Crave the Darkness: A Shaede Assassin Novel

by amanda bonilla

  Drama free was good. I closed my eyes, breathed in the scent of fresh, green things and dew. In a few months, the cherry trees would be heavy with blossoms and the sweet smell of encroaching summer would scent the warmer air. The Japanese gardens were an oasis in the middle of a concrete desert. The crisp, early spring air helped to clear the worry from my mind, the self-inflicted anguish I couldn’t let go of. “I’ve lived in this city for almost a century and I’ve only been here a couple of times.” I laughed, my voice sounding unfamiliar and small. “But it’s nice.”

  “When Anya returned without you today, I worried for you—”

  I braced myself for the overprotective banter, the warnings that I was in over my head.

  “—but then I realized I had nothing to worry about. You handle yourself too well for me to worry for your safety.”

  I let out a deep breath when I realized that the warnings and admonitions weren’t going to come. Opportunist. Manipulator. Raif’s words echoed in my mind. Xander appeared more than willing to admit I could hold my own when just days ago he’d slammed his palm against his desk proclaiming my life was too precious to risk. What game was he playing? “Thanks,” I said, not knowing how else to respond. “I’ll get him, you know. That bastard can only hide for so long. And when I find him, he’s as good as dead.”

  “I know that,” Xander said, still gazing over the bridge at the water. Silver moonlight danced across its surface, glittering like diamonds. “I trust you. You’re more than capable.”

  A doubtful snort escaped my lips before I could think better of it. Xander didn’t trust anyone, except Raif. And capable? Lofty praise indeed from his high and mightiness. More games. “Better watch out, Xander, your pretty talk and false compliments might get you into trouble someday.”

  He turned to face me, bracing himself against the railing. He crossed his feet at the ankles and his arms across his wide chest. His eyes burned as his gaze roamed over my body, stealing my breath. The shadows played against his features making the mask of kingly authority, the sarcasm that seemed as much a part of him as his regal smile, almost dangerous. And his casual posture contradicted the muscles flexing across his shoulders as if he were ready to spring into action at any moment. The gold flecks in his eyes glowed brightly in sharp contrast to the silver rippling across the water and a slight breeze teased the golden strands of his hair. Xander was many things: a liar, a manipulator, an arrogant, royal pain in the ass. But, damn, he was something to look at.

  He took a step toward me, and my brain told my legs to take a step back. But the damn things wouldn’t listen. Like a rabbit in a snare, I was caught.

  “Darian,” he whispered, but it was as good as a shout in the still night air. “The Jinn was a fool. Rather than weep, you should make him pay.”

  My throat felt like it was closing up. “Pay?” I managed to choke out.

  “For hurting you. Forsaking you. Betraying you,” he murmured.

  I looked out over the water. At the trees overhead. The shadows dancing in the moonlight. Anywhere but at him.

  “And do you know what would wound him to the quick?”

  I gave a nervous laugh. “A slip with a nail file?” If Xander’s lack of laughter was any indicator, he hadn’t found my attempt at turning his words into a cute pun very funny. I cleared my throat and scuffed my boot against the cobbles.

  “Look at me.”

  No way. Butterflies swirled in my stomach, my heart lurched into my throat. Was I actually sweating? My entire body felt clammy. I glanced over my left shoulder as if I’d heard something. But the only sound was my own pulse thrumming in my ears.

  Xander reached out, cupped my chin in his hand, and turned my face to meet his. He’d taken another step closer, our bodies almost touching. I took a steadying breath, focused on the gold flecks shining in his gaze. He really did have pretty eyes . . .

  “It would kill him to see you with someone else.”

  Damn if he couldn’t hold me captive with a stare. “I doubt that very much, Xander.” He had no idea that Ty had already one-upped me on the whole rubbing-his-new-arm-candy-in-my-face thing. And I wasn’t about to tell him, either.

  “He hurt you. Strike back. There’s no greater torture than knowing another man is touching the woman you want. Tasting her naked flesh. Taking her in ways you can only imagine. I could help you”—he flashed a wicked smile—“torture him.”

  Delicious chills raced up my spine, turning my insides liquid.

