by Nadia Aidan
"The truth is I thought that I could change your mind about wanting kids once we were married. I believed if you loved me enough it wouldn't matter in the end,” she said quietly as her gaze drifted to the floor.
He shook his head, incredulous. How did that make sense to her? Why spend time trying to change him? If she felt so strongly about it then why not find a husband who shared her same outlook on life? Why ruin both their lives by letting him believe otherwise?
"At the same time I also thought maybe you could change me too. I just loved you so much. I believed at some point you would be able to convince me to have the child you so desperately wanted. Many couples start out just like us and along the way someone in the marriage changes their mind. I thought that could happen to us."
Her voice trailed off and he waited for her to say more but when she didn't he asked, “So when you realized you just couldn't do it, why didn't you just end things? Why drag this out for months? What did you think I would do when I found out?"
Tears shimmered in her eyes and he shut his brain down, struggling not to give into the need to shield her from the pain he knew he was causing her by dredging up the past. This was hurting him just as much as it was hurting her, but he needed to hear the answers to questions that had haunted him for months.
"I really didn't think. I never really thought all of this through. I was just so afraid that once you discovered the truth you would leave me so I found myself trying to be the perfect wife for you."
He crossed the room in three strides to grab her by the arms. “I didn't want a perfect wife, Lisa,” he bit out angrily. “I never asked that of you. I just wanted the wife I thought I'd married. The one who promised me she wanted children too."
She stared up at him with sad eyes. “I know that, Adam. But you have to understand that I never intentionally tried to deceive you. I really thought that falling in love would fix all of our problems. I know it was stupid and naïve, but I believed everything would work out once we were married."
He held her gaze and he could tell by the earnest expression on her face that she was telling the truth. That was all fine and good, but that still didn't absolve her of what she'd done. He could have forgiven her for lying to him, but intentionally betraying him was proving far harder. He abruptly released her to run a hand across his head. Dragging in a ragged breath, he spun away from her.
"I would have forgiven you, Lisa, if lying was all you'd done. We would have gotten counseling and I would have done everything to work this out.” He released a long sigh. “Honestly, I know I would have been able to forgive what you did if I knew that I could trust you.” He turned around to meet her tortured gaze. God, he knew what she was feeling because he felt the same way too, and it hurt like hell. “But I can't trust you, Lisa. You won't open up about your childhood and I know that if you just talked to me that would explain a lot. I know I would understand you so much better, but you don't trust me enough to tell me the truth, so it's hard for me to trust you."
Her face crumbled at his words. “I want to tell you everything, Adam, but it's not that easy for me,” she choked out.
"Lisa, I still love you. And you know I never stopped, but I can't stay married to a woman who doesn't trust me,” he whispered.
"I know,” was all she said. That was it. Fury bubbled up inside him at her words and he wanted to shake her. Whatever had happened to her as a child had undoubtedly left her emotionally scarred, but didn't she see that the future of their marriage rested on her ability to reveal that trauma? Were the demons of her past so great she would throw away their future together?
"Lisa, I can't live like this forever."
She nodded stiffly and a tear slipped down her cheek. He wanted to run to her and hold her in his arms but he balled his hands at his side and held his ground.
"What are you saying, Adam?"
They both knew what he was saying, but she deserved to hear him say it with his own lips so that she knew exactly where he stood on this.
"I want to save this marriage as much as you do, Lisa, but if we are still at the same place when this campaign comes to an end, then I plan to file for a divorce."
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Chapter Eleven
He lay awake just watching her chest rise and fall with even breaths. Telling her he wanted a divorce had been the hardest thing he'd ever done, but seeing tears slip down her cheeks and the tortured look on her face had nearly ripped him apart inside. They hadn't said anything after that. They'd simply slipped into bed and curled up on the far corners of their sides.
He wondered what could have been said after that anyway. He didn't want to end their marriage, but he'd told her the truth—he couldn't continue to live this way with her. He deserved to be with a woman who wanted the same things he did and who could love him the way he loved her.
He stroked his hand down her cheek when she mumbled softly and twisted closer toward him. Curling a single lock of her hair around his finger, he lowered his head to inhale the rich vanilla scent of her shampoo. He let the soft strands slide across his palm before reluctantly releasing them.
Desire beat at him so strongly as her body heat surrounded him. He felt his cock harden in his pajamas, forcing him to bite back a low groan. He wanted her—probably always would—but after last night he'd promised himself he wouldn't touch her again. They had enough problems between them and sex would only complicate matters. Still it was hard to keep his word when the object of his desire lay within inches of him in his bed. She whispered again in her sleep, forcing his gaze to her lush mouth. Ignoring the voice in his head, he took his thumb to trace her full lips. Jolts of heat shot through him as he remembered all the places her lips had been on his body in the past. He ached to have her wrap her mouth around his now stiffening cock and take him to the back of her throat. He nearly came just thinking about it.
"Adam?"
He snapped his gaze to her face. He hadn't realized she'd woken up. Their eyes met and he held his breath as he watched tiny flames of desire ignite in her gaze. She felt it too. There was something in the air, something that called to them, demanding they give into their need for each other, but he hesitated. He let his hand slip from her mouth and was about to roll away when her hand shot out to clamp around his wrist.
