Caleb's Christmas Wish

by Debra Salonen

  Jake knew who to blame for Phillip’s death, but before he could say so, a door opened and the sound of children’s voices filled the hall. Allison finished her call and put her phone away.

  “Sorry,” she murmured, glancing at Jake before turning around.

  Caleb trotted at the side of a smiling woman dressed in a gray-and-white habit. In her mid-twenties, the woman moved as gracefully as a dancer. She called to Father Avila in Spanish, her tone apologetic.

  “Come. It’s okay,” Father Avila said, motioning them closer. Caleb’s feelings were clearly telegraphed on his face. He dropped the nun’s hand and ran straight to his godfather.

  Jake scooted his chair back and went down on one knee to pick him up. “Hey, buddy, did you jump and sing?”

  Caleb nodded but didn’t look up from Jake’s chest. Beneath the child’s head, Jake’s heart swelled. Suddenly the thought of leaving seemed inconceivable. But he’d promised to do whatever was in Caleb’s best interest, and he would—even if that meant giving him up when it was time to return to Miami.

  “What’s it say?” Caleb asked, trying to look over Allison’s shoulder.

  Jake was in the driver’s seat of her car but hadn’t started the engine. The plan had been to drop her off at her office after the counseling session then Jake and Caleb would go to the movie. But a quick scan of the theater listings told her that wouldn’t work.

  “The next show isn’t until four.”

  Jake frowned. With his sunglasses in place it was impossible to read his eyes. “Well, I suppose Caleb and I could visit Cordelia. The hospital is close by, isn’t it?”

  Yes, but my office is clear across town.

  “No way,” Caleb said, his tone belligerent. “I wanna go to the park. To swing. Ally said I could swing today.”

  “But you didn’t see your grandmother yesterday, and I’m sure she’s missing you,” Allison argued.

  “No, no, no,” he cried, kicking his feet against the back of the driver’s seat.

  Jake reached behind him to catch one foot. “Enough,” he said, sternly.

  Caleb’s bottom lip poked out, and he turned his face toward the window to pout.

  Allison’s hope of getting work done appeared doomed. She couldn’t justify dumping a grumpy kid on Jake just so she could juggle a few unhappy customers.

  “I believe I said we’d go to the park if you were cooperative and if the sun was shining,” she said, stressing the word if.

  “It’s sunny,” he crowed triumphantly.

  “But are you being cooperative?”

  He nodded—even though she was sure he didn’t know what the word meant. “You’ll have to prove it to me. If you’re a perfect angel for one hour at the hospital, then we’ll stop at the park on our way to the theater. Okay?”

  He thought a minute then nodded.

  “Good,” Allison said.

  “What about your office?” Jake asked, starting the engine. He’d seemed uncharacteristically somber since their meeting with Father Avila.

  “I’m compromising, too,” she said. “I’ll go there at four. No Disney for me.”

  As he was looking over his shoulder to back out of the parking spot, he made eye contact with Allison and mouthed the words, “Thank you.”

  A funny feeling blossomed in her chest. Gratitude was one thing. The effect his sexy smile had on her female hormones was quite another.

  Ten minutes later, they walked into Cordelia’s room. Five elaborate flower arrangements, which had graced the altar of the funeral home the day before, now brightened the window ledge.

  “Hi, Gramma,” Caleb cried, racing to the chair where Cordelia was sitting.

  Allison was pleased to see Cordelia out of bed. The past two days hadn’t been easy for her—emotionally or medically speaking. A blood test had shown a post-operative infection, which meant more intravenous antibiotics.

  But Cordelia smiled and opened her arms to her grandson. “What a pleasant surprise,” she exclaimed. “I just tried calling the house and no one answered.”

  “We went to church,” Caleb said, guilelessly. “I jumped and sang with a bunch of kids.”

  Cordelia directed a questioning look at Allison. “We spoke with Father Avila. He visited you the day of your surgery. He also works with grieving families.”

  Allison could tell she had questions, but the moment was lost when a nurse popped her head in the door and said, “Hey, I thought I saw a person under the age of ten come in here. There’s a visiting clown in pediatrics and Grandma hasn’t had her walk today. Sounds like serendipity to me.”

