Stacey: My Story So Far

by Stacey Solomon

  I tried to shut out the hurt of what had gone wrong between us and focus on the future. After all, I couldn’t wait to get home to my little mooch and kiss him from head to toe. I’d missed my munchkin so much. He was growing up and changing so fast; there was something different about him every week. I was really looking forward to spending more time with Aaron as well, now that we were officially going to be a couple. It was so wicked to be in love, right at that beginning stage, when you get butterflies in your tummy and you feel like you’re walking on air. Every morning I woke up on a high.

  Chapter 13

  After the tour, I had about three days off before I went back to gigging and doing interviews. As usual, I was asked, ‘Is there anyone special in your life? Have you got a boyfriend?’

  Now, at last, I could give a direct answer. ‘Yes, I’m with someone.’

  It meant that I didn’t have to think up replies to all the questions that went with having to admit I was single, like, ‘What’s your type? Are you looking for someone? What kind of guy do you want to be with? If you could be with anyone, who would it be?’

  You can’t really say, ‘No comment,’ to those kinds of questions, so you have to be ready with snappy answers and think up men you fancy on the telly, which I find really hard to do. ‘Someone funny,’ I’d say. ‘Not too good looking so they love themselves.’ I could never think of anyone. I mean, I love Lee Evans but I don’t fancy him; I just think he’s really funny. I think Keith Lemon is funny, too, and I definitely don’t fancy him. Sorry, Keith.

  Who do I fancy? If I could be with anyone? I don’t know! I used to be quite attracted to the lead singer of the Libertines. I also liked Amy Winehouse’s ex-husband, although I don’t think what he does is attractive. My type is a man who looks normal and a bit rugged, but the only person on telly I could think of like that is the builder with a beard who Susan went out with on Desperate Housewives. Oh God, there isn’t anyone, really.

  Now that I was officially with Aaron, it was a relief not to have to go through all of that again. And if anyone asked probing questions about him, I was allowed to say, ‘No comment.’

  Of course, interviewers started asking questions about Aaron and Zach. ‘How do they get on? Has it been easy to introduce Aaron into Zach’s life?’

  The great thing was that Zach had known Aaron for ages, so he was really used to him. I don’t think anything changed for him when we got together as they’d always loved being with each other. Aaron made it clear from the start that he really cared about Zach and he spent loads of time with him. If they hadn’t got on so well and I didn’t know that Aaron loved Zach with all his heart – even more than he loved me – then I wouldn’t even have thought about being with him. Zach was more important to me than anyone or anything. He was always my number one priority.

  Zach loved playing with Aaron and running around his house. There was no jealousy there at all, except when Zach was tired and said something like, ‘No, she’s my mummy, not yours!’ Silly stuff like that. Most of the time he loved us all being together. It helped that Aaron had a bulldog called Molly. Zach loved Molly so much that he called Aaron’s house ‘Molly’s house’. Zach also spent time with his dad on a regular basis, which was really good.

  The next question interviewers asked was, ‘So what are you up to at the moment?’

  I was doing gigs all over the country, at clubs, for Tesco and Asda corporate parties and at horse-racing events. The audiences were always wicked; everyone cheered really loudly and made lots of noise. I had about twelve songs in my repertoire, six of them from The X Factor. I usually sang four at every gig and I always sang ‘Who Wants To Live Forever’, because everyone seemed to want to hear that one. It wasn’t my personal favourite, but you’ve got to give them what they want! My favourite songs were ‘The Scientist’, ‘Somewhere Only We Know’ and ‘You Got The Love’, the version by Florence + the Machine. Although it sometimes got a bit repetitive singing the same songs, I still really loved gigging and it was well paid, too.

