How To Throw Your Life Away

by Laurie Ellingham

  The nervous energy running through her began to subside.

  ‘So the way this works is that I ask you a few questions I have about your business plan now, and then I write a summary of my recommendations, which goes off to the powers that be, and I should have an answer for you either tomorrow or by early next week. In my twenty years here, I’ve never had a decision go against my recommendation, so try and relax, you’re in good hands with me.’

  ‘Thank you,’ Katy nodded.

  ‘Can I get you a coffee or water before we start?’

  ‘Water would be great, thank you,’ Katy said, wishing she’d gone to the toilet after her pint of coffee. Her bladder was beginning to push her stomach against the tight fabric of her skirt, and the meeting hadn’t even started yet.

  Jill stepped out of the room for a moment.

  ‘Here you go,’ she said, handing Katy an icy cold glass of water.

  ‘Thanks.’

  ‘Ready?’ Jill asked, sitting down behind her desk.

  ‘Fire away,’ Katy replied with more confidence than she felt.

  ‘Super. So first of all, tell me a little bit about you, Katy, and why you’ve decided to embark on a business venture like this now?’

  Katy paused, unable to respond. Her heartbeat quickened. She’d known the question would be asked. She’d practiced the answer over and over, but in that silent minute the only thought in her head was an image of sitting alone in the police interview room.

  She took a slow intake of breath and thought about the sweet smell of the roses after their morning watering, and the feel of the fir trees brushing against her legs when she walked by them.

  ‘I didn’t like the direction my life was going in,’ she began, lifting her head and smiling at Jill.

  CHAPTER 19

  Tom stared at the screen of his laptop until the words began to blur. Fifty thousand words into his thesis and his passion for it had dwindled. Maybe Katy had stolen his passion for anything but her? Tom smirked to himself.

  She would have finished her meeting with the bank by now. Maybe he should call her. He reached for his phone, but didn’t pick it up.

  ‘Come on, Pearce,’ he said aloud. ‘One thousand words, then you can call.’

  He read the last sentence on the screen for the tenth time, poised his fingers over the keyboard and began to write.

  Two minutes later the chime of the doorbell jolted him from his concentration.

  He sprung up from his seat and stepped towards the front door. He grinned as he pulled it open.

  ‘I was hoping-’

  ‘Daddy,’ the girl on the doorstep sobbed, diving into his arms.

  He wrapped his arms around her.

  ‘Abi, honey. What’s wrong? How did you get here?’ Tom peered out onto the quiet street. ‘Where’s your mum?’

  Abi sniffed and pulled herself out of Tom’s embrace. ‘She thinks I’m at school.’

  ‘Abi, you know better than that. How did you get here?’

  ‘I took the train. It was easy.’ Signs of the defiant teenager he knew surfaced, and the scared girl he’d opened the door to vanished.

  ‘Do you have any idea how dangerous that was?’

  Abi shrugged. Tears filled her eyes again.

  Tom sighed. ‘You’d better come in. I need to phone your mum.’

  ‘Do you have to?’ she asked, casting her eyes around the hallway.

  Tom raised his eyebrows at Abi as he led her through to the kitchen.

  ‘She won’t care,’ Abi said. ‘I heard her on the phone to one of her friends last night. She’s trying to get rid of me. She wants me to go and stay with Aunt Tilly.’

  ‘I’m sure that’s not true.’ Tom patted his pockets and scanned the work surfaces for his phone. ‘Do not move, Abi. I’m going to call your mum, and we’ll get this straightened out.’

  He stepped towards the door, before turning back to face her. ‘I’m glad to see you. You know that, don’t you? But I still need to call your mum.’

  Abi shrugged again and dropped her eyes to her feet, allowing her blonde hair to hang over her face.

  He stared at the skinny frame of the thirteen-year old girl in front of him. Guilt pulled at Tom’s insides. He should have done more for her. Abi was barely out of childhood, but she still knew the disappointment of being let down by the very people who were supposed to protect her.

  He grabbed his phone from the other room and dialled Lena’s number.

  ‘Tom,’ Lena answered on the first ring, her voice breathless. ‘I was just about to call you. Abi’s missing. The school called. She didn’t go in this morning.’

