Crave the Darkness: A Shaede Assassin Novel

by amanda bonilla

  I stared with my mouth just a little slack. Since when had this become about me? Anya grabbed a wicked-looking knife from a butcher block on the counter, brought it down with a swift slice, and halved an apple. “First of all, my love life is none of your fucking business.”

  “He’s a king, Darian. Do you have any idea what that means? How important he is to his people? Ever since you crawled out of the woodwork, you’re all he can think about. His kingdom doesn’t matter, his people. Only you. We should have left Seattle months ago, and yet he stays. He will jeopardize his crown for you.”

  “Bullshit. That’s not true.” Damn it, how could I have let her take charge of the conversation? This was my interrogation, not hers. “Xander’s a big boy, Anya. He doesn’t need you looking out for him.”

  “Well, you’re sure as hell not interested in what’s best for him. I think someone should have his interests at heart.”

  “You have no idea what’s going on between Xander and me.”

  “I see the way he looks at you. The way he tracks your every move. That tells me more than enough. And you’re using him for whatever reason. If you’re looking for someone on the rebound, go hunt down some unsuspecting human and give him a good toss. Don’t use Xander to get over your breakup.”

  As Anya chomped on her apple like a stabled horse, I tried not to let her words sink in. There was no “us” when it came to me and Xander. She thought her king was some lovesick victim, but I knew the truth: the King of Deception had no romantic notions about me. Sure, he wanted to get me into bed. That was the only thing he’d been forthright about since we’d met. He was itching to get under Tyler’s skin, and he was trying to get me on board to do it. Xander had to win. Always. Love had nothing to do with it. He wanted to put Ty in checkmate, plain and simple. No matter what Anya saw in his eyes, love wasn’t a part of Xander’s agenda.

  “You’re just trying to take my mind off your little secret,” I said. “And that’s not going to happen. Mind your own business. I can handle my personal life without any help from you.”

  “Whatever you say. How about you mind your own business?” She discarded the seeds from the first half of the apple and dove into the second half with vigor. “You’ll destroy Xander just like you did your Jinn. You’re like poison. It’s probably better you killed Azriel when you did. No doubt his torch still burned for you despite the length of time he’d been without you.”

  “Shut up, Anya.” My self-control slipped another notch. I’d be throwing punches in a matter of seconds if not for Anya’s delicate state.

  “You should have seen Tyler when he showed up here. Did you even consider what it would do to him when you ran off? He didn’t even figure into your plans, did he? No, you’re too busy worrying about yourself to consider anyone else. He was wrecked. Angry. The rage was palpable. He almost killed Raif and then turned his fury on Xander because he thought my king knew where you’d gone. We could barely control him. The rest of the household cowered at his display of power. Are you proud of yourself for that? Does it make you feel formidable to destroy men the way you do?”

  “Shut up!” When I found Kade, I’d turn Anya over to him myself. “You are not allowed to talk about Tyler. Not. Ever.”

  “What?” Anya kept a safe distance behind her kitchen counter. “Does the truth hurt? Do Xander a favor, Darian. End whatever it is between the two of you now, before you decide to cast him aside. I don’t want to see him broken and left to pick up the pieces of his shattered life like your other lovers.”

  “You have no right to stick your high-and-mighty nose where it doesn’t belong. You don’t know the first thing about me.” Then I added for good measure, “And your fashion sense sucks ass.” Anya pissed me off to no end, but her words rang with truth. I was poison. Every relationship I’d ever had ended in disaster. I was selfish. But knowing it and hearing someone else say it made it hurt so much more.

  “I’m going to ignore your juvenile attempt to make me cry,” Anya said. She moved from the kitchen to the small living area and flopped down on the couch. “Because there’s nothing wrong with my fashion sense. At least I don’t look like I’m trying to win the Teen Goth Cutter of the Week Award. It stings to have someone rub salt in old wounds, doesn’t it, Darian? You don’t like it a damn bit. So why not stop rubbing salt in mine? Leave well enough alone and quit asking questions I’m not ready to answer.”

