The Obama Diaries

by Laura Ingraham

  “The sun glinted off his chiseled pectorals . . .” If Saslow ever finds himself out of work, he may have a second career writing Harlequin romances—or porn scripts.

  THE DIARY OF PRESIDENT-ELECT BARACK OBAMA

  KAILUA BEACH, HAWAII

  December 25, 2008

  I’m reading the Washington Post this morning and there on the front page is a piece titled “As Duties Weigh Obama Down, His Faith in Fitness Only Increases.” Come on now. With everything I’m doing, with everything I am, it’s insulting that the Post would publish this kind of trash—and right on the front page of all places. I’m not “weighed down” by anything! I’m doing fine. I haven’t altered my routine in the least. Whether I’m president, Supreme Court justice, General Secretary of the UN, or EU High Commissioner—no matter what life doles out—my workout routine is unalterable. I will never be “weighed down”! But this reporter will be before we’re finished with him.

  In the second paragraph of the article, this pipsqueak Eli Saslow writes: “the sun glistened off his chiseled pectorals.” I’m having Gobbler send Ben Bradlee a letter of complaint today. What kind of crap is that? What about my carved abs? What about my bulging biceps? What about these latissimi dorsi? No mention of them. I’m killing myself each day to perfect this bod for the people of the world and this scribbler ignores half the story! My physique has more definition than Merriam-Webster! I want a published correction in tomorrow’s edition—and that better be on the front page, too! I’m the damn president-elect of the United States. If you’re going to talk about my body, cover the whole story, not just a fraction of it! Journalism in America is truly dead.

  TRAITS OF NARCISSISTIC PERSONALITY DISORDER

  • [the narcissist] believes that he or she is “special” and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions)

  • [the narcissist] requires excessive admiration

  —DIAGNOSTIC AND STATISTICAL MANUAL OF MENTAL DISORDERS

  Obama and his ego are ably abetted by an intimate group of worshippers, who are constantly there to prop him up at every turn. Oprah Winfrey was one of his earliest boosters. At a December 11, 2007 rally in South Carolina, the talk-show queen referred to Obama as “the One.” She said the country needed politicians who could do more than speak the truth, but could in fact “know how to be the truth.” She finally attested: “The reason I love Barack Obama is because he is an evolved leader who can bring evolved leadership to our country.” Look out, Michelle: “Oprah Obama” has an interesting ring to it.

  But it is not only Hollywood elites who fan the flames of Obama’s narcissism. There is also a cadre of close advisors who can be relied upon to feed the beast known as the president’s ego. “Obama’s problem is that his . . . confidantes—particularly Valerie Jarrett and Robert Gibbs, and, to a lesser extent, David Axelrod—are part of the Cult of Obama,” Dana Mil-bank explained in the Washington Post on February 21, 2010. “In love with the president, they believe he is a transformational figure who needn’t dirty his hands in politics.”

  The Iranian-born Valerie Jarrett was Mayor Richard Daley’s chief of staff in 1991, when she hired Michelle Robinson as a political staffer. It was through Jarrett that the young Ms. Robinson was introduced to the upper echelon of the Chicago political machine. Later, Michelle’s husband began to turn to Jarrett for advice, political connections, and counsel. She now serves as senior advisor to the president and perpetual suck-up. “I mean, he’s really by far smarter than anybody I know. . . . Not just smart-intelligent, but he’s perceptive; he watches body language,” she told the New York Times in a July 26, 2009, story.

  In the varsity sport that is Obama adulation, the president’s rumpled strategic adviser David Axelrod is a champion. In a profile of Axelrod, New York Times writer Mark Leibovich quotes him in full-blown Obama adoration: “ ‘I love the guy’ . . . [and] in the space of five minutes, [he] repeated the sentiment twice.”

  Psychoanalysts refer to this sort of outside reinforcement as “narcissistic supply.” The obsequiousness, nonstop compliments, and endless lionization are all part of the external nutrition craved by the narcissist. Without it, he cannot really survive. Luckily for Barack Obama, there is no shortage of the “supply.”

