Know Your Why

by Ken Costa

  There it was: his destiny laid out for him. And to fulfill this calling, God equipped him with extraordinary strength to do awesome feats, just as he equips all of us to fulfill our callings and destinies.

  But Samson had great weaknesses—girls, gambling, grumbling, and goading being some of them. His self-serving attraction to women was his downfall time after time, until it killed him.

  One day he fell in love with a beautiful woman named Delilah. Unbeknown to Samson, however, Delilah had been bribed by Samson’s enemies, the Philistines, who sought to destroy him and the Israelites. Three times she pressed him for the key to his strength, and three times he resisted her. The fourth time, when she questioned his love for her, Samson let his guard down and told her the reason for his strength: “If my head were shaved, my strength would leave me, and I would become as weak as any other man” (Judges 16:17). And thus, “after putting him to sleep on her lap, she called for someone to shave off the seven braids of his hair. . . . And his strength left him” (v. 19).

  It was the persistence of the enemy that really did Samson in. He resisted telling Delilah the truth time and again, but eventually he was worn down. His lust for the wrong women was the weakness that gave Satan a foothold from which he could launch repeated attacks. Even the strongest callings can be whittled away by distractions if we allow them to go unchecked.

  Samson let his guard down twice—first, in telling Delilah his secret, and second, in allowing himself to be “put to sleep” (lulled by sexual intimacy). But this is the warning: we must beware of being asleep when we should be alert to temptation. Beware of being lulled and led astray “on the lap” of something that gives temporary comfort or recreational satisfaction. Flirtation, flattery, compulsion, whim—we all know the slippery feel of these things. Beware, because this is a downward slope, and Samson slipped. Delilah coaxed Samson to sleep, knowing that she could take full advantage of him when he was vulnerable. And we, too, can slip easily.

  Sure enough, Samson’s hair was cut and God’s strength left him. And as if that was not cruel enough, the Philistines gouged out his eyes and imprisoned him.

  In Samson Agonistes, the great commentary on the life of Samson by John Milton, we see the agony of a man who undid himself through the dangerous distractions that seduced him, missing out on his divine calling:

  Promise was that I

  Should Israel from Philistian yoke deliver!

  Ask for this great Deliverer now, and find him

  Eyeless in Gaza, at the mill with slaves,

  Himself in bonds under Philistian yoke.

  Yet stay; let me not rashly call in doubt

  Divine prediction. What if all foretold

  Had been fulfilled but through mine own default?

  Whom have I to complain of but myself?5

  And yet—with our God there is always an “and yet”—this incredible thing happened: his hair grew back again (Judges 16:22). As his hair started to grow and his strength started to return, so did all the promises of the call on his life.

  However distracted we may have become, whether through default or our own fault, the supreme, redeeming grace of God is given to us. With God there is never a lost-and-gone-forever condition. His grace allows us to recover even from the worst lapses. He never abandons us because of our failings but constantly holds out the offer of restoring the source of our strength—however badly we might have messed up.

  Samson called out to God, “O Lord GOD, please remember me and please strengthen me only this once, O God” (v. 28 ESV). The monumental destruction of the temple happened, and the monumental distractions of his life ended. As the building collapsed and killed three thousand Philistines, he was killed as well—but the people of God survived. God’s ultimate purposes were fulfilled.

  Like Samson’s, our callings are not only personal. All of our paths work together to demonstrate God’s goodness on earth. If our callings come from God, then they do not die with us. Legacy begins not when we die but now, as we fulfill our callings, linking with the other members of our communities or churches. Just as our callings build upon the ways in which previous generations have responded to God, so do we lay the foundation for the future work of others. In the words of Sir Isaac Newton, “If I have seen further, it is by standing on the shoulders of Giants.”6

  STEPS TO DEAL WITH DISTRACTION

  At the eleventh hour, Samson reconnected with God. Let us now look at some practical steps we can take to reconnect with God, even as our lives seem to be crumbling around us.

