“I’m worried about all of us. I think our generation is cursed. All you ever read about are kids our age who are shot and killed, die in car wrecks, or kill themselves, or do drive-by shootings and kill fifty people. What’s wrong with us? Why does this shit happen?”
“I don’t know,” she said sadly. She’d never thought of it before, but there was something to what he said. They were a generation at risk, in a very high-stakes game.
Chapter 15
The funeral was beautiful, with enormous white flowers everywhere. It almost looked like a wedding and was a little over the top, but somehow it seemed right for Gabby. The Atwood choir sang “Ave Maria” and “Amazing Grace,” and Izzie sat between Sean and Andy, with Jeff and Jennifer in the row behind them. Billy sat with Gabby’s parents and Michelle, crying like a child. They almost had to hold him up when the casket was carried out of the church. Jack went to walk beside him, as Billy walked out of the church with Michelle. Everyone knew it was a turning point in Billy’s life, and surely not a good one.
They all went to the Thomases’ afterward, along with hundreds of people. Everyone who had loved her was there, and Billy was visibly drunk an hour after he arrived. It upset everyone, but Marilyn would talk to him later. Marilyn and Jack took him home and put him to bed. It had all been too much for him. He’d been talking all day about dropping out of USC and forgetting football. Jack had called the coach and explained the situation. They were going to give him compassionate leave for as long as he needed, and it looked like it might be a long time, but it was too soon to tell.
Sean and Izzie sat in the Thomases’ garden with Andy. It was chilly, but they wanted to be out of the crowd. Andy was taking the red-eye back to Boston that night.
“I just can’t believe this,” he said, looking stricken. “First your brother,” he said to Sean, “and now Gabby.” And they all knew that unlike Kevin, she had had no risk-taking behaviors—all she had done was step into the street to hail a cab.
“Where do we go from here?” Izzie said bleakly.
“Back to school, to our lives, to do it better, to live a life they’d be proud of,” Sean said. It sounded idealistic, but he believed it.
“What about us?” Izzie asked in a whisper. “What do we believe in now?”
“Ourselves, each other. The same things we’ve always believed in.” Izzie nodded, but she was no longer so sure. It had been a brutal blow to all of them. It was hard to go on after something like this.
“When are you going back?” Izzie asked Sean with worried eyes.
“In a few days. I want to hang around with Billy. I don’t think he’s going back to school for a while.”
“On the plane home, he said he wanted to drop out and give up football, that it has no meaning for him without her,” Izzie told him.
“Give him time,” Sean said quietly. “He’ll never totally recover from this, I suspect, but he’ll learn to live with it. Like my parents with Kevin. He can’t give up at nineteen.” But they knew he wanted to right now. “We just need to keep him from going nuts.” And he was capable of it—they knew that too. His response to the funeral had been to get drunk immediately afterward, just as it had been after his mother got married. It was an easy way out, and one his father had taught him early on. Sean wanted to tell him it was not an option. He’d probably need to be reminded of it again, by all those who loved him. For a while, it would be an appealing anesthetic, but sooner or later he’d have to face life sober again, if he wanted to have a life.
Izzie and Sean stayed for the rest of the week and spent time with Billy, Michelle, and Gabby’s parents. Brian was with Michelle in all his spare time. Izzie and Sean tried to comfort everyone and finally each other. Every time she thought of it, Izzie realized that she’d never see Gabby again and couldn’t imagine life without her. It was a horrifying thought, and eventually she melted into Sean’s arms and just cried.
“I wish you weren’t leaving,” she said softly.
“I have to. I’ll come back soon. You could come to D.C. to visit me some weekend. You’d like it. It’s not a bad place.” But they were all busy with school, and their obligations. She realized she was going to have to babysit Billy a lot in the coming months if he went back to school, but she was willing to do it. And Sean said he’d come out and see him too.
