by Jodi Thomas
She’d curled next to him the few hours they slept last night, and he’d held her tightly. There had been no passion, only the sweet feel of her at his side.
He’d been a hard man all his life. The war molded him as such, and he never complained. He always thought men who fell hopelessly in love were fools asking for heartache. But when he looked at Allie . . . Lord, when he looked at Allie.
‘‘Wine?’’ Gideon offered a tray.
Wes blinked. He’d been so lost in his thoughts, he hadn’t noticed the wedding was over. ‘‘No, thanks,’’ he managed to mumble. ‘‘We need to be going.’’
When he knelt to say good-bye to the newlyweds, Maxwell wished him well, but Victoria grabbed his hand and towed him close to her side.
‘‘Will Allie be all right?’’ she whispered. He would swear the blind old woman looked directly at him.
‘‘I hope so,’’ he answered.
‘‘Hope simply won’t do, young man. You’re her husband. You should know and see to her well-being.’’
Wes tried to pull his hand away, but Victoria’s grip was iron, rusted like a clamp around his fingers.
‘‘I invited her to stay here, but she says she has to go back to that damn cave she lived in for five years.’’ The aging queen frowned. ‘‘I don’t like the thought of her being alone there. Promise you’ll keep her safe with you or bring her back here to us.’’
Wes shook his head. ‘‘She’s as headstrong as you. I doubt I’ll ever take her anywhere she doesn’t want to go.’’
Victoria leaned back and released her grip. ‘‘Then tell me, young man, how many husbands will she have to bury before she finds one to love her completely?’’
Talking to the old woman was like poking at a red ant bed. Eventually, you knew you were going to get stung.
When he didn’t answer, Victoria added, ‘‘Maxwell said you signed on to this marriage with Allie only ’til she found a home. Well, she has a home here, but she’s not staying. Maybe she thinks the marriage ends if she stays. Does it?’’
‘‘I’ve offered to take her back to my ranch.’’ Wes couldn’t help but wonder if the old woman spoke the truth.
‘‘Did you tell her it was just until all was safe, or did you promise her forever?’’ Victoria shook her head. ‘‘Sounds to me like you’ve got some proposing to do before you’re really a married man. Maybe a few days alone will loosen your tongue and make that knee of yours bend easier.’’
‘‘I don’t need any advice.’’ ‘‘
‘‘Then get on with your trip to the cave. I’ve a wedding to celebrate. But you’d better not come back across my land without my granddaughter at your side, or I’ll have you stripped, tied, and left as live buzzard meat.’’
Wes stood, thinking it must be something in the Catlin women’s blood that made them so hard to reason with. What bothered him more than the fact that he thought the old woman might carry out her threat, was that she might be right about Allie believing the marriage to be over when she found a home.
Wes said his good-byes to the others as quickly as he could. Daniel and Adam were already in the saddle by the time he reached the barn. Wolf had left before dawn to take Louis’s body to town. He didn’t think a body should be anywhere near a wedding. He’d left word that he’d catch up to Adam on the road. It seemed seeing his niece outweighed going with Wes to look for gold.
‘‘Change your mind about taking Allie back to the cave?’’ Adam asked when he saw Wes walk in alone.
Wes shook his head. ‘‘I gave my word. She’s getting her things together now.’’
‘‘She belongs with you,’’ Daniel said. ‘‘Much as I feel sorry for her. Surely you’re not planning to leave her in some cave in the middle of nowhere.’’
‘‘She doesn’t want to be with me. She wants to be alone.’’ Wes loved his brothers but sometimes resented them following his life as though it were the weekly installment of a dime novel. ‘‘I’m not sure what I’ll do.’’
Adam settled his horse. ‘‘Well, big brother, as soon as Jason gets here, we’ll say good-bye. We ride north. Keep an angel on your shoulder and your fist drawn until we’re together again to cover your back.’’
‘‘I’ll do that.’’ Wes laughed at the old saying they’d always used when parting. ‘‘Give Nichole and the baby a hug for me.’’ He turned to Daniel. ‘‘And those twins.’’
