Here's to Tomorrow

by Teagan Hunter

I don’t pay much attention to anything she says as she passes the plates out because I’m way too busy watching her.

  She moves like she’s…air. Sounds weird as shit but I don’t know how else to describe it. It’s so fluid and flawless and smooth. She just…breezes when she walks. But it’s all in a beautiful way.

  And then it happens. She brushes up against me.

  My chest constricts. My breathing seizes. My entire world. Just. Stops.

  Suddenly we’re staring at one another. Mostly because she’s practically on top of me, but it’s happening and that’s all that really counts.

  Goddamn her eyes are amazing.

  Other than that, I’m hit with the exact same thing I’ve been hit with over and over again when it comes to Rae: familiarity.

  Something about her just sings to me. She sings to me. Not literally, but…emotionally? Does that sound douchey?

  I decide I don’t care. Mostly.

  I also decide that I should most definitely not be having even an inkling of the feelings I’m having toward this girl. But I can’t fucking help it. I’ve tried to squelch it over and over every time I’m around her. I’m tired of fighting it. I don’t give a shit if I barely know the girl. I don’t give a shit if she likes stupid country music or kicks kittens. Okay, maybe I do and sadly enough, those are pretty equal in my book.

  But that’s not the point. The point is, I fucking like her. A lot. And that’s all that really matters right now. Not how soon it is, not Joey, not the weather outside, or whether or not I’ve got clean socks for tomorrow.

  Right now, all that matters is how I feel. And of course how she feels. But if her eyes are saying what I think they are, she’s in. She’s so in.

  So am I, Rae. So am I.

  I can’t see anything but her, so I don’t expect the punch in the shoulder from Tucker, causing us to break apart.

  I rub my arm where he hit me and glare at him because dude doesn’t hit lightly.

  “Hey, welcome back, man,” he grins.

  I use all my energy to focus in on not flipping the asshole off, because even though he completely deserves it, I am somewhat of a gentleman.

  I turn back to where Rae was but she’s scurrying off faster than lightning.

  I give Tucker my best glare.

  “I see you,” he says quietly, still grinning.

  I let out the breath I was holding. “I see you, too.”

  I look around the table, hoping no else took notice of the little moment between Rae and me.

  Turns out, I didn’t hit the jackpot.

  Perry’s looking at me. Hard. And I can’t tell if it’s a friendly stare or a “back away while you still can” stare.

  Then the shadows that were laced in his eyes disappear and I swear I watch a small amount of weight lift off his shoulders. He nods twice at me and turns his attention to his food, ending whatever just happened.

  I look to Tucker because I have no clue what that was all about. He just shrugs and takes a sip of his soda, leaving me to try to decipher that all on my own for the moment.

  I’m confused. One hundred percent, honestly confused.

  I have no idea if I just got some sort of warning for retribution later for the staring contest with Rae or if I got permission.

  Perry doesn’t really scare me. I’m not really a big guy muscle-wise, but I do spend most of my days picking up heavy car parts and a seven-year-old that weighs almost fifty pounds. Perry’s kind of on the smaller side but still has some muscles that I can see. And I know I’ve got at least four inches on him height-wise.

  But that’s not really an issue because what I’m really hoping for, what I’m really wanting? Something that I didn’t really think I needed from Perry but I’m glad I have it if he and Rae do have a past?

  Permission.

  Rae

  Yep. That shit just happened.

  I just witnessed my best friend, my cousin, my protector of all protectors other than my dad, give permission to the guy that I’m kind of going crazy over.

  Mind. Blown.

  “Did he just…,” Maura starts from beside me.

  I ran straight to her as soon I snapped from whatever weird spell Hudson had me under. And Maura being Maura, all I had to do was point. We watched as Tucker said something to Hudson that made him visibly relax. Then we watched as Hudson turned to Perry, who just stared at him. Then he nodded.

  That nod? It was the nod of all the nods in the world. It was a yes from my cousin!

  “Yep. It was,” I manage around a loud gulp.