Billy didn’t come back to L.A. for a month, and Izzie was busy with school then, but she checked on him constantly, called him several times a day, met him for dinner at her school cafeteria or his. She went for walks with him, forced him to do his homework and helped him with it, and put him to bed when he’d had too much to drink. All they could hope was that he would find his way again, and finally by June, at the end of the school year, he felt a little better, and he went home. Izzie had gotten him through, and he was well aware that he couldn’t have done it without her. He told Sean she was a saint, and Sean repeated it to Izzie.
“Not exactly, but it’s nice of him to say.”
“I know better, of course, but I didn’t want to destroy his illusions. Mother Teresa you’re not. I remember the bottle of my parents’ wine you stole in Tahoe.”
“I paid you back for it!” she said, embarrassed. But at least he didn’t know she’d had a one-night stand with Andy. They didn’t refer to it anymore, and Izzie had heard from Andy a few months earlier that he had just met a girl he really liked, also in pre-med.
None of them had important plans for the summer, although Sean was working for his father again, and Izzie was planning to take a class at USF. They had promised to attend the sentencing of the drunk driver who had killed Gabby. They were all going to L.A. for that, and Judy had involved Mothers Against Drunk Driving to make sure that the “killer,” as she referred to him, would serve a maximum amount of time in prison. He had already pleaded guilty, and his lawyer had arranged a plea bargain with the DA. He was not supposed to do more than a year in prison, and five years on probation. The Thomases were outraged by how little time he was going to serve, and had sent a flood of letters to the judge. Representatives of MADD were going to be in court.
Izzie, Sean, Billy, and Andy flew down to L.A. together, and all the parents of the group went down as well. This time even Robert Weston, Andy’s father, went. They stayed at the Sunset Marquis in West Hollywood, and they all arrived promptly in court the day of the sentencing. They sat quietly in the courtroom, waiting for the judge to walk in, and stood up when he arrived. The defendant walked in with his attorney and his parents moments later, and Izzie couldn’t stop staring at him. He looked fourteen, and was only eighteen years old. He didn’t look like a killer, but a child. And his mother was weeping silently as his father held her hand, right behind where their boy sat. As she looked at them, Izzie realized again how many lives had been destroyed by what he’d done, starting with his own, and then Gabby’s, and all their parents’, and Gabby’s friends’. It was tragic to watch.
The district attorney read off the charges, and the plea bargain that had been struck, with the conditions and length of sentence. James Stuart Edmondson had pleaded guilty to manslaughter and criminal negligence, and had expressed deep remorse to the probation department and the district attorney. The DA discussed the possibility of his going to rehab for a year instead, and the judge said it was out of the question. He had caused the death of an eighteen-year-old woman. The judge looked extremely stern and asked the defense lawyer and district attorney to approach the bench. They conferred for a moment, and the judge nodded. And then he asked if the victim’s family would like to make a statement.
With his own attorney at his side, Gabby’s father came forward, wearing a dark blue suit and a somber expression, while Judy cried openly, as did Michelle, and Billy looked so distraught that Sean and Izzie thought he was going to faint or attack someone.
Adam Thomas made an impassioned speech about his daughter, how beautiful she was, how beloved, how successful, the future she had ahead of her. He held out a photograph of h
er that almost ripped Izzie’s heart out. And he even mentioned her relationship with Billy and the fact that they would have gotten married and had children. He mentioned everything that would never happen now because James Edmondson, who looked like a child himself, had gotten drunk and killed her. His attorney claimed that he hadn’t had a drink since, and it had been unfortunate freshman behavior that had turned to tragedy when he got behind the wheel of a car after drinking.
By the time Adam Thomas finished, there wasn’t a dry eye in the house. Billy was sobbing openly in the front row, and the judge seemed to know who he was. He was the star rookie quarterback at USC, and you couldn’t miss him in his dark blue suit, white shirt, and tie.
Then the representative from MADD requested permission to speak, and the judge denied it. He didn’t want his courtroom used for a media circus. He was well aware of the gravity of the matter before him, without a speech from MADD. He invited the defendant to come forward, and in a shaking voice Jimmy Edmondson told the judge how sorry he was, and he sounded sincere. It was a tragedy on both sides. He looked like he wouldn’t survive five minutes in prison, let alone a year, and his mother looked every bit as devastated as Judy.