Adam and Daniel rode toward the house as Wes walked in the barn.
One of Victoria’s men stood among the shadows. ‘‘Mr. McLain.’’ He stepped forward. ‘‘Miss Victoria asked me to saddle your mounts if you and Miss Allie are still set on going.’’
‘‘We’re still set,’’ Wes answered.
The ranch hand brought out their horses and a pack mule.
Wes opened his mouth to object to the mule but the man didn’t allow him time.
‘‘Miss Victoria insisted. She’ll have my hide if I don’t follow orders. A pack mule, loaded with supplies and one of her own stock of horses for Allie.’’
Nodding, Wes surrendered. The old woman would only argue if he declined the offer. Hell, she’d probably have him chased down and tied to the mule. He might as well help load.
Allie also packed. She suddenly had more dresses and ribbons than she’d ever imagined one woman owning. Two bags were already filled. She tried to get everything remaining into a third one. Victoria never threw anything away. She’d explained that she had rooms with trunks of clothes and furniture. Allie could have her pick.Allie turned down all but a few dresses and nightgowns. Yet every day, more seemed to show up in her room, already cleaned and pressed for her. She found them hard to refuse. Everything, even the leather riding gloves, fit her as if they’d been made for her.
‘‘Allie?’’ Jason’s voice drifted from just outside the open doorway. ‘‘You mind if I come in?’’
‘‘No.’’ She watched him walk into the room. He also wore new clothes. The bandage on his forehead had been replaced by a bandanna.
‘‘I come to say good-bye. Adam and Daniel are waiting for me.’’ He sat down on the bed, making it plain he’d come to say more than good-bye before he left.
‘‘I will miss you,’’ Allie answered honestly. ‘‘We are the same tribe, you and I.’’
Jason smiled. ‘‘I love you, too.’’
‘‘You will be happy with Adam?’’ She almost felt as if she should take him with her, but life would be much easier for him with Adam.
‘‘He’s got the magic to heal in his hands. That’s something I’d like to learn.’’ Jason stood and awkwardly hugged her. ‘‘Thank you,’’ he whispered.
There were no more words needed. He left her. Allie stood alone in the room she now thought of as hers. She knew Victoria didn’t want her to go. Wes and his brothers were worried about her. But she had to make this journey. She had to be in the one place where she felt totally safe. And she had to be there with Wes.
She slipped the key Nichole had given her into her pocket. There would be no more locks where she was going.
When Allie stepped from the house, Wes almost didn’t recognize her. She wore a wine red riding skirt with a jacket and hat to match. Her hair had been curled and tied to one side as Victoria’s had been fifty years ago in the portrait. There could be no doubt to anyone seeing Allie that she was a lady. A fine, beautiful lady. The wild creature had disappeared.If she’d been smiling, Wes thought, she would have been perfect. But Allie never smiled. He wasn’t sure she even knew how.
‘‘Are you sure you still want to go?’’ he asked as she paused on the step above him. ‘‘Victoria tells me you’ve a home here if you want it.’’ He’d done what he set out to do, he’d found her family. She would someday inherit a ranch far bigger than the Montago spread.
‘‘You said you’d take me back to my cave,’’ she whispered. ‘‘Do you go back on your word?’’
‘‘No. I’ll take you, if that’s what you want.’’ He handed her th
e reins to her horse. ‘‘Let’s ride.’’
She didn’t say a word as they rode south toward the Guadalupe River. By nightfall, they were both too tired to do more than build a fire and eat the leftovers from the lunch the cook had packed.
Wes knew they should talk, but he didn’t know where to start. It didn’t seem right that he should tell her how he felt without having some inkling of what her feelings were. He wasn’t a man who spilled out his longings like some actor on a stage. And Allie never said anything unless she had to.
He leaned against his saddle and stretched his feet toward the fire, watching as she removed her jacket and hat. ‘‘There’s a cot packed in the supplies, and a tent. I’ll put it up if you like.’’
