Tainted (Vastow Vampires Book 1)

by J Johnson

  He paces the floor, making me want to trip him. If he doesn’t start talking soon, I really am going to think he’s out murdering people and burying their bodies behind his shop. I mean seriously. What could be so bad?

  “Have you noticed weird things about me?”, he suddenly asks.

  “I don’t know. Why? What’s that have to…”

  He holds up his hand to stop me.

  “Think about it for a minute.”

  “It’s times like this that I wish I could hear your thoughts. You’re about to drive me fucking crazy with all your running around the subject and evading my questions.” I let out a heavy sigh. If he wants to do it this way, I guess I’ll play. It’s that or just leave and I want to know too badly now what the hell he’s hiding. “The only things I’ve noticed are your sleeping habits, you hardly eat, and you don’t leave this place often. I’ve only seen you outside a handful of times.”

  “And those times you saw me outside, what time of day was it?”

  “I don’t know.” I try to remember. Then I realize what it is he’s saying. “It was after dark. Every time. Are you allergic to the sun?”

  “Something like that.”, he mumbles. “Okay. I’m just going to say it. All I ask is that you remain calm and don’t leave yet.”

  “Okay.”

  He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath.

  “I’m a vampire.”

  Fourteen

  ∞∞∞

  I stare at him. He stares at me. Neither one of us is saying anything, but my mind is going a thousand miles a minute. Is he insane? That must be it. He’s insane. That’s his secret.

  “Say something.”, he says. “Anything.”

  “Um… What do you want me to say? Do you have a shrink you see weekly? A therapist?”

  “I’m not crazy, Ashlyn. I’m trying to tell you the truth.”

  “The truth would be great, and since vampires don’t exist, I’m waiting on you to quit playing games with me.”

  “It’s not a game, love.”, he sighs. “You believe in ghosts. Why not vampires?”

  Before I can respond, he vanishes. Literally. My heart stops beating.

  “Believe me now.”, he whispers from behind me.

  I scream and jump off the couch, running to the furthest corner. At this point, I just want away from him.

  “You…”, my voice trails off. I blink again and he’s right in front of me. There’s no escape. His body is blocking mine, but then he puts his hands up in the air and backs away.

  “I won’t hurt you. If I were going to do that don’t you think I would have done so already.”

  “I… I…”

  This explains so much, but at the moment I can’t focus on one thought in my head. They’re all swirling around, bumping up against each other in a desperate attempt at being answered.

  This can’t be real. Why didn’t I figure this out? Because vampires don’t exist, that’s why. Why hasn’t he hurt me? Does he drink blood? Has he killed people? What am I going to do? I need to get out of here. Damn, he’s sexy.

  “Say something, love.”, he says again. “I promise I won’t hurt you.”

  “I can’t.”

  “Okay. I’m going to get us a drink because we both need it and I’ll continue telling you my secrets.”

  “There’s more?”, I squeak.

  “I’m afraid so.”

  When he sets my drink down on the table and backs all the way across the room, I down it. I highly doubt it’ll do anything, but I’m hoping it will help me relax a bit. I keep glancing at the door, wondering if I should just make a run for it. He takes a seat behind his desk and props his arms on top.

  “If you want to leave, I won’t stop you.”, he mumbles. “But I really hope you stay and let me finish before you leave me. I love you, Ashlyn. More than you will ever know. I don’t want you to go.”, he mumbles.

  When I don’t move towards the door, I guess he takes it as a cue to continue. My mind keeps telling me to run, but my body won’t move, and my heart has other ideas. My eyes never leave him though, and if I had to guess, they’re as big as basketballs right about now.

  “I was turned when I was thirty-two. I didn’t know we existed either, but it was so fast, and there was nothing I could do to stop it. I was out with a buddy of mine and he ran off with some girl to get laid, so I started walking home alone. Son of a bitch took the car, so I had no other way around that night.

  “As I was passing an alleyway, something grabbed me and yanked me between the buildings. When I looked up, it was a woman. A beautiful woman. So being a man, I figured she wanted sex. What other reason would she pull me in an alley for? It was going well for a minute, then there was a pain in my neck that was excruciating. It only took me a second to realize she had bitten me.

  “After that, my life was over. I couldn’t go back to my family. My mom. My sister. I even had a steady girlfriend at the time. One I had planned on marrying, actually. I was afraid to go back. The need for blood was too strong, so I moved. As far away as I could get. That was a little over 200 years ago.”

  He pauses and finally looks at me. His eyes are glowing. I’ve seen them do it before but not this bright. It’s mesmerizing and terrifying at the same time. All the horror movies I’ve watched start flashing through my mind, so I glance away quickly afraid he’ll erase my memory or compel me to do something. He chuckles.

  “I won’t do that to you, love. But I can do it. I can compel people to forget or to do anything I want, really. Please say something.”

  What does he want me to say exactly? That I’m fine because I’m not. That I’m okay with him being a vampire? I don’t know that I am. I don’t know what that means or what he’s capable of. How am I supposed to know if I’m okay with it if I know nothing about him?

  “Have you compelled me before?”, I ask the first thing that pops into my head.