  1. METANOIA: TURNING AROUND

  Every decision to start afresh begins with one word, metanoia, which is the Greek word for repentance. It means “to turn around and face in the opposite direction.” We cannot unstick ourselves. The first step to leading a great life of purpose is to say sorry and to do something about it—that is, to try not to get stuck again. Metanoia is a huge word, and it is the source of a guilt-free life. This word summarizes our response to Jesus’ death and is the core of a fulfilled life. It recognizes that Christ died not only to bring forgiveness of our sins, but to do something even more amazing and positive: to reckon us as righteous in the eyes of God.

  Regret is a negative and emotional reaction to personal past acts and behavior. During a meeting in which we had tense discussions on the nature of a particular contract, the lawyer lost his temper. His behavior was understandable, as it was the middle of the night. He told me that he regretted his overreaction, but he had no sense that he needed to put anything right. He was simply expressing his feeling, and he quite possibly felt better for getting it off his chest.

  Remorse is a deeper regret, which tends to include shame. A coworker once told me that she was filled with remorse for having behaved badly toward a colleague. The feelings were deep and authentic—but I don’t know if she ever acted on them.

  Repentance is more than regret and remorse. It requires action: we turn around. Repentance is much richer in content and more powerful to liberate us. It is not a psychological process meant to relieve our actions. In Romans 2:4, we read that “God’s kindness is meant to lead you to repentance” (ESV). Repentance prompts us to apologize—both to the people we have wronged (if this is possible) and crucially to God. It is against God, in all cases of wrongdoing, that we have sinned. God alone is able to forgive, and when he hears the word sorry, he rushes to reinstate the person seeking forgiveness. This is his crowning work on the cross. Even in the midst of his crucifixion, Christ spoke words of forgiveness and grace over his executioners: “Father, forgive them, for they do know not what they are doing” (Luke 23:34). Forgiveness is there, just waiting for us to accept it.

  Every year, my church hosts a leadership conference in the Royal Albert Hall. In 2015, one of the speakers was the preacher to the papal household, Father Raniero Cantalamessa. In an authoritative message Father Raniero explained how a misunderstanding of metanoia led to an overemphasis on guilt and a failure to see the majestic, positive value of turning in a new direction. Dwelling on the sins of the past has contributed to pessimism about the faith rather than a liberating realization of the salvation in Christ. It is this salvation that lies at the heart of the good news—that a genuinely repentant person can leave the past behind and move with renewed confidence and joy into a future free from guilt. No calling is complete without a true understanding of metanoia.

  Repentance, then, gives us freedom to fulfill our callings without the burden of the past destroying the open spaces of life to which the Spirit calls us. To repent and say sorry is a transformative act of redemption that centers our lives on God.

  Given the enormous redemptive potential of the simple but compelling word sorry, I’m always struck by how difficult it is to say. The principal reason is that we have no way in the work environment to deal with repentance. Every mistake is seemingly fatal. If the CEO makes a mistake and the company performs badly, the CEO is fired. But Jesus is not an unforgiving shareholder. He knows that we will mak
e mistakes. He knows that we will do wrong. And with this knowledge, he provides a way for us to be restored if only we confess our wrong choices, apologize, and resolve to start afresh. The blood of Jesus is the mode of our forgiveness and is always effective. We contribute nothing to this gracious intervention. Without recognition of our need for open and honest channels of communication with God, we are unable to hear his voice as he confirms each step in our callings.

  I was recently on an airplane between business meetings, jet lagged and stressed out by work, listening to Hillsong United’s song “Beautiful Exchange.”7 One verse in particular stood out to me, as it spoke of Jesus “trading” his life for my offenses. He took my blame and the curse of death that came with it and traded it for his perfection.

  Trading is what we do in business, swapping a product for money. But we trade in equal values. We sell a product for the amount we believe it to be worth. And yet this trade, in which Jesus willingly exchanged his own exalted life for my dirt and sin and muck, is not a trade that any financier I know of would ever make. Yet this is what the song appropriately called a “beautiful exchange.”

