“Are you coming home for spring break?” Izzie asked him.
“Maybe. Some of the people in my study group are going to Peru on a mission to study the government. I was thinking I might go with them. I don’t know yet. I know my mom wants me to come home.”
“Yeah. Me too,” she said softly. She always missed him. She missed them all. At least she saw Gabby all the time. But Andy and Sean had gone so far away. It felt like another planet sometimes, with them in Boston and Washington, D.C.
“I’ll let you know what I’m doing,” Sean promised. They hung up then, and Izzie already missed him. She was smiling to herself as she thought about him, and about Billy winning the game the day before. It was a beautiful January day, and all was well, when she went to meet the others for lunch. They were still on a high from Billy’s big victory. This was only the beginning for him, and for all of them. And when she saw Billy walk into the restaurant, she was so happy for him, she had tears in her eyes. He looked like the happiest guy in the world.
Chapter 13
A week after USC won the Rose Bowl game, Gabby got confirmation that she had been chosen for the national ad campaign for the cosmetics company. Her agency was sending her out on more go-sees, one of them for a Victoria’s Secret ad. She was learning the business.
Billy had stayed with her the night before, and had left for the dorm early that morning, to work out at the gym. They were planning to have dinner together that evening.
She slipped into a short, skinny black dress and a pair of strappy high heels. Her skin looked terrific, and her long straight blond hair was perfectly blow-dried. She had just had it colored, and she was wearing it a little lighter, which looked right in L.A. She had very little makeup on—her agency liked her fresh, with a girl-next-door wholesome look, and so did Billy. After he won the championship game, he had given her a promise ring to replace the one he’d given her in high school, which he’d had engraved with “I love you.” This one was a narrow band of diamonds with a small diamond heart on it, and she was wearing it on her left hand. It wasn’t an engagement ring yet, but she knew it would be one day. He had said as much to her. He had just turned nineteen and she was eighteen, and they had time. He said he wanted to marry her by the time he went to the NFL. They both wondered if he’d stay in school for all four years. After the championship game, she doubted it. The lure of the NFL would be too tempting if they flashed big money at him when he turned twenty-one. Gabby knew that would be hard to resist, but she didn’t care. As long as she was with Billy, he could do whatever he wanted. She was behind him all the way.
Her three go-sees that day went well, and she was pretty sure she’d get all three jobs. She had a drink at the Ivy with one of the models after the last one. She liked her and they had worked together a few times, most recently on a shoot for Vogue. They talked about how tough the business was, and how lucky they had been. The other girl had come out from Salt Lake City six months ago, and like Gabby, she was doing well. A lot of the girls weren’t, but Gabby and her new friend had the look everybody wanted right now. The girl from Utah had just been asked to shoot a commercial in Japan, and she said she was going to do it.
Gabby called Izzie from her BlackBerry as she left the Ivy, but it went to voicemail, so she figured Izzie was still in class. She just said that she called to say hi and tell her she loved her, and then Billy called to say he loved her and ask how her day was. She told him about the go-sees, and he promised to be at the apartment an hour later—he had the keys.
Gabby still had her phone in her hand as she stepped out on North Robertson to hail a cab. She saw one and put her arm up, a beautiful girl in a short black dress, with her long blond hair flying in the breeze. Just then a car came around the corner so fast, she couldn’t even see it or step back. Gabby never knew what hit her. She flew into the air when the car struck her, and then smashed onto the windshield. The car was going so fast that she fell off again, headfirst onto the street, and lay there like a rag doll as cars were honking and people screamed. The driver of the car that hit her drove up onto the sidewalk and nearly ran down someone else. He jumped out of the car and started running, and someone grabbed him and pinned him to the ground. Police were on the scene immediately, and two ambulances seconds later. The fire department came. The driver who had hit her was taken into custody. One of the policemen found her phone and put it in a bag as evidence. Her modeling portfolio was spilled all over North Robertson. Traffic was stopped, and they put Gabby on a gurney and covered her. The ambulance drove away in silence as people stared after it. They didn’t put the siren on. People shuddered at the grim scene. Gabby Thomas was dead at eighteen.
Chapter 14
The police came to the Thomas home in San Francisco to tell Gabby’s parents. As soon as Judy opened the door to them that night, she knew that something terrible had happened.
Billy had been calling Izzie for the past several hours, wondering if she knew where Gabby was. Izzie said that Gabby had left her a message while she was still in class. She said she had sounded fine, had said she loved her, and would call back later. It was a standard message, and Izzie said she was sure nothing was wrong.
“I talked to her at five-thirty. She said she was on her way home,” Billy said, sounding worried. It wasn’t like her not to call him if she was delayed. They talked to each other constantly, or texted, throughout the day, even if just to say “I love you,” or where they were.
“Maybe her agency sent her on another go-see, and she didn’t have time to call you. Or she doesn’t have service where she is.” There were always funny pockets where cell phones didn’t work. It was eight o’clock by then.
“I think something’s wrong,” Billy said in a choked voice, and Izzie smiled. The two of them were attached at the hip.
