Stacey: My Story So Far

by Stacey Solomon

  Some people complained about the busy schedule. ‘I’m so tired,’ they’d moan. Yes, it was busy, but it was so much fun. What’s not fun about practising a song or a dance routine? What’s not fun about filming? It’s all fun, and having fun fills you with energy. So how can you not have energy when you’re in one of the most privileged positions you could ever possibly be in? Get a grip!

  I knew millions of people would have killed to be where I was. How could I not be having the time of my life? I just didn’t get it when people complained and said, ‘This is so tiring,’ or, ‘This is hard work.’ Go away! I’ll show you hard work! Hey, go and work in a mine or something. I couldn’t understand it, because I loved every minute of it.

  Well, almost every minute. I didn’t enjoy actually going on stage. Well, not until the final. Up until then, I found it difficult to walk up to that microphone stand every week. It was really, really nerve-racking. Backstage, I would hear my name being called – ‘Stacey Solomon!’ – and reality would hit. Oh no, I’ve got to walk out there and sing.

  Oh, my heart, my heart! It used to go like the clappers. I’d walk out on stage feeling horribly self-conscious, thinking, Everybody is watching; everyone is here. And every time I’d spot my dad in the audience, jumping up and down and cheering. Oh no! I’d think. There he is. Don’t look over there. Don’t look. I couldn’t bear to look at my family. It put me off to see them standing there with those ‘STACEY’ T-shirts, waving at me and willing me on.

  As the music started, I’d forget what I was about to sing. What’s my first line? I’d think, panicking like a maniac. Then the first line would come to me – thank goodness! – but my voice shook every time. I just couldn’t stop it. ‘Get better!’ I’d tell myself as I was singing. ‘Be better than this, be better!’

  I thought week two would be easier than week one, but it wasn’t, it was worse. It was Diva Week and I was singing an old classic song called ‘At Last’, which came out in 1941. I’d heard it before, sung by Eva Cassidy, and I knew that Beyoncé had sung it for Obama at his inaugural ball, but I didn’t really know it, because I hadn’t listened to it that much.

  It was new to me, even though I knew it, if that makes any sense. If you don’t know the tune of something, you can’t make it your own, and to make it your own, you have to learn the skeleton of the song, the bare melody, and know it inside out. Otherwise, you end up singing it just like someone else and it doesn’t complement you in any way.

  I was still shaking when I finished singing and I waited anxiously for the judges’ comments. Cheryl didn’t say a lot, but Simon was quite critical. He said that I looked really uncomfortable during the performance. ‘My advice to you is that you should just be doing your own thing,’ he said. The audience booed his remarks and I just tried to keep smiling.

  Then Dannii stuck up for me. ‘Stacey, it was a beautiful performance,’ she said. ‘I know that you didn’t know the song . . . but you got into it and you smashed it at the end of the song.’

  The audience cheered. I was so thankful for Dannii’s encouragement. She put her hand up for quiet. ‘And you have to remember,’ she went on, ‘you’ve just turned twenty and you’ve come from literally singing in your bedroom to now performing on this stage. And it’s what’s uncomfortable about your performance which is your entire charm. I love it.’ Thank you, Dannii.

  We were each assigned a producer right from the start, and mine was Mark Wildesh and I loved him. He was like my bestest friend in the whole world. I called him Hammy, because he looked like the pet hamster I’d once had. Hammy kept me sane through the whole competition. ‘How are we today?’ he’d say as he set up my interview. ‘What’s going on? Got a bit of jeopardy for me, have you? Scared, are you?’

  I had such a good time with Hammy. He was so kind to me whenever I got nervous. I was so lucky to have had him there, because some of the other contestants weren’t all that nice. That wasn’t because they weren’t nice people; I think it was just a combination of being in a weird situation and under massive pressure. Some of them were older and they were worried that this might be their last chance for their careers to take off. They felt that their whole life depended on the contest and if they didn’t do well, they’d be finished.

  ‘Don’t worry,’ Hammy would say when people weren’t nice to me. ‘As long as you are nice, it doesn’t matter.’ He never let me get too down about it.