  In the early spring of 2010, the RAF Squadronaires contacted me about guesting on their new album, In the Mood: The Glenn Miller Songbook, a collection of brand-new recordings that was due out at the end of May. The Squadronaires were formed at the beginning of World War II to raise morale and entertain the troops. They still play military gigs to this day, and they do private gigs as well. I said yes immediately. My grandfather fought in the RAF in India during the war and I knew he’d be so proud of me if I featured on this album. In fact, everyone in the family would be proud of me, especially as one of my cousins is in the army and has been to Iraq and Afghanistan.

  Recording with the Squadronaires was a lovely opportunity, especially as 2010 was the seventieth anniversary of the Blitz. One of our main focuses in history at school was World War II, and we learned about the music as well as what everyone went through, so the tunes of that era are very familiar to me and I find some of them very moving. Listening to them makes me think about how English ways stay the same, however advanced we become. It’s funny that the answers to our problems never seem to change: ‘Stay firm, be strong, keep positive and pull together.’ Nothing can dampen our fighting spirit, no matter how many technological leaps forward we make.

  The Squadronaires contacted me because they’d seen me perform ‘At Last’ on The X Factor and they wondered if I would sing it again with them. I couldn’t refuse. If people have the guts to go out there to protect our country and fight for us, then why shouldn’t we do our bit, if we can? No matter what, you should do what you believe in, and I believe in what our soldiers do, the support their families give them and everything they go through.

  I know people with relatives who’ve fought in Iraq and Afghanistan and come back different people because of the terrible things that happened there. They can’t sleep; they can’t look at life in the same way; they can’t do anything. The horrors of war have long-term effects, both physical and psychological. My grandad developed skin cancer seventy years after being in the harsh sun when he fought in India, which shows that the consequences of war can affect you at any time.

  So if the Squadronaires and their music give pleasure to soldiers, ex-soldiers and their families, then why on earth wouldn’t I want to contribute? Everyone deserves a little pleasure in life, and this cause was something close to my heart.

  As soon as I said yes, we went straight into the studio. It was so nice to be recording again; I really felt good about it. I’m doing music again! This is so much fun! I knew the song well, so all I had to do was enjoy myself.

  The band did their own arrangement of ‘At Last’ and we recorded it in the studio together, with the band leader conducting us. We had the freedom to do whatever we wanted, so we spent most of the day playing with all the buttons, messing around, changing things and saying what we did and didn’t like. Everyone had a good time. It was a really lovely experience. I hadn’t done anything like it since I’d been in the studio at The X Factor and it made me so happy. It ignited my desire to do my best and enjoy myself to the full.

  The album was being released to commemorate the seventieth anniversary of the band and there was a reunion for any surviving original Squadronaire musicians, their relatives and friends. My grandad was too ill to come along and watch me, sadly, but he was thrilled that I was appearing on the album. My dad came, though, and my dad filmed the whole thing and sent a copy to my grandad, along with a big frame of photos showing me performing with the band in RAF uniform. For Grandad, it was amazing to see me in that uniform. ‘Wow!’ he said when he saw the pictures.

  It was a real honour to wear the uniform, but I felt a bit of a cheat, because it was an original RAF uniform from the 1940s. Somebody did something really special in this, I thought – I wasn’t sure I deserved to be wearing it. It was the best night, though. It was really, really good. I love that genre of music, especially when it’s live; it sounds completely different to when you hear it on a CD. It always gives m
e a weird feeling, because I get a sensation of going back in time. It’s like being in a scene from Pearl Harbor or something.

  The Squadronaires decided to release ‘At Last’ as a single, so I did quite a few TV appearances around its release, including interviews with GMTV, This Morning and Loose Women. It was so much fun being on Loose Women; there’s never a dull moment on that programme. Everyone has so much to say and they’ve all got different opinions. You’re sitting there, in the middle of four women, and one person says, ‘Oh yes!’ and someone else says, ‘Oh no!’

  Oh my God! I thought. Luckily, I’m never stuck for something to say.

  Everyone has a laugh on Loose Women because it’s so laid back. It’s such a cool show. They all have their cups of tea and they invite you to join in the conversation. ‘Come on, just talk about whatever you like,’ they said. ‘You can say the most random things you want to.’ When you leave, you get a little gift from the presenters, and I got a maxi dress and loads of cool moisturizers.

