels dry, my breathing increased. Big Bear Lake is still a seven-hour drive if traffic is good.

  Do I really want to put myself in that position?

  But even as I antagonize over it, I'm texting him back.

  When?

  This weekend?

  And nothing within
me can stop me from sending back:

  OK.

  I put the phone down, staring up at the ceiling.

  What am I doing? Why does my heart keep tugging me towards pain?

  But for the first time in so long, I find a restful sleep, a smile upon my lips and the image of Kaiden in the front of my mind.

  Chapter 26

  The drive is long, giving me ample time to fret about what I'm doing. What choices I'm making.

  I could've just flown, but I was afraid that I'd get there and be stuck with no way out, and I wanted options. That was worth the extra time.

  Plus, it gave me an opportunity to mull over in my head precisely what I'm going to say to him. Or, more accurately, what he's planning on saying to me.

  He wouldn't invite you all the way out here if it wasn't for a good reason, I remind myself, and I know it's true.

  For all the things I could say about Kaiden, he wouldn't waste my time and my energy like this unless it was important. He has something planned, I just don't know what.

  He made it pretty clear that being with him is too dangerous for me to handle, and now that I have a baby on the way?

  Do I really want to get involved with the life he leads?

  But then, he did go back to the old home, away from all of his 'friends' and associates, and he gave away his nest egg. But wouldn't that just make him want to break the law more?

  I didn't bother asking what job he was working at when I came to see him because I was afraid of the answer.

  Is that the life you want, Abigail? I ask myself, and I don't honestly know the answer to that. I'm getting close to the lake, and the beauty of the location manages to quiet my thoughts for a few blissful moments. There's a certain serenity to it, a peacefulness, and excitement and fear can't completely quash that.

  We never had a cabin up here, we weren't as lucky as that, but there was a rental that our parents' friends had once in a while at the east end of the lake, and I drove the mildly familiar roads towards it.

  I had dressed in a simple pair of pants and a sweater, knowing the lake would be cool this time of year, but I have the window down, the breeze blowing in my face. I never managed to get used to the brown hair and went back to blonde once more a few days after I saw Kaiden.