  “Awesome,” Allison exclaimed. “Why don’t you all go? I have a few calls to make.”

  “No,” Caleb said. “You have to come, too.”

  Jake helped Cordelia to her feet and smiled at Allison. “One go, we all go.”

  She swallowed her impatience. Work wasn’t the only reason she didn’t want to accompany them, but she told herself it was ridiculous to feel weird about entering a pediatric ward after all these years. People who had abortions weren’t automatically banned from that floor of the hospital for life.

  The performance was being held in a small multipurpose room. Since there were only enough chairs for Cordelia and Caleb, Allison and Jake stood at the back wall. Allison watched the children laugh and clap at the clown’s antics. A part of her tried to smile, but so many other emotions were churning inside her—loss, grief, despair.

  “Cup of coffee?” Jake asked. “Caleb looks happy with his grandmother. I’ll tell them where we’re going. Wait here.”

  He whispered into Caleb’s ear, then signaled Cordelia that they’d be right back. Leaving the noise behind, they walked in silence toward the waiting room.

  When they were both seated with two cups of hot coffee, he said, “What’s going on? You look like you’re ready to splinter into a million pieces.”

  “You can see that?” she asked, amazed by his perception.

  He nodded.

  “Old stuff. The kind you share with your best girlfriend,” she said.

  “You know, Ally, we’re fighting to survive here. That makes us comrades in arms. If you feel like talking about whatever’s bothering you, I’m here for you. And you can be sure I’ll never repeat it—even under torture.”

  Allison laughed, drawing the attention of the room’s solitary occupant—a man who was wringing his hands like an expectant father. He got up and left.

  Sinking against the molded seat, Allison sighed. “Ten years ago I was happily married to a terrific guy I met in college. We were both techies. Had great jobs in the computer industry. Bought a home before the market skyrocketed. Figured it was time to start a family.”

  She looked at Jake who was listening attentively.

  “I got pregnant right away. No problem. Everything was fine until the fifth month. I started having sharp pains on the left side of my belly and there was some spotting.

  “We ran every test imaginable. An ultrasound eventually revealed that: one, my baby was a little girl and two, there was a growth on my ovary. A tumor. Malignant. Growing at an alarming rate, in part, they theorized, because of the pregnancy.”

  She studied the neutral carpeting. “My parents flew out. My in-laws came from Washington State. A second specialist was called in. Everyone agreed that the best course was to abort the pregnancy, treat the cancer then try to get pregnant again after I was healed.”

  He didn’t ask what had happened, but since she’d revealed this much, she said, “I told them no. I refused to consider it. The baby was alive inside me. Safe. Tr...trusting.”

  Her stomach clenched and her hand started to shake so badly she had to set her cup down. “Pam was the only one in my corner. My sisters and brother all called and told me I had to do what the doctors said. Everyone cried—even my father. My husband told me he couldn’t face the possibility of raising a child alone, and might be forced to give our daughter up for adoption.”

  Jake reached out a
nd took her hand. “You did it.”

  She nodded, squeezing her eyes tight to keep the tears inside. She couldn’t admit how bitter she still felt even after all these years. She’d put her trust in others, and betrayed her child. “They treated me with radiation and chemotherapy. It was bad. There were times I wanted to die. Pam made me fight. She bullied me back to life. But in the end, she was the only person I wasn’t angry at.

  “My marriage dissolved. Ironically, I’d done what Dean had wanted, but we grew apart anyway. My relationship with my parents and siblings suffered. I turned into a workaholic—with cats,” she added, striving for a lighter note.

  “The cancer is gone?”

  “It wasn’t as bad as they’d thought. Nothing in the lymph nodes, although my oncologist is certain it would have spread had they failed to initiate treatment when they did. But we’ll never know, will we?”

  “What about your husband? This couldn’t have been easy for him, either.”

  Allison smiled for the first time since entering the room. “The poor man didn’t have a chance. Even though Dean felt he was saving my life, I blamed him for not backing my choice. It was a lose-lose proposition.”