With an enormously serious voice, the judge explained again that a young woman had been killed, her life had been cut short, and Mr. Edmondson had to pay the full penalty of the law for killing her. He said somberly that there was no escaping the consequences of what he’d done. The judge stunned the entire courtroom by overturning the plea bargain and sentencing the USC freshman to five years in prison, with two years of probation following his release, the main condition of which being that he not touch a drop of alcohol during that time. His driver’s license would be returned to him at the end of those two years—he was not allowed to drive until then. The judge asked him if he understood the conditions and the sentence as Jimmy nodded with tears rolling down his cheeks. He had hoped for far less time, and his lawyer explained to him that he would probably serve three to three and a half years of a five-year sentence. It was a very long time, and it was easy to see how ill-prepared he was for the world he was about to enter, a prison full of rapists and murderers and criminals of all kinds. But he was considered a murderer too, even if to a lesser degree. Gabby was his victim and she was dead.
The judge rapped his gavel, and everyone stood up. A bailiff stepped forward with a sheriff’s deputy. They put handcuffs on the defendant and led him away. His mother sobbed hysterically, and her husband held her and got her out of the courtroom. She didn’t even look at the Thomases, she couldn’t. Her own loss was so great, she couldn’t think of theirs now, only of what was about to happen to her son, and just had.
They all filed quietly out of court, and the Thomases were shaken. The boy who had killed Gabby was the same age as she was, and looked more like Michelle’s age, and she would have been as ill-equipped to deal with prison as he was, but he had foolishly driven drunk and killed Gabby, and even tried to run away. And however painful it was for his parents, justice had been served.
No one spoke on the way out, and even Billy was quiet. What had just happened wouldn’t bring Gabby back, but the boy who had killed her had been punished. It had a bitter taste to Izzie, as she stood in the June sunshine outside the court building. She looked at her friends, and they were as shocked as she was. A terrible thing had occurred when Kevin was killed. And now another terrible thing had happened. James Edmondson would go to prison. It was the way the system worked. They got back into the cars that had brought them, and they flew back to San Francisco that afternoon. For them, the nightmare of the proceedings was over. And for the boy who had killed Gabby, his nightmare had just begun.
Chapter 16
The rest of the summer passed peacefully for all of them. It was a time of healing and reflection. Sean, Andy, and Izzie talked a lot about Gabby, and how strange and empty their lives were without her. Billy was deeply depressed, and his mother was forcing him to go to counseling to talk about it, which was sensible. She was desperately worried about him. They all were. He drank too much, and Sean lectured him constantly about it. His friends were concerned, but as the time came closer for him to go back to USC for practice, he began to seem more like himself. It was possible that he would never fully recover, but football had always been his life as much as Gabby, and they were hoping it would be his salvation in the end.
The others had to find a way to heal and go on. Judy was still devastated, but the tragedy seemed to bring her closer to Michelle. She went to New York with her, just so they could spend some time together and have a change of scene. And when she came back, Judy seemed more like herself.
Andy spent as much time with Billy as he could, in spite of another boring summer job, and he and Sean had dinner often and spent hours talking about what had happened and what it meant to them.
The mothers in the group got together often too. Marilyn was worried about Billy, but also constantly busy with the twins, who were running everywhere and driving her happily insane. No matter what else happened, the twins were the bright spot in her life, and a source of immeasurable joy. Their innocence was like a beacon of hope shining in the darkness. Jennifer and Izzie made friends and got closer to each other. Izzie missed Gabby so much.
Izzie went to Tahoe with the O’Haras, and tried not to remember the night with Andy in the maid’s room. She and Sean talked endlessly about everything they cared about. He was talking a lot again about working for the FBI when he finished college. It sounded more like a goal now than a dream.
