Beer in the Snooker Club (Serpent's Tail Classics)

by Waguih Ghali

  ‘Yes, my aunt.’

  Having settled the affairs of these, she will start moving up the scale until she reaches my mother and speaks in French.

  ‘You must sell your car, Vivi.’

  ‘I shall see,’ my mother will say.

  Now she was filling a large sofa. My girl-cousin Mado was getting married and my aunt was there to see she bought the right things.

  ‘Nonsense,’ her squeaky voice jetted, ‘you’ll throw it away at the end of a week. Show me that crepe-de-Chine again, Luigi.’ He hurried away. ‘No, no. I’ve said no, and Mado it means no.’ My cousin Mado is as rich as my aunt, but has no courage.

  My aunt’s eyes are large, protruding globes, hanging, it seems, from underneath her eybrows. I saw them flash me a glance, sideways, a fraction of a second, then back again to the cloth Marie was holding in front of her.

  I shook myself and sat about ten yards away from them. Luigi nodded to me and I nodded back. I heard him order a young man to bring me a coffee. Didi Nackla sat on a sofa opposite that of my aunt, with Mounir by her side. She glanced at me now and then. My coffee came, and was placed on an antique table by my side. I lit a cigarette. I was thinking about Edna’s husband and idly wondering what he looked like, when the people around my aunt dispersed a bit. She was getting up. First a hand on a servile shoulder, then up, and a little bend on one side, pulling that side of her corset down. Then another bend on the other side, pulling that side of her corset down; then a quick grimace, and she was ready to walk. She wobbled up to me, searched in her handbag for a handkerchief, blew her nose, and calmly sat next to me.

  ‘Give me one of your Egyptian cigarettes,’ she said, ‘Mounir’s Americans are too strong for me.’

  I gave her a cigarette and lit it for her. She waved her hand in a ‘go away’ sign to some cousins and others who were edging towards us to hear the conversation.

  ‘What is this I hear about you and Didi Nackla?’

  ‘We are going to get married,’ I said.

  ‘So, so,’ she mused.

  ‘So, so,’ I repeated.

  ‘There is no point in being either rude or arrogant.’

  ‘I am sorry,’ I said, depressed and miserable.

  ‘And how are you going to support your wife?’

  ‘She is rich enough,’ I said.

  ‘Aha. It is the money that is attracting you?’

  ‘Money is attractive,’ I said.

  ‘Aha …’

  I put my cigarette out and folded my arms.

  ‘And your mother?’

  ‘What about my mother?’

  ‘How is she going to live?’

  ‘What do you mean,’ I asked.

  ‘Your father lost all he had on the bourse and I am supporting your mother – not to mention you. There is no question of me giving her a penny if Didi does not marry Mounir.’

  ‘Didi has enough money.’

  ‘And did you tell Didi that?’

  ‘I shall,’ I sighed.

  ‘Aha.’ She took her handkerchief out once more and blew her nose.

  ‘How far did you get with your studies here and in England?’

  ‘Why do you ask?’

  ‘Just answer me.’

  ‘Oh, I can get a degree any time I want.’

  ‘So, so.’

  ‘Yes,’ I said.

  ‘It is your last chance, Ram. I shall never repeat this offer. You can go to Cook’s or some other travel agency and book a ticket on a plane or a ship to London, or anywhere else you want. I shall pay for yet another four years of studies. You will get an adequate monthly allowance; you can also buy a small car. So there. Don’t stretch my patience and generosity too far.’

  ‘Thank you,’ I said. ‘But I shall marry Didi Nackla all the same.’

  ‘So, so.’

  ‘So, so,’ I repeated.

  She nodded to Mounir and he came towards us, his hand outstretched.

  ‘Sure needed some drying out, cousin,’ he said, shaking hands. ‘But I guess I got no hard feelings.’

  ‘Thank you,’ I said. ‘It was an accident.’

  ‘We sure did drink quite a bit, eh?’

  ‘Yes,’ I said.

  ‘Boy, it’s great having two beautiful women at home. I guess there is something doing there, buddy.’

  ‘Perhaps,’ I said.

  ‘C was asking about you. Sure made a hit, there.’

  ‘Who’s C,’ I asked.

  ‘Caroline.’

  ‘I see.’

  ‘Hey, Ram. How about you going to the States for a while, eh?’

  ‘No thanks, Mounir.’

  ‘You don’t wanna worry about anything. I’ve got it all here.’ He tapped his wallet-pocket.

  ‘Thanks.’

  ‘Look, I wanna talk to you, man to man, eh?’

  ‘All right,’ I said. We left his mother and went to another sofa.

  ‘I guess I’m pretty keen on Didi, and boy, it sure came as a surprise about you and her. Well, I said to myself; that guy Ram’s had a hard deal; his pop losing that cash on the bourse. Well, I said to myself, what would you have done in his place, Mounir? And d’you know, boy? I’d have done exactly like you.’ He tapped me on the shoulder. ‘You gotta have a standard of living, boy; a car, money, get around. Didi’s AI, eh? Boy, look at those curves.’ He winked. ‘Well, I gotta proposition right here …’

  ‘Mounir,’ I said. ‘Didi Nackla is sitting there. If she wants to marry you, she marries you; if she wants to marry me, she marries me. That’s all there is to it.’

  ‘I’ve sure been talking to her.’

  ‘What did she say?’

  ‘Well …’

  ‘Did you tell her I was marrying her for her money?’

  ‘I guess I did, cousin.’

  ‘And what did she say?’

  ‘I guess she gave no answer.’

  ‘Well,’ I said. ‘I shall go and talk to her myself.’

  She was sitting alone in a corner.

  ‘Didi, I’m fed up with all this. You know they’re trying to bribe me. I’ve told you before I wouldn’t have asked you to marry me if you were poor. I also forgot to tell you we’ll have to support my mother.’

  ‘I know, Ram. They told me.’

  ‘And?’

  ‘I don’t care.’

  I sat beside her. It was sex, the poor girl. I had been her only man and her body yearned for mine. I knew it. I knew, too, she would probably despise me later on. I told her so.

  ‘No,’ she said. ‘I want to live with you. I have been bored all my life. I am just afraid of Edna and that other thing.’

  ‘Edna is already married,’ I told her.

  ‘Is she?’

  ‘Yes, Didi, she is.’

  ‘And the other thing?’

  ‘What other thing?’

  ‘This political business. It’s very dangerous, Ram. I am terribly worried about you.’

  ‘I’ll give it up,’ I said.

  ‘I am terribly in love with you,’ she said.

  I stood and pulled her up. ‘If you love me, kiss me in front of them all.’ She closed her eyes and came into my arms. We kissed and then walked hand-in-hand towards the stairs.

  ‘Will you come home with me now?’

  ‘No, I can’t,’ I said. ‘I’ll … I have to go and tell this political organization I don’t belong to it any more. I shall come tomorrow and we shall spend the whole day together.’ I kissed her again and put her in her car. She waved and blew me a kiss before driving away.

  I walked to the Mirandi bar once more and went into the telephone booth. I dialled a number and a husky voice answered. ‘Hullo, hullo?’

  ‘Assam, you dirty dog,’ I said. ‘I haven’t had a good game of poker for months. What? Yes, yes, I have plenty. Good; bring them and meet me at Groppi’s.’

  And I went to Groppi’s.

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