  “Y’all are so gonna get married,” Benny says from my other side. He watched the whole exchange too. He already gave me my “permission” earlier when he let me go take care of their table.

  “I’ve never seen Perry be so…accepting so quickly. It’s…,” Maura starts.

  “Yep. It is,” I tell her.

  We all stand there just starting out at the table of guys for at least another full minute. I feel a warm hand on my shoulder.

  I look up to Benny. “Good luck, kiddo. I think you’re gonna need it.” And with that he walks away.

  Gee, thanks for all the help, bud.

  “You’re welcome,” he laughs.

  Oops. Guess I said that out loud.

  I just shrug it off and turn toward Maura.

  “Let’s not think too much into all this,” I say with false bravado. Maura’s eyebrows furrow. She knows me better than to believe I’m not freaking out over this. Luckily she ignores it. For now. “Where’s Tanner tonight? Isn’t he usually with the guys?”

  I swear to all things holy Maura melts at little just at the mention of his name.

  “He’s meeting up with a buddy that just got home from deployment. Guess he’s having some trouble adjusting and has some family around this area so Tanner’s visiting him.”

  Again, not expecting something like that from Tanner.

  “Huh. Cool. That’s nice of him, I guess.”

  “Yeah, apparently they were really good friends growing up and ended up joining different branches. Kinda neat. Sucks the guy is having such a hard time coming home though. I can’t imagine.”

  “Has Tanner ever been deployed?” I ask her.

  She shakes her head. “Kind of? But only once. It was a nine-month tour in Germany. I’d probably worry myself sick if that happened now. I feel terrible for Tucker, knowing that his brother could be deployed at any time.”

  I shrug. “That’s kinda the military, Maura. Deployment happens. It’s not always a bad thing, though.”

  “I know, I know. But I just… I can’t wrap my head around it. Brave. They are all brave. Tucker and his family included.”

  “Word,” I tell her.

  “Alright, gotta go refill drinks. And I know you, so go take your minute out back to freak out. I’ll cover your tables for you if I need to.” She pats my arm and walks off.

  I take my cue and head toward the kitchen, making my way out to the alley. Funny enough, it’s not even an alley. It’s just a small, enclosed space around back. It’s usually used as a smoke break area for Benny, Cookin’ Curt, and Clyde himself, but a few people on the wait staff use it too cool down when things get hectic on the floor.

  I push through the door, letting it close behind me, and walk over to the tall brown fence on the opposite side. I lean my back against it and press my palms flat to the surface. Closing my eyes, I take a long, deep breath and just stand there. I take a few seconds to just breathe, absorbing my surroundings. I get a chance to listen to the crickets because Clyde has this place locked down when it comes to sound outside. Everything is contained inside when the doors are closed, giving us an illusion of peace out back.

  I have motherfucking permission. Approval. The go-ahead. From Perry.

  You ever like someone and hoped and prayed your family liked them too? Wished your best friend got along with them? Wanted everyone else in the world to understand why this person, out of all the billions of people in the w
orld, stuck out to you? Yeah, that’s Hudson to me. And I have no clue why.

  Hudson. This guy that I hardly know, this guy that just sparks something inside me, the one who has done nothing but give me constant butterflies. I like him. A lot. And I’m completely okay with admitting that. Mostly.

  So having Perry’s approval? The best. I mean, sure, he’s still got some tests to pass—some hoops to jump through—but he’s got approval from two extremely important people in my life. It means the world to me.

  Still standing there, I think I about what it would mean to fully let Hudson into my life.

  It would mean dates. It would mean meeting family. It would mean talking about things and not skating around truths. It would mean kissing. And who could argue with kissing?

  My biggest concern was letting go of the tiny amount of control I have over my life right now. Even though I’m not really sure where I want to end up work-wise, I’m on the fence about moving into the city. But this? This could change things. This could make me stay.

  I don’t want to let a guy to dictate where I live—not that this is moving anywhere near that fast, if this is really even a this. It’s just that Hudson makes me think. He makes me feel…worthy? I don’t know. I just know that when I’m around him, I’m okay with being me. I’m okay with living in a tiny town and admitting that I love the shit out of this place and kind of never want to leave. I’m okay with staying here. Especially since I was never really sure I wanted to leave.