  THE DIARY OF SENIOR ADVISOR TO THE PRESIDENT DAVID AXELROD

  THE WEST WING

  March 3, 2010

  11:30 p.m. I love Barack. I really love the guy, or I wouldn’t be able to endure all of this but I don’t think he realizes how much he hurts me. Granted, Barack is still an amazing man. The breadth of his knowledge, his eloquence, his abilities as a communicator, remain unmatched. Who knows, maybe I am to blame for the low poll numbers and the legislative constipation. Maybe I should go home to Chicago and make some real money . . . God, I hate this city.

  Today I was in the middle of an interview with a New York Times reporter, Mark Leibovich, (trying to tamp down the idea that I am the cause of the administration’s failings and the communications gaffes). I had a mouthful of beef on rye, a turkey leg on the desk, and I was in full schmooze mode with the reporter. We were sharing a great moment, and he was buying my every line. That’s when Barack strode in. He looked down at the turkey leg and said, “What is this, King Arthur’s Court?” The reporter laughed that sycophantic laugh that I have heard a million times whenever Barack is in the room. I just know he’ll print that comment. Ungrateful bastard. Barack actually winked at him and smiled. Before I knew what was happening, he took Leibovich out in the hall and said, “Let me introduce you to a few of the more fit members of my crew. Hey, Rahm, come over here . . .” Wow, there are times I wish I didn’t love him as much as I do.

  Tonight I did something that I haven’t done in three months I looked at myself naked in a full-length mirror. Jesus! I have gained at least twenty pounds worrying about this man. My hair is falling out so fast the shower drain looks like Janet Napolitano’s back! And yet Barack laughs at me in front of a New York Times reporter . . . and I mean a real self-satisfied laugh! It was probably just his way of blowing off steam. He is easily one of the most compassionate, outgoing, brilliant men of our generation. I’m sure it was my fault for having the turkey leg on the desk in the first place. Stupid!

  TRAITS OF NARCISSISTIC PERSONALITY DISORDER

  • [the narcissist] is interpersonally exploitative, i.e., takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends

  • [the narcissist] lacks empathy: is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others

  —DIAGNOSTIC AND STATISTICAL MANUAL OF MENTAL DISORDERS

  THE DIARY OF PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA

  THE OVAL OFFICE

  March 7, 2010

  Every morning, Valerie and I spend a couple of hours going through the press clippings of the day. The staff knows we’re not to be disturbed. They think we’re discussing nuclear policy or health-care revisions. Ha! The laugh’s on them. We actually spend most of the time reading through press material referencing me. It’s one of the few chances I have during the day to kind of kick back and have a good laugh. Valerie found the howler of all howlers today.

  The New York Times featured a story that was obviously Axe’s attempt to garner some positive press. When Valerie read me the title of the story, “Message Maven Finds Fingers Pointed at Him,” I said, “Is that a reference to Rahm’s middle fingers?” We laughed so hard we had tears in our eyes. Then she started reading the story and I thought Val was going to wet her pants.

  Smack-dab in the middle of the piece, I walk in and ridicule Axe’s supersize lunch! It was classic. He did have half a turkey sitting on his desk. The man has no self-control. This is where the example set by the First Lady could be instructive for him. You can eat whatever you want, just don’t do it in front of the press. I mean, that woman I’m married to always has a burger in her mouth and an order of buffalo wings in her purse. But when Ladies’ Home Journal shows up, it’
s apple bowls and fennel as far as the eye can see!

  After she finished reading the article, Valerie made the observation that the message maven’s message was stopped dead in its tracks by one person: me! Poor Axe. I’ll have Reggie fly in some Chicago pizza for him or something. He needs to calm down. He seems to be getting bigger and balder by the day. Conversely, I have noticed that Valerie is shrinking. She’s a little itty-bity thing. Or maybe I’m just getting taller. As she was leaving this morning, I told her, “You better start wearing higher heels or you’re going to sink into the pile of the carpet one of these days.” She looked sore for a few seconds, but then she smiled and scooted out the door. What else is she going to do? These are the best days of her life and I don’t see too many other presidents interested in her advice.