  So she thought she could school me by giving me a healthy dose of my own medicine. Wasn’t going to work. “You can’t keep your secrets any longer, Anya. Dimitri’s going to figure it out. And since you’ve been so kind as to shove my own bad decisions back in my face, let me tell you from experience, keeping secrets from the man you love isn’t conducive to a healthy relationship.”

  Anya scoffed, “Don’t think for a second you can teach me anything about love. I’ve done more in the name of love than your whiny, selfish ass ever has or ever will.”

  Rather than sit too close, I took a stool at the counter. I was afraid I’d be tempted to throttle her if I got within touching distance. “Again, Anya, you don’t know the first thing about me or the things I’ve done. But you said it yourself—I’m a first-rate relationship destroyer. Maybe you ought to take my expert advice this one time.”

  “Fine. You want to know about Kade?” Her throat was thick with encroaching emotion. “I’ll tell you. But let’s get this straight: he’s not after me.”

  Yeah, sure. “Then who’s he after?”

  “Dimitri.”

  My first thought was, what in the hell did Dimitri have to do with Adira? Or Tyler? It made sense, though. Anya had been nervous as hell to have her husband out of the house today. I put my anger on the back burner. “Do you know who Adira is?”

  “No,” she said. “Should I?”

  “I guess not.” My curiosity devoured most of the residual anger clinging to Anya’s slights against my character. “So, tell me about Kade.”

  Anya stared at nothing for a while, lost, perhaps, in her memories. “Kade isn’t what you think he is. He’s a chameleon. The perfect predator. If he decides to kill you, it won’t be quick and painless. He’ll make you suffer. He’ll drain you until you’re nothing more than a husk, and he’ll enjoy every minute of it.”

  Charming. “What is he?”

  Anya raised her gaze to mine. She’d never looked so troubled. “He’s chërnyi. A demon.”

  Ironic, considering I’d thought of him as an angel, albeit with a devil’s disposition. “He doesn’t really look the part.”

  Anya smiled. “That’s the point. Kade is a Cambion. The offspring of an Incubus and a human. He’s technically only half demon, but no less powerful than his father. Kade can charm the panties off a nun in five seconds flat.”

  I held her gaze for a moment. “Did he charm your panties off?”

  She flashed a rueful smile. “What Kade wants, Kade gets. There was a time when I was what he wanted.”

  Fair enough. I had to admit, Kade looked good enough to eat. It probably didn’t take much coaxing on his part to get even the most reluctant lady into bed. But if Kade got whatever he wanted, no wonder Anya was twitchy and secretive. “Why does he want Dimitri? Jealous lover syndrome?”

  Anya snorted. “Hardly. Kade and I didn’t last long as lovers. He was more interested in what I could do for him.”

  Apparently that meant besides give a good blow job. “And what was that?”

  “You probably have no idea what it’s like to be poor, do you, Darian? I imagine your life was always pretty easy.”

  Just showed how much she didn’t know about me. Sure, my father had been well off, but all the money in the world couldn’t compensate for the emotional detachment. And my well-to-do married life hadn’t been a walk in the park. Unless you considered regular beatings marital bliss. “You don’t know shit about my life, Anya.”

  “Maybe not.” She shrugged. “And I rather you knew nothing of mine. But I told you I’d tell you about
Kade, so I guess I don’t have a choice.

  “I was born in Russia during the second World War. I’m not going to bore you with the details. When I was ten, my parents were killed, and I was sent to an orphanage. Being a Shaede child in a world of humans isn’t something I’d wish on my worst enemy.” She gave me a pointed look. “And that’s saying a lot. I ran away when I was sixteen, and I learned pretty quickly that my Shaede nature made me the perfect thief. I could sneak in and out of anywhere without being detected. I was good at what I did and made a lot of money doing it.”

  “There weren’t any Shaedes who could take you in?” I couldn’t help but wonder why Anya would have to live among humans when she’d grown up with her own kind.

  “They were few and scattered in my region.”

  As I continued to listen to Anya’s story, I realized that she didn’t sound too different from me, really. I’d been set adrift in the world, and with no other options had relied on my Shaede gifts to keep me afloat in a less than legal—or moral, for that matter—way. Survival has no morality. You do what has to be done. Period. “So Kade’s a thief?”