They went swimming in the lake, played tennis, went for hikes, and fished. His father took them water-skiing. They did normal things, and tried to forget all the hard things that had happened.
By the time Izzie went back to UCLA in September, she was ready to face life again. And Sean was excited to go back to Washington, D.C. Billy had left for practice in early August, and Andy felt ready to face his second year of pre-med. They were all headed in the right direction. Gabby wasn’t forgotten—she was a memory they would carry with them forever, the memory of fourteen years of friendship, and the childhood they had shared. In important ways, she would always be a part of them.
Sophomore year was hard for Izzie without Gabby. She had loved having her best friend close at hand. Now she was gone. Izzie had a roommate she liked better than her first one, but no one could replace Gabby. She had been like a sister to Izzie and her very best girlfriend. Sophomore year was brutal for Billy too. It was excruciating. Sometimes the agony of losing Gabby still took his breath away. He was having a tough time keeping up with his studies. Izzie helped whenever she could. The only thing that interested him now was playing for the NFL. He was tired of school.
He spent all the time he could working out and at practice. He had taken Sean’s advice, and his adviser’s, and stopped drinking. And he was in fantastic shape when he played his first game of sophomore year. He had a strong winning streak and played a remarkable season. His mother and Jack came down often to watch him play and Larry tried to whenever he could. But by the end of football season and another championship game where he had excelled, Billy knew what he wanted to do. He was certain now. All he had to do was get through another year.
He walked into his adviser’s office on January 2 and told him what he was thinking, and his adviser was sympathetic. He told Billy he had to wait until he turned twenty-one to enter the NFL draft, which Billy knew. It was what kept him going now. He had won a second championship game. And he felt ready, but he still had to wait. He didn’t care about graduating anymore. There was too much waiting for him out in the world. With Gabby, he might have stayed. Without her, he just wanted to get on with his life and start his career as a professional as soon as he could.
He hadn’t dated anyone since Gabby died, and had been faithful to her. She had been gone for just over a year, and he still missed her every hour of every day. Living without her was like living with constant pain.
Izzie wished som
etimes that her own career decision were easier and clear. She had a deep need to help others, but still wasn’t sure how to manifest it. She switched her major to English in junior year, and talked to Sean about it. He was more and more set on the FBI. His brother’s death had made his goals clearer. Gabby’s had shaken Izzie and she had felt lost ever since she died.
She tried to explain it to her mother, on one of Katherine’s rare trips to L.A. Izzie and Katherine were not like mother and daughter, and never had been. They were more like old friends now, they weren’t close, but their relationship was peaceful. Izzie no longer expected anything from her and hadn’t in years.
“I still don’t understand why you don’t want to go to law school,” Katherine said to her over lunch. She was still a pretty woman, although she was fifty-four years old by then. She didn’t seem it, and Izzie suspected she had had some work done, but she looked very good. She had moved to London and was living with the same man she had dated for six years. His name was Charles Sparks, he was older than Katherine, and he was enormously rich and successful. Izzie had met him, but didn’t know him very well. Her mother seemed happy, which maybe was enough. Izzie didn’t have to love him too. Both he and her mother felt like strangers to her. And sometimes Izzie felt as though she were a stranger even to herself. She still didn’t know what she wanted to be when she grew up. Sometimes it was hard enough just being alive, but she wanted to lead a useful life too, not just have a job.
“I don’t want to be a lawyer, Mom. I guess that’s the best reason. And I don’t have a head for business like you,” which ruled out going to business school too. Izzie had considered it, but it just wasn’t “her.” She had good organizational skills, but she didn’t know where to use them.
“Don’t be a dreamer like your father,” Katherine said with a stern look of disappointment. She had never been impressed by his work at the ACLU. “He’s always championing the poor. You don’t make money doing that.” Jennifer shared his ideals, as a social worker, and his deep commitment. Izzie respected them for that even if her mother didn’t. They had been living together by then for over a year, and it seemed to work. Her parents’ marriage never had—they were just too different, and were even more so now.
Friends Forever Page 17