  It was great, because it gave me the chance to talk about the Squadronaires and the important job our soldiers are doing. One of the best things about my work is that I’m able to help people and causes. I’m always being approached by charities and I can never say no. I’m such a softie. ‘You can’t always say yes to everyone,’ my manager tells me, but how do you choose between them? Who’s more deserving? Personally I can’t make that decision. I think it’s mean to choose, so I prefer to do a bit for everyone and that’s what I try to do.

  If I’m asked to do two charity events on the same day, I go back and ask them to find me another slot so I can do both. ‘Right, one of you on one day and the other on another day.’ If they want you and it’s going to help their charity, they’ll find you a different slot.

  It can be a lot of fun raising money for charity and it gives you the most amazing feeling to go out there and do something to help. I’ve done the Barnardo’s children’s charity walk, which was lovely; I did an event for Great Ormond Street Hospital and I went to London Zoo for another children’s charity, Cancer Research Little Stars. How can you not enjoy going for a walk with kids on a nice sunny day? Or going to the zoo? It’s the best fun.

  Children’s charities are my favourite, even though it can be quite heart-rending. Most of them are aware of what’s going on, so you want to distract them for a few hours. You’ll do anything to make them laugh, whether that means sitting with them, swapping jokes, having a photo taken with them or going for a walk in the park. How could you deny someone that? I’m so lucky to be able to help; I couldn’t possibly say no.

  The other cause that’s close to my heart is breast cancer research, partly because I’m a girl, I suppose. I want to know about it and I want to make sure I’ve contributed. I loved doing a photo shoot for Tickled Pink, the Asda campaign for breast cancer, when I spent the day dressed head to toe in pink flowers. I really got involved in that campaign and went to all the fundraising fashion shows they held, where I met a lot of people affected by breast cancer, some who’d got over it and some who still had it.

  I also threw a party for the Living TV show Party Wars, which follows a similar format to Four Weddings. The prize for whoever won was £5,000, to donate to two charities of their choice. There were four of us in the competition, and we all went to each other’s party and judged them, giving points out of ten.

  Although the parties were held in May, the show was scheduled to be aired in the autumn, so it made sense to make mine my twenty-first birthday party because it was coming up in October. The big twenty-one! It was only a simple party – nothing really extravagant. I was given a small budget by Living TV and I had to call in favours when I went over budget. I actually managed to sort out a free bar all night because it was going to be on telly!

  It was so good. I was lucky enough to hold it in a marquee in the garden of a big manor house in Oxfordshire. How perfect. I’d never had a party like it in my life. It had a Winter Wonderland theme and all the guests had to wear white. There were ice sculptures everywhere and icicles hanging from the ceiling, and even though it was summer, they didn’t melt. Everything was white. There was white flooring, white furniture and big white drapes swung back to reveal the dance floor, which was starlit.

  Only my friends were invited, because it had to be a real party, so there weren’t any famous people, apart from Jeff Brazier and model and TV personality Bianca Gascoigne, who I get on really well with. I’d be embarrassed if I didn’t invite Jeff to my parties. He’d get the right hump. I would have liked Jedward to come, but they were off doing gigs, and I hadn’t spoken to Olly in ages. A lot of my friends from King Solomon High School were there, though, as well as my new friends from Grays and even a few old Abbs Cross mates, including Joely.

  There were about 150 people in total. It was so cool. Everyone had the best time because it was a free bar, and I went for it. The Living TV cameras didn’t stop me. It was my twenty-first, after all, so there was no way I wasn’t going to drink. A couple of days later, there was a newspaper report saying, ‘Stacey Solomon has birthday bash, gets drunk and swears like a trooper.’ Well, I never swear except when I’m drunk, so you knew I was drunk that night! Leave me alone, I thought. I didn’t get to celebrate my eighteenth, and now someone was begrudging me a few drinks on my twenty-first? Surely I was allowed to drink for one day in a year. But no, I had to be told off: ‘Oh, isn’t she terrible?’