  The effect on me was overwhelming. There is real power in understanding the idea of the great exchange that Jesus secured on the cross. It is beautiful beyond description. He took my messed-up life and exchanged it for a life mended by grace. He will do the same for you—and for anyone who asks. He takes the worthlessness of our lives and makes them worthwhile.

  2. MODE CHANGE

  So much of our time is spent in output: texting, tweeting, uploading our latest news. It is therefore so easy to slip into this way of communicating with God. We need to set aside time for input. A simple way is to say to yourself, “Switch now.” This could be your code, as it is for me, that it is time to slow down, switch out of transmit mode and into receive mode, and begin to listen to God.

  Jesus himself withdrew to silent places to be alone and recharge his spiritual batteries by spending time in the presence of his Father (Matthew 14:23). These are the words he speaks to us, not just two thousand years ago, but now, today: “Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly” (Matthew 11:28–30 THE MESSAGE). In a world weighed down by busyness and noise, we need to recover the ability to recognize the rhythms of life.

  We cannot hope to find, and then fulfill, our callings if we do not consciously receive God’s message. Following a calling is a partnership with God—which means we need to take the time to listen.

  One of the first spiritual disciplines I learned when my faith came alive was to have a time of prayer each day. I have tried to do this most mornings for the last forty years. This special time is made up of the following:

  READING THE SCRIPTURES. I cannot recommend more highly The Bible in One Year commentary by Nicky and Pippa Gumbel.8 It’s brilliant in its insights and a great help in starting the day. It’s also an invaluable way to get to know the Word of God. Every day it encourages the reader to look at a passage in depth and to take the time to hear what God might be saying through it. In withdrawing from the problems of the day and committing time to the Scriptures, I find a new perspective that—while coming from something apparently unrelated—gives me insight into the issues that I face.

  PRAYER. This is a time of worship and request in which we lay before him those issues on our hearts. “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God” (Philippians 4:6). Thanksgiving and requests are conjoined twins. It is for this reason that I now keep a prayer journal. I try to write in it each day both my many thanksgivings and my specific prayers. I have found excitement in going over the previous months and ticking the number of prayers answered. Of course, sometimes prayers don’t get answered—or maybe they are answered with a no—which can be hard. But going through the process of writing them down has helped me learn how to embrace even these negative answers. Whether God’s answer is yes, no, or not yet, all things work together for the good for those who love the Lord and are called to his purpose (Romans 8:28).

  SILENCE. This is key to being in receive mode, and it is often the most difficult part! Silence means just waiting on God. It is the time when I try as best I can to stop my praying and supplication and allow God to be who he is. A wise pastor once told me that when deciding whom to marry, the greatest test was to find someone with whom you could share silences. At the time, I received the advice with amused indifference, but after many years of marriage I now know this to be true of all relationships. There is something about silence that is more intimate than any words.

  3. MEDITATE

  Silence is not just for our quiet times, however. Allowing ourselves to get away from all distractions at regular intervals is vital for healthy spirituality. But silence can also be quite scary. Sam Wells, the leader of St Martin-in-the-Fields Church in Trafalgar Square, talks of the “terrifying intimacy” that comes from daring ourselves to sit in silence with God.9 Are we afraid of what we might hear?

  In July 2014, the results of a fascinating experiment were published in the United States. Hundreds of volunteers had been placed in sparsely furnished rooms with their belongings (including phones and pens) put away, and they had fifteen minutes in which to be alone, silent, with their own thoughts and nothing to distract them. To take the experiment to a new level, they were given the option to self-administer an electric shock if they found the silence and stillness too difficult. The results were astonishing.

  “What is striking is that simply being alone with their thoughts was apparently so aversive that it drove many participants to self-administer an electric shock that they had earlier said they would pay to avoid,” said the investigators at the University of Virginia.10 This is a sobering discovery.