  “No. And I never would unless you wanted me to.”, he replies. “You look scared to death. Please sit down and talk to me. Do you want another drink? The whole bottle perhaps?”

  I know he’s trying to lighten the mood, but now is not the time for jokes. I nod anyway because the bottle sounds like a fine idea at the moment. He sets it down in front of me as I hesitantly sit on the couch. I pour the glass halfway and down it again, making him laugh.

  “This isn’t funny Zane.”, I spit out. I don’t know where my voice came from. I was sure I’d lost it for a minute. “I don’t know what to say or do. Should I be afraid of you? I am afraid of you. Are you going to eat me and dispose of my body? What do you want me to do? Drinking sounds like a logical choice right now.”

  He slowly sits down beside me, making sure I won’t scream or run, I guess before he speaks again.

  “I know it’s not funny love. I know it’s a lot to take in. Ask me anything you like, and I’ll answer.”

  “Just continue before I bolt.”

  “Okay. Whatever you want. I did finally go back to my family later. About thirty years later because I had to see them, if only for a moment. When I got there, my mom was sitting in the living room holding hands with her new husband and watching TV. They looked happy. I knew I couldn’t let them see me, so I watched from a distance. My sister was happily married with two kids, a boy, and a girl. They were beautiful. All of them.”

  “What about your girlfriend?” I down another drink and it seems like my nerves are loosening up a bit. “Did you go see her?”

  “I did, but again I didn’t let her see me. She was also happily married with three kids. Two boys and a girl. The girl intrigued me. I couldn’t stop watching her. I know that sounds creepy, but it wasn’t like that. There was something about her that just felt familiar.”

  “She was yours.”, I state. “She was your daughter, wasn’t she?”

  He smiles over at me coming back from the past. “You’re a very intelligent woman. Yes. She was my daughter. I didn’t know about her until that day. She was all grown up with kids o
f her own, but I knew she was mine. I confirmed it with a blood test so I would know for certain.”

  “Wow.”, I whisper, completely forgetting for a minute what is sitting beside me. “That must have been hard. I’m so sorry.”

  “It was a long time ago.”

  “You could have made them like you, but you didn’t. Why?”

  “Because I wouldn’t wish this life on anyone. Especially someone I care about. It’s not natural to live forever. We’re supposed to grow old and die.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “You seem to be handling this a little better.”, he says then pours me another drink.

  “There’s more, isn’t there?”

  “Yes.”, he sighs. “One more thing that I need to tell you. You’re my Aroha.”

  “Am I supposed to know what that means? Dave said the same thing to me in that warehouse. Is that like code for a vampire pet or something?”, I ask.

  “No. It means that you’re my mate, love. Vampires get one true mate throughout their lifetime and you are mine.”

  “What does that mean?” I panic again, not knowing what it is he’s trying to say exactly. Is he going to lock me up now and throw away the key? One mate for life sounds serious.

  “Relax. I’m not going to hurt you. It just means you are the one person who has made me feel again. Really feel. The second I saw you in that alley, I knew who you were. What you were to me.”

  “Why didn’t you tell me? And what does that mean? Are you going to want me to be like you now? Am I supposed to… what? What am I supposed to do?”

  “Nothing. And no. I would never ask you or force you to become like me. That’s your decision to make and I know right now it’s the furthest thing from your mind. It means that no matter what you do, leave, stay, run away screaming, try to kill me… I will always love you and I will always protect you.”

  “Why didn’t you come for me then? When those men had me. Why didn’t you come?”, I mumble.

  Hearing him say those words makes me wonder how he left me there to be tortured. If being his Aroha means that much, if it’s that important, then why did he leave me there?

  “I couldn’t find you. I tried. One of them was also a vampire and knew how to hide you from me.”

  “Dave.”

  “Yes.”

  “I just needed to be near you to find you. When I got close enough, I knew where to go instinctively. I’m sorry I couldn’t find you sooner. I’m so sorry.”

  “Is there anything else I need to know?”, I ask him.

  “No. There are plenty of things I could tell you, but nothing compared to what I just told you. You must have a million questions. Ask me anything.”

  “That must be why I can’t hear your thoughts or see visions with you.”

  “Yes.”

  “It makes sense now. That part anyway. Everything else is still a little crazy.”

  “Is there anything you want to ask me?”

  “Yes. Who is Kelly Anders?”

  “She’s a girl I tried to protect and couldn’t. I was out one night and heard her screams. Before I could get to her, she was dead. I killed the guy that did it, but it didn’t bring her back. I looked all her information up because I wanted to know if she had a family. I send her mother an anonymous check every month. I know it doesn’t bring her back, but I hope it helps at least a little.”

  My heart swells for him. I fall in love with him, more so than I already am after that admission. I want to hug him for doing something so sweet for a complete stranger. But I don’t.

  “Do you have any other questions?”

  “Yes, but I can’t focus on one question in particular right now. I need to think. I need to be alone.”

  “Okay. I’ll go…”

  “No. I’ll go.”

  I get up and walk towards the door, trembling and not sure where I’m going. All I know is I need to get some air. Lots of air. And maybe a shrink.