  “Where is he now?”

  “He still lives in our house in San Mateo. He and a partner have a software company and are making oodles of money. I see him once in a great while when I have to make a run to the city. He has a live-in girlfriend.” She stood up, suddenly anxious to check on Caleb.

  As they walked back to the common room, Allison glanced into the nursery. Only four baskets contained babies. She felt a twinge of sadness, but not the usual pain. Maybe Jake was right. Perhaps she needed a new keeper of secrets now that Pam was gone. Whatever the reason, she did feel better.

  Chapter 9

  Jake’s ears were ringing and his nerves were shot. No adult of the male persuasion should ever be forced to endure an hour plus at a preschool Christmas party, he decided.

  Today was Friday. Two weeks since their meeting with Padre Avila. Two weeks into his and Allison’s plan to work half days and give Caleb a “normal” family life and holiday.

  She took charge of getting Caleb up and dressed in the mornings, so Jake could get up before dawn and talk to people whose day was well underway on the east coast. Then he’d do a few household chores before picking Caleb up from his preschool.

  Happy Hearts Children’s Center was a small, cinder block building with a large fenced yard and an abundance of playground structures. This was the first time Jake had made it past the sign-in desk. Usually Caleb was waiting at the door, with a worried look in his eyes, clearly anxious to leave as soon as Jake signed his name on the line beneath Allison’s.

  But today marked the last school day before the holiday break, and a special party and gift exchange had been planned. Caleb had insisted Jake needed to attend. With Allison.

  “The decibel range is worse than at a rock concert,” he said, leaning close enough to Allison to be heard over the hubbub.

  The necessary proximity meant he was forced to breathe Allison’s scent, which tantalized him in a way he knew wasn’t healthy. No matter how many times he reminded himself they were only together because of Caleb, Jake couldn’t help feeling drawn to her. If not for the crowd of rowdy children, he might have been tempted to nibble on her pretty, perfect earlobe.

  “Bah humbug to you, too,” Allison said, tapping his nose with the paper wreath Caleb had handed her the moment she walked in the door. The elliptical, mostly green object had been constructed with obvious care using paper plates, Dixie cups, tempera paint, silver tinsel and red berries, which, on closer inspection, turned out to be some kind of puffed cereal that had been painted, too.

  Allison wasn’t the only person who’d received a holiday decoration. Ringing the circumference of the plush orange sunlike center rug, parents—predominantly mothers—sat on tiny chairs, knees to chest, clutching similar wreaths. Jake and Allison had arrived a few minutes late, thanks to Jake’s final trade of the day, and had missed out on seating. Fortunately, the Christmas program had been geared to the attention span of children—brief.

  Once the formal presentation was over, the place had erupted into bedlam. Jake had a hard time making out Caleb in the swarm of small bodies swamping the refreshment table, which he noticed was manned by Gayle.

  “Are we supposed to line up for punch and cookies?” Jake asked.

  Allison’s lips—sporting a shiny, red-tinted gloss—curved into a knowing smile. “Didn’t I suggest a snack before we left?”

  Jake let out a muffled growl, which only made her grin grow. Before he could say anything, a small missile crashed into his legs, just above his knee caps. He took a step backward and bumped into a low bookcase that wobbled slightly. Allison grabbed the sleeve of his navy corduroy shirt, her knuckles firmly pressed against his upper arm.

  He liked her touch.

  She looked at him and her cocky smile faded. She let go and quickly glanced down. “Caleb, I love my wreath. I will keep it always.”

  Caleb looked pleased. “We cut ’em out a long time ago ’n painted ’em. Mine was going to be for Mommy but since you’re my mommy now, you get it.”

  The wreath slipped from Allison’s fingers, and Jake had to make a lunging catch to keep it from hitting the floor. When he handed it to her, he spotted unshed tears in her eyes. Jake knew that she was troubled by Caleb’s occasional references to her as his mommy. The little guy still asked about his parents. He cried at least once a day—often right before bed. But they’d found that encouraging him to address his concerns—his sadness and anger—in his prayers seemed to help.