  “Kade is whatever he wants to be. He gets bored easily. When I met him, he had grandiose plans to run the granddaddy of all crime rings. For a while, we did pretty well. We stole, blackmailed, kidnapped. We found the leverage we needed and used it for whatever reason. He’s ruthless. Not above or below anything.

  “He really got off on blackmailing powerful figures. Having control over someone because he knew their dirtiest secret made him feel like a god or something. He used to say that guilt was the sweetest and most powerful human life essence. And nothing brought out that guilt like waggling dirty deeds in front of someone’s face.”

  I thought back to the first day I’d met Kade, outside the Columbia Center. Delicious energy. Powerful. I didn’t know anything about Incubi. Or Succubi. I’d never heard of a Cambion before today, I didn’t even know demon/human hybrids existed. “Kade can sense someone’s energy, can’t he?”

  Anya gave a bitter laugh. “Not just that. He feeds off of it.”

  I thought of the Lyhtans, how they could inject their prey with a venom that would melt the internal organs, making them easy for consumption. Perhaps that’s what Kade did as well, but on a more spiritual level. “Sounds lovely.”

  “Believe me, it’s not pleasant, though at the time you’ll think you’ve died and gone to heaven. Kade can subdue his prey with a toxin he secretes through his pores and saliva. It’s like a drug and instantly addictive. Taking the life essence from a human will kill them almost immediately. When he takes from a supernatural being, though, it’s different. It won’t kill you, but it will weaken you to the point where you wish you were dead. Or at the very least in a coma. Once he drinks your energy, though, he can temporarily absorb whatever ability you might have.”

  Jesus. We’d definitely crossed over into comic book territory.

  “So if he . . . drank from a Shaede’s life energy, he could become a shadow at sundown?”

  “Yes.” Anya’s voice was barely a whisper. “I’ve seen him do that firsthand.”

  I suppressed a shudder. Essentially, having something taken from you without your permission . . . what Kade did to his victims was the equivalent of spiritual rape. “What’s with the tattoo?” I had to know everything about Anya’s past relationship with Kade if I was going to track the motherfucker down. Know thy enemy and all that.

  “The tattoo is a brand.” Anya reached over her shoulder and brushed the spot on her back where I’d seen the tattoo. “Kade’s mark. It acts like a homing beacon. Once he’s branded you, you become his property. He can find you—no matter how hard you try to hide.”

  “You’ve been hiding for a while, haven’t you?”

  Anya said, pensive, “Forty-five years. Maybe longer. I knew I wouldn’t be safe forever. But I hoped . . .”

  Her voice cracked, and I looked away, giving her a moment to compose herself. It sort of pissed me off to think that we had anything in common, but Xander had been right: Anya and I were very much alike. Damn it. Realizing that made protecting her more personal. Besides, I liked Dimitri, and I owed him. He needed protection just as much as Anya. This wasn’t just a job anymore. Not really. “You knew when Kade showed up in the city, didn’t you?”

  “Yes.” She sniffed a little and cleared her throat. “It was a month ago. At first he didn’t do anything. He knew I’d feel his presence, and I think that was enough for him. But he grew restless. I watched my back and watched Dimitri’s even closer. I didn’t tell anyone, not even my king. It wasn’t until he decided to use my car for target practice that anyone knew I was being threatened. I told Dimitri it was probably someone after Xander, using me to deliver a message to the king. He’s believed me. So far.”

  “Don’t you think he has a right to know he’s in danger, too?”

  Anya fixed me with a hawkish stare, her violet eyes glowing. “What have you done to protect the ones you love, Darian?”

  What indeed? Lied. Deceived. Withheld important information. Exercised control I swore I would never use. I looked away. Buried painful emotions I couldn’t afford to unearth right now. “How does Dimitri factor into this if Kade’s motivations aren’t jealousy?”