"Adam,” she whispered, and something inside him shattered at the desperate longing he heard in her voice. He only possessed so much control.
They moved in unison. He rolled over to cover her body with his at the same time she reached up to cup the back of his head and drag his lips toward her upturned mouth.
At the first touch of her lips against his, blood rushed straight from his head to his lengthening cock. He groaned against her mouth as he crushed her lips to his, savoring the wondrous feel of her satiny tongue stroking inside his mouth.
He slid his hands under her gown to slide them along her sides until he reached her breasts. Gently, he cupped the weight in his hands, slowly massaging her small mounds.
She moaned loudly when he plucked at her nipples, gently twisting the stiff buds between his fingers until she cried out in pleasure. He hurriedly shoved the gauzy material of her gown above her head and tossed it aside. He drank in the beauty of her nude form for a long moment before he leaned down to suck on the firm peaks of her nipples. He alternated back and forth, lavishing each breast with attention as he lapped at her sensitive flesh.
She writhed beneath him, calling out his name as she dug her nails into his shoulders. He sucked harder while he traced a slow path down her belly to dip his hand between her legs.
Her body twisted in agonized pleasure against the bed when he thrust a single finger inside her and her pussy spasmed around his finger as he pumped lightly. She coated his digit with her wet juices and he quickened his thrusts as he brushed his thumb back and forth across her sensitive clit.
"Adam,” she hissed out, her legs trembling as he continued to suck on her nipples and fuck her with his fin
ger.
He heard her breathing become labored with harsh pants and he knew she was close to coming. He shoved a second finger inside of her and thrust faster, harder, making sure to press against her G-spot every time he moved inside her.
Her hips jerked off the bed in rhythm with his strokes, meeting his thrusting fingers as they surged in and out of her dripping wet pussy.
Slivers of heat raced down his body as he felt her shudder beneath him at the same time her pussy clamped down on his fingers. He pushed against the tight walls, while he worked his thumb harder and faster against her clit until she arched off the bed and shattered with a hoarse sob.
"Adammmmm,” she screamed out as her fingers held his head firmly while her hips bucked wildly off the bed causing his fingers to tunnel deeper inside her. She rode the wave of her climax for several long moments as tremors rocked through her body.
When he felt the last wave crest inside her, he abruptly pulled his hand from her dripping sheath and released her nipple to shift up her body.
A soft protest escaped her lips, before a second later she let out a ragged scream when he spread her thighs and on a single thrust buried himself inside her still vibrating wet sheath.
Still nestled inside her he held her hips firmly and rolled over so that she sat astride him.
Her mouth fell open and her eyes twinkled with mischief.
"Ride me,” he rasped out as he guided her up and down his cock with slow strokes.
She didn't need any further instructions as she seized control of the pace and began to bounce up and down on his shaft. She took his dick inside her with rough strokes as she slammed down on him, her ass slapping loudly against his thighs.
He gripped her hips tighter, as she worked his cock inside her at a pounding pace. He stared up into her face, her eyes were glazed with lust, and her mouth was parted in a decadent “o” and he knew the same wildfire raged inside her that now consumed him.
He released her hips to skim his hands up her belly to her breasts. He captured the hardened nipples in his fingers and tugged at them. She let out a sharp cry and quickened her pace, her hips jerking wildly as she buried his hard erection inside her with deep strokes down his length.
He moaned loudly when more wet juices gushed from her pussy to drench his cock in its sticky heat. It felt like she'd wrapped his dick inside a juicy, warm cocoon that gripped him like a tight fist.
All too quickly he felt a tingling in his balls and he knew he was close to coming. Abruptly, he released her nipples to grasp her hips again. This time he took full control of the rhythm as he jerked her hard onto his cock. He rocked his hips up off the bed at the same time be slammed her down onto his cock. He kept up the brutal pace of his thrusts, wildly shoving his hard length inside her sticky heat until he could no longer hold back his orgasm.
He thrust his hips upward, burying his cock inside her on one final thrust at the same time he jerked her hips down to seat her fully on his dick. She called out his name on a low groan but he barely heard it over the thundering in his ears as the blood rushed to his head.
His cock jerked violently and he released a primal roar of completion as he erupted inside her, shooting his cum up into her womb. She worked her inner muscles, using her tight sheath to milk him of his hot seed until he was spent. He relaxed against the bed, his body limp as he closed his eyes and struggled to catch his breath.
She slumped forward against his chest and some of her silky strands brushed across his face. He swept her hair aside to place a gentle kiss on her forehead. They both groaned as he lifted her up off of him and he slipped out of her, before rolling them over so that they lay side by side. He pulled her up against his chest and wrapped her in his arms, as he absently ran his hand across her sweat drenched back. Closing his eyes, he listened until her breathing evened out before he, too, gave himself over to a deep sleep.
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Chapter Twelve
"Tommy. Tommy,” she called frantically searching for the little boy under the bed. She went back to the closet one last time, flung it open and darted her gaze around the large walk-in space. No Tommy.
She'd walked over every inch of the house, but thus far had not been able to locate the little boy.