  ‘It’s okay Lena, she’s here.’

  ‘Oh my God, thank goodness. Is she okay?’

  ‘She’s fine. A bit shaken up. She thinks you’re trying to send her away. I told her it was nonsense.’

  Silence.

  ‘Lena?’

  ‘I’m here. I...I need to talk to you. To both of you. I’m in my car, I’ll be there in an hour. Can you text me your address again?’

  ‘Sure.’

  ‘Are you okay to stay with Abi?’

  ‘You know I am. Call me if you get lost.’

  ‘Bye.’

  Tom hung up the phone. What was going on?

  He stepped back into the kitchen. It was empty.

  ‘Abi?’ Tom called as he moved towards the living room.

  She looked up at him from the sofa as he walked into the room. The blare of noise from a music channel filled the room.

  He dropped to the sofa next to her. ‘Mum’s on her way.’

  Abi didn’t respond.

  ‘She’s not mad. She was just worried about you. The school phoned her.’

  ‘Oh.’

  ‘Running away never solves anything, Abi. However appealing you may think it is, problems have a way of following you.’

  ‘You ran away,’ she said, fixing her gaze on the boy band jumping across his screen.

  Abi’s words sliced into him. What did he say to that? ‘Abi, I didn’t run away. I’m sorry you feel that way, but my counselling course was here, and your mum and I-’

  ‘Dad?’ she cut in.

  ‘Yeah?’

  ‘Can I have a sandwich, please?’

  ‘Sure.’

  ‘A toasted one? Like you used to do on Sundays after swimming?’

  Another punch of guilt hit Tom. He smiled at Abi. ‘Coming right up.’

  CHAPTER 20

  ‘Mary?’ Katy called out across the shop floor as she pressed the red call end button on her mobile.

  ‘Hang on,’ came a reply from somewhere in the depths of the crowded stock room.

  ‘Everything alright?’ Mary asked, shuffling towards Katy and sliding her glasses off so that they dropped onto the string around her neck.

  ‘That was Jill from the bank,’ Katy said. Excitement and nerves vied to take over in her stomach.

  ‘Already? You were only there this morning?’

  ‘I know,’ she said, stepping out from the boxes of gardening gloves and kneelers that she’d been in the middle of restocking.

  ‘Well, what did she say?’

  ‘She said yes,’ Katy grinned. ‘She said that the bank have approved the loan, and that as long as the sale of my house goes through, and my credit check doesn’t flag any issues, then I can buy Green Tips.’

  Mary’s face drained of colour.

  ‘Are you okay, Mary?’

  ‘I’m fine dear. I think it’s just hitting me that’s all,’ she said, walking to the counter and perching herself on the stool.

  ‘Do you still want to sell Green Tips? I don’t want you to feel forced into it. You can change your mind. I’ll understand,’ Katy said with a heavy feeling in her chest.

  ‘Even if I wasn’t sure, my body is telling me it’s time,’ Mary said, lifting her head and giving Katy a weak smile. ’Ever since the visit from Jonny and the idea of selling Green Tips to you came up, my body has decided to stop working a
s well. The arthritis in my knees has been very painful for this time of year. The thought of doing this in the winter...’ her sentence trailed off.

  ‘I’m so pleased it’s going ahead for you,’ Mary smiled, ‘and with a bit of adjusting I’m sure I’ll be pleased to unshackle myself from this place. Which reminds me, how would you feel about having a go at running things by yourself? Julie is always asking me to come and stay with her for a weekend and with you here there isn’t a reason to say no anymore. It will be good practice for you.’

  ‘I’d love to, but do you think I can do it?’

  ‘Of course you can. Katy, you are a very capable young woman. If anything comes up that you’re not sure about, I trust you to make the right decision.’

  ‘Okay then. Thank you Mary. For everything I mean.’

  ‘It’s me that should be thanking you,’ she said. ‘Now hadn’t you better tell that friend of yours the good news?’

  ‘Claire? Good idea. I’ll text her now.’

  ‘I meant your other friend,’ Mary said with a wink. ‘The one that’s been giving you that skip in your step for the past few weeks.’