“That you’d know. She’d call you if something happened. Trust me. Or she’d call me. She didn’t. Just give it a while, and relax. Maybe she lost her BlackBerry, or it fell out of her purse, or the battery is dead.” There were a million reasons why she might not have called, all of them benign. But in this case, it wasn’t.
At that exact moment, the police were walking into the Thomases’ living room, and Judy’s heart was in her throat. She sat down, and they told her as gently as they could. They said that Gabby had been hit by a drunk driver and killed. He was a freshman at USC, the alcohol level in his blood on arrest was 1.9, and he was in custody. Their daughter had been killed on impact. Judy sobbed hysterically when they told her, and Adam held her, crying too.
Michelle came out of her room as soon as she heard her mother scream, and she knew the minute she saw her. “Gabby!” Michelle shouted in anguish. Judy nodded, and Michelle put her arms around them as though trying to protect them from the news. She felt a knife-stab of guilt slice through her for every time she had been jealous of her sister, and there had been many, many times. She had admitted it to Brian, her mother, her group, and even Gabby herself. She had confessed, but maybe her bad thoughts had killed her sister. Michelle was sixteen years old, and like Sean a few months earlier, she was suddenly an only child.
The police told them who to contact at the police department in L.A. He said it would be simplest if they would go there, to make arrangements for the body to be brought back to San Francisco. There were a number of forms to fill out, and they told Judy and Adam how sorry they were and looked as though they meant it. One of the officers said he had a daughter the same age, and he could imagine how they felt. But he couldn’t, Judy knew immediately. He couldn’t possibly—his daughter was still alive. And her beautiful, wonderful, beloved Gabby was dead.
At first they didn’t know what to do. Judy called Connie and told her, knowing she’d understand, and then they both thought of Billy. Someone had to tell him. Connie couldn’t even imagine it, but she said she’d call Izzie, who could tell him in person. She called her while Judy and Adam booked seats on a flight to L.A. the next day. It was too late to catch the last flight, a
nd they were in no condition to travel. Michelle said she wanted to go with them.
Connie had no idea what to say to Izzie and wished Sean were there. Izzie answered her cell phone before she looked—she thought it might be Billy again. She was surprised to hear Connie at the other end.
“Hi, Connie,” Izzie said, sounding happy. She had just gotten back to her dorm room, after picking up a salad for dinner. She didn’t want to gain the freshman fifteen and was careful about it. “What’s up?”
“I’ve got bad news,” Connie said simply. Very, very bad news. She had told Mike, and he was sitting near her, with a devastated expression. And after Izzie, they were going to call Sean. It seemed hideous beyond imagining that two of these young people had died within seven months of each other, Kevin and now Gabby. And she had done nothing dangerous or risky—all she did was hail a cab. But the boy who hit her had been drinking. And now his life would be ruined too. He had killed a beautiful young woman. Connie could imagine how his parents would feel when they heard. Two lives had been destroyed that night, not just Gabby’s, and the lives of all those who loved them, and in Gabby’s case, there were many.
“What’s wrong?” Izzie asked her. The tone of Connie’s voice sounded familiar to her, but she couldn’t remember why. She had heard that tone before, something dead in her, as though the end of the world had happened. And for them, it had.
“I hate to tell you this over the phone, but I have to. Izzie … I’m sorry.… It’s Gabby.”
“What about Gabby?” Izzie could feel her heart pound, and then she remembered that tone in Connie’s voice. After Kevin. “What do you mean?” Izzie felt like she was screaming, but it was only a whisper.
“She was hit by a drunk driver. He … she’s … he killed her,” Connie said on a sob.
“Oh my God … oh my God …” Izzie felt frantic, and all she could think about was Billy. “Billy … does he know?”
“Not yet.”
“It’ll kill him.… Who’s going to tell him? He called me a while ago, and he was worried. She hadn’t called him since five-thirty, and she was late.”
“I think that’s when it happened. He came around the corner and hit her. I’m not sure where she was. He’s a freshman at USC. Judy said he was drunk and tried to run, and a witness grabbed him.”
“What do we do about Billy?” Izzie asked, panicking.
“Someone has to tell him, and not on the phone. Do you think you can do it?” She was the only one there who could, and they both knew it. It was going to be the hardest thing she ever did.
“Does Sean know?” She could use support from him. Or Andy. But it would be devastating for them too.
“Not yet. I called you first.”
“He’s at her apartment,” she said, as though to herself. “I’ll go.”
“I’m so sorry.… I don’t think he should hear it on the phone. Neither should you.” But they both knew that was different. Izzie felt like a bomb had hit her when she hung up. She had lost her best friend, who was like a sister to her. But Billy had lost his first love and the girl he wanted to marry and was sure he would. Gabby had shown her the beautiful promise ring the day she got it. Billy loved Gabby as much as any wife—she was his childhood sweetheart.
Feeling disoriented and confused, Izzie took a cab to Gabby’s apartment. She didn’t take the time to comb her hair or wash her face. All she could think about was Gabby. She rang the doorbell and expected to see Gabby open it and tell her it was a joke. But instead Billy answered, with a can of beer in his hand, and he looked nervous the minute he saw Izzie.