  “You’re beautiful,” he murmured.

  My god, when had the air become so stifling?

  “Strong.”

  His lush, velvety voice seemed to brush against every nerve ending and I shuddered.

  “Intelligent and intriguing.”

  I’d heard these compliments before from Xander, but never with such sincerity behind them. I didn’t know what to think. How to feel. Xander reached out to capture a few errant strands of my hair floating on the breeze and smoothed them behind my ear.

  “I fall asleep every night wanting you. I wake every morning wanting you. I’m tortured by your nearness, yet if you were to leave, I don’t think I could stand it.”

  I took a deep breath, exhaled sharply. Snap out of it! This is Xander, I reminded myself. Master manipulator and shit talker extraordinaire. He’d like nothing more than to parade me half-naked in front of Tyler so he could be seven different kinds of smug about stealing me away from him. I wondered what Xander would think if he knew by getting his hands on me, he’d be getting nothing but Ty’s castoffs. I couldn’t trust anything he said. And still . . . how could I deny the truth reflected in his eyes?

  “Xander.” My mouth was almost too dry to speak. “You just want what you can’t have. Your sense of entitlement is going to get you into trouble someday.”

  He placed his hands at my waist. The heat from his touch seeped through my clothes, pulsing. Or was that the blood pounding in my veins?

  “Oh, it already has.” Xander’s head bent to mine, his mouth hovering, but not yet touching. “But believe me, it’s worth the trouble every time. I always get what I want,” he whispered before closing the distance between us completely.

  His body pressed against mine and his hands moved from my waist, wrapping around me and settling at the small of my back. I didn’t pull away, though I knew I should. He held me close, and as if I had no self-control, I leaned into him, letting the moment sweep me away from the crippling pain of the past several months. His mouth slanted against mine, one hand caressing slowly up my back, and I responded by arching against him and letting the moment progress. Xander’s tongue slid across my lips, tasting, searching, and greedy for more.

  Common sense tugged at the edge of my brain, a microscopic germ of sanity threatening to infect the moment. I pushed it away. Ty had found someone new to love and left me alone and empty. He hadn’t even warned me that he’d brought his lover home with him. Instead, he’d let me humiliate myself by coming face-to-face with her right at his front door. But I didn’t want to make Tyler pay. If anything, I was the one who’d deserved the payback. This wasn’t about hurting him for what had happened between us, but rather, my desire to be wanted. Needed. Loved by someone with all of his heart and soul. An erotic purr escaped his throat as Xander’s fingers threaded through my hair, and I lost myself to the moment. Chills raced over my scalp and across my flesh all at once, cold and then infusing me with a liquid heat that chased a path from my stomach straight to my core.

  Xander pulled away, his lips dipping to my throat, up my neck, settling near my ear. He nuzzled against me, burying his face in my hair and breathing in deep. “You smell like spring,” he murmured, his words hoarse with desire. “And you taste like oranges and cinnamon.” His mouth latched on to the skin below my earlobe, his teeth grazed my flesh and I shuddered. He leaned back to look at me, one regal brow arched sardonically. “Are you cold?”

  Are you kidding? My blood was on fire. “No,” I said, my voice a li
ttle breathy. “Just the opposite.”

  The smile that dawned on his face was pure victory. His stance widened, and he pulled me so close I had no other choice but to place my palms against his chest. I felt his muscles flex beneath my fingers, and I allowed myself a little liberty, traveling upward and caressing back down to the flat expanse at the outer ridges of his stomach. I thought about going lower, but that damned shred of common sense stayed my hands.

  Xander licked his lips, and my eyes locked on to his mouth. I felt the urge to take my finger and trace the soft curves. A low growl reverberated in his chest, rumbling against my skin, and my own lips quirked at the corners. It was nice to feel wanted. Desired. Even if it was in the name of petty jealousy. I was probably setting myself up for a crash and burn later, but right now, I needed this.