  Dr. Sam Vaknin, an expert on Narcissistic Personality Disorder and author of the book Malignant Self-Love, raises the possibility that Barack Obama is, indeed, a narcissist. On the website Global Politician, in 2008, Dr. Vaknin wrote: “The malignant narcissist invents and then projects a false, fictitious, self for the world to fear, or to admire. He maintains a tenuous grasp on reality to start with, and this is further exacerbated by the trappings of power. The narcissist’s grandiose self-delusions and fantasies of omnipotence and omniscience are supported by real-life authority and the narcissist’s predilection to surround himself with obsequious sycophants.”

  Despite evidence to the contrary, Obama and his courtiers believe that he possesses an almost mystical power to alter the future and transcend politics. They believe that if the public is exposed to the wonder of his presence, if they just hear the voice of “the One,” hearts and minds will move and history will be transformed forever. For Team Obama, the outcome of the gubernatorial elections of 2009 must have been sobering.

  In Virginia, only weeks before the election, Creigh Deeds, the Democratic candidate for governor, was ten points down in the polls. His Republican challenger Bob McDonnell, was riding a wave of anti-Democrat fever spreading through the swing state. He seemed unstoppable. On October 15, 2009, TalkingPointsMemo reported that Obama’s grassroots organization, Organizing for America, was using its might to furnish Deeds with door-to-door volunteers to resuscitate his campaign in its waning days. Then they brought in the big gun.

  On October 27, President Obama appeared at a Norfolk rally with Deeds. This was to be the turning point in the campaign, the moment when the Virginia swing voters would wake from their slumber and do what the man they elected asked: cast their votes for Creigh Deeds.

  THE DIARY OF PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA

  AIR FORCE ONE

  October 27, 2009

  On a mission of mercy here. Creigh Deeds finally admitted he needed my help in Virginia. Rahm and Tim Kaine told this fool months ago that it was time to go nuclear on Bob McDonnell, time to unleash the election monster, time to summon the Kraken—time to bring in the president! All along Deeds kept saying he could do it without me. Look at him now, ten points down and the internal polls look even worse.

  But I’ll turn it around for him. When I walk in, I’ll do a few “Yes We Can” shout-outs to help Virginia recall the glory days of my campaign and we’ll take it from there. Once they get into the spirit of “O,” they won’t be able to resist. I’ll pull Deeds back from the brink.

  Axe thinks it’s a lost cause and I should sit this one out. I, myself, realize the daunting challenges. First, the man’s name is Creigh Deeds, which sounds like a colon disorder. And when you see him, he looks like a disorder that just slipped out of a colon! His hair’s a mess. He’s got that receding comb-over thing on top, terrible posture, and clothes that look like they were purchased at a Newt Gingrich yard sale.

  Despite all that, Barack will still triumph. I’ve never met a voter I couldn’t turn around, and I’ll be damned if this white turd is going to break my winning streak.

  Before a hand-picked crowd of thousands, Obama turned on the charm in Norfolk. Dismissing the depressing poll numbers, the president compared Deeds’ struggle to his own campaign, and recalled those who doubted his ability to win. Then Obama went in for the kill: “You know, you’ve got the chance to elect somebody whose got a good heart and a good head and a commitment to work hard on your behalf. He may not be perfect—my wife reminds me I’m not. . . . You know, Creigh, sometimes his tie gets a little askew, and you know, his hair is a little—but here’s the question is [sic]—here’s the question is [sic]; is that what the people of Virginia are looking for?”

  Creigh Deeds was decidedly not what they were looking for. Days after Obama’s visit, Virginia voters elected Republican Bob McDonnell governor by a margin of 59 percent to 41 percent. The same independents who swept Obama to victory a year before, now swung to the Republican candidate. The Obama surge never happened—or perhaps it did.

  In New Jersey, the incumbent governor, Jon Corzine, faced a tough challenge from the former U.S. attorney Republican Chris Christie. At the top of November, a Quinnipiac poll found the men in a dead heat: 40 percent of likely voters were leaning toward Corzine and 42 percent were leaning toward Christie. Enter Obama.