  “Cambion are just as attractive as their Succubi or Incubi parents. Humans are drawn to them. Kade was like the Pied Piper, gathering followers wherever he went. Dimitri was one of them.” Her smile grew wistful, her expression full of love. “He had nowhere else to go. But Kade never kept anyone around unless they could do something for him. Dimitri was dangerous, even for a human. Deadly. Skilled with a gun and blade alike. I’d never seen a better fighter. Kade used him as security, and he was expendable. But not to me. He was different with me. Loving. Gentle, even. He wanted to take me away, protect me. Dimitri didn’t know that Kade had branded me. Not that it would have mattered. No man had ever loved me like that before—with all of his heart and soul. I protected him. From Kade, from the reality we both wanted to escape.

  “Kade decided he was tired of meddling in the affairs of humans. He was after bigger prey, namely, his father. Kade loves secrets, and his father kept one in particular that he was hot and heavy for.”

  I’d come to accept that keeping secrets was standard practice in the supernatural world. “What secret?” It must have been a good one for a father to keep it from his own son. Azriel had kept my true purpose from his own father, Xander, for almost a century. Secrets are a precious commodity.

  “Kade’s father possessed a codex. Filled with spells, esoteric rituals. More or less it’s a demonic bible; more specifically, it’s a sort of Incubus manual. A how-to for the demon world. Being half human, Kade was forbidden from knowing anything about his kind. I think it was the only thing he truly hungered for.”

  “I take it you stole it for him?”

  “Yes. But I ran into a snag. Dimitri had insisted on coming along. He was caught by Kade’s father. I tried to trade the codex for Dimitri, but Kade’s father didn’t want that. He wanted his son.”

  “And you gave him what he wanted, didn’t you?”

  Anya sighed. “What would you have done in my situation?”

  I didn’t have to answer her. She already knew.

  “Kade’s father was ruthless, his reputation for cruelty well known. I don’t know what he did to him or where he kept him. I only know that once his father took him, I no longer felt the connection between us. Unfortunately, I felt him the moment he escaped from his father’s imprisonment.”

  She still hadn’t gotten to the point. “Seems to me his beef would still be with you. And not Dimitri.”

  “Kade had a woman,” Anya whispered. “At the time of his capture. She was pregnant. She died in childbirth, as did Kade’s son.”

  Fuck me. “An eye for an eye, am I right?”

  A single tear trickled down Anya’s cheek, and then another. “I made Dimitri a Shaede. I changed him to protect him. To make him
strong. I can’t protect him from a demon’s wrath. Not even the shadows will keep Dimitri safe.”

  “How can I find him?”

  “I don’t know.” Anya’s tears had begun to fall in a steady stream. “The brand only works one way. Kade knows I won’t be able to stay shut up in this house forever. More so, he knows Dimitri won’t let me keep going out without him. He’s using me as bait, to draw Dimitri out. Kade won’t just kill him, Darian. He’ll make him suffer first.”

  I stood up from the stool. I’d had enough of love and the lengths people would go to protect it. My experience had taught me that no matter how hard you try, you always suffer in the end. It was unavoidable. “Kade won’t get the chance, Anya.” I walked to the door and left her to worry and sorrow. “Because I’m going to kill him before he can lay a hand on either of you.”

  Chapter 18

  I walked down the hall toward my room, armed with a little more information than I’d started out with. Maybe Levi could help. I hadn’t asked Anya if she knew how to kill Kade; maybe it took something special to get the job done. Hell if I knew, anyway. At least I had a better idea of what I was up against now, and that had to count for something. Right?

  My back pocket vibrated, and my stomach jumped up into my throat. Ty said he’d be calling me, and I promised to answer when he did. I probably shouldn’t have agreed so readily. Still pretty raw from our earlier encounter, I didn’t think I had it in me to talk to him right now. I pulled the phone out of my pocket and checked the caller ID: UNKNOWN. Only one person called me from an unlisted number. It surprised me, how quick I was to smile. “Hello?”

  “You’ve been avoiding me,” Xander’s velvet voice said through the receiver. “Where are you right now?”

  “I haven’t been avoiding you,” I said as I continued walking. “I’ve been busy. And where the hell do you think I am?”