She shook her head and lifted a blanket from the stack. Without a word, she crossed to his side and lay down beside him.
He pulled her next to him. This might be their last night together, but he didn’t kiss her. Wes just wanted to hold her and remember what she felt like against him. She’d said she wanted to go back. He wasn’t the kind of man who’d beg or even ask again. He’d offered to take her to his ranch more than once, and she’d said no.
Wes fell asleep thinking of all the things he should say to her, but not knowing where to start.
By midafternoon the next day, they reached the Guadalupe River and stopped along its banks for supper. Allie felt her heart pound within her when she recognized the land. Suddenly, she could follow no longer. She raced ahead of Wes.
He seemed to understand and mimicked her movements as she picked her way through familiar landmarks. The trees had been green with late spring when she’d last seen them. Now, winter made the land seem cold and unwelcoming. But Allie could hardly wait to see her cave.
Darkness enclosed them as they reached the clearing that had once been a campsite years ago when the raid came. Now, a tiny thread of a stream cut into the land where once teepees stood. Grass grew over former campsites and the blood of a slain people had been washed away by years of rain.
‘‘We can leave the horses here.’’ Allie jumped down and studied the clearing in the moonlight. ‘‘There’s water and grass.’’
‘‘How much farther to the cave?’’
‘‘Just beyond the trees and up the hill a little.’’
Wes unsaddled the horses but left the mule loaded. He hobbled the mounts and swung one saddle over the pack while he carried the other. ‘‘Lead the way. I’ll take the mule as far as I can, then unload and bring her back here. You sure you can find this place at night?’’
Allie took his hand and led him into the blackness of the trees. She didn’t explain that most of the times she’d left the cave had been at night. She knew every tree, every branch. She was no longer in a strange world. She was home.
When she reached the entrance, she stopped and turned loose of his fingers. ‘‘I’ll pull the brush back and you can unload.’’
Wes lit a lantern and made several trips depositing their belongings at the opening.
While he took the mule back to the clearing, Allie waited in the darkness. Not all the seasons had changed since she’d seen her home, yet it seemed smaller than she remembered. The air was heavier, and the smell of decaying leaves penetrated the cold night.
When Wes returned with the lantern, he stood just inside the opening, almost brushing the top of the rock. She didn’t remember it being so small. She’d always thought of it as big.
‘‘I can sleep here for tonight if you want your privacy,’’ he offered.
‘‘No,’’ Allie almost shouted. ‘‘Come back with me. Tonight you will sleep beneath my robes.’’ She almost added, as I’ve planned. But she couldn’t tell him she had a plan. Not until she knew she could carry it out.
They collected a few of the supplies and moved deep into the cave.
After several turns, Wes asked, ‘‘How’d you ever find your way to this place?’’ His low voice echoed through the tunnels, creating a lonely sound as if a voice had lost direction.
‘‘It took me many tries to find the chamber. At first,I brought sticks and lit one after the other, using the charred ones to mark the walls.’’
Wes lifted the lantern to see markings along one wall. They looked like the scratchings of a child, reminding Wes of how young Allie must have been when she first began her search. What courage it must have taken for a child to enter this world where most adults would hesitate to go.
‘‘When the lights burned out, my exploring was over. So I brought freshly cut branches and spread the sap to mark my way. Even when it dried, it left the walls smooth at finger-level. Then, even in total blackness, I could feel the once sticky syrup along the rock. Every time I turned down a dead-end tunnel, I brought fresh horse droppings to place in the opening so I’d know not to turn that direction again. By the time I’d learned my way, the droppings had dried.’’
Wes laughed. ‘‘You were just a kid exploring this place.’’
Suddenly, they turned the last corner and were in a cavern twice the size of Victoria’s greatroom.
Wes set the lantern down and slowly circled. ‘‘This is grand, Allie. Grand.’’
She’d only seen the room in firelight and by the thin light that filtered from far above. Now, with the lantern, she could see her home clearly. The jagged walls, the poor array of handmade bowls and baskets. Dirty buffalo robes others had discarded spread on the hard rock to make a carpet, and ashes from dozens of fires were swept into one corner. Compared to all the homes she’d now seen, her cave looked terrible, little more than the den of an animal.