  The president headlined repeated rallies in New Jersey for Corzine, culminating in a final pair of events on November 1. Before 6, 500 people in Camden and 11, 000 in Newark, the president attempted, in the words of Time magazine, “to rub his political magic off on Corzine.” The unions even got in on the act. Service Employees International Union (SEIU) sent out a hundred thousand glossy mailers on behalf of the governor, featuring a photo of Obama. The mailer read: “One man will work with the president. The other will fight him.” Inside was a photo of Corzine standing in the shadow of Obama at a lectern. The Corzine campaign bet everything on its connection to Obama.

  THE DIARY OF PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA

  AIR FORCE ONE

  November 1, 2009

  On yet another mercy mission. Headed to Jersey to lock it up for Jon Corzine. He’s been a huge supporter of mine. I’ve got one objective for both the rallies today: when the voters think of Corzine, they have to see me! That’s the only way this man will win. My charisma and charm will ensure victory for him.

  I just got of the phone with Jon and briefed him on my plan. As I climb up the stairs of the stage, I’m going to dramatically throw both my arms back and let my jacket slide of. He’ll catch it and hang it on the guardrail. Then I’ll rise to greet my people. It’s going to be special.

  Valerie had a great idea: tie Corzine to health reform. Make this election a referendum on my health care plan. Between my persuasive powers and the promise of free health care, Jon can’t lose!

  In his trademark move, Obama shed his jacket at the first rally and tied Corzine to his administration. “He’s one of the best partners I have in the White House. We work together,” the president said. From the sound of it, you’d swear that Corzine was a West Wing staffer.

  Obama then launched into a ten-minute health-care pitch. The message was clear: a vote for Corzine is a vote for health-care reform. For his part, Corzine recalled that a year earlier voters followed Obama with cries of “Yes We Can.” “I’m here to ask a simple question: are you ready to keep it going?” the governor asked. “Today I am standing with President Obama. That tells you everything you need to know.”

  Apparently. Voters got the message. They threw Corzine from office and made Chris Christie governor of New Jersey by a four-point margin.

  Of all the races Obama inserted himself into, none had the emotional power or political significance of the fight for Ted Kennedy’s U.S. Senate seat in Massachusetts. Loss of that seat would cause the Democrats to lose their filibuster-proof majority in the Senate and potentially spell doom for the health-care reform bill. In the first week of January 2010, mine was the first radio show to give Republican challenger Scott Brown a national platform. At the time, Brown was gaining on Democrat Martha Coakley. He was nine points within striking distance of his opponent. Peter Baker reported in the New York Time
s Magazine that Rahm Emanuel, Obama’s chief of staff, was furious over the Massachusetts situation. “ ‘We’ve got to get up there and take it over, ’ Emanuel told (his White House) colleagues.” Here again we see the prevailing narrative: there are politicians and then there is Obama. He had to get “up there and take it over.”

  The Savior descended on Massachusetts in the eleventh hour to campaign alongside Coakley. Having won Massachusetts with 68 percent of the vote in 2008, Obama had star power to spare. At the Boston rally on January 17, 2009, the president would eclipse the politics of the moment, saving Martha Coakley and his health-care reform plans.

  THE DIARY OF PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA

  AIR FORCE ONE

  January 17, 2010

  I can only pull off so many of these mercy missions. I’m sacrificing precious time on the BB court as it is. But when I tried to get out of this trip, Rahm jumped on my case. “If you want to be responsible for the death of f*#@ing health care, if you want to f#@& up everything we have been working for, then go play your f@#*ing ball game,” he said. I told him to go ahead and book the flight to Boston.

  Trying to resurrect Martha Coakley politically will be heavy lifting. I look at her and I think Cathy Rigby in Peter Pan . . . that is, if the wire snapped in one of the flying scenes and she landed face first in the orchestra pit. At the rally, we’re going to try to just mention her in passing and focus on her opponent. I’ll hit that Cosmo Boy, Burt Reynolds Wannabe, Scott Brown hard. Anybody who drives a big gas-guzzling truck is obviously out of touch with the American people—particularly people in Massachusetts! I’ll just keep reminding voters of his environmentally hostile transportation choice. Though it’ll hardly matter; once I start shouting, “Fired up, ready to go!” Coakley will be home free.