  Jake couldn't predict how Caleb would do in the long term. He tried to focus only on the day at hand. To plan ahead meant facing the fact that the more comfortable Caleb became with Jake in his life, the harder it would be on him when his godfather had to leave.

  Jake was also having difficulty picturing Allison handling the situation alone.

  In addition to playing mom every morning, running her business and checking on Cordelia, who continued to battle a persistent staph infection, she’d decided to go ahead with Pam’s annual charity food drive at Rydell Motors. Some days, their paths didn’t cross until she returned home after dinner.

  Although Allison insisted she could do it all, Jake could tell the punishing schedule was taking a toll. And the weather wasn’t helping. A week of steady, cold rain had been followed by dense fog—something most people said was a rarity at their elevation. Rare or not, the continuous gray was depressing.

  “Hey, I’ve got an idea,” he said, recalling a weather report that mentioned how beautiful the weather was on the coast. “How ’bout we escape to the beach tomorrow?”

  Caleb let out a squeal that made Jake’s ears ring. “Yeah,” he cried before sprinting about the room to share his good news with his classmates.

  Allison frowned. “Jake, I have to work tomorrow. I can’t go.”

  “You have to,” Jake said, his tone pleading. “The idea just popped into my head. But it’s a good one, Ally. We all need a break, and I desperately need a fix of sand and sea.”

  “Then you take him,” Allison said, her tone obviously displeased. “I don’t like being put on the spot. I’ve just about got my crew caught up on installations, but we have a backlog of mini jobs that we’re never going to get through before Christmas. No work, no money to make payroll.”

  Jake frowned. This wasn’t the place to talk business, but... “Since you brought it up, I’ve got a proposition for you. I’m working on a stock sale that will make you a lot of money, but it’s going to take time. Which I know you don’t have, so how about I make you a loan using the stock as collateral?”

  She started to protest, but he cut her off. “This is good business, Ally. Good for you. Good for the economy and good for me.” Less good for Jake because he wouldn’t charge her interest, but she didn’t have to know that.

  “Is it legal?”

&n
bsp; “Of course,” he said, a bit irked. “You could do the same thing at a bank, but that would take too long. You need the money now. Right?”

  She nodded. “What’s in it for you?”

  “Peace of mind? I’m scared spitless that one of these nights you’re going to be so tired from trying to handle everything that you’ll fall asleep behind the wheel.”

  She frowned, but after a few seconds, a smile turned up the corners of her lips. “I’d have to see this deal on paper, but if you’re sure this isn’t just some magnanimous charity on your part, I’d consider it.”

  He was relieved to know they were on friendly terms again. What would it be like to be on kissing terms?

  Breathless, Caleb raced back to join them. “Can we go to the place where all the fishes are?” he asked. “Mommy and Daddy took me there. They said we’d go back, but we never did.” His bottom lip started to tremble.

  Allison reached down and picked him up. “I want to go, honey, but tomorrow is a work day. My employees need me.” Big tears rolled over the rims of his eyes. “And tomorrow is also the big gala at the canned food drive, remember?”

  He blinked, his look turning pensive.

  “If I remember correctly, you and your daddy used to drive the car with all the cans they’d collected to the food center, right?”

  Sniffling, his head bobbed slightly.

  “I thought so. You know that food helps a lot of people. You don’t want them to be hungry at Christmas, do you?”

  His mouth twisted, obviously torn by wanting to do the right thing and wanting to go to the beach. “Uh-uh.” She hugged him tight and said, “Good boy. Your mommy and daddy would be so proud of you. So how about we stay home and work tomorrow then go to the beach on Sunday?”

  Caleb’s head popped up, his eyes huge. “Mean it?”

  Allison looked at Jake. “Works for me. Can you fit it into your schedule, money man?”

  Jake wasn’t a fool. He knew when he’d been outmaneuvered. And in this instance, Allison was by far the smartest. “As a matter of fact, I like that idea better. I forgot about the food drive. Richard told me we’re going to have to use the biggest truck on the lot this year because so many people have stopped by to drop off food and money.”