“What happened?”
She couldn’t find the words to say it to him, and she flew into his arms and held him. His arms went around her as he started to cry, and the beer was all over the floor in a pool around them.
“Oh no …,” he said. “Oh no … oh no …” It was all he could say as they both cried and stood there rocking back and forth. He had known the minute he saw Izzie’s face. And finally he asked her how. They were still standing in the doorway, and Izzie gently closed the door and led him to the couch. They both needed to sit down, and she felt like she was going to faint.
“A hit-and-run driver. He was drunk. Some kid from USC.” A wave of rage washed over Billy’s face, and then he dissolved in tears again, and they held each other and rocked back and forth some more. Sean called Izzie a little while later.
“Oh my God …” He was in tears, but all he could think about was Billy. “How is he?”
“Not good. I’m here at Gabby’s with him.” Just saying her name, a rock the size of a fist lodged in Izzie’s throat, and she couldn’t speak for a minute.
“I’m coming home on the red-eye tonight,” Sean told her.
“Okay.” She couldn’t think of anything to say to him. She felt as though they had all been dropped off a building together. She was glad he was coming home. “Did you call Andy?”
“I wanted to call you first. I’ll call him now. Are you okay?”
“No.” Of course not. She closed her eyes and clung to Billy, as much for him as for herself.
“Hang in. We’ll make it. We all have each other.” But they no longer had Gabby and never would again. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“I want to go home tonight,” Billy said as soon as she hung up. He was crying like a baby.
“The Thomases are coming down tomorrow. Maybe we should wait.” He thought about it and nodded.
“Don’t leave,” he said to Izzie as she sat there with him.
“I won’t. I promise.” She couldn’t have anyway. She needed him just as much. His mother called him, frantic about him, but he wouldn’t talk to her, so Izzie did instead, and she said that she was with him. Marilyn was sobbing as much as Connie had been. It was a communal loss.
Billy slept in Gabby’s bed that night, the one he had shared with her, smelling her on the pillows. He opened the closets and inhaled the familiar perfume on her clothes. He howled like an animal as he held them, and slept with her nightgown wrapped around him, while Izzie slept on the couch.
Izzie and Billy were still wearing the clothes they’d worn at Gabby’s the night before when they met the Thomases at the police station. Judy was devastated and Adam was crying, and Michelle looked like she was in shock. They all were. And they were told that the drunk driver was still in jail.
“I hope he dies there,” Adam said.
They filled out the forms to transfer Gabby. They had already arranged with the funeral parlor in San Francisco to bring her home. They all went to the airport then. Billy and Izzie had packed nothing. All they wanted was to go home, and the five of them took a noon flight. The Thomases had arranged for a car to pick them up, and they dropped both young people at Billy’s house. Marilyn and Jack were waiting for them. Brian was at school, and Marilyn had thought to notify Atwood as well. She thought they’d want to know since Gabby had only graduated seven months before.
Billy folded into his mother’s arms just as he had when he was a little boy. He stood there and sobbed, as Jack gently patted him, and they led him into the family room to sit down. He looked like an overgrown five-year-old, and not the championship quarterback he had become.
“How am I going to live without her?” he said to his mother. He had loved her since they were five, all his life. They all had. Izzie couldn’t imagine a world without her in it either. It was a devastating loss for them all. They sat and talked for a while, and finally Marilyn took him to his room and put him to bed, and then she looked at Izzie and hugged her.
“Thank you for being there for him.”
“I love him,” she said simply. And then Jack offered to drive her home. Izzie looked terrible, and he could see how she felt. She promised to come back later. Jack drove her to the house, and Jennifer was waiting for her there. She didn’t say a word, she’d been there for hours, knowing Izzie would come home, and she held her in her arms while Izzie cried. She felt like she was dying of a broken he
art.
“I’m so sorry … I’m so sorry …,” Jennifer said again and again, and explained that her father had to be in court with a client, or he’d have been there too. Izzie was grateful that someone was home. She had never felt so alone in her life, as now without her best friend.
Jennifer ran a bath for her, and sat with her while Izzie talked about Gabby, how much she loved her and the things they’d done when they were little, the pranks they played at school. And then Jennifer made her lie down, but she couldn’t sleep. She got up and went into the kitchen, and they had something to eat. And then Jennifer drove her back to Billy’s. Izzie hadn’t been to see Sean’s parents yet, and she wanted to, but she wanted to check on Billy again first. And when she walked in, Sean was there, and he pulled her into his arms and held her tight without saying a word.
“You’re okay, Iz.… You’re okay …,” he crooned at her, and she pulled away to look at him and shook her head.
“No, I’m not.” And he wasn’t either, but it was the best they could do. Billy was sleeping by then, and Sean went with her to see the Thomases, and then they went back to Sean’s house. They went up to his room and lay on his bed. He said that Andy was coming for one day for the funeral, but he couldn’t come for longer, he had exams. But he would be there.
“I’m worried about Billy,” Izzie said softly, as she lay next to Sean.
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