  ‘Oh,’ Katy smiled, her gaze dropping to the phone in her hand.

  Claire first, she thought.

  Got the loan :-) Have a fab holiday! xx

  A message pinged back straight away. I knew it!!!!! Celebrations when I get back x

  Katy scrolled down to Tom’s number and considered sending him a text, but then she pictured his smile, the clear blue of his eyes, and the way the lines around them crease whenever he laughs.

  She wanted Tom to pull her towards him and whisper something funny in her ear. She wanted to drink wine and fall into his bed. The thought sent a hundred tiny bolts of desire through her body.

  Katy looked up from her phone.

  ‘Go,’ Mary smiled. ‘Celebrate with your someone special. I’ll close up tonight and leave for Julie’s tomorrow morning after our usual Friday deliveries.’

  ‘Are you sure you don’t mind?’

  ‘Not at all.’

  ‘Thanks Mary, see you in the morning,’ Katy said, before striding from the building and jumping into her car.

  She glanced at her reflection in the mirror and sighed at the deep brown smudges of dirt on her forehead and in her hair.

  She needed a quick shower and a quick change of clothes. She needed a long evening with Tom.

  ***

  Two hours later, Katy sprung out of her car in the same jeans and top she’d worn to Tom’s party. She really needed to get some more clothes, she thought, grabbing the bottle of wine she’d bought on the way and stepping to Tom’s front door. Not that she planned to be wearing them for very long.

  Katy grinned as the door swung open. ‘Guess what?’ she said.

  ‘What?’ A young teenage girl stood in front of her in a zebra print onesie.

  ‘Oh, I’m sorry,’ Katy took a step back, her eyes flitting across the Victorian brickwork as she wondered for a fleeting moment if she’d got the wrong house.

  ‘I was looking for Tom,’ Katy said. The excitement she’d felt only moments ago morphed into confusion.

  ‘You mean my dad,’ the girl frowned and folded her arms across her chest, ‘he’s out.’

  Dad? Tom’s a dad. How could she not know?

  ‘With my mum,’ the girl added, ‘his wife. And you are?’

  Wife? Tom had a wife and a daughter. Katy stared open mouthed at the girl as something inside of her plummeted to the floor. Tom was married. Tom had a family.

  ‘And you are?’ the girl said again, her tone brittle and accusing.

  ‘Katy,’ she murmured. ‘Tom...I mean your dad, is...is...my anger management counsellor.’

  ‘Oh yeah. He mentioned you,’ the girl said, her smile growing. ‘He said there was some woman from his class pestering him.’

  ‘He said that?’

  ‘Yeah,’ she nodded. ‘Did you want to leave a message?’

  Katy shook her head from side to side, unable to form the words to reply as she moved back to her car.

  She sat for a moment without starting the engine.

  Tom a dad? Tom a husband? It didn’t make sense, did it?

  She thought about his easy manner. His confidence. The way he seemed to read her mind. She’d thought they’d had something, but the reality was that he’d just had a lot of practice with his wife, and however many other women foolish enough to be sucked into his lies.

  Her stomach flipped at the thought of Tom being with other women. With his wife.

  It had all been a game to him.

  A shivering took over Katy’s body as she fought to breathe through the pain of the lump growing in her airway. White spots danced around the periphery of her vision.

  Katy started the engine, forcing the gear stick into first before yanking the steering wheel to one side and pulling out of the space.

  She thumped her right foot onto the accelerator and pulled her left foot away from the clutch, expecting the car to shoot off down the road. Instead it stalled, jerking the car forward and jolting Katy in her seat.

  ‘ARGH,’ she shouted, slamming her hand against the wheel.

  Katy restarted the engine but before she could drive away a black Fiesta pulled into the road. It stopped in a gap between two cars a few metres in front of Katy, and flashed its lights as it waited for her to pull out.

  Just what she needed - an audience to watch her stall again.

  Katy took a long breath in, and then with a lot more care she coaxed her car up the road. Only as her car crawled passed the windscreen of the waiting car did she glance in at the occupants. A pretty forty-something woman with long shiny blonde hair sat behind the wheel, but it was not the woman Katy was staring at, it was the passenger sat beside her, and the look of horror crossing his face.