  At the start, I had the feeling that no one liked me much. Lucie was always nice to me, but I felt she was overly nice, and she wouldn’t ever spend time with me, even though we shared a room. She spoke pleasantly to the press about me, but seemed to avoid me behind the scenes. It was confusing, and it made things a bit uncomfortable at bedtime, because after Kandy Rain left the first week, it was just me and her. She was really pally with Rachel, so I didn’t see a lot of them. Still, I thought they were both so talented, just really, really good at what they did.

  As for the other contestants, some were likable and some weren’t. I loved John and Edward Grimes, also known as Jedward. They had no airs and graces and didn’t have a bad word to say about anyone. They weren’t there to beat anyone; they were just really innocently doing their thing, so they were fun to be around, just nice, normal people.

  Lloyd Daniels was just a little kid who didn’t know what was coming to him. Too much happened to him too young and he ended up being a bit of a typical teenager and saying, ‘I don’t want to do it. See you later.’ It was too much for Lloyd, I think. It was a bit too much for Rikki Loney as well. Rikki was sweet, but he was upset a lot of the time. He went quite early, though, so I didn’t get to know him very well.

  I didn’t really get Jamie Archer. He wore sunglasses all the time, even indoors, which made me cringe a little bit.

  It made me and Olly Murs giggle.

  Danyl sometimes said things that upset me, especially when they seemed to be personally directed at me. Everyone saw it. I felt he had a bit of a problem with me, and he often said things like, ‘It’s not all about personality, you know. It’s about voice,’ or, ‘It’s not a personality contest. It’s a singing contest and you’ve got to be a good singer.’

  I think at first Danyl thought he was going to win. He was really nice then, but when he saw how much press everyone else was getting, he stopped being so friendly. He was really competitive with everybody; he’d walk into a room and say, ‘So, have you seen who’s supporting me this week? This celebrity wants me to win, that celebrity thinks I’m the best. Oh, and I’m the favourite to win this week, did you know?’

  As much as you try not to let comments like that affect you, they’re obviously going to make you think, Oh, he’s going to win. I haven’t got a chance. And that’s depressing.

  Danyl’s not a horrible person, because he was completely different when we went on tour. I think it just bugged him that I wasn’t technically the best singer, and yet people liked my personality so voted for me anyway.

  ‘Hammy,’ I used to say, ‘he’s making me sad. Why’s he so mean? I don’t say anything to him. I don’t care how well he can sing. I just do my thing.’

  Hammy kept me sane. He was constantly telling me not to worry; he was the nicest man. ‘Come on, don’t worry about it,’ he’d say. ‘Let’s go and have a pizza. Don’t worry. Let’s have fun.’ And we’d sneak off to the Italian restaurant round the corner.

  I had a lot of great friends on the crew. There was Vinny the cameraman, who I nicknamed Vinny Jones. Then there were Justin and Eddie, who were on the ITV2 crew. They were brilliant. I called Eddie ‘Slim’ because he was just the skinniest man you ever saw; he and Justin would let me walk around with the camera saying, ‘Action!’ It was so much fun. My favourite researcher was Zoe. She was the person who interviewed me for my first audition and went back to the producers saying, ‘I saw this girl …’ She loved me. She was the best.

  Dannii was definitely the best judge and I was so glad to be in her group. She was so kind and gener
ous to me. For my birthday, she came round to the X Factor house, bringing me glittery cup cakes, a beautiful jumper and a bag that said, ‘Love Dannii XXX’ on it. And every week that the girls in her group got through, she gave us a lucky charm bracelet. I’ve still got all of mine. They’re really cool and posh: one has Swarovski crystals all around the outside, another has little Chinese symbols and another has my birthstone embedded in it.

  Dannii was always very friendly. ‘Come into my room,’ she’d say. ‘Come and show me your outfits.’

  She let me look through her wardrobe and gasp at her clothes. And she had the nicest PA, who I nicknamed Peppa Pig, because he had rosy red cheeks and a pink nose. Whenever we saw each other, we’d grunt. ‘Come on, darling, let’s have lunch,’ he’d say. He really looked after me. And Dannii was my saviour loads of times, in different ways.