Where could he have gone in the few short hours that she'd been home? When she and Adam awoke that morning, Tommy had still been throwing up so they'd agreed that he could miss school for one day since he was still sick. She'd then called Marcus to be sure it was just a stomachache and nothing more serious.
"Does he have a fever?"
"No.” She'd taken his temperature right before she called him.
He ran down a list of symptoms, none of which Tommy had.
"It sounds like just a stomach virus. He should be fine by tonight if you keep giving him fluids and bland foods that don't upset his stomach, but I'll stop by this evening to check on him."
"You don't have to do that, Marcus."
"It's no problem; just tell that husband of yours to stay away from me,” he joked.
She chuckled softly, although she really shouldn't have laughed. Adam had convinced himself Marcus was attracted to her, so he chose to see what he wanted to see, which wasn't good for Marcus at all. “He'll probably still be in L.A. by the time you get here, but I'll be sure to let him know you're coming, just in case. We wouldn't want him to jump to anymore conclusions than he already has."
They'd quickly ended their conversation then, with Marcus promising to drop by later.
She'd shared the news with Adam, who'd been less than thrilled about Marcus coming but was glad that he would check up on Tommy. She'd left for work soon after delivering the news.
They'd agreed Adam would stay with Tommy until it was time for his flight and she would come home just before then to watch him for the night.
When she arrived home for work, Tommy was asleep in his bed. She'd checked on him periodically, the last time being an hour ago, and she'd been pleased to see that Tommy was up and about playing with some toys Marcus had brought when he stopped by to check on him. She'd smiled down into his bright face and told him that he seemed all better now and could probably go home tomorrow. He'd pouted at her, begging her to let him stay another night. His pleading wide brown eyes had tugged at her heart because she really wanted to let him stay. Actually she wanted all of her kids to stay. But until she got the funding she needed, she wouldn't be able to take Fostering Friends in the direction she envisioned, which was giving the children a real sense of home, and not the feeling that they were living in a group home which is what they were doing now.
She'd stooped down to hug the little boy. “Tommy, you have to go to school tomorrow, but when Mr. Adam returns I will talk to him about you staying with us again. Does that sound good?"
He'd nodded his head and smiled, seemingly happy with her suggestion. So, she'd left him alone to continue playing with his toys.
She ran over their brief conversation again in her head as she flopped down at the kitchen counter. He didn't seem to be all that upset that he had to go home for now, but maybe she'd missed something. Maybe he hadn't been alright after all.
All kinds of thoughts flashed through her head and her panic grew with each passing second. What if he'd run away and gotten hurt? It was ten o'clock and already pitch dark. He was a little boy. What if he'd gotten lost and was somewhere alone and scared, or worse yet, what if some stranger had found him? Fear gripped her as she reached for the phone and she struggled to choke back a sob when she heard Adam's steady voice on the other line.
"Are you still at the dinner?” she asked trying to keep the slight tremble out of her voice.
"Yes, it just started. Lisa, what's wrong? You sound upset.” She heard the worry in his voice and she instantly shattered. Tears fell from her eye and she began to cry. Adam adored Tommy. He'd trusted her to look after him and she'd failed, clearly demonstrating that she was not fit to be a mother as she'd always known.
"Lisa, baby, talk to me. What is it?"
"I-I can't find Tommy. I checked on him an hour ago. He was in his room. He was fine. Now he's gone a-and I can't find him,” she babbled out in a rush.
"Calm down, Lisa. I'm sure Tommy is fine."
"You don't know that, Adam. People do horrible things to children,” she snapped angrily, knowing that she sounded irrational and a little crazy, but she didn't have the blind faith that Adam had. He'd grown up as a normal child with a normal childhood. He'd never experienced what she had, so he didn't believe some adults would do the things to children that she knew they could. “What if someone took him and is hurting him right now. I was supposed to protect him and I failed. I failed Adam, as I always knew I would,” she whispered brokenly.
Silence stretched between them for what seemed like hours, although she knew it was just seconds, before he said slowly, “I am on my way home now. I should get there around 2 a.m. In the meantime call the police and ask to speak to Gabe Richards in homicide.” He paused when she released a sob. “Lisa, Tommy is fine. I just need you to call Gabe and mention my name because he is a good friend and he will do everything he can to help us. I'll call him on my cell, too, just in case they give you a hard time at the station. In the meantime, I want you to call the neighbors, while I phone Richard too. My guess is that Tommy is just hiding somewhere. The more people we have out looking for him, the sooner we'll find him."
She listened intently as he ran off a list of things she needed to do and he promised to call her right before he boarded his flight, while she was to do the same if anything changed.
"Lisa, it's going to be alright. We'll find Tommy,” he said, trying to reassure her. She mumbled something along the lines of ‘sure', but her guilt and fear could not be assuaged by his empty words.
* * * *
The car had barely rolled to a stop before he leapt from the vehicle and burst into his home at breakneck speed. His driver had broken every speeding law to get him from Regan-National Airport to his home in less than ten minutes. He was just glad Gabe had called in his tags and a vehicle description so that officers in the area were to be on alert not to stop him.