  I had such a great time and so, I think, did everyone else, because we ended up winning the competition, getting ten out of ten for the party in the final vote. Who needs an eighteenth when your twenty-first is so good? I gave half the prize money to Barnardo’s and half to Asda’s Tickled Pink campaign.

  On my actual twenty-first, we went to Quasar, where me, Natalie, Frank, Jade, Jordan and Chelsea chased each other around with laser guns. It was so much fun. Quasar is one of my favourite games, especially as it doesn’t hurt like paintballing does. I love creeping around with my laser gun, hunting down my targets. It feels like I’m on a secret mission. My main tactic is to hide in the corner, thinking, I’ll just bide my time. I get so into it that I get really scared and feel like I’m actually going to die.

  Conscious that time was ticking by, I became more concerned about my future. My dream was to get a record contract, but it wasn’t happening and I couldn’t help wondering what I would do next. It was nerve-racking, but I tried not to think about it too much. I felt like I had to make the most of what I had now and do whatever I could. ‘Work really hard and see what happens,’ I told myself. ‘If it doesn’t happen, it doesn’t happen.’

  I wasn’t going to give up without a fight, but I knew I could also be happy doing something else altogether. I could never forget the lesson I’d learned when I’d had Zach. I’d thought my life was over then, that there was nothing for me to look forward to, but I was so wrong. Zach was the start of everything, not the end. He was the best thing to ever happen to me. I just didn’t realize it at the time.

  I’d learned that even when life doesn’t go according to plan, when you don’t get what you want and it feels like your heart is breaking, there’s always something new around the corner. And you never know, what’s round the corner might be much better than what you have now, so it’s important not to be scared of the future. You have to have faith that things will work out for you. I was so lucky to have had the opportunities I’d had. I just needed to wait and see what happened next.

  I could always go to uni, I thought. I could do English literature or law if I wanted to. I could do almost any course now that I had a national diploma, apart from a science degree or medicine obviously. But until I knew what the future held, I would work as hard as I could. Working hard is the key to success, even when you’re already successful. When you get a number one album, you haven’t won. That’s not the end. You can’t sit back and say, ‘I’ve done it now.’ You have to carry on working hard to make the next thing happen.

  Then, out
of the blue, I bumped into Olly at a gig in the summer. We’d both been booked to sing at the same venue without knowing it. It was brilliant, because the moment we saw each other, all the bad feelings melted away and we were really good friends again. Neither of us brought up the past; we just didn’t think about it. That night we had such a laugh again, just like we always used to. I was so happy; I had my friend back. We started phoning each other all the time again, which was really nice. We’d been through so much together; it was brilliant to be back in touch.

  It seems to me that it’s hard to get radio play on Radio 1 if you’re from The X Factor, as they want to play artists who’ve come up through the ranks; coming The X Factor route is perhaps looked upon as easy and cheap. Since Radio 1 is the biggest station, if you want your records to sell, you have to get good air play with them. Fortunately, Olly and Joe had number ones, and because their singles were so popular Radio 1 had to play them, but it was perhaps harder for them than it would have been for someone who hadn’t been on The X Factor.

  That’s what stopped me from getting too excited when I heard that I was being considered as a possible contestant for I’m a Celebrity … Get Me Out of Here! My heart leapt, but I didn’t think there was any way I’d actually get on the show because I’d never seen an X Factor contestant in the jungle. It just hadn’t happened before. I knew I really wanted to do it, though. In my family, I’m a Celebrity and The X Factor are our two favourite shows, the ones we always watch every year.

  They’re complete opposites, but they’re both so entertaining. Whereas The X Factor is a really emotional programme, and you watch it on the edge of your seat, willing your favourite contestant on, thinking, Please do well! I’m a Celebrity is more lighthearted entertainment that you can happily laugh at, without thinking too hard about it.