  I leaned up on my tiptoes, wrapping my arms around Xander’s neck. His hair brushed my knuckles, and I reached out to tease the silky-soft strands. Xander’s breath caressed my face, quick little bursts of air. I knew how he felt; my own chest rose and fell like I’d run a few miles without stopping. His lips brushed my forehead, my temple, high on my cheekbone. My eyes drifted shut as I reveled in the feel of his mouth on my skin. I allowed my head to relax, tip back, and Xander, always the opportunist, seized the moment to taste the flesh at the hollow of my throat.

  The ringtone I reserved solely for Raif, Darth Vader’s theme music, interrupted the quiet of the night. Xander muttered a curse against my skin. “Ignore it,” he said before placing another kiss at my throat.

  “It’s Raif,” I said.

  He placed a quick kiss on my lips. “Then definitely ignore it.”

  I fished my phone out of my pocket, wondering if Raif’s call had been shitty timing or divine intervention. I touched the screen and put the receiver to my ear. “I didn’t run away,” I said, already on the defensive.

  “Oh, you ran away.” I could only imagine Raif’s disgusted expression. “Just not alone. You need to debrief your team. And me.”

  Xander grabbed my free hand, placing lazy little kisses on my palm. His gaze didn’t waver, locked on mine, dancing with mischievous light. I wondered if he could sense the tiny tremors jolting me from my head to my toes. He flipped my hand over, kissed each of my knuckles, pausing as his tongue flicked out at my index finger before he took it into his mouth and sucked . . .

  Oh—my—god.

  “Raif.” I cleared my throat, afraid I might moan right into his ear. “Can we do this in the morning?”

  “I expect you in twenty minutes,” he said with reproach. “And tell my brother he’d better have been a gentleman tonight.”

  “Busted,” I said, tucking the phone back in my pocket. I knew Xander heard everything Raif had said. A moment of forgetting, of building passion and fire, was now little more than cool awkwardness. Damn it. I took a step back, as much to clear my head as anything.

  “Stay,” Xander said, pulling me back to him. “Stay here with me.”

  The way his hand warmed mine, the raw desire in his eyes, almost convinced me to do just that. “I have a responsibility to Raif,” I said. “I have to go back.”

  Xander sighed, but he didn’t let go. Instead, he pulled me closer and kissed me. Just once. Slow. My toes nearly curled in my boots.

  “Let’s get you back.” He let go of my hand and became one with the shadows. “Don’t want you looking unprofessional. It reflects badly on me.”

  I smiled. Leave it to Xander to first and foremost be the king. Shedding my corporeal form, I chased after him through the city toward Capitol Hill. But somewhere, buried deep under Xander’s offered revenge, a dull, ceaseless pain remained.

  Chapter 12

  “Let’s start with what we know.”

  I paced back and forth in front of the long table in the king’s council room, virtually ignoring whatever it was Raif was saying as I forced the memory of Xander’s kisses to the back of my mind. Had I made a huge mistake? How could I have let things go so far? Shit. What the hell was wrong with me? I’d played right into Xander’s hands, letting him bait me over and over. When was I going to learn?

  “. . . which is why I didn’t stop. My earpiece must have malfunctioned.”

  I looked up at Myles, drawn back to the conversation by his statement, and pinned him with an accusing glare. He’d heard me call him off that man. He’d just chosen to experience temporary hearing loss.

  “We’ll deal with that later.” Raif’s tone could have cooled lava to stone in a second flat. “Are you sure the humans were under the influence of magic?”

  I’d bitten my thumbnail down to the quick. Tyler’s ring glinted in the light, taunting me with its presence. “They were being compelled. I know the look. None of them were aware of what they were doing. The blond is our mark. And he knows Anya—personally.”

  “No one else saw him?” Raif eyeballed each member of my team, his gaze lingering a little longer on Asher.

  “I didn’t get out of the car.” Louella sounded a bit put out. “After Julian and Myles took care of the gunmen, we headed straight back. Darian’s orders.”

  Raif looked to me and I nodded, confirming what she’d said.

  “And where were you, Asher?”

  The kid sat up a little straighter in his seat, but his face never lost its guarded expression. “I returned on foot.”

  Raif stared him down, the silence becoming thick and heavy in the air. Julian cleared his throat, drummed his fingers on the polished tabletop. Asher gave Raif look for look. And damn it, I almost admired the kid for it.