  “I know it’s a lot.”, he starts. “But please… promise me you’ll come back to talk. Promise me that this isn’t the last time I’ll see you. Please.”

  “How do you know I haven’t decided that already?”

  “Because you would have left already.”

  I nod. I think to myself how crazy I am for even considering being with a monster.

  “I promise.”

  Fifteen

  ∞∞∞

  To say I have a lot to think about would be an understatement. What’s worse is, I can’t talk to anyone about it. Normally I would call Zoe for advice, but what exactly would I say? She’d probably have me committed.

  For the past two weeks I’ve got up, went to work, volunteered at the hospital, and came home. And twenty-four hours a day, I’m thinking about what Zane confessed to me. He’s called twice and both times I told him I was still trying to process it all. My mind wants to forget all of it. Him, his confession, the torture, everything. My body wants something totally different and so does my heart.

  No matter how much I try to convince myself otherwise, I can’t deny the fact that I love him. I’m in love with him, monster, and all. I go back over our times together and not once has he ever hurt me or even acted like he wanted to hurt me. I’ve never seen him hurt anyone except the man that attacked me. Yes, he admits that he does that often, but how can I be mad at someone for protecting women and children? I can’t.

  I try to imagine my life with him, but each time a thousand questions pop up that need to be answered. How often does he drink blood? Who does he drink it from? Does he burn in the sun? Will he never be able to take me to a beach for a walk in the sun and sand? Can he have children? Will I grow old and die while he stays the same? Does his heart beat? The questions seem never-ending.

  Then there’s the danger of it all. Obviously, I was tortured because I associate with Zane. Would that happen again? He didn’t protect me the first time, so how can I be sure he’ll be able to if someone else tries to get to him through me. I can’t imagine looking over my shoulder constantly for fear that I’ll be hurt or killed.

  The biggest question of all though is the one that haunts me day and night. Will he want me to change for him? Does he want me to become like him? The thought of drinking blood is gross and disturbing. Or could we drink from each other? How does that work exactly? If I changed for him, could I still conceive a child?

  I know sitting around like this won’t get any of these answered, but I can’t seem to bring myself to face him just yet. For many reasons.

  One… He still scares me. Not really because I think he’ll hurt me. More because I know nothing about vampires and how they act or what to expect.

  Two… I’m afraid I’ll fall into his arms and never let go. I think I’ve become too dependent on him, and that can’t be a good thing. I need to be able to function without him.

  Three… I know what I’ll say when I see him. As much as I’d like to think I would have it all under control, I know better. I want to be with him. The scary part is I think I’d want to be with him no matter what he told me. It can’t be healthy to want someone so badly all the time.

  So I have two options. I either stay here and try to forget he exists, or I go to him and we figure it out together. I already know I can’t forget about him. I’ve tried.

  So here I am. Sitting in my car in the parking lot of the tattoo shop trying to get up enough nerve to go inside. It’s still daylight out, so I know he’s not coming out here. Not yet, anyway. Another thirty minutes and he’ll be standing by my door. Even though I can’t see him, I know he’s watching me from inside somewhere. Or at the very least, if he’s not watching, he knows I’m here. To confirm my suspicions, a text comes across my screen from him.

  You’ve been sitting out there for over an hour. Come inside and talk to me, please.

  Here goes nothing.

  “Hi.”, he says as I walk inside. He doesn’t move from across the room. I’m assuming because of the sun beaming through the doorway, b
ut when I close it, he still doesn’t move. Maybe he doesn’t want to scare me anymore than I already am. “Would you like to go in the back, or would you rather stay out here? You can open the door if you like.”

  My heart sinks to my knees at his words. He knows I’m scared of him and I feel horrible. The guilt eats at me. Tears threaten to fall as I realize how awful I’ve been to him these last few weeks. I want to hug him and tell him I’m sorry. I want to talk to him like we’re both normal people. I want to run out the door screaming in fear. All the different emotions are overwhelming.

  “I don’t know.”, I force out.

  If I talk too much, I will cry like a baby. You’d think with my abilities to see ghosts and visions of the future, this wouldn’t freak me out so badly. Not to mention I can hear people’s thoughts. I wish so badly I could hear him right now. It might actually help.

  “Okay.”, he starts. “I think we’d be more comfortable in my office, but it’s completely up to you, love.”

  I nod slightly, still not sure what I’m doing. He starts down the hallway and I follow. Slowly. When we finally make it inside his office, he gestures towards the couch.

  “Take a seat and I’ll get us a drink.”

  “A drink is good. That’s good. Yeah.” I’m babbling.

  As I watch him at the bar, I notice he looks different. Pale and almost weak. Like he hasn’t slept or ate in days. His hair is messy and his eyes are darker, not the stunning gray that I love so much. He takes a seat across the room in the chair and sips his drink.

  “I know you have a ton of questions. You can ask me anything and I’ll answer.”

  His tone is even different. He sounds depressed. Can vampires be depressed? I stare at him not sure where to start. Every question that runs through my mind seems irrelevant to my decision. Does it really matter if he can’t take me to the beach? Does it matter that he can have children or not? There’s always adoption. I can only think of one thing that matters enough to sway me in either direction. Everything else can be dealt with later.