  Week three was Big Band Week and I was singing ‘When You Wish Upon A Star’. It’s a song I really love, from the Disney film Pinocchio, but was it right for me? I was having a crisis of confidence.

  I think I sometimes seemed uncomfortable when I was performing because I didn’t know who I was, which direction I wanted to go in or what I wanted to sing. Some of the others had been singing for a long time and they’d established themselves in terms of style and direction: Lucie had trained to do musical theatre, Danyl and Jamie had both been singing in bands for years, but I didn’t really know what kind of music I was into or what would suit my voice, so I let the professionals decide for me when it came to each category. I enjoyed the songs they picked, but I don’t think I managed to establish a style that people would associate me with, and I think it frustrated the judges that I found it all a bit confusing and was a bit directionless.

  I felt really alone, like I didn’t know what I was doing, and I was unhappy and bewildered. It didn’t help that a couple of people in the house had made cutting comments about my abilities during the week, either, so I was feeling very sensitive and didn’t have anyone to talk to. I was really missing Zach as well.

  Dannii helped me out so much at that time. During the week three rehearsals, she took me into her room and locked the door. ‘I can see that you’re not happy. What’s happened?’ she asked, with real concern in her voice.

  I burst into floods of tears and told her all the little things that had got me down during the week, including the nasty put-downs people had been making and my anxiety about not really having a direction. She was so understanding and she let me pour my heart out and calmed me down.

  It was just a build-up of everything, I think. You’re in such a bubble in that competition, and you lose touch with the real world. I kept questioning everything. Is this real? I kept thinking. Is it really happening?

  Dannii inspired me to go back on stage and do my best. She was always so encouraging, and I couldn’t feel down for long, because Michael Bublé came to mentor us that week. He was so nice and friendly. I liked him a lot. I was already a fan, of course – everyone likes Michael Bublé, especially the ladies. ‘I can’t believe I’m meeting you,’ I said, and he smiled in that gorgeous way of his.

  The mentors all said the same thing, really, ‘You’ve really got to feel it and believe it.’ And it’s true, I suppose.

  If I was asked to mentor the contestants on the next X Factor, I think I’d probably say, ‘Enjoy every second of it, because it will be over before you know it. Don’t take it too seriously. I know it’s your life. I know how much it means to you, but don’t take anything anyone says to heart, because everything you do in this show is tongue-in-cheek.’

  I wore the tightest, sparkliest silver sequined dress for my performance of ‘When You Wish Upon A Star’. It was so beautiful, a fairy tale princess dress, and I felt like Cinderella in it, although I couldn’t breathe because it was so tight. Still, there was no way I was giving up that dress. I wanted to wear it so badly that I didn’t care if I suffocated in it.

  It probably didn’t do my singing any good to be constricted like that, though, because both Cheryl and Simon said they’d heard me sing better. Simon also said he was sick of seeing me just standing there in the centre of the stage, not moving, but believe me, no one could have moved very far in that dress. It was hard enough walking out on stage. Louis was very flattering about my performance, and Dannii stuck up for me again, and then the public voted me through, so I was safe for another week.

  Whilst Dannii was my favourite judge, all the judges were really nice behind the scenes. I spoke to Simon all the time and we got on well, while Louis would come up to me and say things like, ‘Let me tell you something. I need to tell you. Don’t sing that song.’ He is one of those crazy men you just laugh at. Cheryl always used to say hello and she was always really nice and kind and polite. She and Dannii are both stunning in the flesh, even with no make-up. They have perfect faces, with curved eyebrows, high cheekbones and beautiful eyes.

  The live crew were all very supportive. When I was backstage just before going on to perform, they would all be saying, ‘Go on, girl! Good luck!’ For a few moments I could have a laugh with them and forget why I was there. Well, sort of. Every week I was more nervous than the last, because every performance meant more than the one before. I’d never thought I could get to the final or win, but the nearer I got, the more enticing it was. I’ve just got to get through, I kept thinking.

  Once it was all over for another week, I’d unwind again and go back to my normal self, running around giving people nicknames and having fun with the crew. I give people nicknames because I don’t remember names very well, so I did it to everyone. I even used to call one of the bosses Papa Smurf, because he had a grey beard, grey hair and he was really short. I don’t know how I got away with it. If he had a white hat and blue body, he would be Papa Smurf to a tee, I thought, so I’d say to him, ‘Go on, tell me, Papa Smurf, am I through?’