  But I finally feel…full. I feel like he knows something about me that’s hidden deep within and he pulls at that. He helps center me.

  And I know—I know—that all seems so fucked up since I don’t even know if we’re “official” or whatever, but for right now, it’s all I have. And I’m gonna cling to it while I can.

  My concentration is broken when Clarissa comes barreling through the door on her cell phone, screeching at someone. I feel sorry for the poor bastard on the other end. She gives me a glare and rolls her eyes like I’m intruding on her space or some shit.

  Guess break time is over. I push off the wall and head back inside.

  I scan the dining area as soon as I walk through the hall. Everyone seems good so I hit the bar to see if Benny needs me to run any drinks for him.

  “You okay, little one?” he asks, giving me a look that tells me he knows I just had a minor freak out.

  I give him a thumbs-up. “Need me to run any drinks?” He nods, sliding a glass filled with thick dark liquid my way. “Guinness? Gross,” I shudder.

  He laughs. “Just run it to table twelve. You don’t have to drink it.”

  “I’m gonna at least plug my nose. This shit stinks.”

  Benny just shakes his head at me. I look up to check the table and come face to face with Hudson.

  Whoa. Talk about déjà vu.

  So, being the smartass I am, I hook my thumb over my shoulder in the direction of the bathroom. “You already forget? Bathroom’s that way. Or did you need me to wait five minutes while you muster up the courage to ask me?” I smirk at him.

  I’m rewarded with a megawatt smile and small chuckle. “Goddamn do you got a smart mouth or what? I love it.”

  You’re welcome.

  “I didn’t say ‘thank you’ but now I feel like I should have.”

  Damn. Word vomit again. I just shrug.

  “So, I was wondering…,” he starts.

  “Wonder away, stud.”

  His lips twitch at that. “Can I give you a ride home? Or would that just be weird?”

  He’s in luck because I actually caught a ride with Haley tonight. She was going out with some moms from daycare and wanted an early out in case they all “sucked more than a vacuum.” Yeah, those were her exact words.

  I shrug on the outside but panic slightly on the inside. “I guess.”

  “Wow. Don’t sound too excited about it or anything.”

  And because I just can’t help myself…

  “Oh, Hudson, of course you can drive me home! You are just soooo sweet!” I yell at the top of my lungs. We get some stares, but most of the patrons know me well enough to just ignore me.

  He throws his head back in loud laughter. Benny looks to me, his eyebrow quirked up in question. I just shrug.

  “That fuckin’ mouth,” I hear Hudson mumble in an amused voice as he turns to walk back to the table.

  “Poor guy. He has no clue what he’s getting into with you,” Jaret, Benny’s partner, says. He’s sitting close to where Hudson just was and heard the entire exchange.

  “Nope. And I don’t really have it in me to feel bad for the guy,” I tell him with a smirk, grabbing the beer once again and walking out onto the floor.

  After I drop off the beer for Benny, I pull my phone out to text Haley.

  Me: You’re off the hook. Found a ride home.

  She responds immediately.

  Hales: You so suck, dude. These women are boring! I just want to take my Kindle out and read. Is that bad? Ya know what? Fuck it. I’m just gonna read on my phone and pretend I’m texting.

  Hales: Wait...who’s giving you a ride home?

  Shit. I knew that was coming.

  Me: Hudson…

  Hales: Just wrap that shit, sis. Love you! Be careful!

  And for some reason, people trust her with their children. That’s terrifying.

  Me: Love you too! Enjoy your book!

  Hales: OMG, SHUT UP! I’M READING! RUDE!

  Pocketing my phone, I just smile and shake my head. She’s such a dork sometimes.

  I make my way around the bar to check in on all my tables. The next ten minutes fly by. I know I need to go check out Hudson’s table, but I’m nervous to. He makes me that way. Just being near him gives me weird jitters.