Allie knelt in the center of the room, fighting back tears. She stopped thinking about being safe in her cave. All she could remember now were the cold nights and days without sunshine. And the terrible loneliness of never hearing a human voice.
‘‘I’ll build a fire,’’ she managed to whisper. She couldn’t bear to allow Wes to know she was unhappy after she’d made him bring her here.
Wes wasn’t listening. ‘‘This is a great place, Allie. Did you make the bowls? And the baskets? Of course you did.’’
With the fire started, Allie lifted the lantern and moved to the space where she kept her treasured pelts. ‘‘You can have these.’’ She held the lamp high. ‘‘I have no need for them. Maybe you can start your herd with the money you get from them. They will repay you.’’
Wes knelt beside the pelts. They were not the fine winter pelts found farther north, and they looked to have been tanned and cut by a child with a dull knife. Maybe, on a good day, with a blind trader, they’d bring enough money for a dozen head of scrawny longhorns. But they were her gift. Her most valuable possession.
‘‘Allie, I can’t take these.’’
‘‘You must. I decided long ago that they would repay you for all the trouble I’ve been to you. I decided to give them to you.’’
‘‘I can’t.’’ Wes stood, guessing the pelts were the reason she brought him here. Not because she wanted to stay with him a few days longer. Not because she wanted to sleep one more night with him. But only to pay him for his services.
‘‘You must,’’ Allie insisted when he didn’t answer. ‘‘You saved my life.’’
Wes knew she had no idea of the value of the pelts. She thought she was giving him a great prize. If he turned her down, he insulted her. ‘‘Allie, you are my wife. All you have already belongs to me.’’
She raised her head slightly. ‘‘That is true.’’
‘‘And all I have belongs to you,’’ Wes added. ‘‘These pelts are of great value, but they are nothing compared to your life.’’
She could never remember a time when she thought of herself as having any value, much less great value. She moved around the cavern, turning over in her mind what he’d said. The memory of his words warmed her face. Her pelts were her greatest wealth, but he’d said they were nothing compared to her.
Wes followed her out of the cave and back down to the stream, surprising her by how
fast he’d learned his way. While she washed, he checked on the horses. When they returned to the cave, he made coffee while she unrolled a huge buffalo hide and began undressing in the center of it.
‘‘Aren’t you going to wear a nightgown?’’ Wes watched her over his coffee cup.
‘‘I never have in the cave before. The fire is warm, and the fur feels soft against my skin.’’
She lay on the robe nude and spread one of Wes’s wool blankets over herself.
Wes continued to drink his coffee, but each swallow became a battle.
For several minutes, he studied her, wondering what she wanted of him. He could barely play her game of not loving her all the way now. If she were nude beside him, he wasn’t sure he could obey the rules she’d set.
‘‘Wes,’’ she whispered. ‘‘Are you going to sleep beside me tonight?’’
‘‘I can’t,’’ he mumbled as he stood. ‘‘I’m a man, Allie. Much as you’d like to think I’m some kind of guardian angel, I’m just a man. There is a limit.’’
He grabbed the lantern and was several feet down the tunnel before she wrapped the blanket around her shoulders and caught up with him.
‘‘Wait!’’ She placed her hand on his arm, as though it somehow chained him to her. ‘‘Don’t leave me. Please, don’t leave me tonight.’’
‘‘I can’t stay.’’ He looked down at her. Rock walls forced them closer than they’d been all day. ‘‘Another night of sleeping beside you and not making you mine will drive me mad.’’
The torture showed in his warm brown eyes, and Allie knew she’d been unfair. Somehow in keeping herself from harm, she’d hurt him. She’d always thought of how she needed him and how he’d protect her. It had never occurred to her that he might need her.
‘‘No harm has ever come to me in this cave,’’ she whispered. ‘‘Sleep next to me. Do whatever you wish, but don’t leave me alone tonight.’’