  ‘Ho ho ho,’ he’d reply, laughing at me like Santa.

  I even used to have a joke with Simon. He was always drinking this water called Oxygen Water and I’d say, ‘Do you drink that because you smoke? To get some oxygen in your lungs?’

  ‘Oh, shush,’ he’d say good-humouredly. Sometimes I used to sit in his chair, then when he came along I’d jump out of it into the next chair. He often patted me or rubbed my head, as if to say, ‘Poor little Stacey.’ He must have thought I was such a geek, but he was nice to me all the same.

  One day, a group of children from a children’s hospital came in. They were seated at the front, as if they were judging the show. ‘You can be the judges this week,’ he joked with them.

  ‘They’ll do a better job than you,’ I chipped in.

  ‘Just remember whose show it is, Miss Solomon,’ he said.

  ‘Oh no, please don’t kick me off the show,’ I cried, and we both ended up laughing.

  Another time, we were all called into Simon’s room as he was getting annoyed because he thought nobody was being themselves in the VTs. He thought we were all putting on an act. ‘I just want you to show me a bit of yourselves,’ he said. ‘Show me who you are. Don’t just sit there and say, “Yes, sir, no, sir, three bags full, sir.” Be yourselves.’

  Just then I caught his eye. ‘No, no,’ he said, shaking his head. ‘Not you.’ He turned his attention back to the others. ‘You see, Stacey never has to make anything up. She is completely herself.’ I was really pleased.

  Afterwards, Olly took the mick out of me. ‘Who’s Simon favourite then?’ he teased.

  ‘Oh shut up,’ I said.

  ‘Simon loves you. Simon thinks you’re the best,’ he went on.

  ‘No, he doesn’t. He thinks I’m really silly.’

  I looked at Olly and laughed, and he grinned back at me. Suddenly I felt really happy. At last I was making a friend.

  Chapter 10

  As the weeks passed, I grew really close to Olly. He’s one of the nicest boys you could ever hope to meet and he became my best friend in the world, along with Hammy. I just loved him to
pieces and I was so proud to be his friend. It’s funny how it happened, because I wrote him off as an Essex boy when I first met him. He was a bit cocky and, like, ‘All right,’ and I just thought, Go away! I know a million of you. You’re in my life everyday.

  But when I started talking to him, I realized we had a lot in common. It was such a relief to find that out. We were two nice people in a house where everybody else wasn’t necessarily all that lovely. Olly’s really genuine – and sweet and soppy and cheeky and funny. We were alike in many ways, although I’m not soppy like he is.

  I had the time of my life with Olly. Everything we did together ended up being the best thing, and being his friend meant that I could forget about what the others were saying and doing. He really stuck up for me when Danyl had a go, too, and he was very protective of me. He wouldn’t let anybody near me.

  Soon we were together all the time. It was me and him everywhere we went. I never wanted it to be me and anyone else; I just wanted to be with Olly. I couldn’t get enough of him. If they sent me off with someone else for the day I’d think, Huff! and I couldn’t wait to see him when I got back to the house. One day, the boys went to Reebok and I went to My Wardrobe with Joe McElderry. It was the best place I’ve ever been and I walked away with a Mulberry bag and Vivienne Westwood shoes, but even so, all the time I was there, I was thinking, Why isn’t Olly here? He should have been with me. It should have been us. At least Justin and Slim were there, filming it for ITV2 – they were so cool and lovely – but I wanted Olly there, too.

  I couldn’t bear being away from him and he was the same. If I was in a room talking to someone else, he’d come and find me. ‘What’s happening? Why aren’t you with me?’ We became a bit obsessed; we couldn’t get enough of each other.

  I didn’t have a crush on him; we were just really good friends. I think people wanted us to go out. The thing was, I didn’t fancy him. I absolutely loved him, but I couldn’t imagine kissing him, even though he’s really gorgeous. I loved everything about his personality, though, and being in his company was the best thing ever. I even loved his family. His nan knitted a hat for me! How sweet is that?