  “Ah, there’s my girl,” Perry says, pulling lightly on my ponytail. I smack his hand away as I slide up real close next to him. I push him until he’s only halfway on his chair and then sit down beside him.

  Resting my elbows on the table, I blow out a tired puff of air. “Are you dudes done yet? I’m ready to get out of here and you’re holding me up.”

  “Shit, really? I didn’t realize we were your last table,” Gaige says as politely as one can while still using the word “shit.”

  “No, I still have two other tables. But I can pass those off on Maura and bounce out early. This dude,” I say, pointing at Hudson to my right, “wants to take me home. As you can see, he’s old. So he probably has a bedtime he has to stick to. You should all respect your elders and scoot scoot.”

  “Did you just call me old?” Hudson asks in a shocked voice.

  I nod. “I did. I can totally see your grey hairs from here.” Not true. He doesn’t have a single grey hair on his head. Not a wrinkle or any single sign of aging. He looks young, happy, handsome.

  He scoffs. “I’m only twenty-four!”

  “Must be your air of maturity.” That part is true. He does seem older than his other friends. Like he had to grow up really fast or something.

  “Hudson, I think I love your girl. She gives you just as much shit as I do,” Tucker says with obvious admiration in his voice.

  I throw him a wink. “I told you dudes I’m a catch. You missed out big time, Tucker.”

  “And she’s full of herself. I feel like you’re a female version of this weird Gaige/Hudson hybrid. It’s creepy. And kind of hot.”

  “Don’t compare me to that asshole!” Gaige defends.

  “Yeah, that’s rude as shit, man. I am way better-looking than him,” Hudson says.

  I blink rapidly. “You guys are exhausting.” And so damn entertaining, but I’m not stroking egos tonight so I leave that part out. “Alright, unless you boys need anything else, I’m gonna go check on my other tables. But really, let’s pack this shit up, huh? We’ve got a senior citizen we gotta take care of.”

  The ride to my apartment is comfortably quiet. We haven’t said much beyond me giving him directions.

  Both our elb
ows are resting together, just barely grazing, on the center console of Hudson’s small SUV. Every single time we hit a bump, they rub together even more. It’s strange how attractive it is—how good his arm feels rubbing against mine. His freakin’ arm. Like that’s supposed to be sexy or something. It’s not, but it so is. Everything about him is.

  I look over and study him as he drives. He’s got his left arm extended, resting easily on the steering wheel. He looks comfortable but alert. Even his driving is sexy.

  He’s in his usual attire. Plain shirt—this time a light-green one—and jeans. An outfit that’s so simple and somehow so damn good-looking. His black hair is messy and not styled at all. His face is covered in about two days’ worth of stubble. So effortless, so handsome, so fucking hot.

  I think he can feel my stare because his chest starts rising and falling a little faster and he’s swallowed about ten times since I’ve looked over at him. I can see tiny beads of sweat forming on his neck.

  Suddenly, his tongue glides out, wetting his bottom lip swiftly. My eyes track every second of it. I inhale sharply. He’s really sweating now.

  He reaches up and turns the AC on. It’s September. In Massachusetts. AC is not needed.

  “Left or right?” he asks, his voice thicker than normal.

  I swallow loudly. “Right. Then left. 180E.”

  He nods once. The car grows quiet again, leaving just our breathing to fill the space.

  I’m not certain where this sudden sexual tension is coming from. Not sure if it’s because we’re in a confined space together for the first time since our car ride after the blind date, or if it’s because of how we left things last night—the whole not kissing thing after all that build-up.

  Hudson parks in front of my building. We unclick our seatbelts and just sit there, staring up at the apartments.

  Then we start talking at the same time.

  “Do you wanna come up?”

  “Can I see you again?”

  We laugh. He motions for me to talk first.

  “Uh, would you like to come up? I mean it’s only fair that I show you my place since I’ve seen yours.”

  He smiles. “I’d like that.”

  We climb out of the car, Hudson following up the stairs. I stop at my door and look to him. He seems to read my mind.