  Katy faltered. She could feel the heaviness creeping up her back, willing her to stop, willing her to jump out of the car and scream at Tom. Willing her to tell his wife the type of man she’d married. To humiliate him the same way he’d humiliated her.

  As the black car’s windscreen left her view Katy took another breath, and without thinking she started to count. She might be a complete fool for trusting Tom but she would never intentionally destroy a family.

  Ten minutes later Katy manoeuvred the car into its usual space outside of her house. She sat for a moment with the engine idling.

  How long had he expected to get away with it for? And where had his wife and daughter been for the past two weeks?

  Two weeks. Tears swam in her eyes. She blinked them back, staring up at her empty house. She really didn’t know him at all.

  CHAPTER 21

  ‘Shit.’ Tom jumped out of Lena’s car and stared up the road.

  ‘What is it?’ Lena climbed out after him.

  He strode towards the house and opened the door. ‘Abi?’

  ‘Yeah?’ she called back from the living room.

  ‘Did you just answer the door to someone?’ Tom stepped into the living room. He’d only left for five minutes to retrieve Lena from the one-way system two roads away.

  Abi stared at the television screen and didn’t answer.

  He grabbed the remote and a second later the screen turned black. ‘Did someone just knock at the door?’

  Abi shrugged.

  Before he could push her for an answer, Lena rushed into the room. ‘Abigail,’ she cried. ‘I was so worried about you.’

  She pulled Abi up from the sofa and enveloped her in a tight hug. ‘Don’t ever do that to me again.’

  ‘Sorry Mum,’ a muffled voice replied.

  Lena let go of Abi and stared at her face. ‘Promise me, Abigail. Promise me, you will never do anything like this ever again.’

  ‘I promise.’

  Something in Lena’s face hardened. ‘What possessed you to skip school? And how on earth did you get here? What were you thinking? In fact, don’t answer that, because you weren’t thinking. That much is
clear.’

  Tom stepped forward. ‘It’s okay, Lena. She’s safe now.’ Even with his mind reeling from seeing the hurt etched on Katy’s face, he could sense the start of an argument bubbling between Lena and Abi.

  Abi shrugged Lena’s arms away and slumped back onto the sofa. ‘What do you care anyway? I heard you tell Vicky that you want me to go live with Aunt Tilly in Newcastle. I don’t want to go to Newcastle. What about my friends?’

  ‘I...I didn’t mean it like that.’ Lena sat down next to Abi. ‘I should have told you this earlier. I should have told you both earlier.’ Lena paused and looked between Abi and Tom. ‘I’m going to have some treatment in a couple of weeks for...a lump they found on my breast. Chemotherapy. And probably an operation. I don’t know if I’ll be able to look after you properly.’

  A knot twisted inside Tom. Goosebumps pricked his skin as her words sunk in. Lena had cancer. Suddenly, it all made sense. The way she’d been avoiding his calls for months, and the cryptic conversation a few weeks ago.

  Tears swam in Abi’s eyes before rolling in fat droplets down her face. ‘Mum, are you going to die?’ she sobbed.

  ‘No. Absolutely not. I’m going to have the treatment and I’m going to make a full recovery. They caught it early.’

  ‘I’m so sorry, Lena.’ Tom stepped forward. ‘I wished you’d told me sooner.’

  ‘I know.’

  ‘Please don’t send me away, Mum. I’m not a child anymore, I’m thirteen. I’m old enough to look after myself, and I can help you as well.’

  ‘Abi can come here at the weekends. If she wants to? Or anytime you need a break,’ Tom said, sitting on the sofa next to Abi and stretching his arm around them both.

  Abi nodded and sniffed. ‘Please, Mum. I don’t want to be away from you.’

  ‘I’ll think about it.’ Lena gripped her daughter’s hand. ‘But it won’t be pretty. I’ll be really poorly, Abi.’

  ‘I’ll help. I’ll do all of the cleaning. You won’t have to nag me about my homework. I promise.’

  Tom touched Lena’s other hand. ‘Could Tilly come to you for a while instead? Sam and Greg are at Uni now.’