  Are we really so afraid that if we sit still we will go to pieces?

  Nothing will transform your life as much as hearing and heeding God’s whispering voice. It was the still small voice of God that turned Elijah’s heart in the midst of his despair (1 Kings 19:12–13). It is the greatest blessing of every Christian to have the opportunity to listen for and to obey the whispers of God. But unless we dare to be still and quiet and unplugged, we will not be able to hear him. Confirmation of our callings requires daily nurturing. It’s not a one-off agreement between us and God; it’s nuanced and relational. We need to keep hearing from God on a regular basis throughout our Christian journeys.

  Though the devil shouts quite a bit, God rarely does. He nudges us, impresses us when he wants to say something. In order to hear a whisper, it is necessary to lean in, to draw like two lovers on a park bench. When we whisper, we strain for understanding and hang on to every word. And that is what God so desperately wants to do with us. Without space and silence, away from distractions, we will not absorb and appropriate the person of Christ into our lives. Growing in kindness, humility, and grace and learning to look out for others are things that seldom happen overnight; we grow over time with practice and reflection.

  During a time of worship in church I sensed God speaking to me about the need to make a decision at work that would require courage I didn’t think I had. I heard him say the name Caleb. As we discussed in chapter 2, Caleb had gone into Canaan when the Israelites were looking to settle in the promised land, and he had reported back, “I know there are giants out there, but surely we can do this” (Numbers 13:30, author’s paraphrase). Caleb was a can-do person, and this was just the word I needed to face some major changes.

  As soon as the worship ended, someone whom I had never met before came up to me and offered to pray for me. Of course, I agreed. He offered an affirming prayer that spoke to my heart. Then I asked him his name.

  “Caleb,” he replied.

  What
an encouragement!

  The Spirit of God whispers to us while the devil wails and screams, trying to distract us. Whom are we going to listen to? Let us listen to the Word of God; he may nudge us to forgive a colleague at work or be kind to someone who needs assurance. God whispers as we walk through life, so we need to be open, willing, obedient, and connected in order to hear him. Let’s not miss out on his words of life that so sustain and embolden us for the purposes he has given us.

  In his intriguing book Silence—A Christian History, Diarmaid MacCulloch described how the church has negotiated noise and silence, from the early boisterous enthusiasm of Israel to the monastic renewal of silence in worship.11 He pointed to the effectiveness of the silent witness of Christ on the cross and the quiet prayers of Jesus in secluded places. There is, of course, a time to be voluble and a time to say nothing. We know how to do the former well; it would be good to master the latter. We all need to learn a new way of listening rather than speaking in our polyphonic digital world.

  4. LISTEN WITH YOUR EYES

  I remember a moment when my wife was trying to talk to me while I was on my iPhone. She asked whether I was listening, to which I replied, “Yes,” and to prove it I repeated the last phrase she had said. But that was not the point.

  “Echolalia!” she replied.

  I had not heard the word before, but I later discovered that it referred to the repeating back of what someone had just said. I was echoing back to her what I had heard without any real human involvement. Then she gave me a shake and said, “Will you listen with your eyes?”

  She was quite right. Listening involves the whole body; it can’t be outsourced to the ears only. The whole person is involved in communicating, hence the call to listen with my eyes, register contact, show engagement, and avoid distraction.

  Zacchaeus is a good example of someone who concentrated on Jesus with his whole person. He wanted to see who Jesus was, so he climbed up a tree to get a good view. And because he was so attentive, he heard Jesus’ call to him. Interestingly, upon seeing Jesus and hearing him speak, Zacchaeus was immediately convicted of his past sins and determined to change his future into a better one (Luke 19:8). Isn’t this so often the case with us too? It is only when we dare to be still and listen to God that our sins become apparent. We are then able to repent and start in a new direction. First we must learn to listen properly, and then we can act. Listening and acting result from living in connection with God.