  “I sent him back.” Someone had to break the standoff; might as well be me. “Anya was the priority, not me. Once the humans were no longer a threat, I told the team to make sure Anya was safe.”

  Raif focused his hawkish gaze on me and I rolled my eyes. Really, Raif? He was wasting his time. I wasn’t about to rat anyone out. Not even Asher. Besides, I planned on finding out what he was up to myself.

  “So, getting back to business,” I said, taking yet another lap around the room. “What do we know?” Silence answered and I continued, “Obviously our guy has a bead on Anya. He’s watching the house, or at least has someone keeping tabs on her comings and goings.”

  “And there’s a possibility he might be Fae,” Raif added.

  “Maybe.” But I doubted it. There was something mysterious about the angelic blond, but his energy wasn’t Fae. Familiar—but somehow not. And I didn’t have a clue how he’d managed to control the humans. “Whatever he is, he’s dangerous. Too fucking calm for my peace of mind.” Calm was bad. Calm meant our guy had a plan and wasn’t above exercising patience to see that plan brought to fruition. “One thing I know for sure, low-key won’t cut it. Neither will game playing. This guy doesn’t give a shit about secrecy. Obviously. He’s going to get Anya, wherever and whenever he can.”

  “We can’t keep her prisoner,” Raif said, his tone suggesting he wished he could do just that. “But I’ll see what I can do about limiting her outings. At least until we can identify her attacker.”

  “She knows him.” Christ, was I the only one pissed off by this? “And she’s not telling anyone who the son of a bitch is.”

  “Perhaps.” Raif’s deference was getting on my nerves.

  “Perhaps, my ass.”

  Julian stirred in his seat, his brow furrowed in concentration. “Anya is a prominent figure and well known to be a member of the king’s inner circle. Anyone could claim they knew her.”

  “But what would motivate someone to kill her besides a personal grudge?” Liam spoke from the far end of the table. His boots were propped up on the glossy surface, arms folded in front of him. He may as well be watching a movie or playing video games instead of having a tactical meeting and debriefing.

  “I agree.” I wanted to kill Anya on a good day and didn’t even hold any grudges.

  “What about political motivations?” Louella ventured. “Any policy changes . . . proposals . . . endorsements s
omeone might not be too thrilled with?”

  Raif pondered that for a moment. “Not that I’m aware of. She doesn’t exactly function in a political capacity.”

  “Besides protecting Xander every once in a while, what other capacity does she operate under?” I wondered.

  The members of my team exchanged curious glances while Raif pointedly ignored my musings. Interesting.

  “So we’re back to a personal grudge,” I said, trying to keep my tone from sounding too suspicious.

  Raif looked away. He knew I was right. His frustrated expression mirrored my own. We hadn’t made any ground. Back at square one, we had no idea who wanted Anya dead or why. And she wasn’t making our job any easier. “Everyone but Myles may go.” Raif sighed. “Darian will keep you updated if anything comes up.”

  The group exchanged some wary glances as they filed from the room, and Liam chuckled before knocking Myles on the shoulder. “Sucks to be you, man,” he said, strutting out the door.

  Myles leaned sideways in his chair, flinging a casual arm across the back. The defiant smirk on his face made me want to wipe it off—with my fist. “You want to explain why the hell you went ape-shit on that guy today?” I put my palms down on the table, leaned forward until I was inches from his smart-ass face. “I told you to neutralize him. Not beat the piss out of him.”

  Myles shrugged, and I pressed my fingertips against the tabletop to keep from grabbing him by the collar. “I told you, my earpiece malfunctioned.”

  I moved closer, our noses almost touching. “That’s a total crock of bullshit and you know it.”

  Myles’s lips compressed into a hard line. “I don’t know that.”

  The sound of a throat clearing brought me upright, and Raif and I turned in unison toward the open doorway. “Excuse me.” One of Xander’s staff stood at the door, a female I’d seen around the house now and again. “There’s someone here to see Darian.”

  Raif and I exchanged a curious look and my heart skipped in my chest. Had Tyler come back for a repeat performance?